TRRoR: The Declassified Files
by inkburn
Summary: An archive of one-shots related to my main fic: "The Right Rewrite of Right" AKA "T.R.R.o.R." to my more regular readers. Kindly excuse the ridiculousness and OOC-ness. It's been ten years after all. Mostly Gokudera-centric since it's "T.R.R.o.R."
1. File 001: Of Kittens and Cockroaches

Argh, I can't post a new chapter for my story, "The Right Rewrite of Right".

I don't like working on the family PC because anybody who walks past can see everything onscreen... I don't like anyone pointing out my grammatical errors while I'm still in the process of writing. My dad took my laptop with him to have its Wi-Fi driver reinstalled... (Actually we have no idea what the technician did with it. I hope they don't reformat it again... I can't stand having to reinstall all of my programs again and trying to salvage my files.) Just when I got rid of my writer's block for "T.R.R.o.R.", talk about bad timing... So instead of adding a new chapter, I'll just post a one- shot that I somehow couldn't give a place in it.

This one- shot is directly related to my main story (this takes place before "T.R.R.o.R." and the canon TYL Arc) but I think it's fine if you don't read "T.R.R.o.R.", since this one- shot can pretty much stand alone.

I'm thinking of making this into a series of one- shots, but still relating them to "T.R.R.o.R." Before anybody points out to me that Uri '**_hates'_** Gokudera, I'm basing this on my version of the relationship between Uri and the adult Gokudera in "T.R.R.o.R."

I'm using my "T.R.R.o.R." versions of Gokudera and Yamamoto (more commonly known as the adult versions, KHR! TYL Arc) here, by the way.

I hope this half- assed attempt to get rid of writer's block doesn't flop too badly.

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**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything, 'cept my laptop... but I don't get it back until the... end of this week...? TT-TT

**Warning: **Spoiled cat... kitten... cuteness!

**Note: **The characters have never been to the future. This happened in the past of their adult versions in TYL Arc.

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**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 001: Of Kittens and Cockroaches**

Written: Wednesday, May 28, 2008, 12:04:44 PM

Edited: Thursday, July 24, 2008, 06:53:14 PM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 001**

**Time: **02:56:45 PM

**Location:** Reference Room, Underground Vongola Base, Namimori City, Japan

**Note:** Recreation hours

**Archive Summary: **Observations of Tenth Vongola Guardian of Rain

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 89.57465784 percent complete_...

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 001**

During the lazy recreation hours, Yamamoto would sometimes wander around the base, looking for something to do or someone to play catch with.

After nearly ten years, he had still not given up his love for baseball. Being a full- time _Mafioso_ may have demanded a majority of his time... but he could still somehow find the opportunity for the occasional game of catch with other baseball- loving Vongola subordinates.

...If there were still any left...

Strangely enough, anyone whom he had managed to get to play catch with him would either run or duck for cover whenever he threw the ball... or else drop to the floor and cower with their arms covering their heads.

_'That's not how you should play catch,' _Yamamoto would often tell the unfortunate, trembling, random subordinate he'd managed to rope into playing once he ceased throwing the baseballs. (But he never caught any back... Nobody could seem to catch any of his pitches so they couldn't throw any balls back).

Recently though, it was becoming increasingly difficult to find someone to play a decent game of catch with.

So this was what brought Yamamoto to the area outside the reference room of the underground base. He opened the door and peered inside, hoping to find someone whom he could still interest in a game of catch.

But instead of finding any of Tsuna's other lower- ranking subordinates, he found the room occupied by very engrossed Italian- Japanese _Mafioso_.

Yamamoto supposed whatever Gokudera was reading right now, it was chock- full of scientific, technical, or whatever other headache- inducing things that he couldn't be bothered to try comprehending. He had once tried picking up and reading one of Gokudera's thick books but immediately gave up ten minutes into it. Baseball, his sword style and the Vongola were more than enough for him to understand and **_those_**, Yamamoto thought, were all he needed to understand.

Best leave the head- ache inducing reading to Gokudera.

At least it was a little safer than his other form of recreation hours entertainment: conducting explosive experiments and developing new techniques in his Storm Room.

Yamamoto thought the man just loved to tinker with his Sistema C.A.I. a little too much sometimes. He sometimes wondered how and why was it that Gokudera still hadn't lost an arm or a leg what with the constant hazard his choice of weaponry posed to him.

Either way, Yamamoto thought it was better that the man was alive and the one blowing things up instead of the one being blown up.

But then that's just how Gokudera is...

Gokudera's former 'tutor' (Gokudera would protest that he didn't learn anything from him), the genius hit man, Dr. Shamal or Trident Shamal flirts with countless women. Meanwhile, his student courts a more dangerous infatuation: Gokudera flirts with danger and death.

Yamamoto wasn't too fond of flirting with death himself. He knew better than to go and ask Gokudera to join him in a game of catch (he's not that much of an idiot, mind you).

After nearly ten years of knowing the man, he had never succeeded to proving to his friend the thrill and beauty of baseball.

Likewise, Gokudera had never proven to him just what was so fun and thrilling in constantly putting yourself in danger was, intentional or otherwise.

Well, to each his own...

Actually, Gokudera is like a cockroach [1], Yamamoto thought.

Not that he thought he was a pest (Gokudera was the one who thought of him that way).

It was because of his _incredible_ staying power.

How many times has it been that Gokudera has nearly died?

You'd think that you've killed him once and suddenly he's back with a **_vengeance_**. (Or does Gokudera really just have a lot of luck... any kind of luck: dumb luck, good luck, hell, even bad luck... tucked in under his belt along with all that dynamite? Maybe it's that red Storm wave energy in him... Heck, the Chinese thought red was lucky...[2])

Yamamoto had heard once that cockroaches are the only living things that can actually survive a nuclear war.

After everything they'd been through in the last few years... Since Tsuna had started working as a real mafia boss... It's quite miraculous that Gokudera is still alive and kicking (and smoking) given his near 'kamikaze- in- Tenth's ‑ name' disposition.

Yamamoto was pretty sure that Gokudera would be able to get out of a nuclear war alive... and with Tsuna in tow (because no way in the seven depths of Hell would Gokudera ever let Tsuna die in something that he had the balls to scoff at and call '_so pathetically stupid_').

Therefore, Yamamoto decided, Gokudera is **_like_** a cockroach.

The Guardian of Storm's only other companion in the reference room before Yamamoto arrived was yet another reason why he had likened his friend to one.

"_Uri_" is a rather strange name for one's animal box weapon.

But once again... to each his own...

Uri's very realistic kitten- like behavior often reminded Yamamoto of the stray kitten he used to see in his backyard [3] when he was in his first year of middle school.

Sometimes, after giving it some scraps to eat after dinner, the kitten would run up to him with a cockroach (presumably from next door; "Takesushi" **_never_** has any household pests, that's bad for business) and proceed to play with it. It would paw and bat at it; sometimes chasing it around the backyard if it got away.

Yamamoto used to watch to make sure that the cockroach wouldn't escape into the sushi restaurant. And also especially because the kitten was so _cute_ and amusing.

One day he had finally worked up the nerve to ask his old man if he could keep the kitten.

_'It's a good cockroach catcher,'_ he had said.

_'Sorry, Takeshi, we can't keep a cat,'_ his old man reminded him. They lived in a sushi restaurant and his old man wasn't willing to risk the premium tuna and salmon he used to make their menu. _'But you could try finding the kitten a good home. Why don't you ask one of your friends if they can keep it? That way you can see it whenever you come over to their place.'_

Well, he went over to Tsuna's place a lot but wasn't sure how Tsuna took to cats. It was pretty crowded at his place too, since Bianchi, the kids and Tsuna's mom also lived there.

Yamamoto didn't even know where Gokudera had lived at that time... and he still didn't know to this day... It was also highly unlikely that Gokudera would ever ask Yamamoto to come over to wherever he lived for any reason. (He never invited Tsuna to his place either, always preferring to go wherever Tsuna was himself).

A little after that father and son talk, the kitten never showed up in his backyard again.

Yamamoto was a little disappointed.

That stray kitten was one of his favorite things but he cheered himself up with the thought that it might have found a home, someone to feed it, play with it and love it forever and ever...

_'Hahaha_..._'_ He thought. _'I was **such** a kid then.'_

Back to the subject of likening to Gokudera to a cockroach: the animal box weapon was sitting on its master's left shoulder, seemingly uninterested in whatever its master was currently engrossed in.

Gokudera had grown out his hair, long enough to pull it into a short ponytail that hung up to his shoulders, in an effort to refute Dr. Shamal's claim that he was imitating his hairstyle again. He had also suggested that if he really wanted to be more like him, he should start hitting on "more" women on a more regular basis.

It'll be easy with his looks, according to the good doctor.

Gokudera had responded to that by flipping him his middle finger and setting the grown- up version of his animal box weapon on him.

Then he watched the _'Genius Hit Man'_ get pummeled and maimed with a smug, satisfied grin and a bowl of popcorn (Yamamoto had wondered where he had gotten it from).

Needless to say the subject of Gokudera becoming Shamal's near- clone- slash- 'successor' wasn't brought up by **_anyone _**for a very long time.

If Yamamoto thought that Uri acted so similarly to that stray kitten from nearly ten years ago, then Gokudera must be like the cockroach:

Uri's current form of amusement was pawing and batting at the man's head. Its current antics also involved pulling a few locks of gray hair out of the low ponytail.

Since Uri was activated, Yamamoto immediately assumed that Gokudera must be doing one of his self- training exercises again: Gokudera would sometimes let Uri out of its box for long periods of time, with the objective of prolonging his ability to produce a flame.

It seemed to be working.

When he first started out, he would sometimes collapse from exhaustion. Eventually he got better at it and could keep Uri activated for longer periods of time. He even progressed to utilizing his animal box weapon for 'other' purposes aside from fighting (Yamamoto suppressed a shudder at the memory of the last time Dr. Shamal had pissed Gokudera off and Tsuna's twenty- fourth birthday party).

Gokudera's current record of keeping Uri outside its box was nearly five hours.

Well, it also looked like he was working to break that record since the timer sitting on the stack of books on the table was showing that it had been activated for nearly three hours, thirty- eight minutes, three seconds and four nanoseconds and still counting...

Yamamoto wondered if it was a good idea to go in and let Gokudera know he was here. He hesitated because this set- up almost looked like that it was also a sort of endurance training for Gokudera: Uri's mischievous behavior would have normally merited an angry scolding from its master... or perhaps that was just when they had company.

Yamamoto stayed at the reference room door for at least three more minutes, watching the odd pair inside the room.

Gokudera seemed to have finally enough of Uri playing with his hair. He reached up and plucked the kitten- sized weapon off his shoulder and set it on the desk beside his book.

Uri lay down on its belly beside the book, sniffing curiously at the text written on it; its long tail swishing back and forth as Gokudera fixed his ponytail.

Gokudera then propped his head on his left hand and resumed reading. This time however, he began to stroke the fur on Uri's back and scratch the back of its ears with his other hand.

Yamamoto could almost swear he saw a corner of Gokudera's mouth quirk upwards in a smile when Uri closed its eyes as it purred and arched into its master's fingers. This went on for a few seconds before Uri yawned and curled up beside Gokudera's book to catnap.

The scene looked just too peaceful and quite a private one. Yamamoto decided that he shouldn't disturb it by letting Gokudera know he was there.

His thoughts wandered back to the stray kitten he used to see in his backyard in middle school.

Come to think of it, the time that kitten disappeared was around a few weeks or maybe a month after Gokudera moved to Japan to join Tsuna's Family permanently.

Yamamoto found himself wondering: What if it was **_Gokudera_** who had been the one who found that kitten? Perhaps he may have taken very good care of it, seeing how he treated his kitten- like box weapon so well.

But maybe that was just wishful thinking.

He'd never known if Gokudera actually kept any pets during middle school.

He never mentioned anything (at least to Yamamoto) about his home life.

At that time, he had just moved to Japan and was most likely adjusting to life there and the Vongola. He might not have had the time to bother with taking care of a pet.

Gokudera then was too focused on getting stronger and becoming a reliable Right hand man to Tsuna (not that it was any different now).

No, Gokudera probably didn't have time for a kitten, Yamamoto concluded.

But it might have been good for Gokudera to have had a pet: when they were in middle school, (as far as Yamamoto knew) he never made any friends outside of their Family.

Having a pet might have expanded Gokudera's world outside of the mafia a little more, in Yamamoto's opinion. He supposed **_Uri_** was the closest thing to a pet Gokudera could get in these times and given their line of work.

Yamamoto then decided to leave them alone and look for someone else to invite to play a game of catch.

Maybe he could convince Tsuna to play catch with him... if he had finished packing for the trip to Italy, and wasn't busy, that is.

* * *

Hayato thought he heard the door to the reference room click shut.

'Must be one of the lower ranks,' He mused.

The lower ranking subordinates of the Tenth seem to have a tendency of backing and keeping out of his way whenever they saw him.

Hayato supposed it was better that way. He wasn't one to be buddy- buddy with everybody anyway. It helps in reminding every member in this Family their respective places.

(The lower ranks also tended to do that with Hibari but Hayato was a more regular presence. He wondered what the Hell that bastard was up to lately and which asshole of the Earth he crawled into that made him so fucking impossible to locate and contact.)

When he noticed Uri napping, he decided to withdraw his hand from stroking the yellow and white fur so he could hold his book up and read more comfortably again.

He glanced at the timer he had placed on top of his books: it looked like it would still be a while before he could break his record of keeping Uri active for more than five hours.

He then pulled out of his pocket his cell phone and opened one of its specially customized applications. It was directly linked to his computer back in his office.

Hayato had been waiting for his system scanning program to finish locating areas of the Vongola database that had been targeted by a hacking attempt the other week. It had been bugging him since it was difficult to get a trace on who could have been responsible for the hacking attempt.

Who on fucking Earth would be so stupid to try and hack the Vongola where he could pick up a trail with his difficult- to- pass firewalls and other digital security measures?

Hayato was too busy perusing the information on his cell phone that he'd failed to notice that Uri had woken up from its catnap. Apparently it did not like the sudden absence of its master's petting.

"**_OUCH! Uri, what the Hell!?_**" Hayato yelped when his animal box weapon suddenly scratched at the cell phone and his hand. The cell phone was knocked away from him and onto the table. Uri then began to paw and scratch (claws mercifully sheathed) at his arm, mewling to be given attention again.

"_Che_, you spoiled cat. Are you sure you're not a reincarnation of that kitten I used to keep in middle school?" Hayato muttered, picking it up and holding it up in front of him at arm's length.

"_Mew_... _nyao!_"

"Well, you sure as Hell **_act_** just like it." Hayato frowned disapprovingly at it.

"_Meow.._." Uri wiggled out of his grip and landed gracefully on his lap, purring as it nuzzled against his chest.

"Quit playing with my hair already; I'm not a cockroach you can amuse yourself with!" Hayato frowned even more when Uri reached up to play with his hair again. Uri responded to his scolding by purring and nuzzling against him again.

Hayato sighed in exasperation. "_Fine_, be that way... crazy cat." He stood up after letting Uri hop back onto his shoulder and clamber on top of his head. "Let's go see if the scanning software's come up with any results. I hope it doesn't take a long time... but I doubt it's finished... considering the size of the Vongola's database..." He muttered under his breath and picked up his timer and cell phone.

Then, with Uri still perched on his head, went out of the reference room.

He didn't bother taking his books with him... Everyone in the base knew better than to touch anything he was still reading in the reference room. He didn't need to worry about them going missing.

Unfortunately for Hayato, when he reached his office, (as he expected) his scanning software had still not turned up any results.

Hayato sat back in his wheeled, black computer chair, and shook the mouse to remove the customized screen saver (little white skulls eating tiny sticks of dynamite... like some occult version of a Pacman game). He double- clicked a minimized window on the task bar and watched the window '_explode_' (it looked like it blew up into the screen care of a bomb) into a maximized one.

Uri had hopped off his head when he sat down, onto the desk and sniffed at the computer monitor... The way his animal box weapon was acting, one would think that it was interested in the flashing images on the screen. In fact, it almost looked like it was reading the displayed information from the scanning software on the monitor...

Hayato put his arms behind his head and leaned back on his chair, feeling a little annoyed with the speed of the scanning software (despite the fact that his computer was already one of the fastest in the entire Vongola network).

It looked like he would have to monitor it from Italy while the Tenth went about with the preparations for conducting negotiations with a relatively new mafia family. But another security system and software upgrade was in order when he got back from abroad.

It might be recreation hours here, but everyday and hour is a work day for Gokudera Hayato... Being the Tenth's Right- hand man is a full- time job. One that he is **_more_** than happy to do.

Uri finally seemed to have gotten bored of watching the numbers and figures on the computer monitor.

The animal box weapon hopped down into Hayato's lap and curled up to sleep again, purring once more as it snuggled to leech off the warmth from his body.

Hayato absentmindedly began to pet and stroke the fur on its back and head again while reading the numeric symbols and coding text displayed on the monitor.

Waiting.

Watching. [4]

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**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 001 COMPLETE**

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**"T.R.R.o.R" Database Administrator's Notes: **Ahahaha... Yamamoto's so funny to write in his almost air- headed way. (I loved the _'Someone to feed it, play with it and love it forever and ever_..._'_ part. It's one of the silliest Yamamoto lines I've ever written as of late...)

**[1] "Gokudera is like a cockroach...":** This has got to be one of the **_strangest_** ideas I've ever come up with... I'm not sure where this came from... I think it's from when I tried to kill one earlier this week. I thought it was dead and then all of a sudden it suddenly skittered off and reappeared ten minutes later (I knew it was the same one because I took off half of its leg). Also teacher told me once that cockroaches are the only things that will be able to survive a nuclear war. I also remembered something weird: When I started reading KHR, I once misread Gokudera's name as **_"Gokiburi"_** (which is Japanese for _"cockroach"_... How'd that happen? (I'm not dyslexic, OK? I actually read very fast... too fast for my liking sometimes) I was probably tired 'cause I just came home from school when I started reading the manga), so I ended up wondering why the Hell is the guy called '**_cockroach_**' of all things? I reread it the next day and saw it was actually written as 'Goku**_dera_**' (D'oh! ROFLMAO...).

[**EDIT: **I looked up when I had spare time the thing about cockroaches and nuclear wars and... OMG, it's **_true_**! **_THAT_** settles it! Gokudera **_is like_** a cockroach! _Wahahaha_!!!]

** [2] Lucky Red: **The Chinese believe that red is a lucky color. They wear it for their New Year's to 'bring in the good luck'. So Gokudera's wave energy is a lucky color (for the Chinese anyway)? Red is also the color of war, love, courage, passion and hate. Seems to fit Gokudera quite well. Although I wonder about that 'passion' part (is that in the 'romantic' context or just simply in the 'zeal' context? I think it's the latter one).

**[3] "**...**the stray cat in my backyard":** Hehe, this is actually a part of a line in Yamamoto's image song (_Minna Suki Daze!_). It's so hilariously cute.

**[4] The Watchful Falcon:** Gokudera's given name "Hayato" means "falcon person (_haya_+_to_)" literally. Although I found a site that said the character he's using for '_haya'_ also means 'hawk' and or 'peregrine falcon'. I'm not sure if the mangaka had this in mind but the use of 'falcon' matches a little with some stuff in ancient Egyptian history... which I thought was pretty cool. XD Falcons are a seen as symbols of watchfulness and protection in some cultures and are used as attack and hunting animals (Gokudera as Tsuna's attack dog... uh, bird).

[**_h tt p : / / en. wikip edia. org/ wiki/ Horus_**] The ancient Egyptians worshiped a god called Horus. Horus is sometimes drawn as a man with a peregrine falcon's head or just simply a falcon. It was believed that he could see **_everything_** because of his eyes (the sun and moon). Horus lost an eye in a fight with another god (Set or Seth). While Horus was blind, he would sometimes mistake friends for enemies. It's similar to what happened in Rewrite 06 of "T.R.R.o.R.".

So... should I still keep putting these one- shots or should I just purely stick to writing "T.R.."? If you still don't know what "T.R.R.o.R." is, it stands for **"The Right Rewrite of Right" **and it's my first story here. It's still ongoing but I can't work on it right now. I want my laptop back, Dad...

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For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

I think I'll just go back to playing "Guilty Gear XX" on the PS2 or finish my "God of War" on the PSP while I wait for my laptop...


	2. File 002: An Adult Show

Err... the first one- shot was meant to be serious (not cute and sweet) but somehow Yamamoto's stray kitten and cockroach analogy of Uri and Gokudera seemed to overshadow the fact that Gokudera is thinking something is wrong and possibly anticipating something bad will happen_._

Ah, well... it's fine either way. We'll see the importance of that one- shot in Rewrite 06 of "T.R.R.o.R." when I finish it. :P

I don't like cockroaches but I don't freak out when I see one; instead I get a broom out of nowhere and smash the little bugger to kingdom come, (nuclear war survival ratings be damned). I actually had something more serious in mind when I was writing it.

... I nearly killed myself laughing while writing this one! It had me in stitches... I'm going to make somebody's stomach hurt for sure! Seriously, **_do try_** imagining the **_adult_** Gokudera's appearance with **_that_** expression and body language... It's scary and hilarious... (Oh yeah, Uri is in this one too.)

On an unrelated note, I tried writing some romantic stuff for a separate story (still related to "T.R.R.o.R." but not part of the "T.R.R.o.R." main story and supposedly not a one- shot either) and it somehow turned into a ploy to gain a stepping stone toward world domination (death to inferior humans! WTF!?) What's supposed to be like a Vongola Romeo and Juliet story somehow got turned into a fucked up scheme of somebody who's supposedly evil... If he succeeds... poor Tsuna and co...

Now, how and why the Hell does that **_always_** happen to my attempts to write romance? I'm not sure how it got that like that... It got kind of freaky- weird halfway so I'm still wondering if it's a good idea for me try writing romance yet.

Somehow all my attempts at it end up in either a screaming/ crying contest (Haru or Lambo) or some weird psychotic rambling (usually Mukuro... wait, what is he doing in the romance file folder?). Anyway, I fail epically at romance right now... I'm not going to touch that genre for the meantime...

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**Disclaimer:** Don't own KHR! I own... my brain...? No, I don't quite own it either.. I think...

**Warning: **Well, I am writing about the characters as adults, aren't I?

**Note: **The characters have never been to the future. This happened in the past of their adult versions in TYL Arc.

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**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 002: An Adult Show**

Written: Saturday, May 31, 2008, 10:18:25 PM

Edited: Wednesday, July 08, 2008, 08:27:44 PM

Updated: Wednesday, September 03, 2008, 07:16:50 PM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 002**

**Time: **07:24:23 PM

**Location:** A Vongola Satellite Mansion, Japan

**Note:** Vongola Style Birthday Party- Entertainment Contest

**Archive Summary: **Vongola Tenth Boss' 24th Birthday Party Conducted in the Vongola Famiglia Tradition

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 78.27898709 percent complete..._

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 002**

Gokudera's hair was still being grown long... but it still stuck up in unruly, upturned, curling spikes in odd places on his head.

One could almost be fooled into thinking that some **_evil_** supernatural force was making his hair float in all directions and his loose shirt and unbuttoned suit jacket flap unnaturally. (Actually it was just a light evening breeze blowing upwards, but he had to admit... the effect was eerie).

At the moment, Yamamoto couldn't help but compare two rather pointed spikes of hair on either side of Gokudera's head to horns.

No, not like Lambo's horns; oh, no... Lambo's horns are similar to that of a bull's.

In Yamamoto's perspective, Gokudera's two rather spiky locks of hair looked very much like the horns of a **_demon_**. The kind you'd find in one of those Renaissance paintings or gargoyle statues on top of one of those old European churches.

Yamamoto shivered unintentionally.

It also didn't help that Gokudera's facial expression at the moment looked quite diabolically evil as well... Yamamoto thought he could see the red color of Gokudera's Storm wave energy dominating the usually piercing light green eyes.

Oh, yeah...

And he was grinning quite maniacally too.

Yamamoto wondered if he should break out the holy water, a cross and garlic.

Heck, why not a full exorcism kit?

Was it just him or were Gokudera's contributions to events like these becoming _more and more_ psychologically traumatizing and increasingly violent with every passing year?

Yamamoto wondered just what Tsuna thought of this.

Knowing him, he'd probably have Lambo, I- Pin and Fuuta back inside the mansion to protect whatever was left of their innocence (if there was still some left) from his Right- hand man.

"**_Take it off_**, Yamamoto." Gokudera ordered, displaying all of his teeth with his menacing grin.

**_Shiiiit..._**_ Fuck_, those are some **_really_** white teeth for somebody who smokes almost an average of three to five cigarettes a day.

(Or maybe Gokudera doesn't really smoke at all... He's never seen him take a drag out of the cancer stick... or a least he doesn't remember the last time he's seen Gokudera actually take a drag in front of him. Most of the time, Gokudera's just biting the cigarette or holding it in his mouth like it's a ready fuse lighter... Which it most likely is...) Yamamoto thought he heard him chuckling '_kufufufu_' before he said it. Then he also wondered if he had been possessed by the Vongola's Guardian of Mist at some point before going up the stage. (Tsuna may have mentioned Mukuro had possessed Gokudera before but that was a long time ago. Besides, Yamamoto couldn't figure out what kind of a grudge Mukuro could possibly have against him.)

"Uh... I'd rather keep it on, thanks..." Yamamoto said, trying to keep his nervousness out of his voice.

**_Seriously_**, if Gokudera is going to keep looking like that, Yamamoto is going to wet his pants.

'_How is this supposed to be entertainment?' _Yamamoto wanted to ask. He had noticed that some members of the audience were looking rather nervously at what Gokudera was planning to do with him.

"Alright, it makes no difference." Gokudera grinned even wider (if that was still possible) and proceeded to push him into a cage... lined with dynamite.

Every single **_fucking_** bar of it was **_fucking _**lined with **_fucking dynamite_**_._

Hell, Gokudera may as well have built the entire **_fucking _**cage out of dynamite...

"_Hahiii..._" Yamamoto heard Haru squeak from among the members of the audience. Even Tsuna looked a little worried.

The little guy, Reborn, however looked **_very_** interested... As were some members of the Varia who, for some **_unfathomable_** reason, had gate- crashed Tsuna's birthday party... And some of the Vongola _Mafiosi_ whom he knew looked up to the Vongola Ring Guardians, especially the members of Gokudera's handpicked crew (called the "Hurricane 59"... Gokudera was still recruiting and scouting people...).

All of the aforementioned guests looked very interested in the outcome.

What could he say...?

The pressure was overwhelming.

But is there really a point to all this?

What could Gokudera probably want **_this_** year? He's already got the job of being Tsuna's Right hand- man for nearly nine consecutive years. What else could he possibly wish for to try so hard getting first place in this crazy contest anyway? [1]

Yamamoto made himself a mental note to ask the little guy, Reborn, about the history of this so- called Vongola tradition of holding a contest for the best performance every year for the boss' birthday... as well as the Vongolian style birthday party itself... It just seemed too hazardous for it to have lasted so long.

Also... Somewhere... _somehow_... during the party planning stage, the two traditions had been merged...

"My assistant is now in the cage but before I can start... a word of caution first," Gokudera announced to his captive audience.

'_What caution?'_ Yamamoto thought staring at the cage he had been locked in. _'This thing is even fucking covered with dynamite on the inside...'_

"**_DO_** **_try this only at home._**" Some of the guests (the ones in the mafia) laughed, since the party's venue was one of the Vongola's mansions, and in a sense, 'home'.

'_Where's the caution in **that**?!' _Yamamoto wanted to protest. But then again, Gokudera's logic sometimes bordered on the crazy and outlandish side. '_You'd think after all this time; he'd **at** **least** get rid of that strange quirk of his...' _

* * *

"Yamamoto, if you still really want to cover your eyes, I'll give you five seconds to take off your necktie so you can use it for a blindfold. It'll add to the dramatic effect." Gokudera whispered to him when he approached the cage, taking his favorite cigarette lighter out of his pocket.

"Why couldn't you just lend me your handkerchief?" Yamamoto asked, frowning at him.

"Don't you have one of your own?" Gokudera frowned back. He placed the lighter near the main fuse so that would light up all of the fuses of the many sticks of dynamite attached to the cage. Thankfully, he hadn't actually flicked it open to light it yet.

"I used it to wipe the five- year old Lambo's snot off his face earlier, remember?" Yamamoto answered quickly, referring to when their teenage Lambo was swapped with his crying five- year old version (care of the Ten- Year Bazooka, somewhere ten years in the past) during an earlier part of the party.

"I'd give it to you for this trick if I hadn't I burned it already. I was wiping the damn brat's snot with it off**_ MYSELF_** earlier." Gokudera grimaced then flicked his lighter open so he could produce a flame from it. Yamamoto made a face at the thought of having to use a snot- covered handkerchief for a blindfold and was silently thankful that Gokudera had already burnt his.

"Are you sure there's really a trick behind this?" Yamamoto looked at the floor of the cage doubtfully, wondering why in the world had he agreed to this in the first place. It didn't look like it had a trap door for him to escape into once the dynamite and firecrackers were lit... How could he have forgotten that Gokudera was notorious (since middle school) for putting on "magic shows" without actually having any tricks or secrets behind them?

"I tried it on myself and it works fine." Gokudera whispered back, grinning widely and giving him the thumbs- up sign. "It's **_perfectly_** safe! Trust me!"

'_What is he!? Harry- fucking- Houdini?' _Yamamoto thought as he stared back incredulously. [2]

He suddenly decided being Gokudera's assistant for this trick was a suicide.

He wanted to yell at him that he was the only S.O.B. in the entire attendance of Tsuna's birthday party who'd be able to stand in the middle of several exploding sticks of dynamite and come out "miraculously" somewhat unscathed (Belphegor does not count because the sick- minded Royal Pain **_wants_** to see his blood).

"H- Hey, Gokudera- I change my mind-"

"See you later, Yamamo- _chan_!" Gokudera smirked. Then he trigger fuse on fire with his lighter before he calmly walked away a distance of almost ten feet.

"**_GOKUDERA_**-**_!_**"

**_BOOOOM!!_**

The dynamites on the cage went off and completely covered it with smoke.

The fireworks attached to them also went off with the blast. These were sent rocketing into the evening sky, exploding into several sparkling shapes and colors.

The guests 'oohed' and 'aahed' at the fireworks display.

Meanwhile, on- stage, after the smoke cleared, Yamamoto was nowhere in sight.

Instead a large leopard- like creature was inside the cage in his place.

Gokudera was still standing away from the cage and no one had seen him do anything or move from his spot. Those who were in the mafia and knew about box weapons recognized the 'leopard' as the grown- up version of his activated animal box weapon, Uri.

_How_ he managed to get Yamamoto out of the way, charge a box without anyone seeing and place the activated animal box weapon inside the cage without having to go near it were some of the things that several people in the audience just couldn't quite figure out.

Needless to say, Gokudera won the vote for the best and 'explosive' performance for it (and partly also because of Squalo... whose threatening and terrifying presence demanded everyone near him (Tsuna) to put in a high score for the "Kill the Sword- Brat" performance).

* * *

Later after the party entertainment portion of the night:

Gokudera- _san_... where is Yamamoto- _san_?" Haru went up to him near one of the many cocktail bars spread out in the garden.

"Yamamoto?" Hayato looked at her with mock innocence. "I don't know."

"You didn't bring him back."

"I only said I'd make him **_disappear_**. I didn't say _anything_ about bringing him back." Hayato replied, failing to suppress a grin at his success in making Yamamoto 'disappear' (if only for a short while; he'd have to bring him back eventually anyway before his Boss noticed the Sword- idiot was missing from the party).

Then he noticed the color in Haru's face suddenly darken. _'Uh- oh.'_

Hayato covered his ears and leaned a little away from her.

"_Hahiiieeek! _**_You mean you BLEW him up!?_**" She shrieked, threatening to shatter the eardrums of those within a ten meter radius.

_'There she blows!'_

"Gokudera- _san_, **_bring him back!!_**" She demanded, drawing herself to full height (not that it made her any taller than him, even with high heels).

Did she really, _seriously_ think that he had blown the Sword- idiot up?

_'Why's she so worried about **him** anyway...?'_ Hayato then suddenly had a mischievous idea. '_Oh, this is **so** going to be worth it...'_

"Haru, there's a reason why it's called a **_'magic_' **show." Hayato tried to keep himself from laughing. After knowing her for nearly ten years, he'd moved on from getting pissed and arguing with her for every tiny little thing to using the opportunity to tease and annoy her. It was much more entertaining and less stressful for him anyway. "I **_didn't _**blow him up, alright?"

"_Then where **IS** he?!_" Haru demanded.

Hayato then decided to tease her instead of arguing. It should lessen the amount of property damage and it was much more amusing for him.

"Forgive the cliché, but _'a magician can't reveal his secrets'_." [3]He said, taking the little umbrella stuck in her cocktail glass and pocketing it. "I'm not going to tell you where he is right now... even if you plan on searching my pockets for him." Hayato said smugly, turning his pants pockets inside out: they were empty and the cocktail umbrella was nowhere to be found.

"Or... could it be that..." He then gave her a teasing smirk. "...**_you miss him already...?_**" Hayato then all of a sudden made the umbrella reappear in Haru's hair.

She startled when she realized it had suddenly showed up there, without her seeing or knowing it.

He would have openly laughed at the look on Haru's face and the color in her cheeks... but then she suddenly slapped his forearm sharply.

"**_Ow!_**"

"Gokudera- _san_! You! **_You-!_**" Haru shrieked and threw the contents of her half- full cocktail glass at him. Hayato reacted immediately: he backed away while pulling the closest person beside him (Lambo) to act as a shield.

"...To... le... _rate_..." Lambo said as cocktail dripped from his face and down his front as he was held awkwardly in front of Hayato, still in shock.

"_Hahi!_ Lambo- _chan_!" Haru squeaked when she saw what she had done. "**_I'm so sorry!_**" Then she furiously turned on Hayato (who was currently being very impressed at how Lambo was trying to keep his cool).

"Watch and learn, Lambo; this is how you get women to dislike you. You were complaining that there were too many hanging around you, right?" Hayato said to the cocktail- covered teenager, purposely ignoring Haru.

Haru angrily marched up to stand level to him (which is rather difficult to do in high stiletto heels because they were standing on slightly damp grass).

"You think you're so good- looking but you're really rotten and a bad influence!" [4] She glared up angrily at him (because he was still taller than her despite the high heels she was wearing).

Hayato raised an eyebrow at her.

"_Huh?_ When did I say that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her, honestly puzzled by her logic. In his opinion, anything Haru says is strange and weird, no matter how old she gets. "And what are you talking about exactly?"

Seriously... what did his "looks" have to do with anything anyway?

"_Hahi!_" Haru squeaked reddening once more in what he assumed was annoyance. She opened her mouth to try to argue with him again when Hayato suddenly looked at something, or someone, behind her.

"Excuse me, Gokudera- _kun_?" The Tenth Boss went up to them. "C- Could I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure Tenth!" Hayato dropped Lambo unceremoniously on the grass ("To... le... **_raaate_**..."). Then he gladly followed his Boss to one of the nearest punch tables, completely forgetting all about Haru.

* * *

Haru opened and closed her mouth wordlessly, staring after Tsuna and Gokudera's retreating backs.

She'd utterly forgotten to greet Tsuna 'Happy Birthday' because of the things Gokudera- _san_ had said and done. He'd just _teased_ her about **_him_**... He...

"**_UUUGGGHH!!_** _That man!!_" She fumed, stomping off to find Kyoko- _chan_ and rant about Gokudera's antics for the nth time that week.

* * *

Meanwhile, beside the punch table:

"G- Gokudera- _kun_...?" Tsuna asked his friend and Right hand meekly.

"Yes? What is it, Tenth?" Gokudera- _kun_ asked, wearing an impossibly wide grin on his face, still very pleased with the success of his magic trick.

Tsuna wondered how he would react to his words after he said them.

Probably not too well.

"Uhm... Could... Would you... I mean..." Tsuna stammered, trying to find more authoritative words to use.

Gokudera- _kun_ continued to wear his grin as he waited for him to finish what he wanted to tell him.

"Next year... **_Don't do another magic show_,** Gokudera- _kun._" Tsuna then said, hoping that it sounded like a firm order.

As predicted, Gokudera- _kun_ didn't seem to take it well. His wide grin was replaced by a rather disappointed frown. Tsuna thought he could see the cogs working in Gokudera- _kun_'_s_ head.

He sincerely hoped that he wouldn't take too much offense in his request...

"That's alright! I'll have something else prepared for your birthday present next year then, Tenth!" Gokudera- _kun_'_s_ mood suddenly seemed to bounce back a little too rapidly for Tsuna.

"Eh?" Tsuna blinked at his Right hand's quick recovery. "...You don't mind?"

"Of course not! You're getting too old for magic shows, aren't you Boss?" Gokudera- _kun_ said, grinning as if he had just come up with most a brilliant idea in the world (which he most probably thought he did).

_'Well... I am getting too old for 'parlor' tricks...'_ Tsuna thought._ '...And most if not all of my guest are adults now.' _Tsuna then wondered what his friend and Right- hand could possibly have in mind for next year.

"I also noticed that some of the men looked a little bored during the show." Gokudera- _kun_ continued, looking as if he were deep in thought for a moment.

Tsuna blinked at this. He hadn't noticed; he was too busy being worried that Squalo would cause a riot when he was cheering... correction... **_demanding_** for Gokudera- _kun_ to get on with making Yamamoto '_disappear_'.

He immediately returned his attention to Gokudera- _kun_, who was grinning widely again.

"But don't worry! I thought of something else for next year that they would like...! And I probably wouldn't need any dynamite for it!" He looked positively pleased with whatever **_'great idea'_** he had just come up with.

Tsuna wondered if he should be able to sigh in relief now: since Gokudera- _kun_ was acting receptive to the idea of changing his entertainment performance for his birthday next year, he assumed that Gokudera- _kun_ wasn't taking only his personal request into consideration; he had his subordinates' best interests and his available resources in mind as well... Tsuna then decided that this was a **_'good'_** thing: Gokudera- _kun_ was more of capable making better plans when he had other factors to consider. Planning things on the spot was _almost_ his forte and it kept him amused and out of harm's way (almost) or bringing harm to anyone's way (again, _almost_).

"I'll ask Turf- head if he can give me the number to that stripper club. You know: the one that performed for Kurokawa's husband's bachelor party...! I'm sure the men would enjoy that more than a magic show! Also, it'll be **_cheaper_** than ordering two hundred crates of fireworks and dynamite for next year!" Gokudera- _kun _then declared aloud. Apparently he seemed pleased with himself for coming up with an idea that could strengthen the large number of male Vongola subordinates' loyalty to the Tsuna and lessen financial costs for explosives. [5]

Tsuna tried to process what his friend and Right hand had just said: '**_What did he say?!_**'

"Please message me with the beta version of the CCC Program later what kinds of outfits you would like to request, Boss. I need a test message to check if the beta program works perfectly so we can put it to use this year!" Gokudera- _kun_ added just as he took his leave to search for Ryohei (who was most likely at the buffet table at the other end of the garden). [6]

Tsuna's mouth dropped open shock at the sheer audacity of Gokudera- _kun_'_s_ plan for his next year's birthday present and contribution to party entertainment.

He hadn't even comprehended the last thing he said.

He had only heard the words 'stripper', 'outfits' and 'request' and immediately panicked.

* * *

Hayato hadn't noticed his Boss' current reaction and already begun to undertake his search for Sasagawa's brother, the 'Turf- head/ Boxing- freak' among the other party guests.

Once he got a hold of that phone number, he planned go up back to the mansion and make a phone call to make the reservations for next year.

He'll even make the down payment out of his own paycheck.

It's his birthday gift for the Tenth next year after all!

* * *

Tsuna eventually recovered and began to chase after Gokudera- _kun_, trying to stop him from making good his promise for his birthday party next year:

"_Ack!_ Gokudera- _kun_! **_NO!_** **_Don't!_** That's even worse!! _I take back what I said!_ You can do another magic show next year!"

But, predictably, Tsuna's pleas and protests fell on deaf ears.

"Gokudera- _kun_, **_please!_** **_Come back here!_** _What would Kyoko- chan think?!_ **_Gokudera- kun!?_**" He called after him, following the messy head of gray hair in the crowd of guests.

* * *

"Did I hear right? _Signor_ Gokudera is going to order strippers for the Vongola Tenth's birthday party next year?" A Cavallone _Mafioso_ (who was standing nearby when Tsuna 'ordered' Gokudera to change his contributions) asked the Vongola _Mafioso _he was chatting with. "...**_Damn_**... I wish _Signor _Romario would do that for the Boss' birthday next year too."

His Vongola companion laughed.

"I am so lucky I decided to work for Vongola!" He then grinned at his Cavallone counterpart smugly. "Damn, I **_love_** this job! Cheers to the Boss _and_ to Chief!"[7]

* * *

Meanwhile, in the dark enclosed space under the stage:

"Uh... Gokudera? Are you done yet?" Yamamoto knocked on the trap door under the stage. "May I come out now?"

No response.

Yamamoto could hear the party music and the chattering of the guests outside. He then scratched his head, wondering how long it would be before Gokudera would have him 'reappear' onstage.

Then Yamamoto frowned and returned to knocking on the trap door: "Hey, Gokudera, this isn't funny anymore!"

No one answered.

"Gokudera?" He tried again. "Hello? ... _Anyone...?_"

* * *

**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 002 COMPLETE**

* * *

**"T.R.R.o.R" Database Administrator's Notes: **Gokudera, you damn bastard! Bring Yama- _chan_ back! LOLROFLMAO

**[1] You Wish:** Wait... I seem to have forgotten about Gokudera's prize for winning the traditional Vongola Birthday Party contest... Oh, well... I'll tackle that somewhere else... For now I think he's pretty pleased with himself that he made Yamamoto 'disappear' (even for only a little while). Haru will probably demand him to bring Yamamoto back again once she gets a hold of him again. Aww... Missing Yamamo- _chan_ already? XD

**[2] Gokudera Is An Escape Artist!: **No, that was a joke... but he sure made like one in "T.R.R.o.R.". How **_did_** he get out of the safe house before it was attacked? Uhh... -sweatdrop- I don't know... I haven't thought that part out yet... -isveryhorribleatthinkingthingsthrough-

**[3] A Magician Never Reveals His Secrets: **Yes, I seriously believe Gokudera is a magician. How else can he keep immense amounts of dynamite on his body without having his clothes look bulky? It's unfathomable! Like magic! (Gokudera once did dynamite maintenance in Tsuna's room. He was carrying more than a thousand sticks of dynamite with him and he when took all of them out, Yamamoto thought it was a magic trick). Besides, he always seems to be doing magic shows for Vongola party entertainment. Who's to say he still does them ten years later?

**[4]** **'You Think You're So Good- Looking...?': **I heard an argument like this on a show on local TV (it was much more hilarious in the original language but what the heck...? English is, unfortunately, the universal language and one of the only two I am most fluent in). The guy didn't even say anything about himself being good- looking and the girl, it turned out had a crush on him (but she didn't know it yet). Hmm... Is this a potential Yamamoto-Haru-Gokudera love triangle here? I'm not that good with writing romance- geared stories yet. I'm still working on the drama/adventure/humor track for now.

**[5] Strippers?!: _No, Gokudera's NOT being perverted_** (that's Shamal's job). He's misinterpreted Tsuna's request to stop his dangerous magic shows as an order to contribute something 'more age- appropriate'... He's also thinking of strengthening the lower ranking subordinates' loyalty to the Tenth at the same time. Two birds with one stone! It's just how one- track minded he is when it comes to Tsuna and the Family.

As Tsuna's Right hand, he's probably read the psychological profiles of all the subordinates working for Tsuna... Let's see his logic: Most of the Tsuna's underlings, I mean, subordinates are men; adult men who **_like_** women; the Tenth is too old for magic shows and is an adult; as far as he knows, the Tenth is a straight **_man_**. The Tenth's subordinates are adults and **_mostly_** men.

So therefore, have an 'adult show' as his birthday present next year! It's age- appropriate!

Wow... It's simple but ridiculous logic... **_Very _**trademark Gokudera logic, unfortunately. Uhh... What about the female guests and minors in attendance though, Goku? ...Obviously, he hasn't thought about it. This is what happens when you rush plans: you tend to overlook some 'little' details. _Tsk, tsk, tsk..._ And here I was thinking that he'd matured after nearly eight years...

**[6] CCC Program Beta: **For the benefit of those who haven't read "The Right Rewrite of Right" (the main story that these one- shots spin off from), CCC stands for "Clam Clan Chat", an instant messaging chat program jointly conceptualized and created by Gokudera, Giannini and Tsuna. It is exclusively for Vongola Family members as well as a few select allies (Ex: Dino, Lanchia) and works on Giannini's especially made cell phones and computers.

The CCC Program being used in the main "T.R.R.o.R." story is the "alpha" version, the test/ pilot version. Gokudera's asking Tsuna to try out the updated version of CCC in this one- shot.

**[7] Chief 59: **A nickname for Gokudera by some of Tsuna's subordinates. Gokudera is putting together a crew of _Mafiosi_ who serve the Vongola Tenth so the subordinates under him sometimes call him 'Chief 59' or simply 'Chief'. The crew of Vongola _Mafiosi_ will serve as an elite all- around unit (personally trained by Gokudera and at some point, Reborn) and the highest ranked and best skilled will be called the core group of the **_"Hurricane 59_" **once it is fully formed. However, in this one- shot and in the "T.R.R.o.R." main story, the "Hurricane 59" is still in its beginning stages... Although they **_are_** already comprised of the elite- skilled of Vongola outside of the Ring Guardians and the Varia... Gokudera, during this one- shot and in the current time line of "T.R.R.o.R.", is still scouting, recruiting and training members.

* * *

For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the submit review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

Boo... classes start yesterday for me. First period at 10:30 am everyday. While I do have time to sleep in, I have the late morning traffic heat to deal with. I don't like my uniform (I feel Haru's 'pain'; it's not easy to walk everyday in high heels).


	3. File 003: Playtime

I noticed I hadn't updated in a while... Schoolwork came first (and somehow ended up being a lot more fun to do than writing fictional stories... _Sorry!_). I'm still working on the Rewrite 007 of "T.R.R.o.R." but I don't think I'm going to be posting it any time soon. My original draft had somehow disappeared from my laptop (**_WHY??_**). I don't know if it was deleted or it's somewhere in one of my back- up CDs. But all that hard work gone in **_'poof'_**! -pout-

Now for the one- shot... **_I MISS URI!_** (The box weapon) TT-TT I had so much fun writing about the little kitty weapon in "T.R.R.o.R." that I decided to give it its own one- shot.

I've also put some kitty smileys: "X3" (very happy) and "83" (big eyes to make you melt) to show some kitty expressions. I thought it made things amusing and in character for the kitten... box... uhh... yeah...

I imagine the kitten- Uri would refer to itself in the third person if animal box weapons could talk. The adult version would probably use "**_Ore- sama_**" (With bold, underline and italic... I'm pretty convinced Uri is a tom).

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Otherwise I would have Gokudera baby-talking his adorable little box weapon (Who's a good kitty? Oh, yes you are!). Good grief... Talk about OOC...

**Warning: **A sad and lonely Uri... TT-TT

**Note: **The characters have never been to the future. This happened in the past of their adult versions in TYL Arc.

* * *

**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified Archive File 003: "Playtime"**

Written: Wednesday, May 14, 2008, 07:55:56 PM

Edited: Thursday, July 03, 2008, 11:31:46 PM

Updated: Tuesday, September 02, 2008, 5:51:03 PM

* * *

**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 003**

**Time: **02:04:12 PM

**Location:** Reference Room, Vongola Underground Base, Namimori City, Japan

**Note:** n/a

**Archive Summary: **Thought Processing Log for Box Weapon Research

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 78.37263294 percent complete_...

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 003**

Master calls it "training".

He says he's just really trying to see how long he can keep his 'flame' going.

One of the nice people ("Family," Master explained), the tall man with black hair who likes to pet Uri's head ("Baseball- freak" or "Sword- idiot", [3a] Master sometimes calls him. But he's really called "Yamamoto") calls it "endurance training".

Uri doesn't really understand what that means.

All Uri thinks Uri needs to understand is that Master will let Uri stay with him outside of the box for a _really _long time.

So Uri calls it "**_playtime_**". X3 [1] Uri can stay out of the box and be with Master for as long as Master wants Uri around. X3

Master is weird sometimes... He takes Uri out then he just leaves Uri to follow Master around while **_he_** follows one of those nice people ("Family," Master explained again) everywhere.

Master calls this person "Tenth" or "Boss". [3b] He's got brown hair and is a little shorter than Uri's Master.

Master says that he works for this person, that he's the most important person in Master's life.

That's like how Master is to Uri! X3

Does that mean that "Tenth" is Master's master?

Uri doesn't get it... He doesn't pet Master on the head or his tummy or play with him like Master does with Uri... He also doesn't make Master eat out of his hand like Uri does. [2]

But Master is always doing whatever this person tells him so Uri guesses it's the same thing.

Uri is only a box weapon so Master can't keep Uri outside all the time... Uri only gets to see Master for a few hours and sometimes Uri doesn't see Master for several days!

Master is almost always with that brown- haired person called "Tenth" every time he lets Uri out of the box. He's always paying attention to "Tenth" or "working".

That's not fair! Uri wants Master to play with Uri!

Uri scratched "Tenth" once for distracting Master from Uri.

Master yelled at Uri (Why is he yelling at Uri?) and told Uri that it's not a good thing to do, that it's something Uri should never do.

"_Don't scratch or bite the Tenth! **Behave yourself,** Uri!_" He said angrily the first time Uri did it.

Master was very mad.

Uri didn't understand why. Was it because Uri hurt "Tenth"? ("Tenth" had yelled "Ouch" when Uri did it.)

Does Master like "Tenth" _more_ _than_ Uri?

... Uri was **_sad_**...

Master ignored Uri the whole day, even when Uri said "Uri's sorry" ("..._Meeowr_...").

The "Tenth" must've felt sorry for Uri because he picked Uri up and pet Uri's fur. (That feels nice. X3) Then he told Master to go easy on Uri, that Uri's just a kitten. Master had looked embarrassed then but he took Uri back from "Tenth", and said "Don't ever do that again, Uri."

After that, Uri never does anything to hurt the "Tenth" (on purpose).

"Tenth" is a nice person, anyway.

He always picks Uri's side whenever Master is scolding (or going to scold) Uri for something Uri did, always telling him that Uri's still a kitten.

Well, Uri **_is_** while in basic form, is Uri not? 83

"Tenth" sometimes gives Uri something to sweet to nibble on ("Candies," he calls them. "They're for the kid- Lambo but you can have some." "Kid- Lambo" [3c] is this little boy that cries every time he shows up. Master doesn't like it when "Kid- Lambo" wipes his face on his clothes. Uri can tell that he's trying hard not to get too mad whenever "Kid- Lambo" is around but he let's "Kid- Lambo" play with Uri whenever he shows up X3).

"Tenth" also scratches the fur behind Uri's ears the way Uri likes it. ("_Nyaaaooowwwrrr..._"X3)

It feels nice but Uri wants Master to do that more.

Uri noticed that Master is happy (even if he doesn't show it on his face) whenever "Tenth" is happy.

Uri likes it when Master is happy. Uri feels healthier whenever Master feels happy. [5]

Sometimes Uri would jump out of "Tenth's" arms or lap and go to Master. Then Uri would purr, rub against Master's legs and Uri will flick Uri's tail so Master will pay attention to Uri.

If he **_still_** doesn't pay attention to Uri, Uri'll go and mess with his toys or whatever Master's doing so he'll drop them and pay attention to Uri.

Master's toys are those heavy things that rip when Uri digs Uri's claws into them ("Books," said "Tenth"), other boxes like Uri's, thin white things with funny looking spots that also tear when Uri chews on them (Uri thinks Master calls them "scores"[3g]) and those long yellow things ("Dynamite," said "Baseball- freak") that Master lights up sometimes with that thin, funny- smelling, white stick (Some loud mister that Master calls the "Boxing- freak" [3d] calls it a "Cancer stick" [3e]) Master's almost always got in his mouth.

Master gets angry when Uri _does_ destroy some things, but at least he's paying attention to Uri for it.

He calms down fast when "Tenth" is around though so Uri doesn't get into a lot of trouble (but he either gets even madder or calms down a little when "Baseball- freak/ Sword- idiot" is around... Uri decided being around "Tenth" is a better time so Master won't to scold or get mad at Uri too much).

Once he's done being angry, Master will then get some sticky "clear tape" and fix whatever "book" Uri tore up while apologizing to "Tenth". If Uri tore up a "score", Master might look annoyed but he doesn't say anything to anyone, even to Uri. He just fixes them with "tape"...

Or he'll just go to his computer and get new ones.

Uri wondered once if Uri should wreck the computer since it's one of the places where Master gets those "scores"... But Uri decided not to; Master uses it for work... Master will get mad if Uri messes with his computer...

Master is almost always reading those "scores" when he's not "working".

Uri doesn't understand why he keeps looking at those.

Master always looks so gloomy whenever he's reading one of them (Uri thinks he reads them... Uri wonders how he can understand those funny- looking lines with funny- looking spots when "Baseball- freak", "Boxing- freak", "Kid- Lambo" and "Tenth" can't).

Uri doesn't like Master to look sad like that.

Those "scores" looked like they were making Master sad! So Uri decided one day: Uri will one- by- one get rid of them for good!

But then Uri wondered why it didn't work. Master still had his "scores" after Uri dealt with them...

Then Uri found out that Master just fixed them with "tape" again.

Uri then thought that Uri should also get rid of the "tape". But Uri got tangled up in it and couldn't get it off.

Uri had to meow and meow and meow and meow until Uri got Master's attention. "Baseball- freak/ Sword- idiot" and "Tenth" couldn't stop laughing when Master tried to remove the "tape" from Uri's fur.

"_Mreeeooowww!!_"It hurt! It really hurt!

Master looked like he was also trying not to laugh and called Uri a "_Stupid cat_".

Uri decided to leave the "tape" alone for another day after that. ("_Nyaooowwwrrr... _Just you wait- **_tape_**! Uri will get you! Uri will get you good!")

At least Master didn't get angry at Uri...

But one day Master got really, _really_, **really**, **_really_**, **_REALLY_** mad when Uri ripped another one of his "scores" (actually it was a "book" made of "scores") into really tiny pieces that Master couldn't fix it with tape anymore.

Master didn't try to fix it and instead he yelled really loudly at Uri! Master was **_so angry_** this time!

Uri got scared... Why did Master get mad? Uri just wanted to help and make Master happy! (Even "Tenth" got scared; "Baseball- freak/ Sword- idiot" looked like he didn't want to go near Master then.)

Uri was punished for real that time: Uri was sent back inside the box and stayed there for nearly two weeks! (_Meeeeaaaaaoooowww!_ Uri's **_so sorry_**, Master! Uri won't do it again! TT-TT)

When Uri was let out after that, Master was at one of "Tenth's" big houses.

Uri then saw that Master and Uri were in a room with a big black thing with black and white teeth inside.

Uri recognized, by looking at the window, that this was "**_Italy_**". (Master doesn't like "Italy". Master looks almost always looks gloomy whenever he has to stay in this country. Uri doesn't like it when Master is like that. But Master always goes where "Tenth" goes, even if it's a place Master doesn't like. Uri goes with Master so he won't feel sad. 83)

Uri saw that Master was busy reading another "book" made up of "scores".

Uri thought Master was still mad with Uri because he wasn't looking at Uri then.

Master then told Uri that "Tenth" got him a new "Chopin" to replace the one that Uri tore up last time. (Uri then meowed "Sorry,") Uri thought that Master forgave Uri since he doesn't look angry anymore and he let Uri out of the box.

Uri was surprised when Master picked Uri up and carried Uri and the "Chopin" to the big black thing.

Master called it a "Grand". [3f] Uri thought _'That's a scary name' _but Master didn't look scared... He even sat down on the bench in front of it while still carrying Uri!

'_Too close!' _Uri had meowed, Uri's fur standing up when Master moved his bench to be closer to the "Grand's" teeth. Uri clawed into Master's arm by accident when Master tried to put Uri down on the bench beside him. Uri tried to scratch at one of the teeth to make the "Grand" go away from Uri and Master and it made a loud **_'ping' _**noise!

Uri got even more scared and scampered into Master's lap. Uri's fur stood up even more and Uri even bumped into Master's tummy while trying to get away from the "Grand".

"_Master, Uri's sorry for tearing up your "scores"! Don't let the scary "Grand" eat Uri!_" Uri meowed, trying to hide inside Master's jacket.

Master actually laughed a little and he picked Uri up from his lap with his left arm. Then he scratched the fur behind Uri's ears and under Uri's chin, chuckling and calling Uri a "_Silly kitten_," with his other hand.

Uri relaxed a little when Master did that. Master **_always_** knows how to make Uri calm down... X3

Finally Master could let Uri sit down beside him on the bench again. Then Uri watched (still scared) Master reach out and begin to touch the black and white teeth on the "Grand" with all of his fingers.

Uri was afraid that the "Grand" would bite Master if he touched those teeth. But then Uri saw that it didn't try to hurt Master or Uri.

Instead the "Grand" made a lot of nice sounds... Uri thought it sounded pretty. It almost sounds like it was singing.

Master looked like he thought so too. He was looking at the "score" he said "Tenth" gave him and he was smiling!

Master was **_happy_**!

Master calls this thing he's doing "playing"... So is this Master's own "playtime"?

Uri thinks Master really likes playing with the "Grand".

If Master likes it, then Uri likes it too! X3

Uri likes listening to Master playing with the "Grand" and Uri promised to never rip any of Master's "scores" ever again.

Sometimes, Master does pay attention to Uri at once when Uri rubs against his legs and that makes Uri really happy! X3 (Master belongs only to Uri! [6] and "Tenth"... [7] and the "Family"... _Whew_... Uri has to share Master with a **_lot_** of people... But Master doesn't share Uri with anybody else. X3)

That means Uri doesn't have to mess with Master's toys to get him to pay attention to Uri.

If Master is in a good mood and he's not "working", he lets Uri play with the shiny things on his fingers ("Rings," he said). Uri paws and licks at them (but Uri makes sure keep Uri's claws are sheathed) and Uri doesn't try to chew at them. Uri'll hurt Master if Uri does that... Master gets angry or sad whenever he gets hurt because that means that "Tenth" will worry and even get angry at him.

Uri doesn't like Master getting hurt in any way. Uri doesn't want "Tenth" to worry or get angry at Master because it makes Master feel bad.

If Master feels bad then Uri will feel weak and sick. Uri doesn't like feeling weak and sick... because that means Uri won't be able to be useful to Master.

Uri gets worried whenever Uri comes out of the box and sees Master covered in wounds and bruises.

Uri really hates it when Uri can smell that weird metal smell on Master ("Blood," Master said. "You're lucky you don't have real blood, Uri." Uri doesn't understand why he said that. But Uri learned not to like the smell of "blood" because it means that Master or somebody Master cares about is very badly hurt.)

"_Why does Master almost always have to call Uri out at the **last** minute!? Stupid Master!_" Uri would meow at him angrily and scratch him (but not too hard) on the leg (if he's standing up) or on the arm (if he's lying on the ground). Master sometimes gets annoyed when Uri does that.

If he _does_ get annoyed, then Uri knows that Master's still okay.

But if he doesn't say anything, Uri gets even more worried because it means that Master's in really big trouble. Then Master will have Uri grow big and **_Ore- sama_** will go maim whoever or whatever hurt Master!

**_Nobody_****_ hurts Master while ORE- SAMA is HERE!_**

When **_Ore- sama_** is done and becomes Uri again, Master will pet Uri's head and let Uri ride on his shoulder (if he's not too badly hurt) and call Uri a "Good kitten," and say that Uri "did a good job."

Uri really likes it when Master praises Uri (Well, not overly so but it's praise from Master anyway!). X3

Uri is happy whenever Master smiles. He doesn't do that too often around most company.

He doesn't smile on some days because there's this person that Master doesn't seem to like. Master is always frowning whenever he sees him... He calls him the "Pervert- Quack" [3h]. Uri doesn't get what it means but he's always teasing Master and telling him to go "hit on more women". Uri doesn't understand what that means either. But Master doesn't seem to like being told to do that... "Hitting on women"... [8] But isn't "hitting" bad? "Hitting" make other people go "Ouch"... Does that mean "Pervert- Quack" wants to make Master do bad things? _Nwaaooowwrr_...! Uri doesn't want Master to be like that!

Sometimes, if we're outdoors in Italy, Mr. "Pervert- Quack" drags Master off somewhere and tries to make him talk to these strange- looking women... (**_MEEEOOWR!?_** [9] What are you trying to do to Master, you weird lady?! Get your face away from him! [10] **_Stop_** **_touching_** **_him_**! Can't you see Master doesn't like you being too close?! **_URI_** doesn't like it **_too_**!)

Uri will pounce (if Uri can, if "Sword- idiot" isn't holding Uri back or something), scratching and hissing at whichever suspicious person is trying to touch Master where he doesn't seem to want them to. (Master doesn't seem to like most other people touching him anyway. He'll only let a few people (actually it's just "Tenth" most of the time) touch him without getting yelled at or blown up, whichever comes first.)

Uri knows Master can handle things himself.

**_Uri's Master is_** **_tough_**. X3

But Uri just doesn't like it whenever "Pervert- Quack" comes over and tries to get Master to talk to these strange women and tell him to allow them to touch him where he doesn't want them to. Uri gets a bad feeling whenever somebody other than "Tenth", "Yamamoto", or anybody else in Master's "Family" tries to get really too close to Master.

Uri doesn't know... it's like Uri has a feeling they will make Master sad or hurt him... But Uri doesn't really understand how they're going to do that... Uri's just a box weapon...

Master tries very hard not to get mad whenever "Pervert- Quack" is around too. But when "Pervert- Quack" goes too far, Master will let **_Ore- sama_** "take care" of him. ("**_GRRROOOAAAAWWWRRR!!_**")

**_Ore- sama_** likes it when he scratches the back of **_Ore- sama's_** ears and tells **_Ore- sama_** that **_Ore- sama's_** done a good job; that **_Ore- sama_** is a "good boy". **_Ore- sama_** would then sometimes stomp on "Pervert- Quack's" head one more time and it makes Master laugh! **_Ore- sama _**likes to make Master laugh because it means Master is happy!

"Pervert Quack" doesn't like Uri... and Uri doesn't care. Master being safe and happy is all that matters to Uri! X3

One day, Uri is finally released from the box again.

It's been a long time since Uri was let out. Or maybe it really hasn't been that long.

The only person Uri sees is a young boy, looking bewildered at Uri's appearance.

He's startled to see Uri, and at the same time looks a little disappointed with Uri's size... Well, that's not Uri's problem if Uri's small **_now_**... You should see Uri when Master puts **_Ore- sama_** into action in a fight, you weird stranger- person, you! **_MREOWRRR!!_**

Oh well... There's nothing there that looks like it wants to hurt Master. Since there's no trouble, it must be "playtime". X3

But Uri's confused... _Where is Master?_

"_You're not Master._" Uri told him, and mewled at him to tell Uri where Master went. He doesn't understand you, Uri. (Well... neither does Master but he almost always seems to know what Uri wants.)

Uri can't help but think that this person... this boy, is not Master... although he smells a little like Master... (Master smells like the "Cancer sticks" sometimes. But Master smells nice _most of the time_... Master always takes a bath! Sometimes he even gives Uri one! X3 Some lady Master always calls the "Stupid Woman" and always goes "_Ha- hi!" _calls Master's smell "cologne". What's that? Well, Uri doesn't care. It's Master's smell anyway. X3)

He sounds and talks a little like Master. (But Master sounds more serious than him anyway. Master also uses big words that Uri can't understand sometimes when he talks. This boy just **_talks_** big.)

He even looks a little like Master. (But he dresses a little differently than Master. His clothes are **_weird_**...) He's even got that "Cancer stick" thing that Master sometimes has in his mouth.

But Uri can't say that he **_IS_** Master...

For one thing, he doesn't know what to **_call_** Uri.

"_Master calls me Uri._"Uri mewled when he asked what Uri is called. Uri doesn't think he understands Uri. "_If you really **are** Master, you'd call Uri 'Uri'._"

He doesn't get it, of course.

Well, since he has no idea what Uri is called; Uri decided to ignore him and explore the room...

...Uri knows this room... Master does his training (or "playtime" for Uri) here every now and then. He also reads in here a lot.

The last time that Uri was here, Master was busy reading another "book". He ignored Uri again the whole time and was reading about a big giant snake... A "_Tsuchi_- snake"... [4]

_Hmph._ What's so special about a big, ugly, old snake? Uri had sniffed... Uri is **_so_** **_much_** **_better_** than **_that_** creepy- looking thing...

Wait...

_Why was Master reading all about it? _

Is he planning to get one?

Is he planning to replace Uri?

**...**

"**_Master, don't get a Tsuchi- _****_snake!_**" Uri had panicked then. "_Look, Master, **look**! Uri can hiss too!"_ Uri had jumped into Master's lap and hissed and spit at the picture of the big Tsuchi- snake in the book so he could see.

Master got annoyed and brushed Uri off his lap. Then he told Uri not to bother him. After that Uri tore up the picture of the _Tsuchi_- snake Master was looking at. ("_Master_, _play with Uri!!"_)

Anyway, Master got mad when Uri did that; but he didn't put Uri back in the box.

Instead he ignored Uri again and turned to another page.

So Uri climbed into Master's lap again and clambered onto his shoulder to bat at Master's hair. Master usually pays attention to Uri when Uri does that.

It took a while but Master finally got tired of it and took Uri off his shoulder and put Uri beside the "book". Uri tried to read the book (Yes, Uri **_can_** read! X3 Uri is a **_smart_** box weapon! **_Smarter _**than a stupid, ugly, giant snake!), while Master fixed the mess Uri made of Master's hair. (Uri thought it was too long... "Sword- Idiot" said that Master needs a "haircut"...)

Going back to the strange boy who looks like Master...

Uri saw that he had some of Master's "rings" and an old one that Uri was sure that "Tenth" had destroyed some time before. (Why does he have Master's old "ring"?) Then Uri saw some of Master's toys on the desk the weird boy was sitting at.

Uri jumped up on the desk and began to play with them. Uri thought that maybe if Uri messed them up a little Master will come out (he'll scold Uri, but at least he'll come out).

The weird boy got mad and yelled at Uri not to play with them (...Funny, that's just how Master would react and exactly what Master would say to Uri...)

Uri thought this boy is hiding Master... Uri would **_make_** him tell Uri where Master is.

Uri then decided to scratch and bite the weird boy: he still doesn't tell Uri anything. Instead he tries to hit Uri and throw Uri off.

He can't do it though. He **_lost_** against Uri. _"Huh. **Weakling.**_" Uri huffed and hopped off the desk, Uri's tail high in the air.

Uri had gotten one of Master's "rings" loose from one of the boxes when Uri was playing with them. Uri wondered why they were there and why Master didn't have them with him. Did this boy steal them? Or did Master give them to him?

This boy pays attention to Uri a lot more than Master, even if it's just angry yelling at Uri for just being Uri.

Uri doesn't get him: he **_IS_** weird. Weirder than Uri's Master.

But... He talks a bit like Master... He even uses the same words Master is always throwing in every other sentence. ("Sword- idiot" calls it "swearing") He even scolds Uri the way Master does.

The weird boy lets Uri out of the box to see how long he can keep his flame going too... _just like Master_.

He also follows around a shorter, brown haired person of his own. He even calls that person "Tenth".

Uri doesn't get it... Is that the same "Tenth"- person?

The last time Uri saw "Tenth", he was badly hurt... worse than Master. Master was badly hurt that time too... Master was sad and scared. Uri didn't like it... Uri doesn't like it when Master is sad and scared. Uri doesn't like it even more when he's **_that_** badly hurt.

Master couldn't move very well then; he told Uri to get "help" and find "Yamamoto". Uri didn't want to leave Master behind.

What if there were bad people who wanted to hurt Master (and "Tenth")? Uri meowed. Master had reached out and put his hand on Uri's back.

That time, Uri had seen something red and wet on Master's hand.

Uri saw and could smell that it was blood...

_It was **Master's** blood... _

Why was Master putting his blood on Uri? Uri doesn't like blood and Uri tried to remove it.

Master told Uri not to so Uri had to obey.

Later Uri went to find "Yamamoto".

When Uri found him, "Yamamoto" followed Uri back to Master and "Tenth". By that time, Uri had begun to feel weak and sick then because Master was also growing weak. Uri went to Master and tried to wake him up... but then Uri's power went out when Master fell asleep.

Uri hasn't seen Master since...

Instead it's this weird boy who looks like him who's always with Uri instead of Uri's Master.

That's funny... The weird boy also knows a nice tall black- haired person called "Yamamoto" too. **_This_** "Yamamoto" person looks a little different though... He's shorter for one... and he sort of acts a little dumb too. Master's weird look- alike also calls this "Yamamoto" 'Baseball- freak'... Just like Master does...

_Hmm... _Maybe he **_is _**Master. **_OR_** maybe he's not... He doesn't call **_this_** "Yamamoto" "Sword- idiot" after all.

Well, Uri doesn't think he is Uri's Master.

Uri can tell by his flame powering Uri. It's not quite the same as Master's. The taste is a little different...

But Uri thinks it's weird: he's got the same kinds of flames Master can make. He's even trying out the same attacks that Master can do with his other boxes.

Uri scoffed at the weird boy's attempt to make one of Master's favorite attacks for the first time.

"_So what? Big deal, so you can do it too... Master does it **ten times** **better** than you!_" Uri hissed, while on top of the weird boy's head. Uri had jumped up on it to get a ride to escape the blast the boy made at the wall of the room.

The flames feel the same but they're so **_weak_** in comparison to Master's. "_Master is **NOT **weak like you!"_ Uri mewed at him one day.

Of course, he ignored Uri (like Master) and just lit one of those "Cancer sticks" that Master kept in his desk. ("Hey! Those aren't yours! They're Master's; put them back!" [14]). Then he blasted at one of those targets with Master's Flame Arrow [11] ("You **_suck_**! Uri's Master's got better aim than you!").

Anyway, his flame is still weak compared to Master's. Uri guesses it's maybe because he's still a kid.

Uri guesses only time will tell. Maybe someday... Someday he will be just like Master.

**_Or_** maybe he won't. Uri can't tell. Uri doesn't know or understand those things anyway.

But Uri'll wait and see if this boy will grow up and become stronger like the Master Uri knows. Then maybe Uri'll know if it **_IS_** the same Master.

**_OR_** Uri can just keep scratching and biting him until he tells Uri where Uri's Master is!

Master didn't give Uri away and get a Tsuchi- snake, did he?! ('**_Nyeeeeooooo!! _**[13] **_Master_**_, how could you?!_')

Uri wants to listen to Master play with the "Grand" again.

Uri saw another "Grand" in one of Uri's Master's rooms. Uri doesn't know what it's doing there but Uri thinks it means that Master is somewhere in here.

"_Uri wants Uri's **real** Master. Where did you hide him? _[12] _Where did Master go?_" Uri mewled at the boy that took his place. "_When's Master coming home?_"

He doesn't know... He can't understand you, Uri...

He even looks at this new "Grand" with that sad, longing look that Master sometimes has on before Master makes up his mind whether to play or not.

Uri has to stay with this weird boy for several days... and Uri **_still_** doesn't see Master.

Uri wants to know when Master will come home... Uri misses Master... Uri wonders if Master will be home soon. Uri **_doesn't_** like this lookalike of Master. He's **_really_** mean to Uri!

But it's really strange: he now calls Uri "Uri", just like Master. How does he know Uri's name? Uri knows nobody told him...

It's almost like he **_IS _**Master.

No, Uri, stop that! Bad Uri! Don't think like that! _Master is **Master**!_ That weird impostor kid is **_NOT_** Uri's Master!

When Master comes home, Uri'll give him a hard scratch as punishment for leaving Uri alone with this strange kid who talks, acts, looks and smells like Master (but doesn't dress like him).

Master will, for sure, get mad at Uri again for doing that. But Uri knows he'll get over it and maybe he'll play with the new "Grand" in his room while Uri keeps him company again.

Uri decides that Uri will wait until Uri's **_real_** Master comes home.

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**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 003 COMPLETE**

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**"T.R.R.o.R" Database Administrator's Notes: **Hahaha...! Well, that was fun... and sad... but silly...in the cute kind of way. That could explain why Uri acts so mean to the teenaged Gokudera. It's so loyal to the adult Gokudera and it wants him back! _Awww... _Uri misses TYL Goku! Hurry home already, TYL 'dera, you _bad_ _boy_!

**[1] "Playtime":** Training for prolonging the emission of a Dying Will Flame. I mentioned this in the first one- shot and in Rewrite 02 of "T.R.R.o.R.", I think.

**[2] On Petting and Playing with Master:** Uhm, Uri... I don't really think "Tenth" would '_pet_' your Master on the head or 'tummy'... (or make him eat out of his hand) let alone _play_ with him like a cat... 8/ That's a little bit disturbing, now that I think about it... Adult Tsuna treating his Right- hand like a pet kitten... _Cannot... Does not compute... _D8 -overload- (Suddenly has a _very_ bad idea of writing something involving _nekomimi_ ears... _Fufufufu..._)

**[3] Uri- go, the language of deadly but cute box weapon kittens: [3a] "Baseball- freak/Sword- Idiot/Yamamoto":** No need for explanation. **[3b] "Tenth/Boss":** Three guesses who and the first two don't count. **[3c] "Kid- Lambo":** Lambo at five years old, transported to the future care of a Ten- Year Bazooka. **[3d] "Boxing- freak":** Who else is a freak for boxing? **[3e] "Cancer Stick": **Cigarette, _duh_. **[3f] "Grand":** Obviously that's a grand piano. **[3g] "Scores":** Musical scores for piano. Adult Gokudera looks "sad" whenever he sees them because they remind him of his mom (again, obviously). He'll keep fixing them and putting them back together for as long as they can still be saved. **[3h] "Pervert- Quack": **Obviously Dr. Shamal.

... Now that I think about it, this almost sounds like TYL Gokudera's vocabulary... Master and pet... I mean, **_BOX_** are too similar in some aspects... TYL Gokudera has definitely rubbed off on his animal box weapon... XD

Let's see the other bits of Uri- go...:

[**4] Tsuchi- snake:** Obviously the "_Tsuchinoko_"... _Pft_... _Hahaha_! I made Uri out into such a spoiled and jealous kitty. I could just **_imagine_** it pestering the TYL Gokudera every now and then whenever it sees him: _'Master, play with me! Pay attention to me! **Die**, Tsuchi- snake!'_

**[5] Healthy when Happy:** Since Uri is a box weapon, it's powered by Gokudera's wave energy. The strength of one's resolution affects the strength of the flame or at least that's how I understood the concept. Uri's definition of "happy" can be just the "simply happy" or it could be just Gokudera's overwhelming determination to follow Tsuna and follow his beliefs to the end (I think it's really the latter).

**[6] "Master Belongs to Uri!":** I read somewhere that cats **_mark their territory_** by rubbing their sides against it. So the next time a cat rubs and nuzzles against you, it's **_not_** just being affectionate. **_It's marking you as ITS territory!_** (They're out for world domination! _Mwahahahaha!!_) TYL Gokudera's **_Uri's_** territory/property!

**[7] "...and "Tenth"... Share him with a lot of people...: **Someone pointed this out to me before I posted it online. (I didn't realize it could imply something else while I was writing. _D'oh!_) When Uri says that "Master belongs to "Tenth" and to the "Family"," it's not in the physical, intimate, sexual sense. Uri means that Gokudera belongs to the Vongola and is at Tsuna's beck and call (we can't deny that; Goku's practically pledged himself to do 'anything' (his words) Tsuna commands him to when he first joined the Vongola). Besides, what does a kitten/ box weapon know about humans and their method of reproduction anyway? Uri is really too innocent... X3

**[8] "Hitting on women":** Yeah, Uri is right! "Hitting" women is bad! Shamal _shouldn't_ make Uri's Master do "bad things" if he doesn't want to! ROFLMAOLOL

**[9] "_MEEEOOWR!?"_:** "_Aaaaaah??_" (As in the way Goku says it in the juvy- delinquent way before he's starts blowing up or beating up (whichever comes first) somebody for bullying Tsuna or pissing him off.)

**[10] "Get Away From Him!":** LOL, Uri as a possessive and territorial kitty over Goku...! I pity the next person who hits on him and tries to get into its Master's pants. They have to pass an **_animal box weapon's_** standards first before getting approval or even approaching him! **_Nothing less for Uri's Master!_** (... I have a feeling that there are some undertones of _'somebody'_ in there...)

**[11] On the Flame Arrow:** ... Uri knows what Flame Arrow's called... Does that mean Gokudera **_still_** has a lame naming sense even after ten years...? TT-TT

**[12] "Where'd You Hide Him?":** I think everybody who's reading this has pretty much figured out that the adult Gokudera has been sent to the past by this time.

**[13] _Nyeeeeooooo!!_****:** Noooooooooo!! (Kitty wail!!)

**[14] "Put Them Back!":** I found the parts where he's comparing the teenage Gokudera's flames and performance with the Sistema C.A.I. to the adult version's hilarious. Uri would probably be also protective of the adult Gokudera's stuff seeing as the teenage version doesn't seem to give a shit (Remember this line?: "It's fine. It's mine, anyway." [KHR manga chapter 137])

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For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the review button for (Y)

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I hate my philosophy subject...


	4. File 004: Twenty Questions Vongola Style

Eh... this one's less detailed and a lot shorter than my other one- shots... Let's just say I got lazy... I still haven't finished Rewrite 007 for "T.R.R.o.R." because I'm trying to fix some mistakes for Rewrite 006... There were a lot of mistakes and missing parts in it... TT-TT

Hahaha... I don't think anybody's written about this topic yet. It may be a little corny but that's just how _amore_ is_..._

Can this one- shot be counted as one of the few times Gokudera has ever fallen in love...? Eh... I don't really know... But still… It's as funny as Uri getting scared of the piano… XD

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**Disclaimer:** Since I'm a college student and at the same time a starving artist... I don't make much money. I don't own anything from KHR!... So I have no money... Ah, no! Wait! I have... -stareatwallet- fifty centavos... AH _NOOOO_!!

**Warning: **Adults talking about adult things (...huh... really?) 8/ Well, wouldn't you want to know what Gokudera's type is? ;P

**Note: **The characters have never been to the future. This happened in the past of their adult versions in TYL Arc.

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**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 004: Twenty Questions Vongola- Style**

Written: Sunday, June 15, 2008, 02:04:12 PM

Edited: Saturday, July 05, 2008, 02:21:31 PM

Updated: Thursday, July 24, 2008, 07:32:36 PM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED FILE 004**

**Time: **04:17:44 PM

**Location:** Vongola Guardians' Lounge, Vongola Satellite Mansion, East Wing, Somewhere in Italy

**Note:** n/a

**Archive Summary: **Record file of Tenth Vongola Guardian of Storm, Gokudera Hayato's personal tastes and perception of beauty for psychological analysis.

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 89.37234723 percent complete_...

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 004**

Yamamoto looked up from polishing his _katana_ when the door to the Guardian's lounge banged open. Gokudera had just walked in briskly, hands in his pockets and silver- gray hair in a ponytail (with Uri following closely at his heels).

However, his pace and general behavior that told Yamamoto he was in a very good mood.

He supposed that could be partly attributed to Uri behaving itself. (Gokudera's beloved piano scores were probably safe for the week.)

But for some reason, it also gave Yamamoto the idea that there was '_something_ _else'_ that put his friend in a good mood... He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it felt like now was a good time to have a friendly chitchat with his usually serious friend.

"Yo, Gokudera!" Yamamoto greeted his friend and fellow Guardian… After all, he **_DID_** seem like he wanted to chew the fat with somebody... It wasn't **_always_** that Gokudera was in the mood to (willingly) talk to **_him_** about non- mafia- related things.

The fact that he wasn't making any rude insult as a form of greeting attested to that.

Times when Gokudera was like this were as rare as a comet passing near Earth's orbit or some other once in a lifetime phenomenon. Yamamoto by this time knew that if he ever wanted to chat with Gokudera like a normal person, moments like these were the perfect opportunity.

"_Hmm_." Gokudera hummed in response to Yamamoto's greeting. He then occupied one of the long couches, kicking up his feet. Then he stretched out on it, propping his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.

Yamamoto set his _katana _and his maintenance kit aside. Then he leaned forward a bit from his seat on one of the long couches to scratch the back of Uri's ears to say 'hello' to the little box weapon. "You seem to be in a good mood." He said conversationally as he suppressed a roguish grin. He figured that since Gokudera was "in a good mood", it wouldn't be a health hazard to tease him a little bit right now.

Uri purred and nuzzled against Yamamoto's hand, long tail swishing back and forth. Gokudera watched the two of them for a bit then let a corner of his lip twitch upward. He closed his eyes again as if he were '_lost in a dream_'...

"Something good happened?" Yamamoto continued, noticing that Gokudera had his eyes closed but his mouth quirked into a tiny smirk. Meanwhile, Uri purred contentedly again when he scratched under its chin.

"Wouldn't **_you_** want to know…?" Gokudera drawled lazily, a smug tone in his low voice.

Yamamoto raised an eyebrow at this.

He **_had_** noticed that the ladies seemed to love it whenever Gokudera used that certain languid enunciation. He'd observed it during Tsuna's last birthday party (but after he had been let out from under the stage though).

He then absently wondered if Gokudera was aware of that as well. **_Then_** Yamamoto noted the lack of a rude nickname again in Gokudera's reply. '_Yup.'_ He decided. _'He's **definitely** in a good mood.'_

Just then, one of the other Guardians who had accompanied Tsuna to Italy walked in.

* * *

Ryohei yawned loudly and stretched his arms outward, making a popping noise with his shoulders.

"Yo, _Senpai_." Yamamoto greeted him. Ryohei grunted in greeting before plopping down on the couch beside him with yet another loud grunt. He had just come from Sawada's office with orders to go to the Varia in a few days. However, he had only very little but necessary items to take with him so packing his things was not an immediate concern.

"**_AH!_** I'm **_EXTREMELY_** bored! What are you guys doing here?" He asked in his usual loud voice.

* * *

Gokudera had not made any move to show annoyance at Sasagawa- _senpai's_ arrival. In fact he made no move or sound to acknowledge their _Senpai's_ presence at all.

_'This is unusual'_, Yamamoto thought as he looked at him out of the corner of his eye; he was still wearing that pleased and smug expression on his face… Apparently Gokudera's reason for being in a 'good mood' was **_too_** good to be spoiled by _Senpai's_ appearance.

Now **_this_** was **_really_** worth something to poke at and dig into.

"I was just talking to Gokudera." Yamamoto explained in a low voice to his _senpai_. "_See?_ He's in a good mood... Suspicious... **_Ne_**_,_ _Senpai_?"

* * *

Ryohei looked over at Gokudera stretched out on the couch across the one he and Yamamoto were sitting in.

The lone occupant of the couch across theirs was still wearing a smug smirk and had his eyes closed again.

Ryohei frowned and blinked… before he and Yamamoto shared a conniving look between themselves. Ryohei had also sensed that Gokudera had '_something_' of interest and was just _lying there_, **_waiting_** for them to ask him, the smug bastard…

"Oh...?" Ryohei said, his interest having been piqued as well. "Octopus- head's in a good mood? Now why **_is_** that...?" He grinned, leaving the question hanging.

* * *

Hayato opened one eye with another accompanying smirk. Then he glanced at both of them with that one roguish, eye.

"Well, then why don't you two give a guess?" He waved his hand casually.

He was in **_too good_**_ a mood_ to be pissed at anybody.

The Hurricane 59 trainees could very well have blown up the piano room or started a food fight in the mess hall and he wouldn't even care to dish out punishments or singe some eyebrows.

It was a lazy afternoon and he had been practically kicked out of the Tenth's office when the Cavallone Boss came to call earlier that noon.

After wandering around town for a bit, he returned to the mansion with something most men in his line of work would call a "prize". He had then activated Uri for self- training again and went to find someone to boast about the fruit of his trip to town.

After so much trouble and hard work, who **_wouldn't_** want to brag about his "accomplishment"?

He then let both his eyes open halfway to look smugly at the two other _Mafiosi_ in the lounge with him: Sword- idiot and Boxing- freak just happened to be the **_very_** convenient sounding boards right now.

He then smirked again in a way that told them to '**_just go on_**' and **_ask_** him what put him in such a good mood… He was just waiting for them to take the bait…

* * *

"So... "**_Twenty Questions- Vongola Style_**", huh?" [1] Yamamoto let himself grin; he had a good guess for why Gokudera was in such a good mood. He mulled over for a bit how he was going to dig for proof. Uri flicked its tail and twitched its ears before leaving Yamamoto's side. It then clambered up Gokudera's couch to curl up beside its master to catnap.

"Fine by me." Gokudera grinned and closed his eyes again. Uri wormed into the space between his left arm and his side so it could lie down comfortably on the couch beside him to leech off heat. Then it closed its large eyes and went to sleep.

"OK... You just came from town." Yamamoto began.

"And?" That meant a '_yes'_.

"You found '**_something_**' (?) that you like there...?" Ryohei's grin widened when he said it.

"Keep going..." Another '_yes'_.

"Your type?" Yamamoto asked.

"Ohhh, **_definitely_** _yeeeaaah_... She's **_gorgeous_**." He drawled while grinning with his eyes closed.

Wow, Gokudera has a type?

"Love at first sight?"

Gokudera opened his eyes to look at both of them, raised one eyebrow and smirked in response to the question. That was informative enough for Yamamoto and Ryohei.

"Does Uri like her?" Yamamoto prompted. (He **_had _**noticed before that Uri was picky with whomever its master associated with... which is pretty weird for a box weapon... but then again, Uri had long proven to them that it had a mind of its own. Yamamoto had had the unfortunate bulk of experience of restraining the little feline box weapon whenever Shamal came calling and (either trying to or succeeding in) dragging Gokudera out to set him up with various women.)

"Uri **_approves_** of her," Gokudera's reply was accompanied by a wider smirk, while scratching back of the aforementioned box weapon's ears. Uri's left ear twitched and it nuzzled into its master's fingers purring contentedly in its sleep like a real kitten would.

Meanwhile Yamamoto and Ryohei's eyes widened at his answer: the fact that **_URI_** **_approved _**of something (or someone perhaps) for its master was a **_very big deal_** already… This was getting even more interesting and made them all the more curious.

"She got curves?"

"Smooth and sleek ones… Miles of it; I couldn't keep my hands off them." (Ryohei snickered and mock- whispered to Yamamoto: "_Don't you mean your tentacles?_" and Yamamoto tried to keep his face straight.)

"A real beauty?"

"**_Made in Italy_.**"

_Ooooh... _A **_European_** beauty... and an _Italian_ one at that, Yamamoto and Ryohei looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

Maybe this was why Gokudera wasn't so interested in the girls from Japan when they were younger. They supposed it was a given since he was mostly Italian- blooded anyway... Must be something cultural or genetic...

"Does she speak Japanese?" Ryohei hazarded.

"**_No_**... In **_beautiful_** _Italiano_." Gokudera grinned as if he were imagining something with his eyes closed. Both men then wondered if that meant Gokudera finds a girl who speaks his first language sexy… [2]

"So what's she like?" Yamamoto wheedled. "Is she hot?"

"**_Too_** hot for **_EITHER _**of you to handle; she's **_so perfect_**." That was two questions answered in one go.

Ryohei gave a low whistle. "Did you have a lot of competition for her?"

"**_She_** picked me." Gokudera bragged, widening his smirk.

"She must have bad taste." Ryohei snickered but Yamamoto elbowed him to shut up. They had nine questions left before Gokudera could decide whether or not to tell them just who or what exactly had put him in such a good mood today.

"Is she 'high maintenance' or something?"

"But she's _all worth_ _it_." Gokudera chuckled in a husky voice, letting that haughty smirk decorate his features again. Yamamoto and Ryohei's jaws positively dropped in disbelief.

_Good God and Buddha_... Is this **_LOVE_**?

"Does she know about you being in the mafia?" Yamamoto dared to ask.

"_Definitely_ yep. Why wouldn't she?" Gokudera shrugged a little and closed his eyes again still smirking.

**_Wow_**, he's **_serious_**... **_Hell has frozen over!!!!_**

"How many times are you going to see her?" Ryohei asked leaning forward from his seat.

"As much as I want to." Gokudera drawled in that smug, lazy tone again.

…Okaaaay, how is he going to manage that?

"When?" Yamamoto asked as he stood up to put his sword and maintenance kit on the coffee table between them so Ryohei could sit more comfortably on the couch.

"Anytime I like." Both _Mafiosi_ were tempted to ask: _'What about Tsuna/Sawada? Does he know?'_

"Can we see her?" Ryohei asked instead.

"Right now?" Gokudera raised one silver- gray brow again. "Heh... No way… not yet." He then closed his eyes and smirked once more.

"Are we **_EVER_** going to see her?" asked Yamamoto, looking down at his friend stretched out in the couch from across the coffee table in front of them.

"She's going to be with me twenty four- seven. I'm **_never_** going to let her go." Gokudera grinned wolfishly, his eyes still closed.

OK... now that's a little bit confusing. They could understand the second sentence but what did the first one mean? Wait a minute… Were they actually thinking on the same terms here?

"Her color?" Ryohei tried. Yamamoto snorted in amusement at the question but didn't sit down just yet.

"_Silver_. Just like me." Gokudera chuckled in response.

Yamamoto and Ryohei looked at each other before returning their stares to Gokudera.

"So when are you taking her out?" Yamamoto asked.

"Only on real emergencies." Gokudera replied putting on that smug accomplished smirk of his again.

Huh? Yamamoto and Ryohei blinked. That **_REALLY_**/**_EXTREMELY_**_..._didn't make any sense to them... It didn't tie in with what they both had in mind at all. [3]

_Only one question left_: "So... This _hot_, silver, Italian beauty...?" Ryohei asked slowly. "**_She got a name?_**"

Gokudera's smirk widened even more and he began to snigger.

The two men then both wondered if they should brace themselves for a bombshell of a revelation... After all... this **_IS_** Gokudera Hayato, the "_Smoking Bomb_", they're talking to…

Gokudera suddenly sat up from the couch (jolting Uri awake) and broke out into an impossibly wide grin. He pulled out a small beige- colored cube- thing with a hole and with green moss- like stuff on it out of one of the inside pockets of his suit jacket:

A box weapon.

Meanwhile, Uri flicked its tail in slight annoyance but curled up again (this time in Gokudera's lap) to resume its nap.

"I'm calling her "**_Flame Arrow_**". She's a genuine Innocenti original and she cost me about three full month paychecks for her! You wouldn't **_believe_** how much I had to haggle to get it down to that!" Gokudera declared proudly like a _little_ _kid_ who's just gotten a new toy and was trying to get his playmates to turn green with envy... (Which he most probably is doing right now...) "She's **_really_** amazing! One of a kind!"

Then he began to babble and blather on and on about the "incredible new addition" he had acquired for his Sistema C.A.I. and what he could do with it so far.

But all of that information was lost on both his companions though.

Yamamoto and Ryohei stared, stunned for a split second, before they finally registered what Gokudera had actually been talking about and reacted:

Ryohei upset the couch when he fell over in disbelief.

"This is **_EXTREMELY _**wrong and disturbing...!" He groaned on the floor from the overturned couch. "What is **_wrong_** with you, Octopus- head?! Are you **_EXTREMELY _**brain- damaged?! Fed one too many Poison Cookies? Over- smoked **_TO THE MAX?!_**"

He was ignored however as Gokudera began to describe the variations he could make in each bullet (dynamite) with his newly acquired weapon.

Meanwhile, Yamamoto felt like smacking himself with his newly cleaned _katana _for having such high hopes. He'd been thinking that Gokudera **_finally_** got a girlfriend after nearly ten years of knowing him.

He **_really _**should have known his friend better...

* * *

Somewhere, inside one of the offices on the same floor, a disgruntled Dino Cavallone gave his Right- hand, Romario, a thick wad of cash after watching one of the surveillance monitors on Tsuna's desk.

At the same time, Tsuna himself fumbled in his desk drawer for an aspirin and his own wad of cash to give to Romario, making a mental note to himself to 'order' Gokudera- _kun_ to "_get a life_" outside of the mafia.

* * *

**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 004 COMPLETE**

* * *

**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes: **_Hahahaha_! Now go find a picture of the Flame Arrow and Goku right now so you can see the proof: they're **_so perfect_** together! They were **_made_** for each other! LOLROFLMAO...!

Okay... Feel free to throw the Ninth Boss' lifetime supply of tomatoes at me now...

** [1] Twenty Questions- Vongola Style:** Is not a real tradition; I just made it up. Eh... Rules? You're really just supposed to ask "yes or no" questions but this is the '**_Vongola style_**' we're talking about. You ask nineteen questions that can sound ambiguous and or make the interrogated describe in vague detail and the final question has to make them name what they're describing. **Then depending on the answer, you decide whether or not you want to kill the interrogated one. ** (Can you guess what Yamamoto and Ryohei's verdict is?)

**[2] Speak to Me in _Beautiful_ Italiano: **Flame Arrow has this feature where it displays Italian text. As far as I know, it just displays 'how- to -use' directions. I **_don't_** actually know if Gokudera would really find a girl who speaks Italian sexy... But considering his strange tastes and many personality quirks, it's quite possible. ;P

**[3] Big Boys and Their Toys: **Oh, I _dunno_... They could have been talking about a **_CAR_** instead... What is it with guys referring to their big boy toys as 'she'?

* * *

For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the submit review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

The author will not be posting for a long time again due to school- related priorities.


	5. File 005: Strengthening Program Part 1

Since Patka91 (Hahaha! Special mention? ;D) said they didn't get the part with Shamal and Gokudera in one of the reviews for Rewrite 007 of "T.R.R.o.R.", I'm advancing my schedule of posting this one- shot (this should have been the tenth one or somewhere later).

Initially, I was having doubts whether to post this one- shot or not... It was almost/fully made of crack... But I don't think anyone has thought of "this" idea yet... (... _Why do I keep writing about the weirdest things...?_) Ah, well... it's probably just as crazy if not more so than the one with Tsuna's 24th birthday party.

Trust Reborn to turn something like this into a training exercise of sorts for Tsuna and co.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **Let's try a simple self- brainwashing exercise: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn or any of its characters... and repeat... I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn or any of its characters...

**Warning: **Dr. Shamal... (I think that's warning enough...)

**Note: **This is in the past of the TYL adult versions of the characters; Millefiore never existed when they were teenagers. TYL Arc took place after they became adults. These versions of the KHR! characters are the ones who were sent to the past when the current arc characters were switched.

**UPDATED 07/24/2008: **Grammar and some of Reborn and Shamal's lines; Gokudera's potty mouth (He was lacking in his usual swearword count), added one long sound effect, Tsuna's religious moments and Bianchi's speech of love.

* * *

**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 005: Gokudera Strengthening Program Revisited- Part 1- "A Killer Smile"**

Written: Sunday, June 22, 2008, 10:46:11 AM

Edited: Wednesday, July 16, 2008, 10:34:02 PM

* * *

**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED FILE 005**

**Time: **10:23:04 AM

**Location:** Namimori High School, Namimori City, Japan

**Note: **Tenth Generation Vongola Ring Guardians' mandatory 'tagging for' Vongola GPS system "Weather Tracker" to be implemented upon Vongola Tenth Boss, Sawada Tsunayoshi's succession as Family Don.

**Archive Summary: **Record of Tenth Vongola Guardian of Storm, Gokudera Hayato's GPS fixture procedure and Negotiation for Trident Shamal to participate in the Guardian of Storm's further training (to be conducted by Vongola Hit Man, Arcobaleno Reborn).

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 89.28364223 percent complete_...

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 005**

Tsuna bit his lip and cast his friend at the classroom door a nervous look from his seat.

Meanwhile, the teacher continued writing the lesson on the blackboard.

Gokudera- _kun_, it seemed, was being called out of class again for what might be another disciplinary case... Probably about fighting on school grounds or something else he was usually guilty of... or at least often accused of. Some members of the school faculty must have some kind of collective grudge against Gokudera- _kun_...

Sure, Gokudera- _kun_ was one of the smartest students in their year level (most likely to get into the top rankings of their year again) but that didn't stop him from causing chaos (intentional or otherwise) and getting into trouble with the school authorities (or _every _authority).

Tsuna had wondered once if Gokudera- _kun_ was just really (_unfortunately_) a natural for attracting the displeasure of any and every authority figure... Just as he was a magnet for attracting trouble (...and... girls...) everywhere he went.

This year is their sophomore year of high school and Tsuna had wound up classmates again with his two friends and Guardians. (Best of all he was classmates again with Kyoko- _chan_!_ Aaah_... sweet and innocent Kyoko- _chan... _his pure and beautiful angel... his light and sunshine, the- **_ACK!_** Stop it, you _Dame_- Tsuna! He scolded himself. Your friend is still in trouble over there! Show some sympathy! Wait a second, that expression you're making right now is uneasiness, not sympathy... Oh, what the Hell... just watch that he doesn't make Hell in the classroom for now...).

The new school year had only just started a couple of days ago but here was Gokudera- _kun_ being called out by a teacher again.

Tsuna thought that this had to be a new record for Gokudera- _kun_ (even though he technically **_hadn't_** done anything (yet)... or at least as far as Tsuna knew).

But whatever reason Gokudera_- kun_ was getting called out of class for... It was no doubt going to end in tears... On the part of the unfortunate faculty member foolish or ignorant enough to pick on either him or Gokudera- _kun_ (or both of them... occasionally, Yamamoto would be lumped in with them for bad grades) again this week.

Tsuna found himself wondering how many more new teachers they would be going through this year.

Instead of getting himself kicked out of school, Gokudera- _kun_ always seems to manage to have at least one or two of their teachers sacked or quitting for some reason or another every single school year.

...Oh, well... Those teachers were frauds anyway...

Tsuna leaned forward from his desk a little to see which of their teachers had dared to try and pick on Gokudera- _kun_ this week.

He didn't see anyone.

Tsuna frowned and followed with his eyes to see who Gokudera- _kun_ was looking at.

Or **_down_** at (and apparently talking to).

He froze up when he saw his Arcobaleno home tutor, Reborn, at the door of their classroom... Dressed in his "Reboyama- _sensei_" get- up again. [1]

_'Oh, good God and Buddha... **NOT AGAIN!**'_ Tsuna thought in dismay.

Whatever was going on; Tsuna knew that this was not going to be any good for his health and sanity later... and possibly be a potential cause for damage of school property...

Hold up a minute, this is **_Reborn_** and **_Gokudera_**- **_kun_** he's talking about; it **_IS _**going to cause school property damage.

Tsuna glanced at the teacher still writing on the blackboard and hoped it wasn't going to be a graded recitation today. (Every single deity Tsuna's ever heard about in his entire life knows he didn't have the slightest clue what the lesson was about... He wasn't able to study at all last night thanks to a fiasco involving a certain little cow- brat, his 'tutor', I- Pin's Pinzu Time Bomb and a piece of broccoli... **_Yes_**, just **_ONE_** measly piece of broccoli; what the Hell?)

...Anyway, back to Gokudera- _kun..._

He looked like he was refusing to do whatever Reborn was telling him to do... most likely in favor of staying in class (where the "Boss/Tenth" is... **_PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE_** keep your cool and just **_STAY_** in class, Gokudera- _kun_, Tsuna begged him mentally. Don't follow whatever Reborn tells you... At least that way we stay out of trouble and we can all still come out somewhat OK).

Meanwhile, Yamamoto yawned sleepily in the seat behind him.

Tsuna envied him for being able to sleep in class but still able to give the correct answers (through a combination of pure luck and what little bit of info Yamamoto had been able to cram between baseball practices and _kendo_ training for his _Shigure_ _Souen Ryu_).

He also suspected that Gokudera- _kun_ would also be able to get away with sleeping in class... If he wanted to, anyway... The teachers were afraid of him; always treating him like a **_bomb _**(pun intended) that could go off... and... well, most of the time, he already knew the lesson; sometimes he actually knew more than what the teacher did...

..._Sigh_, how Tsuna envied his two friends...

In any case, Gokudera- _kun_ seemed to be holding his ground well.

But apparently (no, correction, it's not _'apparently_'... it's **_'DEFINITELY'_**), Reborn was not one to give up either. Tsuna saw Reborn smirk (and he could feel shivers of fear running up his spine) and heard him raise his voice to get the attention of their science teacher.

"_Sensei_, I'll need to excuse Gokudera for the rest of the day." Reborn or "Reboyama" told the teacher currently inside the classroom. "He's ill and he needs to go to the school clinic." As he said this, Reborn's large black eyes had glinted maliciously (**_not_** a good sign, Tsuna knew).

"_What?! _Wait a minute, I'm not-" Gokudera- _kun_ began to protest, but Reborn had jumped up and executed a (painfully) sharp chop to Gokudera- _kun's_ neck. "_GWAAAGH!!_"

Tsuna cringed as he watched...OK, maybe he **_didn't_** envy Gokudera- _kun_ so much at the moment... His Italian- Japanese friend crumpled to the floor unconscious with Reborn landing squarely on the small of his back.

Out of worry (and by now a reflex), Tsuna immediately stood up and rushed over with (a fully awake) Yamamoto right behind him.

"Sawada- _kun_, Yamamoto- _kun_, why don't you help Reboyama- _sensei_ bring Gokudera- _kun_ to the school clinic?" Their science teacher (a relatively new teacher and thus unaware of the weirder things regarding Tsuna's friends) suggested, seeing as they had both stood up to see if Gokudera- _kun_ was alright (alive).

Both boys didn't need telling twice. They already knew "Reboyama- _sensei's_"(Reborn's) routine: They quickly picked up the unconscious Gokudera_- kun_ from the floor and hightailed out of the classroom as fast as they could while following Reborn's lead.

* * *

Once they were out of the hearing range of the remaining occupants of the classroom:

"_Reborn! **What the Hell is this about NOW?!**_" Tsuna demanded of the intrepid Arcobaleno tutor.

"I've been thinking for a while and I've decided: as he is right now, Gokudera is not competent enough to be your Right hand." Reborn answered, looking very devious despite his unchanging facial expression... Tsuna wondered how he was still able to make him quake in his shoes without even moving a muscle... No, wait a minute... He shouldn't be wondering about that anymore: this is **_REBORN_** he's talking about...

"Wait a minute! What are you going to do to him!? You're not going to **_kill_** him, right?!" Tsuna protested and stopped walking without warning.

Yamamoto (who while walking had been looking curiously outside the windows at a fluffy little yellow bird singing their former middle school's Alma Mater song) bumped into him by accident, squishing Gokudera- _kun_ between them and sending all three of them toppling over into a heap on the corridor floor.

"_OWOWOWOW!!_ You guys are heavy! _Get off of me!!_" Tsuna yelped in pain from underneath Yamamoto and Gokudera- _kun's_ combined weight (both of them had grown considerably taller over the summer and were thus a lot heavier now; Gokudera- _kun _seemed to be able to carry even **_more_** dynamite, now that he was bigger... But it unfortunately made the weight on top of Tsuna much heavier).

"Ahahahahaha! **_Sorry!_**" Yamamoto laughed sheepishly from where he had landed on top of the heap (Gokudera- _kun's_ midsection). He picked himself up and bodily hauled Gokudera- _kun_ (who had groaned but was still unconscious) off Tsuna's back. Reborn only smirked and waited for them to get Gokudera- _kun_ into a more secure position for carrying.

"Stupid Tsuna; whether Gokudera dies or lives will depend on how well he perfects the skills he will gain from the training I will be requiring him to undergo later." Reborn said smilingly. "If he **_fails_** to perfect them, he **_will _**die. It may be not now but maybe sometime in the near future. The mortality rate of a _Mafioso_ who has very little and or poor skills in certain areas is not exactly a pleasant figure, you know." (Tsuna wondered about his **_OWN_** mortality rate given his own poverty in whatever skills Reborn had deemed 'necessary for survival' in the mafia world).

Reborn then stopped at the door to the school infirmary and waited for them to get closer.

"What skills is he supposed to be learning?" Tsuna demanded when they stopped in front of the door as well, hoping it wasn't something as stupid and as ridiculously embarrassing as the "_Zettai Maken_" [2] (which Kyoko and Haru had perfected in middle school but he himself could never get the hang of).

Yamamoto, while he didn't quite get what was going on, wisely chose to be silent and looked politely puzzled between them.

"Not '_learn_', _Dame_- Tsuna." Reborn smirked. "We're going to **_brainwash_** him. That way, it'll stay with him longer because eventually he'll learn integrate it into his personality. It may even become a second nature if his training is successful."

Tsuna gaped at this statement and an image of the unconscious Gokudera- _kun_ being strapped down to a device that looked like an electric chair and made to wear a funny looking helmet with weird wires sticking on it popped into his mind. His imagination went a little further and created an image of a robot- like, homicidal- dynamite dispensing machine Gokudera_- kun_ as the end result of some sadistic form of an electrocution process.

The thought wasn't exactly appealing.

He would rather keep Gokudera_- kun_ as he is (overenthusiastically devoted/crazy- weird but with good intentions) than have a robotic stranger in his place. (Tsuna knew his imagination was running wild at this point, but knowing Reborn, it might just be what he was thinking... or worse...)

"**_No way!_** I won't allow this!" Tsuna blurted out. He tried to make himself look furious in a vain attempt to deter Reborn from brainwashing his friend... and consequently altering his personality drastically (not that it wasn't drastic already in the first place).

Reborn let Leon crawl into his hand and had him transform into a very familiar green pistol.

"You're not fully in charge yet so you can't fully make the decisions and order me around, _Dame_- Tsuna." Reborn's eyes gleamed imperiously as he cocked the gun (Leon) and pointed it at Tsuna. "As your tutor, it is my responsibility that you **_gain_** the edge as a future mafia boss, and that includes **_making_** your subordinates gain the skills of the top- class and elite. But if you're going to get in the way of that, I might have to do something about you then."

Tsuna shrank away in panic and quickly (and wisely) decided to comply... however he was also willing to press for his friend's safety. Yamamoto sensed the killing intent emanating from the Arcobaleno and gulped. He still thought the entire thing was a "mafia role- playing game" but he could already sense by now whether there was a real threat or not.

"Tsuna, j- just let it go. _Sensei _is serious..." He hissed from behind Tsuna.

Tsuna wanted to slap his forehead: Yamamoto was still easily fooled by Reborn's ridiculously obvious disguises... despite the fact that they had already known each other for... what? Nearly three years?

But Tsuna decided to take Yamamoto's word for it and back down... Yamamoto knew a big "killing intent" when he saw and felt one.

"_Saa_, let's go. We have a very busy schedule planned for Gokudera. But before he can start the new training, he has something that needs to get taken care of first." Reborn smirked again and slid the door to the high school's clinic open.

Tsuna and Yamamoto exchanged confused and nervous looks between themselves and followed the Arcobaleno tutor, unwillingly carrying his soon- to- be victim to his impending doom.

"What took you so long? I've got better things to do, you know."

Tsuna gaped and stared. "**_Doctor Shamal!?_**"

The said 'doctor' yawned and frowned rather disappointedly when he saw them.

"Oh, **_you_** two again... Damn, I was hoping that it might be some cute senior year girls. Ah, well..." He then took Gokudera- _kun_ from them and dragged him inside to dump him into a bed. "Don't worry; we'll take good care of Hayato. You two just go on back to class." Shamal said and made a shooing motion with his hands.

When they didn't budge from their place near the door, he sighed and pushed them forcefully out of the school infirmary and shut the door.

Then he turned to frown at his former pupil whom he had just unceremoniously dumped into the bed. "_Geeze_... **_This _**brat again? I could be examining an entire population of cute high school girls but I'm stuck with this hard- head dead weight again?" He complained mostly to himself. Reborn only smirked.

* * *

Tsuna and Yamamoto stared at the closed door of the infirmary incredulously.

What could Reborn possibly need Dr. Shamal for with Gokudera- _kun _(Sure, he was Gokudera-_ kun_'s former tutor but Gokudera-_ kun_ refused to be further taught by Shamal; he had by now been trying to get Gokudera-_ kun_ to "expand his social circle" (...Try putting that in **_Shamal's_** context).

Both boys looked at each other, a bit worried, and decided to hang around and try to eavesdrop outside the clinic.

They both crouched near the door and tried to listen though the crack between the door and the wall (but it seemed that Reborn had somehow partially soundproofed the room and the door, although exactly how he had managed that Tsuna would never figure out).

After a while, they could hear Gokudera- _kun's_'s voice... It seemed like he was furious about something.

Later they heard the sounds of struggle.

Then they both jumped when they heard Gokudera- _kun_ yelling as if his life was in danger (... which he most probably is... OK, so maybe the soundproofing only worked for the normal speaking volumes).

**_That _**did it: Tsuna began to assume the worst possible case scenarios. Each one looked **_increasingly_** **_more_** **_disturbing_** than the one that came before it.

"_Hiiieee!! _What's going on? What's happening in there?!" Tsuna rambled with panic and worry. "Oh no, Gokudera- _kun_! What are they doing to him?! What are we going to do?! **_What are we going to do?! _**Yamamoto, we have to save him!!"

* * *

But what was really happening inside the infirmary began like this though:

"...if Gokudera succeeds, he can be our living legacy. We don't want the greatest skills of the best hit men to die out in Tsuna's generation, now do we?" Reborn wheedled a final bit of persuasion to get Shamal to agree in co- tutoring his former student with him. By this time he had already changed into his regular outfit and was donning his fedora again.

"Hmm... It might hurt my reputation, but if the way for an apprentice to succeed is to surpass his own master, then I guess there's no choice. Our generation isn't getting any younger after all." Shamal scratched the back of his neck lazily, casting a look at the unconscious teenager.

That sealed the deal: for the sake of Vongola's and Tsuna's future, they would help in shaping Hayato's own.

"I'm glad we're in an agreement then. I'll make sure this '_investment'_ while be worth your time." Reborn announced, smirking in triumph. "We'll begin his training later today."

"This'll be amusing..." Shamal smirked, as he looked at the teenage boy still unconscious in bed. "It'll be interesting to see how he'll handle learning to be a **_real man_**." He then chuckled.

"But first we need to get something taken care of." Reborn spoke again, this time referring to a completely different matter. "You read his file from his middle school years and his freshman year already, didn't you?" He then said seriously from his perch on the nurse's desk.

Shamal frowned, recounting everything he had read on his former pupil's file from the two school clinics.

The very thing that they required of Hayato could not be found and gave both of them quite a bit of a problem.

Just then, the boy they'd been talking about finally came to. He groaned, rubbed his neck where he'd been hit earlier and looked around the clinic.

Seeing that he was finally awake, the hit man doctor then immediately dragged the sixteen year- old out of bed and forced him into a chair: a dental chair to be exact... He even tied him down with some rope... actually... a '**_little_** **_too much_**' rope... (Hayato could remind anybody of what a spider's next meal looks like...)

* * *

"Hey-! _What the hell-?!_" Hayato shouted in surprise and confusion. He glared then at Shamal for explanation to why he was here in the first place. "**_What the fuck IS this?! What the Hell am I doing here?!_**"

"We've been waiting for a long time for the school dentist to report if you had any cavities. _Frankly_, I'm disappointed in you, Hayato." Shamal sighed. "The school dentist is really a looker. I don't see why you don't want to let her _take care_ of you-"

Hayato glared bloody murder at his former tutor. At this age, sixteen- going- on- seventeen years old, he had a very good idea what Shamal meant by '_take care'_.

"_Is **that**_ _why I'm tied up here?!_" He demanded. "That I don't have any cavities? What kind of screwed, fucked up problem is that?!"

Reborn- _san _then hopped into his lap and pulled his school uniform's necktie to bring his head closer to his. "Yes. You **_don't have_** any cavities. Not even ones from childhood. While very impressive at your age, it gives us some problems with what we have to have to done with you." Reborn- _san_ said seriously.

"**_Huh!?_**" Hayato stared; still confused at why not having a cavity was a problem.

Since he had had several unfortunate experiences with Poison Cooking as a child, he had developed a consistent routine of brushing his teeth very thoroughly to get rid of whatever bits of Poison Cooking food out of his mouth (once he recovered his consciousness, that is). [3]

This habit persisted even while he was wandering around all over Italy, looking for a mafia family to join, and didn't see his sister for a long time up until he joined the Vongola mafia.

Not having any cavities was one end result of that obsessive habit. (Another was the absences of yellowing on the enamel surfaces of his teeth characteristic to regular smokers.)

"This was supposed to be placed on you sometime after you joined Tsuna's Family." Reborn- _san_ held up a small tube of... something gray- white?

"What's **_that_**?" Hayato looked at the tube apprehensively.

"It looks like a filling for cavities used by dentists but it's actually an organic compound that is made to be traceable by a special type of GPS designed for Vongola's use only." Shamal explained. [4]

"Yamamoto's going to get his next weekend. He has a dental appointment scheduled, so it's not a problem. Ryohei's replacement teeth are made of the solidified and reinforced form of this compound as well." Reborn- _san_ explained this time. "Lambo, as soon as he gets all of his adult teeth, will be getting it too. We're still trying to figure out how to get this on Hibari and Chrome though. Mukuro is out of the question since as his real body is still imprisoned and he constantly switches from one vessel to another."

"But why in **_cavities_**?" Hayato asked incredulously, his lower right eyelid twitching as he said this. His question went unanswered however.

"Anyway, this cannot be delayed any longer since the Vongola is going to upgrade their database soon." Shamal held up a dental drill. "I'm going to have to make a small hole in one of your third molars so you can get the special GPS chemical compound on you."

Hayato looked dubiously at the dental instrument in Shamal's hands.

...In Shamal's hands.

**_DENTAL_**_. _

**_DRILL_**.

In.

**_SHAMAL'S_**. 

Hands.

Shamal is a good doctor (he had to admit that unwillingly), but there was **_absolutely no fucking way_** that he could be **_a_** **_good_** **_dentist_**: being a doctor doesn't equate one to be a dentist...

Hayato immediately remembered the last time he asked Shamal for anything to do with his teeth: he had a loose baby tooth when he was five years old. He had tried everything he could think of to get it to come out. When he couldn't succeed, he had asked Shamal to pull it out for him.

His loose baby tooth was on the left- hand side... Shamal had pulled out the one **_RIGHT BESIDE IT_**. (He had tried to apologize by giving Hayato a lollipop... which ended up in Shamal's left nostril. Thankfully that tooth was replaced by the adult one soon after and Hayato grew up with perfectly sized and straight- aligned adult teeth.)

But **_THAT_** did it.

Hayato is **_NOT_** willing to trust his dental care to Dr. Shamal **_EVER _**again...

"**_GET THE FUCKING HELL AWAY FROM ME, YOU FUCKING PERVERT- QUACK!!_**" He yelled loudly, furiously trying to wriggle out of the dental chair and ropes.

"It won't hurt; not if you move too much. I'll even give you a lollipop again after this. Didn't you used to like those when you were little?" Shamal teased and started the dental drill.

_WWWWwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...!_

"**_Open wide_**_,_ _Hayato,_"

"**_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!_**"

* * *

Outside the infirmary, at the same time Reborn had been trying to convince Shamal to invest his time into "bettering Tsuna's future by shaping Gokudera's"; Yamamoto had tried to calm Tsuna down.

"Tsuna, wait- we can't just rush in there- He told us to go back to class, remember? We'll be in trouble with the teacher if-"

"What are you two doing outside of class, Tsuna?" Tsuna and Yamamoto both suddenly looked up to see Bianchi standing over them.

"_Bianchi!_ What are **_you_** doing **_here_**?" Tsuna gaped, staring apprehensively at the _bento_ box (with purple and green- colored smoke coming out of it for obvious reasons) she was carrying with her.

"I wanted to give Reborn this _bento_ I made for his lunch." Bianchi gushed, blushing as she thought of the Arcobaleno hit man.

Tsuna and Yamamoto both suppressed shudders when the looked at the (still smoking) _bento_.

All of a sudden Tsuna had an idea: if he went in to try and '_rescue'_ Gokudera- _kun _himself, Reborn would no doubt give him pain ten times worse during his after- school tutoring later.

...**_But if it was BIANCHI who went in..._**

"Gokudera- _kun_ is in there, in bed; Dr. Shamal is doing **_definitely_** something horrible to him inside," He told her quickly (at least the bed was the last place where he saw Gokudera- _kun_). "He locked the door so we can't go in to rescue him." He finished, conveniently leaving Reborn out of the story.

Predictably, Bianchi grew furious at the mention of her brother's name with the phrases _'in bed'_ and _'Shamal is doing definitely something horrible to him__,'_ and completely misinterpreted everything as usual.

As if to further add fuel to the fire... the next thing they heard from behind the ("almost soundproof") infirmary door made it all the more convincing for Bianchi: "**_SHAMAL, I SWEAR IF YOU EVEN SO MUCH AS THINK OF STICKING YOUR FUCKING THING IN MY MOUTH, I'LL- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! STOP!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!_**"

The hairs on the back of Tsuna and Yamamoto's necks stood up as they listened to the commotion inside the school clinic.

"Go back to class, you two. **_I_** will take care of getting Hayato back." Bianchi declared acidly, a shadow cast over her eyes. Then she pulled out one of her infamous Poison Cooking tools: Melting Sticky Sakura Rice. Tsuna backed away along with Yamamoto and they both watched her melt the lock easily with it.

Since Bianchi was about to open the door and Tsuna didn't want to get into trouble with Reborn (but still had a dreaded feeling that he was going to be anyway), he pulled on Yamamoto's sleeve to indicate that they return to the classroom and get out of harm's way before she began her rampage.

As they made their way back to their classroom, Tsuna made a silent apology to Gokudera- _kun_ in his mind for what had to happen to save him. (He had half a mind to ask Yamamoto to join him in a short prayer for Gokudera- _kun_... May God and Buddha_..._ and especially Reborn_..._ have mercy on his damned, unfortunate soul...)

He knew that Gokudera_- kun_ still got painful stomachaches whenever he saw Bianchi's face.

**_But_**, Tsuna reasoned, it was better than being brainwashed by Reborn and Shamal.

If he wanted to avoid horrible consequences, he would have to pick the lesser evil.

... It was part of the Vongola mafia boss' job to make the best possible decisions after all... even if they were still highly unpleasant...

Oh, good Buddha, **_he was starting to think like a mafia boss!_**

Tsuna _definitely_ did **_NOT_** want to go there: _'Think non- mafia boss thoughts... think non- mafia boss thoughts... think non- mafia boss thoughts... think non- mafia boss thoughts... think non- mafia boss thoughts... think non- mafia boss thoughts... think non- mafia boss thoughts... think non- mafia boss thoughts... think non- mafia boss thoughts... Aaahhh... Kyoko- chan...'_

* * *

The infirmary door violently slid open and Bianchi rushed in, eyes blazing furiously, and the _bento_ box meant for Reborn still smoking.

"**_HAYATO!_**" She shrieked as she ran in to '_rescue'_ him, slamming a strawberry cake (which she seemed to have pulled out of nowhere) into Shamal's face, forcing him to drop the dental drill and fall over backwards.

Unfortunately, Hayato had seen her face. He immediately started to spasm violently, frothed at the mouth and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"**_Hayato! _**He didn't do **_anything_** to you, did he!?" Bianchi asked him urgently as she melted the ropes with several pieces of _sashimi_.

She then shook her brother as if it would make the answers tumble out of his mouth.

Instead of answering her question, he only continued convulsing, shuddering while muttering some incoherent speech ("_Gwwooo weehhhyy..._").

Bianchi didn't seem to notice how sicker she was making him and went on ranting as she inspected Hayato's clothes: they were in obvious disarray.

His school shirt was _unbuttoned _(Hayato still refused to wear his uniform the proper way), his uniform necktie was hung in such a way that looked like _it had been pulled on forcefully_ (Reborn's fault earlier), and his undershirt was badly rumpled and _almost yanked out of his pants_ where it had been tucked in earlier (but Bianchi didn't think that it was from her clutching at his clothes while shaking him).

She thought that it was because he had been handled by force and against his will by someone else (Shamal) before she arrived.

Bianchi could feel him trembling badly in her grasp and attributed it to a trauma of another kind_..._: [5]

"**_Did HE touch you, Hayato?!_** **_Tell me_**_,_ **_where did he touch you?!_** I'll **_kill_** him if he touched you inappropriately! That **_FILTHY_** man! Now he's included poor innocent young boys into his range as well?!" She shrieked hysterically. "**_Hayato, how long_**_ has he been **doing** **THIS** to you?_ **_Ever since you were a child?!_**"

Her continual shaking of Hayato's limp body made his head bobble up and down; making it almost appear as if he were nodding rigorously to confirm her unfounded and outlandish theory.

For Bianchi, that was good enough to start hunting for blood.

...A certain _'filthy man's'_ blood... She rounded on him, eyes glaring murderously and promising retribution for her "poor innocent little brother"...

* * *

Shamal's jaw had dropped open at the accusations. (He had blocked the deadly strawberry cake to his face with another one of his protective cloth shields.)

"Bianchi- _chun_, [6] how could you **_say_** such a thing! I'm only interested in the fairer sex, I **_swear_**!" Shamal tried to save whatever was left of his image. "_Here_, let me kiss you to prove that I'm still loyal to you!"

He moved closer to her, puckering up his lips as he did so.

"**_SHUT UP!_**" Bianchi snapped and threw the smoking _bento_ she had brought for Reborn at Shamal's unguarded face. "**_YOU'RE DISGUSTING!_**"

* * *

"It seems we've forgotten to obtain Bianchi's consent before having anything done to Gokudera. She might have objections to having her brother's teeth tampered with in the future thanks to this." Reborn said to Leon from under the pillow they were hiding under while Bianchi continued to attempt to murder Shamal. "She **_IS _**his legal guardian while he's still a minor after all."

So for the meantime, Gokudera's teeth (and 'innocence', according to Reborn) were safe from Dr. Shamal... thanks to his sister's cooking...

* * *

Later that day, after Tsuna learned about what really happened inside the infirmary from Gokudera, he protested to Reborn and told him he was against his friends being 'tagged'.

Reborn had then dared him to give a valid explanation for his disapproval of the Vongola's GPS project "Weather Tracker" at gun(Leon)point.

Tsuna then gave a 'What if the Vongola's database got hacked?' The enemies could very easily pinpoint all of his friends' exact locations and probably hit them with missiles and whatnot. (Well, he was already rambling at this point; he **_had_** been thinking of all the impossible and outlandish scenarios that the mafia world always seemed to spring on him since he and Yamamoto had been sent out of the high school infirmary.)

Reborn then smirked and '_praised_' (kicked) him for using his '**_foresight_**'; a mafia boss should have excellent foresight in order to prepare for the future.

He went on to say that Tsuna had passed the exercise for the day; a little more practice and he would be able to hone his Hyper Intuition into a second nature, even when he wasn't in his Dying Will Mode.

Tsuna grew even more horrified at this and protested all the more that he **_DIDN'T_** want to become a mafia boss.

* * *

Thus in the end, Gokudera- _kun_ never got any of the GPS tracers in his teeth... Actually... None of Tsuna's Guardians (save for _Oniisan_) did. [7]

A week later, _Oniisan's_ false teeth were 'replaced' with a different solidified form of another chemical compound: the **_glow- in- the- dark_** kind.

"To match his position as the 'Sun'," Reborn had smirked after he told Tsuna about the new developments and the scrapping of the Vongola's GPS project "Weather Tracker".

Meanwhile, Gokudera- _kun_ fell off Tsuna's bed and **_nearly killed himself_** laughing...

It was after Yamamoto had switched off the lights in Tsuna's room (so they could watch some movie he'd picked up about a demon- possessed girl [8] in the dark) while _Oniisan_ was proudly grinning widely to show off his **_EXTREMELY _**new, pearly whites.

Tsuna deadpanned, staring at _Oniisan_'_s_ mouth, and told his tutor they reminded him more of the '**_moon_**' than the '**_sun_**'.

* * *

**T****RANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 005 DISCONNECTED**

* * *

**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes: **Killer smile indeed... I'd kill myself laughing too...! By now, I think we all know that a 'medical' profession and a 'dental' profession are two very different things... One does not equate the other.

Hmm... good thing that GPS tooth project was **_never_** implemented. Imagine how much more Hell it would have been if the Millefiore had gotten a hold of that GPS system. How much easier it would have been to track down the adult Guardians. **_Boss Tsuna has incredible foresight!_** (... Or is it just really a result of a wild imagination...?)

-snerk- Well, this was a really crack- crazy one- shot (and the longest one to boot)... But I seemed to have gotten off track from my original idea for the one- shot... (Namely Reborn's new special training regimen to make Gokudera one of the top class hit men in preparation for Tsuna's future... XP).

**[1] Reboyama: **One of Reborn's cosplay personas... he dresses up like the generic Japanese teacher... with Yamamoto's hair... (Reborn + Yama's hair... so... Reboyama...) I thought it was by far his most "normal- looking" disguise.

**[2] Zettai Maken: **You know... _Zettai Maken...?_ It was in the anime; one of those corny fillers. It was **_incredibly_** stupid and a good waste of time to watch. Kyoko and Haru mastered that useless skill though...

**[3] Smoking & Brushing: **Well, this sort of answers why Gokudera's teeth are still white despite his smoking habit...: [**_ht tp: / / answers. yahoo. com/ question/ index? qid 20070111043607 AAJt. brm_**]. But even **_that's_** not going to completely prevent any future adverse effects on his health... I'm pretty convinced there's going to be something physically/ genetically/ mentally/ psychologically wrong with his kids (if he'll ever have any... presuming he doesn't have ED or sperm abnormality when he gets older...)

**[4] Organic GPS Compound:** There is no such thing. LOL. I just made it up. KHR! always has the most fantastical science fiction inventions and methods (Ten Year Bazooka, box weapons, concealment of impossibly large quantities of dynamite on a human body...) Eh, who knows? I'm no chemistry genius but maybe someday there will be an organic chemical compound that can be used as dental fillings in place of GPS dots for tagging.

**[5] A Different Kind of Trauma:** What Bianchi thinks: Dirty old man (Shamal) and poor innocent little boy (Hayato)... equals... Use your imagination and make sure it's an outlandish one... Yeah, you probably got it now... That's probably what Bianchi had in mind...

**[6] '- _chun'_:** Combination of _'chuu' _(Japanese sound effect for a kiss) and '- _chan' _honorific. Shamal's always using it with Bianchi's name.

**[7] Ryohei's _EXTREMELY_ New Pearly Whites:** In the manga (during the Kokuyo Arc), Ryohei got four of his teeth pulled out to mark him as number four of Namimori's strongest fighter. Gokudera would have had three pulled out if he hadn't beaten Chikusa first. Yamamoto should have lost two if they got to him... and Hibari... would have lost one? (Is he the number one? Yeah, I think he was the one with that rank.)_ Hahaha_... What was I **_thinking_**...? ..._Glow- in- the- dark teeth_... LOL XD

**[8] Demon- possessed girl: **Emily Rose of"The Exorcism of Emily Rose". Now you know where Yamamoto found the 'inspiration' for Gokudera's '_impersonations'_ in Rewrite 07, Patka91. LOLZ.

* * *

For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the submit review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

This was supposed to be about a **_completely_** different topic (supposed to partially explain how Goku escaped the safe house) but one thing led to another and became a completely different thing. Oh well... To be continued?


	6. File 006: The Case of the FCM

I've been really busy because of school and exams are coming up.

As usual, I edited by myself.

There may still be mistakes in plot and grammar since it's not beta-ed either. [12/31/2008: Updated!]

I just wrote this off the top of my head between breaks and during the tiny moments of student writer's block while thinking of what to write for my homework and research paper.

I don't drink coffee. Coffee is for **_old people_**…

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn or any of its characters...

**Warning: **Possible crack and OOC- ness... (But I don't really know the difference since the characters themselves do unexpected things in the canon). Also... **_Bianchi is not here._**

**Note: **The characters have never been to the future. This happened in the past of their adult versions in TYL Arc.

* * *

**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 006: The Case of the Faulty Coffee Maker**

Written: Thursday, July 31, 2008, 12:24:00 PM

Edited: Friday, October 24, 2008, 11:00:22 AM

* * *

**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED FILE 006**

**Time: **02:38:56 PM

**Location:** Guardians' Lounge, Underground Vongola Base, Namimori City, Japan

**Note: **Tests results for water contamination, food poisoning via expired dairy product and coffee beans respectively are negative. Investigation of faulty equipment is as follows.

**Archive Summary: **Investigation for Vongola Tenth's periodic food poisoning headed by Tenth Vongola Guardian of Storm, Gokudera Hayato. Investigation team: Yamamoto Takeshi (Tenth Vongola Guardian of Rain), Sasagawa Ryohei (Tenth Vongola Guardian of Sun) and Lambo (Tenth Vongola Guardian of Thunder).

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 98.63245435 percent complete_...

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 006**

This was not the first time this kind of situation has happened... In fact, it had probably become an almost regular occurrence since Sawada had moved his main office to the underground base.

Ryohei groaned as his head began to feel like spinning...

Back and forth... Back and forth... Around and around and around and around...

Turn left. Then go back and forth... Back and forth...

Around and around and around and around... Left, right, left right... Left, left, left... Right...?

Once more, around and around and around and around...

Back and forth and around and back and...

"**_GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! I'M GETTNG EXTREMELY DIZZY FROM WATCHING YOU!_**_ What the **Hell** are you **doing**_ _walking around like that, Octopus- head?!_" Ryohei bellowed, fed up from watching the said 'Octopus- head' circling the coffee table for the nth time that day. "**_You do that every other couple of months!_** Is that some kind of weird shamanic ritual you've picked up from one of your **_EXTREMELY _**weird magazines again?!" [1]

The 'Octopus- head' in question snapped the booklet he had in his hand shut and glared at him in irritation.

"First of all, **_I didn't ask you to watch._** _Secondly, _my magazines are **_not_** weird; they're professionally researched journalistic articles containing **_facts_** a boxing- obsessed moron like you wouldn't be able to understand." (Ryohei scowled at this but made no remark; only cracking his knuckles warningly. Gokudera didn't seem to notice or care.) "**_Third_**: I'm **_trying_** to figure out what is **_wrong_** with **_this_** fucking coffee maker..." Gokudera gritted out, looking even more annoyed than Ryohei himself and pointed cantankerously at the aforementioned appliance sitting innocently on the coffee table.

Ryohei promptly forgot the insults made about his intelligence and favorite sport to give the black office-kitchen appliance an incredulous look. It was practically spanking **_new_**, being only two days old…

Then he grew puzzled: as far as anyone but Gokudera could see, there was _absolutely_ **_nothing_** wrong with it.

"But it's still **_EXTREMELY_** brand new. I just used it this morning!" He frowned while scratching his head.

"**_Aah?!_** _Was it **you** who did it then?_" Gokudera suddenly glared murderously at him, getting ready to turn the coffee maker machine manual into a letter bomb. "**_Were you the one you damaged it?_**"

"WHAT?! **_JUST LOOK AT IT! _**_Does **THAT**_ _look **damaged **to you, Octopus- head?!_"

"_Are you admitting that you **did **damage it then, you fucking Lawn- head?_" Gokudera pressed threateningly, readying to put on a Storm attribute ring and reaching for a well- used box weapon...

"_I **EXTREMELY** did **NOT**_, _you damn Octopus- head! **Get that into your thick tentacle- head already!**_" Ryohei retorted back with a hint of a challenge...

* * *

'_Oh_, _shit_. **_Not_** _again_...' Yamamoto thought as he listened to the bickering. It won't be long before Gokudera would make any references to _Senpai's_ boxing sparring partnership with Lussuria. (Lussuria still exuberantly proclaimed _Senpai_ to be 'his type'... followed by more disturbing descriptions of what his 'ideal' body type is and what he planned to do with _Senpai_ after he 'achieved that ideal'...)

Yamamoto thought he should intervene before things got _very_, **_very_**... ugly:

"_I'm just** saying **that there's I don't **see** anything **wrong** with it!_ **_You're EXTREMELY pissing me off now,_** **_Octopus- head!_**"

"_Oh, really? Hell, **just**_** BRING IT, _you fagg_-**"

Yamamoto quickly stood up.

He pulled Gokudera backwards by his shoulder length ponytail and clamped a hand over his mouth before he could get the rest of the '**_other_** f- word' out.

"_Maa maa,_ c'mon you two; fighting isn't going to solve anything." He tried to pacify both as he plucked Gokudera's (current favorite) box weapon out his hand and slipped it back into the breast pocket of Gokudera's suit jacket.

It would do no good for both men to start a brawl between themselves (and further damage the coffee maker machine... assuming it **_was _**really damaged in the first place...).

"What makes you think something's wrong with the coffee maker, Gokudera?"

* * *

Hayato scowled under Yamamoto's palm and pulled the offending appendage off his face: "Don't ever fucking **_touch_** me, you damn Sword- idiot." Hayato snarled.

He tried to walk away from him but then realized that Yamamoto was still grasping his ponytail. "**_Yamamoto... What_** _have I told you about my** hair**...?_"

"That it does **_not_** look like Dr. Shamal's…?"

Hayato frowned for a second… Well, he **_did_** tell him that last week… "That too, but I meant the other one. It has a death threat with it, **_remember_**?"

* * *

"OK, OK, you're a 'look but _don't touch_' kind of guy; I get it." Yamamoto quickly gave the summary of it and held up his hands in a mock surrender. ('_Sheesh..._ _Gokudera_'s _like a cat who hates its fur being touched...' _or was it just with _him_? He was fine with Tsuna touching him, after all.)

Gokudera glared at him for a couple more seconds and muttered darkly: "_Che..._ You and Uri _both_..."

"Ha- ha..." Yamamoto laughed sheepishly. Knowing Gokudera, he would probably be thinking that he had some kind of conspiracy going on with his box weapon kitten regarding his hair, like the half- paranoid prick he is…

But thankfully, Gokudera let it slide and decided to answer Yamamoto's earlier question: "Lambo got **_sick_** last night after drinking the Tenth's coffee by mistake. I've been trying to get to the bottom of it since this morning and I figured that it was the coffee maker that caused it."

Yamamoto and _Senpai_ then both stared at him in disbelief. Once again, here was yet another display of Gokudera's strange and outlandish logic.

"...You're blaming the **_coffee maker machine_**?" _Senpai_ stared at him incredulously. "Only an **_idiot_** would think that!" (Gokudera glared darkly at him again.)

"Did you even consider that maybe the water supply is contaminated?" Yamamoto suggested.

"Or that the coffee beans you used were **_EXTREMELY_** expired?"

"What about the sugar?"

Gokudera scowled at both of them and crossed his arms after hastily folding the manual in half and sticking it in his a back pocket of his slacks. "I'm **_not_** an idiot, Turf- head; don't lump me in with your kingdom's sub- species! And for both your information: I **_DID_** check all of **_those_** out already!" He snapped at both of them irately. "There is **_nothing_** wrong with the base's water supply; I had Giannini run a test for it **_twenty_** times! If it wasn't such a fucking waste of time and money, I would have had him run it through fifty! Besides, if it were really contaminated, we'd **_all_** be sick by now!"

"… You have a point there," Yamamoto and _Senpai_ both murmured in agreement.

Gokudera went on to explain his deduction: "**_Nor_** is it coffee beans **_OR_** the sugar: I've tried every single one of each brand sold in Japan, even the ones the Tenth doesn't drink! They all turned up with the same amount of contamination. That's why I'm **_positive_** it's the coffee maker!"

"What about the cream or the milk then?" _Senpai_ suggested. "Milk makes lactose- intolerant people sick."

Gokudera gave him an incredulous look. "**_LAMBO_**, the **_COW- brat_**: lactose**_- intolerant?!_** That fucking idiot's been drinking milk since who- knows- when!" He exclaimed. (For some reason, Yamamoto felt like it was also an insult directed toward him.)

"Maybe he just got **_EXTREMELY_** unlucky and the coffee had spoiled milk in it." _Senpai_ suggested again. Gokudera just deadpanned at him again.

"Do you **_seriously_** think **_I'd_** let even **_spoiled milk_** get **_anywhere_** inside the Tenth's office?" He asked dubiously. "I would **_know_** spoiled milk if I smell it!"

"Lambo probably just had an off- day." Yamamoto tried to reason with him. "I mean everybody gets sick once in a while."

"But not **_that_** kind of sick." Gokudera pointed out, while making a face, remembering the mess that was on the very important paperwork regarding a request for negotiations with a relatively new mafia family. "He **_literally_** dumped his dinner on the Tenth's **_paperwork _**(which I just finished triple- checking)." He grumbled the last part under his breath. "And how do you explain why every other couple of months, the Tenth consistently throws up on his paperwork after drinking either his morning or evening coffee?"

Well, he had a point (again)... Everyone in the base knew all too well that Gokudera meticulously screens anything and everything that gets in and out of Tsuna's office. (He's a control freak in **_that_** particular aspect of Tsuna's personal protection and security.)

… Also, it **_did_** seem pretty strange that Tsuna would suddenly get sick from drinking a mug of the same coffee brand that he had used the day before; made with the same coffee beans, cream and or milk and sugar.

It just didn't make sense.

"And that coffee didn't have cream or milk yet when Lambo drank it last night." Gokudera finished presenting his evidence.

"So you think it's the coffee maker?" _Senpai_ blinked.

Yamamoto wondered aloud: "Even if it's damaged it can't possibly make the coffee go **_that_** bad; bad enough to make someone sick, I mean."

"That's what I'm **_trying_** to figure out." Gokudera snapped and whipped the manual out of his pocket to resume reading it (and circling the coffee table, much to _Senpai's_ chagrin), purposely ignoring them now. Yamamoto sighed and shrugged his shoulders before returning to the sports section of his newspaper.

* * *

"...Doesn't he get dizzy from walking around like that while reading?" Ryohei massaged his temple and turned his head so he wouldn't have to watch Gokudera pacing and muttering darkly to himself.

He then entertained himself with the idea that he would eventually wear a hole into the floor and drop into the room a level below the Guardian's lounge... [2]

**_That_** would be **_EXTREMELY _**funny **_TO THE MAX_**...!

**_BANG! _**

**_CRASH._**

Ryohei whipped his head around, expecting to find a hole in place of the coffee table Octopus- head had been circling and Octopus- head himself missing.

He was disappointed though: Gokudera and the coffee table were still there... and the floor was **_still_** intact.

Gokudera was swearing up an Italian storm this time though ("_Affanculo bastardo! Vaffanculo!_" [3]). Meanwhile, the coffee maker machine smoked and lay in eight or so unidentifiable pieces...

* * *

Yamamoto had looked up from his newspaper and stared at the appliance... or rather, what remained of it and exchanged an incredulous look with Sasagawa- _senpai_. Then they both stared at the one responsible for authentic physical damage on (obliteration of) the ('formerly undamaged') coffee maker machine.

"...**_Che_**... Cheap substandard **_crap_**... The Boss should get a better one..." Gokudera muttered. Then he flipped open his cell phone to call one of the candidates for the Hurricane 59 to go out and get a new coffee maker machine as his initiation (so he could be formally recognized as a core group member of Gokudera's crew)... [4]

When that (unlucky S.O.B.) candidate picked up, Gokudera immediately rattled off a long list of requirements and specifics for a new coffee maker machine unit: he expected to have it delivered in less than two hours... **_also_**... make sure that it was one that didn't break into pieces after making contact with three sticks of mini dynamite... Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...

Yamamoto mentally shook his head; Gokudera had such high and unreasonable standards. He silently wished the unfortunate subordinate Gokudera had called up 'good luck'. (But he wouldn't be surprised if that candidate suddenly requested to be transferred to Yamamoto's crew...

Is it ever a wonder why Yamamoto is called "_The_ _Carrot_" and Gokudera "_The_ _Stick_" in this Family?) [5]

* * *

Four hours later, the (unfortunate) subordinate/ Hurricane 59 candidate brought in the new coffee maker machine (obviously he failed Gokudera's practical exam and thus is ineligible to become part of Gokudera's crew. Also, as Yamamoto expected, he asked to be transferred to his crew).

But the new coffee maker machine, after Yamamoto tested it himself worked perfectly. (It would probably last longer than two years as long as Gokudera didn't try to test its durability by putting in three sticks of his mini dynamite inside of it.)

Since the coffee it made turned out completely safe for human consumption, it was promptly delivered to Tsuna's office and set up there.

... But the next morning...:

"**_BOSS!! PLEASE, HANG IN THERE!_**"

"_Uggggghhhh_... _Bllllaaawwwaaauuuurrgghh_...!" The letter of a request for negotiations from the Millefiore Family just made an unscheduled meeting with the Vongola Tenth's breakfast.

"**_TEEEEEEENNNNTTTTTHHHH!! SPEAK TO ME, BOSS!! PLEASE STAY AWAKE!!_**"

It looked like Gokudera was going to go on another journey around the coffee table with the coffee maker machine's manual for a map…

* * *

Later that week, Hayato seriously wondered if he should really do what Turf- head thought he was actually doing and conduct a real shamanic ritual on the accursed coffee making appliances...

But instead of wasting any time (and money) looking up the Internet or the reference room for a suitable exorcism ritual (it wasn't proven after all that the appliance was cursed) or calling in a psychic to see if the Boss' office was haunted, Hayato decided to solve things in a valid, reliable and scientific manner: **_experimentation_**.

Since he knew that the Tenth Boss was against animal testing; Hayato moved on to using a **_human_** subject for his experiments: namely himself…

* * *

**Experiment 1:** **"Hyper- determination"**

Hayato mixed the first mug of coffee using the same coffee maker machine from the Tenth's office and followed the same recipe that the Vongola Boss preferred and drank the product himself.

**Results: **Much to his own confusion (and everyone else's), Hayato remained perfectly alright. He then tried drinking a couple more mugs and still remained as he was.

Undeterred, he tried drinking a few more mugs in short intervals to see if it would produce any results…

Zero.

Nada.

Nil.

None.

**_Zilch_**.

Every single word one could find in a thesaurus that is synonymous to the word '**_nothing'_**.

Perhaps the only thing that had come out of his using himself as a test subject was that he had become even more **_exceptionally_** persistent in getting to the bottom of the problem well into the night.

Much to all the lower- ranked subordinates' and fellow Guardians' chagrin and dismay, he kept everyone in the base awake by noisily taking apart every single coffee maker machine that had been scrapped within the last two days with immeasurable tons of dynamite.

At the same time, above ground... Unfortunate night time travelling civilians hurried away from the area of Namimori Middle School in fear of an earthquake... or the impending "Day of Reckoning".

**Conclusion: **Do not let Gokudera Hayato conduct experiments, with **_coffee_**, alone and at 10:00 PM onwards.

* * *

**Experiment 2:** **"The Duty of the Guardians of Thunder and Sun"**

Since the Tenth Vongola Boss had felt that his subordinates (from all ranks) had suffered enough from his Right hand's self- experimentations the night before, he asked him the following morning **_not_** to use himself as a test subject… If he planned to make any more experiments for his investigation that is...

Gokudera- _kun_, as expected, willingly complied and (to his Boss' mortification) enlisted the help of the other Vongola Guardians present in the base in investigating the source of the coffee's contamination.

He then figured it was the **_recipe_** of the Boss' coffee that was the problem and decided to investigate it.

**Trial 16: **Lambo was selected first to taste- test first mug of coffee (they couldn't let the Boss drink that coffee until they were sure that it was perfectly safe). Lambo, of course, had protested; remembering the last time he had drunk coffee.

Gokudera- _kun_ (as usual) was persistent though.

Utilizing the skills he honed from Reborn's special training during high school ("_Mafiosi- _go" (TM) AKA "The Charismatic Language of the Proud and Honorable _Mafioso_"(TM)[6]), he called on Lambo's duty and responsibility as the Guardian of Thunder: "_To be the lightning rod that is not simply struck by lightning, but single-handedly takes on any damage to the Family and ground it_" [7] to get him to participate in the next trial, citing that it was for an honorable and manly cause. That it is a _Mafioso's_ crowning glory and honor to put aside one's pride and undertake the impossible for the sake of the Boss and the Family…

Eventually, Lambo relented, being a born _Mafioso_ himself. He was actually moved to tears by his senior's compelling, movie- scripted- like speech and agreed to participate. (**Translation:** he got **_suckered_**.)

**Trial 17: **Apparently _Oniisan_ had also heard his speech because he suddenly volunteered himself, claiming that it was his personal motto to be "**_EXTREME_**" and that it was his duty as a Guardian _"to be the Sun who clears the day by taking on any adversaries that threaten the Family with his own body" _[8] (He basically _plagiarized_ Gokudera- _kun's_ 'rousing, inspirational speech'); and according to _Oniisan_, "a mug of coffee was simply _peanuts_" to **_him_** (a guy who's always in Dying Will mode).

That decided, Yamamoto and Gokudera- _kun_ then made one mug of coffee each and gave them to the two volunteers (martyrs).

**Result: **Gokudera- _kun_ reported the next morning to the Boss the details of the experimental procedure and their findings: Lambo had once again gotten sick and threw up on Gokudera- _kun's_ front (much to his revulsion).

However, what was most puzzling was that _Oniisan_ remained just as he was before drinking his own mug of coffee. He was, notwithstanding, disappointed he didn't produce the dangerous expected result of the experiment... (Gokudera- _kun_ thought he was simply **_insane_**...).

They planned to make more experimental trials when Lambo was well enough and conscious.

When he finally recovered, they utilized two coffee maker machines to save time. For the experiments, they used different combinations of amounts of ground coffee, sugar, milk and cream.

Tsuna began to feel very uneasy when the subsequent experiments were reported to have produced the following results of the post- test:

1. **Trial 18 conducted by:** Gokudera and Ryohei; **Materials: **1 cup of ground coffee beans, 1 teaspoon of coffee cream, 1 teaspoon of sugar; **Result:** Lambo got sick; Yamamoto was unaffected. (Much to everyone's confusion.)

2. **Trial 19 conducted by:** Yamamoto and Lambo; **Materials: **1 cup of ground coffee beans, 2 teaspoons of coffee cream, 2 teaspoons of sugar; **Result:** Gokudera and Ryohei did not feel any adverse effects. (Again, everyone was puzzled.)

3. **Trial 20 conducted by:** Gokudera and Lambo; **Materials: **1 cup of ground coffee beans, 3 teaspoons of coffee cream, 2 teaspoons of sugar; **Result: **Ryohei got sick; Yamamoto was unaffected. (Confounding everyone else.)

4. **Trial 21 conducted by:** Ryohei and Lambo; **Materials: **2 cups of ground coffee beans, 1/8 cup of milk, 1 teaspoon of sugar;** Result: **Gokudera and Yamamoto did not feel any adverse effects. (Gokudera seemed to be _a little_ too '_enthusiastic'_ and excessively pyro- happy again to everyone's chagrin afterwards…)

5. **Trial 22 conducted by:** Gokudera and Yamamoto; **Materials: **2 cups of ground coffee beans, 1/8 cup of milk, 1 teaspoon of sugar** Result: **Ryohei got sick; Lambo was unaffected. (Gokudera blew up the coffee maker machine afterwards, in an effort to dismantle it so they could see what was wrong with it inside.)

There were several more trials (using new coffee maker machines) afterwards...

They had tried all kinds of combinations such as adding an extra teaspoon of one ingredient and so on, but the results were all a combination of one person getting sick and one person not being affected. In some outcomes, no one got sick at all.

Tsuna frowned at these results and wondered how he could get his friends and Guardians to give it a rest…

He could live without coffee...

He could just have a glass of juice instead... Juice is healthier, right?

Then he realized that he would have to get a blender or a juicer for that... What kind of a mafia boss keeps a **_juicer _**or a**_ blender_** in his office...?

_Gah_... How he hated trying to maintain a dignified image... '**_Damn Reborn_**_..._'

* * *

**Experiment 3: "Third Time's the Charm"**

A week later, Tsuna had grown (even more) worried and went to personally check up the investigation. The four _Mafiosi _had decided to conduct the trials on figuring out what was wrong with the recipe using only one coffee maker (Gokudera- _kun_ had 'disposed' of the other unit in a very predictable manner).

He found them in the Guardians' lounge of their underground base, watching the appliance and scrutinizing it as if it were suddenly going to contaminate the coffee if they took their eyes off it.

Tsuna made his presence known and was greeted with short acknowledgements; _none_ of them really took their eyes off the appliance and wore serious expressions.

"Alright! It's finished!" Gokudera- _kun_ then announced. He poured the coffee into a mug and placed it on the table.

Awkward silence.

"Well...?"

"Gokudera- _kun... **Who's**_ going to drink that?" Tsuna asked apprehensively.

Gokudera- _kun_ scratched the back of his head, frowning and looked at the lone teenager of the group. Tsuna sensed immediately what Gokudera- _kun_ was planning and quickly made a suggestion to save Lambo's possibly shortening lifespan: "Wait, why don't you draw straws instead?"

As he expected, Gokudera- _kun_ readily agreed and went about locating straws for them to use. However, he couldn't find any so they made use of the deck of playing cards stored in one of the cabinets inside the Guardians' lounge… They all agreed that the one who would get the lowest value would sample the coffee.

After each of them had drawn their card, they all looked at the others' to compare.

"Ha-ha... I guess I lose this time." Yamamoto laughed sheepishly and held up his card: a ten of hearts. The others had gotten much higher valued cards… Maybe today just wasn't his lucky day.

_Oniisan_ uncharacteristically handed him the coffee mug solemnly.

"Alright; here I go." Yamamoto reached out to take a mug of coffee from the coffee table. "Wish me luck?" He asked his companions jokingly (they all wore grave expressions on their faces). Yamamoto tried to grin (although he was probably feeling awkwardly uncomfortable) before taking a gulp.

**Now the moment of truth: **immediately after the liquid hit his stomach, his insides began to feel like twisting. Yamamoto dropped the mug (which broke upon contact with the floor) and clutched his stomach: "_Owwww..._ **_Shit_**... _My stomach...!_"

Everyone else's faces immediately drained of color.

"**_WAAaaaAAaaAAaaahhh!!_** The coffee maker is **_cuuuuuuuuuuuursed_**!" Lambo wailed, clutching at Tsuna's arm and hiding behind his back, trying to keep as far away from the 'cursed' appliance as possible.

Meanwhile, _Oniisan_ hurriedly slapped Yamamoto's back in a vain effort to make him spit out the dangerous beverage… When that didn't work, he caught hold of his middle from behind and tried to pump his stomach to make him throw up: "THROW IT, Yamamoto! THROW IT! **_THROW IT TO THE EXTREME!!_**"

'_Well, that sounded almost like baseball talk..._' Tsuna thought. '_If you put it in a different context..._'

"Just **_what_** is **_WRONG_** with this **_fucking_** **_thing_**?" Gokudera- _kun_ growled angrily, picking up the offending appliance and turning it upside down to look at the make and serial number. "Tenth, I think we should use a different model!"

Yamamoto finally 'threw'... and Gokudera- _kun_ 'caught'... it... ("**_GAAAHHH!! SHIT! WHY ON ME AGAIN?!_**") … He also dropped the coffee maker machine, thereby damaging it for real this time.

In the midst of the chaos, Tsuna found himself thinking... Maybe it really wasn't the coffee maker... **_Or_** the recipe… Maybe it was another variable in the process of making coffee that was faulty...

Then it hit him: good God and Buddha, why didn't he **_think_** of it before? Why didn't he **_see_** the connection? He would have saved himself and everyone else a lot of grief (not to mention lot of time and money for coffee beans and coffee makers)...

Tsuna carefully made sure to make his own coffee in the days that followed.

* * *

A few days later, inside Tsuna's office in a satellite Vongola mansion in Italy:

"Excuse me, Boss? The Cavallone Boss is here." Gokudera- _kun_ looked up from his cell phone. "He's just outside the office."

"Dino- _san_?!" Tsuna exclaimed. "Let him come in then!"

"OK, Boss." Gokudera- _kun_ got up and went to open the door to the office. He opened the door to let the Tenth Cavallone Boss and his Right hand, Romario, inside.

"Dino- _san_! Come in!" Tsuna beamed and stood up from his desk.

"Hey, Little Bro!" Dino greeted him.

Tsuna ushered them in and led them to one of the couches inside his office. "Sit down, sit down,"

"Please wait a moment, I'll make everyone coffee," Gokudera- _kun_ started to say and went to retrieve a bag of coffee beans from the cabinet table holding the coffee maker machine.

Tsuna suddenly blocked his path, wearing a wide (forced) grin: "No, we're **_alright_**, Gokudera- _kun,_" Tsuna then turned Gokudera- _kun _a one-eighty turn on the spot by catching hold of one shoulder. Then he put both of his hands on his friend's shoulders from behind to begin pushing him out: "_Why don't you go and **take the day off?**_"

Gokudera- _kun_ all of a sudden froze in his tracks, stunned as if a huge boulder (reading: 'Unneeded and useless') had been dropped on top of his head.

"But _Tenth_," Gokudera- _kun _began to protest as Tsuna began to push him out of the door of his office again. "**_Take the day off?!_**" He protested as he kept trying to resist and come up with a counterargument.

"Don't worry! Don't worry! I've got Dino- _san_ and Romario- _san _here with me!" Tsuna smiled to reassure him. "It's not like I'm going to get hurt if you take your eyes off me for more than a few minutes, Gokudera- _kun_!" [9]

"**_But Boss!_**"

He really wasn't giving him a choice… Tsuna didn't want to have to use his power as a boss over his friend but Gokudera- _kun_ was **_really_** proving to be very difficult. He didn't want to have to resort to **_threatening_** him but there **_really_** was no other choice…

**_A boss has to do what a boss has to do_****:**

"_Do you want me to give you a **year**- **long** vacation?_" Tsuna suddenly said seriously.

Gokudera- _kun_ immediately stopped struggling against him and stared, gaping at him as if he had just ordered him to commit _Seppuku _for sleeping with his Boss' wife (_Uh_… Well, Tsuna didn't have one yet… a wife, that is… But he was working on it!). "No Boss!! **_Please_**, _anything but_ **_that_**!"

Now while the idea of Gokudera- _kun_ taking a long vacation is rather laughable, Tsuna had worried several times before that his friend had become a workaholic ever since he became officially recognized as his Right hand. Tsuna didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings for fear that he would do something ridiculously drastic... or hurt himself on purpose again (i.e. hitting his head on the ground while bowing and doing a _dogeza_)...

... **_No_**... He would break the 'news' to Gokudera- _kun_ "**_gently_**" (loosely speaking) after the negotiations with the Millefiore mafia.

But knowing Gokudera- _kun_, he might not be able to handle the shock... So Tsuna thought letting him take a break might be good for him for the meantime.

"Gokudera- _kun_, **_relax_**, I wasn't being serious. Taking a vacation isn't going to kill you, you know." [10]

"But- _But Tenth_..." Gokudera- _kun_ continued to protest.

"**_NO BUTS!_**" Tsuna gave an almighty push (with the help of one foot) and sent Gokudera- _kun_ stumbling out of his office. "Take a walk around town; play the piano; play with Uri or '_catch'_ with Yamamoto or something— just **_take a break_**, Gokudera- _kun_. I promise I'll be just fine!" Tsuna grinned hastily and swung the doors to his office shut, leaving his friend and Right- hand to gape at them in disbelief. [11]

Tsuna wasn't quite sure but he could have sworn that look on Gokudera- _kun's _face reminded him very much of a kicked little puppy...

A _sad_… **_pitiful_**… kicked… little_ puppy…? _Oh, no... Guilt...! The _guilt! **GAH!**_ **Resist the temptation**, _Dame- _Tsuna! **_Prove that ranking wrong! _**Prove you are **_not_** the number one person who cannot resist a small, pitiful animal!

Tsuna quickly double- locked the door to his office and heaved the cabinet holding his coffee maker machine by himself to barricade it (**_just_** to make sure Gokudera- _kun **stayed**_ out; Gokudera- _kun_ wouldn't dare to blow his doors in with dynamite, right? Right?) and wiped his forehead with his hand.

"**_Phew_**..."

"What was **_that_** about, Tsuna?" Dino asked him, frowning in a puzzled manner.

"Oh, uhm... My coffee maker is faulty... the coffee turns out... **_strange_**_.._. Gokudera- _kun's _been working really hard for weeks trying to figure out what's wrong." Tsuna replied quickly. Then he began to make the coffee himself, much to Dino's (and Romario's) bewilderment. "Do you prefer milk or cream?"

"I'll... have milk..." Dino threw the coffee maker machine Tsuna was using very a puzzled look.

Tsuna then poured out two more mugs of coffee.

"Here, have one yourself Romario- _san_." He gave one mug to Dino's Right hand. Romario thanked him (but he also gave the coffee maker machine a bewildered look of his own) and took the offered mug.

Dino hesitantly sipped his coffee… Then he gave it a puzzled look: there was **_absolutely_** nothing wrong with the coffee. "Tsuna, you just said that your coffee maker is 'faulty'." He stared at his coffee mug's contents again then at Tsuna.

"Yeah, of course I did."

"But... There's _nothing_ wrong with your coffee..." Dino's face wore a very baffled look now. "Doesn't that mean that your coffee maker's working just fine…?"

Tsuna put on a long- suffering face and picked up his own mug of coffee.

"I'm _not_ referring to **_that_** coffee maker, Dino- _san_..." He then took a sip of the coffee he made. It really tasted different if not better… and **_safer_**… whenever he did things by himself... "I just made the faulty one '_take the day off_'..."

* * *

**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 006 COMPLETE**

**

* * *

**

**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes: **Wow... Now that was a good waste of time (and coffee)... Well, at least now Tsuna knows a '**_somebody_**' who is definitely **_NEVER_** going to get a job in Starbucks...!

Everyone all seems to act like a bunch of crazy idiots with no common sense in the daily arc episodes and Tsuna seems to be the only sane person in the group... He also seems to figure things out after getting some damage first.

At least this explains why Gokudera had been 'kicked out' of Tsuna's office and ended up wandering around town (and subsequently meeting this 'perfect, hot, Italian beauty') in **"Twenty- Questions- Vongola Style"**...

No, Tsuna still hasn't broken to him the '_devastating news_'; Gokudera is still going about his pyro- happy oblivious life in his own pyro- happy oblivious way... His body chemistry must've been warped in some strange way by all those cookies to make him so... 'hyper- determined'... after a few or so mugs of coffee...

**[1] Weird Shamanic Ritual: **...Hey, why not...? He tried exorcising Mukuro from Bianchi once (I couldn't stop laughing when I read that part in the manga; Tsuna wondered where he learned to do that. I think he learned from his favorite magazine: "The Wonders and Mysteries of the World"). So I wouldn't put it past him to try conducting a weird ritual of sorts on any faulty kitchen/office appliance.

**[2] Wear a Hole into the Floor:** LOL, just like a cartoon... What an imagination, Ryohei. XD Now that I think of it, Tsuna's got a rather cartoony imagination as well... (Declassified File 005: "A Killer Smile")

**[3] "_Affanculo bastardo! Vaffanculo!_": **Fuck it all bastard! Fuck you!

**[4] Hurricane 59 Initiation: **Since the (unfortunate) candidate for Gokudera's crew failed his exam, Gokudera has to go recruiting for and training minions again... (Refer to "Article I, Sec. 1" of "**La Rottura di Omérta**" for another case of the recruitment and selection process for Hurricane 59.)

**[5]** **The Carrot and the Stick: **Yamamoto and Gokudera are "The Carrot and the Stick" for obvious reasons. As of writing, TYL Yamamoto's got a bigger crew than TYL Gokudera does (Gokudera had six members with him in Italy but then five of them were killed in "T.R.R.o.R.'s" Rewrite 06.)

** [6] _Mafiosi- _****go: **Inspired by "Powerful- go" (The Language of Powerful Men") from "Eyeshield 21" where "powerful men have no need of words to communicate with each other". **(Non- canon; exclusively for "T.R.R.o.R." use only)** **_Mafiosi- _go** is the language of the _Mafioso _who has honor, charisma and pride. People who are natural speakers of "_Mafiosi_- go" are Tsuna, Reborn, Gokudera, Yamamoto, Dino and Kyoko (LOLFTW?). You can tell who else is capable of speaking "_Mafiosi- _go" by the incredibly cheesy heroic lines they dish out every now and then: "I want to protect everyone", "We'll shape our own future with our own hands", "I'll protect you with my Dying Will", "That is the duty of a mafia boss", etc. Whoever they say those lines to get suckered in/ fall in love/ willingly follow, etc. It always seems to achieve the desired effect... But it doesn't seem to work on Hibari though so using this skill in bargaining with him is useless...

LOL. But it's not a canon skill, OK? OK... Oh, BTW, Gokudera has a subordinate with a high level of this skill; he already appeared in the main "T.R.R.o.R." story (first chapter). See if you could spot him! (LOLZ; a "spot the underling" game…?)

**[7] The Guardian of Thunder:** "To be the lightning rod that is not simply struck by lightning, but single-handedly takes on any damage to the Family and ground it."

**[8] The Guardian of Sun: **"To be the Sun who clears the day by taking on any adversaries that threaten the Family with his own body."

**[9] Not Going to Die If You Take Your Eyes Off: **"T.R.R.o.R." Rewrite 06. Karma sucks…

**[10] A Vacation Won't Kill You:** ... I wonder it if that's true in Gokudera's case... (_Oya_? Foreshadowing?)

**[11] Go out and Play:** I LOL- ed at (adult) Tsuna telling (adult) Gokudera to go out and play (with the piano, with Uri, with Yamamoto). What is he; a little kid, Tsuna? Tsuna must feel like a baby- sitter instead of a mafia boss sometimes (what with having rather immature- brained bickering idiots for subordinates).

* * *

For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the submit review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

... I still didn't get around to posting the continuation of the one- shot before this one... Ah, heck... maybe next time...


	7. File 007: The 5 Minute Blame Game

Gokudera's perspective is ranking the first out of six most difficult canon characters' perspectives that I have tried to write in (Hahaha! Taking a leaf out of Fuuta's book?). I thought his was the most difficult because of his many character flaws, idiosyncrasies and his very 'colorful' language... Also, I have some difficulty in writing in his perspective because... GAH! His **_ego_**, his **_EGO_**! Why is it so hard to write with his _damn_ **_EGO_**! (I look like this: 8/ whenever I read in reviews that say I'm good at keeping him in character.) I keep thinking I'm making him go **_out_** of character by trying to inject the 'maturity' Tsuna speculated him to have gained after nearly ten years. Ah, well... I try my best. -bows-

This one- shot was a little tricky to write... I'm tried to write in another character's perspective as he matures over the years... and it's damn confusing! But I hope this will explain the relationship of the characters concerned. After all the crack- crazy attempts at humor, I think I should make good my word that this collection of one- shots is "mix- genre" and input a (tad bit) serious one this time.

Also, midterm tests had popped up so schoolwork and real life had to take the driver's seat.

Oh, yeah; this one- shot is AU or the later parts of it are anyway. This one isn't really meant to be funny anymore.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn or any of its characters... But I call ownership over the OCs.

**Warning: **Swearing (c/o Gokudera), possible OOC- ness, an original character (with a potential to become really messed up in the future), character death and AU! AU! AU! AU!

**Note: **This is an AU type of one- shot; Millefiore never existed, TYL Arc never happened. This is one of those parallel universe things that Lambo was telling Tsuna the night before the battle for the Ring of Thunder. So off my back; I'll write what I like. :P Also,** Gokudera does not apologize to anybody; he only apologizes to Tsuna.**

* * *

**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified File**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 007: Apologies for the Five- Minute Blame Game**

Written: Tuesday, July 15, 2008, 07:59:15 PM

Edited: Wednesday, July 16, 2008, 10:34:02 PM

* * *

**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 007**

**Time: **02:45:35 PM

**Location:** Vongola Underground Base, Namimori City, Japan

**Note: **n/a

**Archive Summary: **Record of selected meetings between the Tenth Generation Vongola Guardian of Storm, Gokudera Hayato (current time), and Tenth Generation Vongola Guardian of Thunder, Lambo (ten years from the past).

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 79.24584725 percent complete_...

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 007**

"**_UUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!_**"

"_Che... Damn it_... Not **_again_**..." The book snapped shut and the eyeglasses came off.

Before, when the five- year old Lambo- _san_ switched with his fifteen year old self, the Grown- up Gokudera ten years in the future would get angry and yell at him to stop crying...

But, of course, it would only make him cry worse.

Sometimes, the Grown- up Tsuna and or Grown- up Yamamoto would show up and either give him candy or play with him to make him stop crying. An older Fuuta was (or 'would be'?) almost always present and he would immediately take charge of Lambo- _san_ since the other adults would be too busy to baby- sit him.

All the grown- ups Lambo- _san_ found himself with in the future would always ask whose fault was it that he was upset: it was always either the Stupid Reborn or Meanie Gokudera or Bianchi's cooking if it wasn't some accidental firing of the Bazooka.

If it was Reborn's or Bianchi's fault, then there wasn't **_anything_** any of those grown- ups could do about it.

**_But_**, if it was the Meanie Gokudera's fault Lambo- _san_ had been crying, the Grown- up Tsuna would then make the Grown- up Gokudera apologize to Lambo- _san_ in place of his younger self... Grown- up Gokudera had always looked like he was trying to swallow something yucky when he tried to say the word '_sorry'_, even though their Boss had 'ordered' it. He never could get the word out no matter how hard he tried. He always somehow ended up making Lambo- _san_ cry even more.

But today... it was different. Something must have happened in the time that Lambo- _san_ did not shoot himself to go into the future because Grown- up Gokudera did not yell at him the next time he saw him.

At first it he looked like he was _trying_ not to yell at him. Soon he began to look like he had grown bored of yelling at him to stop crying. Eventually he grew to become a little more tolerant toward him.

But he **_still_** didn't apologize himself to Lambo- _san _though.

Lambo- _san_ would learn as he grew older that he would **_NEVER_** say the words 'I'm sorry' to anyone else other than to the Grown- up Tsuna (Lambo- _san_ couldn't call the Grown- up Tsuna '_dame- dame_' because he wasn't '_dame- dame_' anymore. In Lambo- _san's_ opinion; **_nobody_** can be _'dame- dame_' if he gives Lambo- _san_ candies every other time he sees him!).

Despite the obvious change of treatment toward him, Lambo- _san_ rather preferred **_this_** new Grown- up Gokudera. This one was definitely better than the one that always got angry whenever he showed up crying ... and **_DEFINITELY _**more so than the Meanie Gokudera from the past, the one from ten years ago.

Today, Lambo- _san_ ended up in a room with long couches in it and a low table... Lambo- _san_ had looked around for the older Fuuta but found that he wasn't there.

Instead, there was only Grown- up Gokudera in the room besides himself.

The Grown- up Gokudera glanced at Lambo- _san_, looking once more rather bored to see him, and then went back to reading his book (Lambo- _san_ couldn't read, let alone pronounce the whole title of the book, but it had a picture of a huge snake on the cover).

"So whose fault is it this time?" The Grown- up Gokudera suddenly asked that very familiar question. Lambo- _san_ sniffled, his answer somehow getting garbled in the middle of his choking and crying... Then, sighing, the Grown- up Gokudera then slipped a ring on his finger and took out a red box. Lambo- _san_ saw a flash of red fire coming out of the ring and then felt a brush of fur against him.

"_Nyaow_..." Lambo- _san_ immediately stopped crying and brightened at the sight of the long- tailed leopard- spotted kitten. The kitten sniffed at him curiously. Then it looked at the lone adult in the room as if to ask him who the stranger was.

"**_You_:** This is the kid- Lambo; play with him." The Grown- up Gokudera told it simply and returned to the book he was reading. (After this, it would eventually become the routine for whenever Lambo found himself with Grown- up Gokudera for company in the future.) The kitten immediately obeyed and mewled at Lambo- _san_ as if to invite him to play.

A few seconds later, Lambo- _san_ was giggling and chasing after the kitten's long tail, on the floor beside the couch the Grown- up Gokudera was stretched out in.

"_Ne... **ne**!" _He tugged at the sleeve of the adult stretched out on the couch. "She's pretty; what's her name?"

The Grown- up Gokudera tore his eyes from the book to raise one eyebrow at him. Then the adult gave him and the kitten an amused look. He then looked at the kitten for a bit longer, (almost as if he were thinking) before answering: "**_Uri_**." He then returned to his book and turned a page. "His name's 'Uri' and he's a boy cat, Cow- Brat." ('Uri' mewled and clambered up the couch to purr and nuzzle against the Grown- up Gokudera's face. ("Hey you, don't shed on my clothes,") It looked like it was saying 'thank you' or something to him.)

"But how can you tell?" Lambo chirped as reached up to pet Uri's ears. Uri had curled up at the Grown- up Gokudera's side, dangling its long tail over the edge of the couch, pawing at Lambo's left hand side horn. "How do you know if something's a boy or a girl? **_Will you show me?_**"[1]

The Grown- up Gokudera suddenly dropped his book on his kitten by accident when he balked at Lambo- _san's_ question_. _(Uri had scurried toward the floor and hissed at the offending book.) He then stared and gaped at Lambo- _san_ from his place on the couch. "W- _Wh_- **_Wha_**- **_What?!_**"

"How do you know if something's a boy or a girl? _Show me! Show me!_"

There was still two minutes and thirty- two seconds left before Lambo- _san_ could return to the past.

* * *

Lambo- _san_ found that ten years into the future he would be sitting on a chair at a desk that was still too high for him. Across him, the adult Gokudera would be sitting in another chair, wearing frameless eyeglasses and frowning, looking rather annoyed at him.

"_Che..._ This is a **_ridiculous_** way of getting out doing middle school English homework, Lambo." The older Gokudera snorted irritably and snapped the textbook he was holding up by the spine closed. Lambo- _san_ sniffled and looked at the paper and books scattered on the desk in front of him.

It looked like his future self was doing something the _Dame_- Tsuna was doing with Stupid Reborn every time he came home from school ("Studying"). It immediately reminded him how he got himself sent here in the first place.

"_Uuuuuuu..._" He sniffled. (Meanwhile, the older Gokudera had launched into a lecture... or more like a rant... about "wasted time not being recoverable" and using complicated grown- up words that Lambo didn't quite understand.)

He had wanted Tsuna to play video games with him but Stupid Reborn told him Tsuna had to 'study'. An argument between them had broken out and next thing he knew, he ended up here, where the Tsuna of this time period would be far too busy and too old to play video games with him.

This older Gokudera, it seems, was the same one who let him play with his kitten, Uri- _chan_ whenever Lambo- _san_ ended up with him for company in the future. But right now, it looked he was too tired to make Uri- _chan_ come out. Lambo- _san_ wondered for a bit if he was sick... He certainly didn't look too well... maybe a little sleepy...

"- doing things like this... It's only five minutes, Lambo, but it's **_still_** a waste of my time. Your older self could be studying right now and I could be training my protégés [2] in the Storm Room instead of tutoring..." The adult Gokudera sighed and leaned back in his chair.

He then looked down at Lambo- _san_ still sniffling, sitting across him. "I don't speak '_Cry- Baby_' so tell me in **_English_**, Lambo." The older Gokudera then said. "Whose fault was it that time?"

* * *

"- and further more, it was **_completely_** irresponsible! You **_know_** you're supposed to extinguish the flames if you're at your maximum limit. What do you think would have happened to you if-"

**_BOOM!_**

Pink clouds suddenly erupted from out of nowhere and the lecture had to be cut short once again because: "**_UUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!_**"

"_Che. _'**_You_**' again...?" He spun around in his black computer chair to frown and sigh exasperatedly at the source of the irritating wailing.

Six- year old Lambo immediately latched onto the nearest adult present: onto the shin of the man sitting in the computer chair, to be precise; bawling and sniveling into the black cloth of his slacks. A hand with long white fingers, wearing four skull- embellished rings and a silver cast one with a large red stone set in it twitched and clenched to form a fist. Meanwhile, the other reached up to snatch the newly lit cigarette out of their owner's mouth and stub it out tersely on an ash tray sitting on the desk in front him.

"**_Hey_**, don't wipe your snot on me **_again_**, Cow- brat." The hand wearing those large, skull embellished rings suddenly reached down and plucked Lambo_-san_ off his leg by grasping his wild, curly hair... Plunking him onto the desk, beside the desktop computer, the twenty- five year old man sighed once more in exasperation. He could be helping the Tenth Boss with his paperwork by this time but he had been expressly forbidden from doing so by Reborn after some '_persuasion' _(**Translation:** blackmail).

Instead he was relegated the task of giving the teenage Lambo a stern lecture: he'd caused an electrical fiasco that put three of the candidates for his (still incomplete) crew in commas during his training. While Lambo's (unlucky) sparring partners were also Thunder flame type users, obviously they didn't have an _Electrico Cuioio..._ and were thus no match for the Lambo's latest version of his _Electrico Cornata_.

(The Grown- up Gokudera was royally pissed off at having to look for replacements, who matched all of his standards for Hurricane 59- which were ridiculously high- **_again_**. Training those candidates had taken **_a lot_** of his time. Lambo had just damn near killed his protégés in less than ten minutes. They hadn't even taken their qualifying practical exam to be able to formally join his crew... and Grown- up Gokudera had promised his Boss he wasn't going to put his subordinates through unreasonably harsh Spartan training sessions like Reborn's.)

Normally, it should have been the Tenth Boss' task: giving Lambo this scolding lecture on 'responsibility' and 'safety'... but as mentioned earlier, he was 'up to his neck in paperwork'...

"...What to **_do_** with you..." The Grown- up Gokudera muttered exasperatedly. This was the **_fifth_** time Lambo had fired his Ten- Year Bazooka to escape into the future today and he had done it **_all_** during the Grown- up Gokudera's lecture.

What should have only taken five minutes of his time had extended to use up more than thirty minutes... The Grown- up Gokudera frowned at the clock ticking innocently away, on the wall behind his desk.

The child Lambo sniffled again and rubbed at his eyes.

Seeing this, Grown- up Gokudera 'tsk'-ed once in disapproval and caught hold of his short arms to keep them from rubbing at his eyes. His clothes looked quite dirty after all... The Tenth Boss had told him (and everyone else) to keep the child Lambo from rubbing at his eyes so he wouldn't get sore eyes and cause everyone else problems when he returned to his correct time.

The lone adult in the office looked at the wall calendar hanging under his wall clock to look at what date it was today... Things must be particularly Hellish right now, ten years in the past...

Ten years in the future, this week was the anniversary of the "Tenth Generation's First Vongola Style Hell Week- Long Training"... which took place about a month after the Battle for the Vongola Rings... Marked on the date for today was "Anniversary of the Tenth Generation's First Vongola Style Hell Week"... with Reborn in charge... (A black permanent marker doodle of Reborn's head marked the note on one of the calendar's boxes to remind him who was in charge of the training on that particular day, ten years ago).

Grown- up Gokudera didn't see the need to ask whose fault it was then that the six year old Lambo was crying right now... He then activated his animal box weapon to amuse the sniffling child, muttering that Reborn- _san_ should pay him a baby- sitter's fee.

Maintaining a flame and keeping a box activated for longer than five hours is not an easy task after all. He knew that he could collapse in exhaustion later but he decided he could try keeping Uri activated for until he could send Lambo (the teenager) back into the Storm Room to continue his training... On second thought... maybe he shouldn't... Considering the frequency that the six- year old Lambo was showing up today, it might be safer to just keep the teenage one in his office... Until he could be sure that Lambo wasn't suddenly going to switch time periods in two to three minute intervals... The Storm Room isn't a playground for a child after all.

Grown- up Gokudera absently wondered if he should make it a requirement for members of Hurricane 59 to be capable baby- sitters as well...

* * *

The first time the Tsuna had confiscated Lambo's Ten- Year Bazooka was when he was six: it was after Tsuna himself had returned from after being shot into the future by accident (and subsequently found out that Lambo had been (ab)using it during their first Vongola Style Hell Week- Long Training.

What happened was the younger Vongola Boss had ended up in an office that looked like it belonged to the adult Gokudera- _kun_. **_Then_** he **_panicked_** when he saw the owner of the office himself... **_lying on the floor_**... Tsuna assumed he had fallen from his computer chair... since it was knocked over beside him... Tsuna thought that he was (possibly) **_not_** breathing- then he worried that he was **_dead_**... Check his vitals first, you _Dame- dame! _

Oh, OK, he's not dead... Thank _Kami_ he was only asleep; but Tsuna wondered if there is a sleeping disorder that causes a person to breathe very shallowly... [3]

The teenage Lambo was also there (panicking); saying that it wasn't his fault and worrying that "Gokudera- _shi_ might have hit his head when he fell"- that he "had heard a '_thud_'"- He "didn't know what could have made him so tired"- He "was also afraid that he might be dead too..."

Tsuna had then wondered if the paperwork ten years in the future was so bad it could make people collapse from exhaustion. He then looked at the piles and stacks of folders and papers on the adult Gokudera- _kun's_ desk and felt like collapsing himself.

... But he'd failed to notice the small red, skull- embellished box that the adult Gokudera- _kun_ had in his hand...

In any case, Tsuna couldn't figure out whose fault it could possibly be that made the older Gokudera- _kun_ like this.

Lambo didn't tell him _'that Gokudera- shi had pushed himself to exceed his limit for keeping his animal box weapon activated.' _People from the past aren't supposed to know about the box weapons in this time period after all.

* * *

Eleven- year old Lambo had just gotten his Ten- Year Bazooka back (again) earlier this week... and here he was again; in the future for yet another selfish reason. He'd forgotten that years of the Bazooka not being used had built up quite a lot of dust in the inside of it. As a result, he had ended up looking rather filthy after it had gone off.

Lambo looked at where he should be ten years later... although he couldn't imagine why he should be here at all: he was in a hospital this time... and he saw the Vongola's Tenth Boss sitting outside of an operating room, looking worse for wear at the moment... His suit jacket had been long discarded, draped on the plastic seat beside him. His shirt was soaked and splattered with blood and he also looked very drained and exhausted.

Lambo thought for a moment that he had been injured...

But the fact that the Vongola Boss was the one **_outside_** the operating room, **_waiting_**, told him that he was **_fine_**... That the blood was someone else's... Lambo didn't feel like he wanted to know from whom the deep red splotches staining the Vongola Boss' expensive designer shirt had come from. "Tsuna," Lambo greeted him.

Tsuna snapped to attention suddenly when he heard his title called. "Ah... Lambo," He tried to put on a smile to cover his worried appearance. "I didn't expect to see **_you_**..."

Lambo noticed that Gokudera- _shi_ wasn't at the Vongola Tenth's side right now. But he made no comment about it. He might be someplace else, taking care of other things for their Boss at the moment. He then also wondered where Yamamoto- _shi_ was; he was usually with the Vongola Tenth when Gokudera- _shi_ wasn't. But he figured that his future self had been tasked to bodyguard the Vongola Tenth in their absence...

The Vongola Tenth pulled out a handkerchief out of his pocket to give to Lambo to wipe his face with. "So whose fault was it that you're crying that time?" He asked, looking rather nostalgically. It had been quite a while since the Vongola Tenth had asked Lambo that question personally.

"...Gokudera- _shi.._." Lambo answered awkwardly, taking the handkerchief from the older man. Tsuna nodded as a sign for him to tell him what happened:

Gokudera- _shi_ had gotten very short- tempered with him in the past over a math assignment that he had asked his help with. Lambo could not seem to get the hang of basic algebra even though Gokudera- _shi_ had already explained the concept several times, even using his own dynamite sticks and scribbling numbers onto them with a permanent marker to serve as visual aids.

But unfortunately, mathematics seemed like a foreign language to Lambo.

Finally, Gokudera- _shi_ gave up explaining when he **_completely_** lost his temper (he'd been trying very hard in controlling it ever since he entered high school). He tore up Lambo's homework sheet, swearing and yelling at him to **_never_** ask him for help or tutoring "**_ever again_**" if he couldn't even understand things in their common first language: "**_ITALIANO_**"_._ He then **_stormed_** off (pun intended) and left Lambo crying over his homework. Lambo was upset that Gokudera- _shi_ was mad at him... He'd been trying very hard to be a good boy to everybody in the Family... Gokudera- _shi _included.

"Ah... I see... Don't worry about it. He makes want to me cry sometimes too." Tsuna chuckled but the laughter didn't seem to reach his eyes...

Lambo thought of how Gokudera- _shi _could be so frustrating sometimes and imagined what the Tsuna of this time period had to deal with everyday... considering the amount of paperwork he went through everyday. Gokudera- _shi_ was probably worse when it came to the Vongola Tenth's paperwork; they had to deal with more difficult math problems, financial matters... bigger grown- up problems more complicated than the simple 'find the value of x and y' ones Gokudera- _shi_ of the past had tried so hard to make simpler for Lambo; had tried so hard at being more patient and mature since he was older than Lambo...

The mafia was **_definitely_** more complicated and, yeah, Gokudera- _shi_ could definitely make numbers look like something to cry about... At least they could both agree on that.

Lambo waited out the rest of his remaining four minutes and thirty- two seconds in the future with the Vongola Tenth outside of the operating room. He didn't ask _who_ was inside or **_why_** they were in the hospital at all. By this time, Lambo was already old enough to know that some things in the future are not supposed to be revealed. This was so that things in the past would be kept in their proper order and be allowed to happen in their own time...

... However... Was it just him or did the Vongola Tenth of this time period look like he was trying to keep from crying himself right now?

Lambo awkwardly returned the handkerchief to Tsuna without using it... It somehow felt like **_HE_** needed it more than Lambo did right now.

* * *

It was a birthday party... A party held at night...

Fifteen- year old Lambo tried to recall the date today and wondered whose birthday it was; but he came up with a blank: he didn't know anybody whose birthday was on Guy Fawkes' Night. [4]

Suddenly, he had to lean back as far as he could into the wall to make way for a large birthday cake (with five candles) some of the Vongola Tenth's subordinates were carrying out of the kitchen.

Then he saw the tall score board put up on one side of the room; Lambo gulped... He had just shot himself into the middle of a Vongola Style Birthday Party again after trying to write a decent essay for Science homework. (Reborn had called it worse than a kindergartener's and no one needed anymore explanation of what had happened next.)

He then took a better look at the decorations and the party theme... From the looks of it, it was a children's party. _'Dio mio...'_ [5]

Yamamoto- _shi_ was there, entertaining some children by juggling some sushi. He looked well... He seemed to have gotten... bigger... Lambo wasn't sure how to put it without sounding too rude...

The Vongola Tenth was also there (is it just him...? Or are those gray hairs on his head? _Nah_, Lambo was seeing things; must be an effect of the lighting in the room...). He was going back and forth all over the place with a couple of subordinates at his heels (Lambo recognized them as two of the Hurricane 59 members that he'd put into commas a few months ago- thank goodness they woke up- Gokudera- _shi_ didn't show it but he had certainly been very worried when he was told that they only had a thirty percent chance of survival), making sure everything was in order.

Speaking of Gokudera- _shi... _Lambo then absently wondered once more why he wasn't shadowing the Vongola Tenth around right now.

Then he figured he must be someplace else; outdoors perhaps, preparing for another of his infamously dangerous magic shows and or fireworks displays...

As soon as he thought of it, he saw the top of a head of gray hair peeping out from behind the scoreboard (and Lambo wondered why he seemed to have shrunk).

A gaggle of little girls were also looking around the room, giggling "Gokudera- _kun_, **_where are you?_**"

Almost immediately, the head of messy gray hair ducked to hide behind the scoreboard again.

Also, at the same time, one of Gokudera- _shi's _former protégés (his pseudo- crew medic and his older self's current training- sparring partner), Mariano- _san_ passed by the score board, looking as if he were also trying to find something- or someone... Suddenly an arm shot out from behind it and caught the back of the older _Mafioso's_ suit jacket.

Then, almost comically, he was pulled backwards and made to stand beside the scoreboard to act as a cover or a shield of some sort.

Mariano- _san_ peered over his shoulder next, looking down rather bemusedly at the space behind the scoreboard.

From where Lambo was standing, he seemed to be talking to the person behind it... He looked like he was having a loosing argument with them... Then it seemed like he conceded and turned his head to look in front of him again.

He caught sight of Lambo a split- second later and gave him a little wave of greeting (he'd learned about Lambo's switching with his younger self the hard way after a few sparring matches with his older version) but remained standing- leaning against the wall and blocking the space behind the score board from view... He also shrugged his shoulders sheepishly at one of his fellow Hurricane 59 crew mates when she gave him a quizzical look.

Lambo stared incredulously at this scene. He had half a mind to go over and ask the older Hurricane 59 _Mafioso_: _'**Why** is Gokudera- shi **hiding** from a bunch of **five**- year olds?'_

"Lambo," Someone tapped him on the shoulder. Lambo hurriedly wiped his face when he recognized the voice.

"I- Pin!" He greeted the older girl, noticing that she definitely looked even more girly than the one in his correct time period. I- Pin smiled and held out a paper napkin (printed with a pattern of orange and red kittens' heads) for him to take.

"You've been crying, haven't you?" She asked. Lambo shook his head furiously.

"O- Of course not; I haven't been crying!" He denied stubbornly as he pushed the paper napkin back. I- Pin shook her head and wiped the corner of his eyes with it anyway.

"**_Liar_**. How long have we known each other, Lambo? We grew up together, didn't we?" She scolded him. "I, of all people, **_would_** know if you've been crying; now tell me: whose fault was it that time?"

* * *

Almost two years later, sixteen- year old Lambo tried wiping his eyes so he could look around the room he had ended up in place of his future self. It looked like it was inside the underground base...

There was the black grand piano that Gokudera- _shi_ played every one o'clock, after lunchtime... Lambo glanced at the antique grandfather clock standing against the wall across the room: it was three minutes before one.

The door to the room all of a sudden opened and someone walked inside.

Lambo turned to greet the owner of the grand piano standing in the middle of the room. Then out of the blue, he thought for a moment that the Bazooka had malfunctioned and sent him for more than ten years into the past instead of the future. But that was impossible... the underground base wasn't even being built then. The Vongola Tenth of the past had not even ordered its construction yet.

"Lambo- _nii_, are you in here?" The newcomer stood at the door. Lambo hurriedly wiped his face dry again so he could see who it was more clearly... He looked like Gokudera- _shi_, but he also looked a lot shorter than from the last time he had seen him... which was a few seconds ago in Giannini- _san's_ workshop...

Actually, the newcomer was only a child...

Lambo wondered a bit if this was how Gokudera- _shi_ could have looked like when he was much, much younger... '..._Wait a minute... Lambo- **nii**?' _

"W- What are you doing here?" Lambo found himself asking rather dumbly. He then realized that he had asked the wrong question. The little Gokudera- _shi_ look- alike gave him a small frown of skepticism and confusion.

"**_You_** called me here, **_remember_**?" He replied, walking up to him to stand beside the black grand piano. "You promised to explain why Auntie Bianchi was crying after I opened my birthday present from her."

'_Promise? ... Auntie...? Wait a minute... If Bianchi's an 'Auntie' then that means that... **Dad**...?' _[6] [7]

"Hey... Lambo- _nii_?" The little boy tilted his head a bit on one side while giving him a very puzzled look. "You look... _different_... Your clothes look different too..." Then he circled around Lambo, scrutinizing him with genuine childish curiosity. "And... What happened to your hair...? **_Did you SHRINK_**_?_"

Lambo realized with relief that he **_had_** indeed gone into the future. The Bazooka hadn't malfunctioned at all... Also... **_This_** little boy...?! The mere fact that he existed is a pleasant surprise! With the exception of his eye color (What did I- Pin call that color again...? _Han Blue? _Well, it was close to it in this dim light...), he was a near- splitting image of his father; but without the rebel- delinquent attitude and rude manner of speech. (Lambo had pegged him to be a quiet, well- behaved child in stark contrast to his father's usual unpredictable temperament).

He then recalled the children's party he'd shot himself into sometime before and figured that this boy was that messy gray head of hair he'd seen hiding behind the score board... It made much more sense... and besides... It would be so... _lame_ and **_ridiculous_**... if it was this little boy's father who was actually the one hiding from that small throng of giggling little girls...

That aside, the fact that this child is alive and exists _right now_ could mean that a lot of good things would happen in a few years short of his proper time period; maybe even a few months!

However, Lambo knew that he would have to keep mum about this; who knew what could happen if he blurted out this particular piece of information about the future... Gokudera- _shi_ was always very adamant that he was too busy working for the Vongola Tenth to consider settling down... But Yamamoto- _shi _had let slip to Lambo that he planned to set Gokudera- _shi_ up on a blind date the next time they all went to Italy for the Vongola Tenth's next birthday. (The Ninth Boss was getting too old to travel by air and the Tenth wanted to include his predecessor in the festivities).

"I'm sorry... I'm not the Lambo you wanted to talk to." Lambo quickly apologized. "The one who called you here should be back in a few minutes."

The little boy looked even more bewilderingly at him.

"... So... What did your Aunt give you?" Lambo tried to make a friendly conversation to kill the time.

"... Clothes..." The little boy shrugged. "I tried them on after the party and Auntie Bianchi called me 'Hayato' by mistake **_again_**... I really wish she'd stop doing that every time she sees me... It really kinda bugs me..." He frowned with slight annoyance when he recalled that particular event. [8]

Lambo sensed that this was a rather awkward situation and quickly tried to change the subject. "Do you play piano?" He asked suddenly, trying to lighten the mood, still with the intent of making a friendly conversation.

The child shook his head and looked at the musical instrument rather regretfully. "I want to... But I **_can't_** play; I mean really, _really _play. But I've **_always_** wanted to though... But Gianinni- _san _says..." He then put on a little frown and spoke as if he were reciting from memory "'The technology is still imperfect'... and something about 'still can't completely replicate human dexterity' and that 'even Squalo- _sama's_ isn't all that perfect either'."

Lambo noticed that he was looking longingly at the magnificent instrument as he spoke.

"I don't really understand what he means..." He looked up at him again. "Lambo- _nii_ what does 'dexterity' mean? An' who's Squalo- _sama_?"

"Uhm..." Lambo fumbled for an answer. "It... it means..." _'Ugh! How embarrassing!'_

The little boy deadpanned at him as he watched him struggle for an age- appropriate definition for the word and an explanation for the Varia's swordsman.

"Uhhh... never mind, Lambo- _nii_; it's OK... I'll just look it up in the reference room later." (Lambo was very relieved to get out of trying to make an age- appropriate word definition... but couldn't help but feel rather stupid at the moment.)

The little boy then went up to the grand piano and ran his left hand along the keys. Lambo noticed the high G key still obviously out of tune. (The Gokudera- _shi_ in his time period always complains about this particular piano key...) "I remember this piano..." The child suddenly spoke again, smiling wistfully. "Uncle Tsuna and Uncle Takeshi used to play recordings of Dad playing it to put me to sleep when I was really little..." He looked up at Lambo. "Did you know that they secretly put up a couple of people from Dad's crew to make them using the base's surveillance system?" Lambo shook his head, smiling as he went to stand beside the little boy and watch him play a short, simple melody with his left hand.

Lambo then opened his mouth to ask why he couldn't ask someone (like say, his father? [9]) to teach him to play the instrument but stopped... He wasn't sure why; but _something_... Something all of a sudden didn't quite feel right...

He gave the smaller boy another good look over: though he was smiling, his eyes looked rather unhappy... **_lost_** even... The right sleeve of his jacket also looked empty... [10]

Lambo then realized that 'piano- playing' is a taboo topic to talk about... He should have realized it when the boy said that the 'technology still imperfect'... the mention of Suberbia Squalo should have been an immediate give- away...

Frowning, he then side- glanced at the grandfather clock: still four more minutes to go.

"By the way... Where **_is_** Gokudera- _shi_- Er, your Dad, I mean?" Lambo asked. He expected to hear that he was at the Vongola Tenth's office, helping with paperwork or going for his nth attempt to make a cup of coffee that was fit for human consumption.

Instead the small, gray- haired child gave Lambo yet another incredulous look... Then he slowly looked down somberly at the black and white piano keys before him again.

The atmosphere seemed to grow even heavier between them instead of lightening like he had hoped. Lambo didn't know why but it felt like the next three minutes and fifty- three seconds seem to be taking too long to pass.

Two more seconds passed in silence before his question was finally answered: "Lambo- _nii_," The young boy said quietly. "... My Dad died when I was three... _Remember_?"

Lambo's breath had suddenly hitched in his throat and his heart felt like stopping. Why couldn't he go back to the past **_right now_**?

There was still three minutes and forty nine seconds left... What was he supposed to do if the little boy suddenly started crying?!

Lambo looked at the child again: _'Oh, crap; too late.'_

"Ev- everyone t- told me D- Dad and I w- were in a c- car accident... But n-**_no one_** will t- tell me **_where_** it ha- happened... or **_why_** t- the doctors c- couldn't s- s- save him o- or a- **_anything_**..." The child's voice shook as he spoke as he stood over the piano keys, his left hand trembling as it rested on top of them.

"I keep th- thinking... tha- that it's a- all m- m- _my_ fault..." Large, heavy tears fell onto the ivory- white and ebony black keys of the mournfully silent grand piano. "I re- remember b- b... being r- really mad a-a-at him th- that day f- for... leaving me w- with you a- and F- Fuuta- n- _nii _and I- I- I- pin- _neechan _b- be- be- c-cause I w- wanted to go w- with h- hi- him to work...

"I re- remember t- telling him tha- that I ha- ha-hated him a- a- and t- th- that I didn't w- wa- want to se- see 'im e- ever again... But I d- don't r-remember e- ever b- being i- in a c- car with h- him d- driving it a- at all... Uncle Tsuna and Uncle Takeshi ke- keep t- t- te-telling me that I- I- j- just f- for... forgot be- because I wa- was r- really little back th- then..."

Lambo gulped and swallowed, feeling his own eyes beginning to sting. He couldn't speak; he didn't know what to say... There was still two minutes left before the seventeen- year old Lambo could return to his own time.

"Lambo- _nii_, w- why does e- everybody k- ke-keep l- _lying_ to me a- about h- him...? E- Every ti- time I a- ask U- Uncle Tsu- Tsuna o- o- or Uncle T- Ta- Take- sh- shi, th- they a- always te- tell me t- to l- leave i- it a- alone... L- Like they're h- hiding s- something f- from m- me... T- _They are_, aren't t- they...? I know - they're m- my Family... But t- this is **_still_** a ma- **_mafia_**..." The boy looked up at him with wide tear- filled and mournful eyes, pleading for him to tell him the truth.

"Lambo- _nii_... W- Why... H- How did my D- Dad really d- die...? D- Did he **_do_** s- something w- wro-_wrong_...? W- Was i- it all be- **_because of_** **_me_**? Wh- Whose fault r- really wa- **_was_** it th- that time...?"

Lambo quickly wiped his own eyes and pulled the little boy into what he hoped was a comforting hug. He also smoothed down the unruly gray hair and murmured the apologies that Gokudera- _shi _had never able to make in the past three or four years of the child's life.

It was the least that he felt he could do for the remaining minute and a half.

* * *

A few seconds later, Lambo found himself back in his proper time, and for some reason in the same room; standing beside the grand piano. He looked up at the antique grandfather clock and wondered: how much time would it take for an entire future to change?

He didn't know...

At the same time, a moving rendition of Frédéric _Chopin_'s "_Fantasie- Impromptu_ in C-sharp minor, _Opus_ posthumous 66" had just ended. [11]

Lambo thought he had heard a kitten's mewling and purring just before the quick, playful notes of the first movement of Igor Stravinsky's "_Trois mouvements de Petrouchka_" immediately followed the Chopin piece. [12]

Five minutes seemed like too little time for righting some things in the past... But changes had to start somewhere... **_sometime_**... Lambo then found himself wondering just how great an impact one simple statement comprising of six English words would make on the future...

Looking at the grand piano and the pianist seated before it, he imagined a three- year old child with gray hair and bright, curious eyes close to the color of his favorite fruit... in place of the feline- shaped box weapon curled up on the piano bench. He imagined seeing him listening and watching with rapt attention how to place all ten little fingers on the piano keys and learning to play his first "_Do Re Mi_"...

It was an image of what **_should _**be in perhaps a few years, or a few months from now...

Lambo then and there decided that it would **_definitely_** make a huge difference... Now _if only_ he could work up the nerve to say it...

Suddenly, the "_Petrouchka_" abruptly stopped: "_Oi_, Lambo: What the Hell are you crying for? Don't tell me it's **_my_** fault again. _Sheesh... _Here, play with Uri or something. Stop crying over my piano- playing; it's like you're _insulting_ me just by doing that!"

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**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 007 COMPLETE**

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**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes: **WTH...? WAH! **_What is this?!_** I haven't even gotten too far with the main story and he's **_dead_** now?! Ah, well... The future can still be changed. This one- shot is all AU. (Tons of things are possible in AUs!) -shrug- I'm just exploring possibilities of an alternate future after all. Also... Every segment has a part where someone asks Lambo who was responsible for making him cry except the part of Gokudera's son: **_his_** question referred to a completely different thing. If they don't ask him who made him cry, they just ask if Lambo **_has_** been crying... Anyway... **_BAD LAMBO!_** You made Gokudera's kid cry! You meanie!!

**Lambo's Many POVs: **I thought writing in Lambo's perspective would be just as easy as Tsuna's (teenage version's and adult's) or Yamamoto's (also teenage version and adult version) or even Uri's (box weapon) but it turned out to be one of the most challenging viewpoints to write in. I had to consider his age and possible knowledge of events as well as how to parallel events with topics I've already written about and posted online (or have written and not posted online yet or just little plot bunnies I have lying around until I decide whether or not to use them).

**[1] "How do you know?": **How do you know if it's a boy or a girl? I don't really know how you can tell if a box weapon animal has a gender or if they even actually **_have_** gender. (Except for Kangaryuu... only the does have pouches.) -sigh- Chibi- Lambo says the '**_darnest things_**'... Are you wondering how Gokudera got out of explaining the birds and the bees for the meantime? (I haven't figured that part out yet but I think it's better to leave it out on purpose). XD

**[2] The Storm's Protégés: **[**h t t p : / / e n . w iki p e dia . o r g /w iki/ Me nt o ri n g**] Otherwise known as Gokudera's (unfortunate victims and human shields) candidates for Hurricane 59... As of writing, he's still far from completing his **_real_** crew (needs at least ten members for his main staff)... but at least he managed to actually find some people for the core group already... He just needs them to pass the initiation; or else scrap the initiation and just promote them himself... but then he needs Tsuna's 'OK' to do the latter...

**[3] _Karoshi_****:** What they call in Japan "**_death from overworking_**"... D8 Read the first one- shot (File 001: Of Kittens and Cockroaches) again for Gokudera's current record for keeping Uri activated. This is what happens when he tries exceeding five hours. Tsuna can lay off on making Gokudera take forced day- offs; he'll kill his Right hand off faster if he keeps forcing him to take vacations. As for a sleeping disorder that makes people breathe shallowly, Tsuna? The closest I can find is OSA... Though I'm not saying that Gokudera's got a sleeping disorder; **_smoking_** IS however one of the predisposing factors for Obstructive Sleep Apnea.

** [4] Guy Fawkes' Night: **is on November 5th... At least that's the Google search told me. "Gokudera Junior" is a _Scorpio_ (as if that's relevant or means anything at all). An interesting thing about people born on November 5th that I found on the Internet is that they like to solve things by science (wow, he takes after Daddy in _that_ area too?), they often look for answers to questions about themselves (is why he's always asking Uncle Tsuna and Uncle Takeshi about what really happened to Daddy, even though they keep telling him to forget about it) and that they usually have a group of close friends ('Mariano' seems to act like a security blanket of sort to his _capo's _son. He's probably like what Romario is to Dino by then) but need to be surrounded by a lot of people. (Gokudera's crew probably had a hand in raising him; he probably included that 'must be a good baby- sitter' requirement for potential members of his crew...) So I thought that would be a fitting birthday for a kid who's growing up with quite a lot of mystery and secrets surrounding his 'origins'...

**[5] '_Dio mio_...': **(Italian) 'My God...' Lambo is probably thinking: OMG; they're corrupting the poor little innocent children...! (As if **_he_** hadn't grown up any different...)

**[6] Gokudera Junior?: **That kid in the last part of the one- shot may not even exist in some other version of the future; depending on genetics, he may not even _look_ like the way he was described if the future keeps changing. (I just picked his eye color at random; then I thought that it looked really cool with silver hair... beats having boring brown eyes... which look weird and awful to me when partnered with Goku's hair color anyway.) I'm going to have to come up with some funky genetics babble to explain why his eyes are colored the inverse of his dad's...

**[7]** **Who do I think Gokudera hooked up with to "make" him?:** **_NOT TELLING_** (No, actually, I don't really know either... == I might end up making a female OC to get Junior's eye color; but then I'll have to anticipate a riot from his fan club; I just wanted Lambo to have a turn at making Gokudera cry... Never mind that it's **_another_** Gokudera whom... just about everybody else... keeps mistaking for the original...) XD

**[8] What's Gokudera Junior's _REAL_ name?:** I haven't thought that far either **_nor_** do I intend to go through with it (at the moment). But it could make a very interesting story... It's just that Gokudera's **_really, really dead_** in that one. (But I personally think Hayato remains a bachelor; he will follow in Romario's footsteps and walk the path of a dedicated Right- hand man; I think he's way too he's too devoted to Tsuna to notice anyone else.) I just wrote that he died when the little boy was three as a parallel on how the only parent he ever really loved, his mother, died in a "car accident" when **_he_** was three also... (_Ouch..._ What a way to go...) But then again, it could also imply that a car crash might not really be the reason he died. _Wahahahaa... _8D

** [9] Piano Lessons?: **I don't really know if Gokudera would actually have the patience to teach anyone piano, but you never know; he might make exceptions for his own kid. Some parents (for some strange reason) end up doing that... (Must be the paternal/maternal instincts at work there. Studies and recent research findings say it's the testosterone levels lowering in dads... Goku being a daddy must be hilarious; he'll probably act the same way he does when Tsuna's around... _overprotective_?) XD

**[10] Empty Right Jacket Sleeve: **He only used his **_left_** hand to play with the piano keys. Giannini says the technology (in his time) still isn't perfect. His father **_smoked_** (ever since he was a teenager; possibly since the time he hit puberty); what do you **_think_** this little boy looks like anatomically- wise? (I **_do_** feel sorry for having to make him that way; I **_DID_** say before that I'm convinced that there'll be something physically wrong with Gokudera's kids, if he ever has them. Or it could be a souvenir from that 'car crash' (if it really happened). So what did we learn today? Not only is smoking hazardous to your health, it will fuck up your kids' future by making them **_PAY very, very dearly_** for it... Or was it 'wear a seatbelt' and or something...? Why the heavy secrets from the kid about his Daddy, Uncle Tsuna and Uncle Takeshi...?

**[11] Frédéric _Chopin_'s "_Fantasie- Impromptu_ in C-sharp minor, _Opus_ posthumous 66"****:** Chopin wrote "Fantasie" and later regretted it. He didn't like it and never had it published while he was still alive. He even made a friend promise to **_never_** have it published, even after he died. It was still published anyway (**_nice_**_ friend, huh...?_) and it's now one of Chopin's most famous compositions. I thought it was kind of like Gokudera's life growing up and looking for a mafia family. **Gokudera**- the little boy that no mafia family wanted but grew up to be the _feared right- hand man of the Vongola_ and a force to be reckoned with; **"Fantasie"**- the piano piece that Chopin didn't like but became one of Chopin's famous and beloved piano compositions in the world. (Uri really shouldn't have torn up that "Chopin".)

**[12] Igor Stravinsky's "_Trois mouvements de Petrouchka_"****:** I had this weird idea that if I were ever to write Gokudera 'a love story' it would probably look like something similar to the ballet "Petrouchka" (a tragic story... I know; I'm mean XP). But then he **_stopped_** playing it when he saw Lambo crying... So...? XD

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For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the submit review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

Lambo fries Gokudera's underlings for breakfast and makes his little boy cry. You're so bad, Lambo. XP In any case, does anyone have any idea what Lambo is working up the nerve to tell Gokudera? I really think it should be a no- brainer... 8D


	8. File 008: When the Wind Blows Part 1

Hello! I don't think anyone missed me. XD This time I'm **_kind of _**alive! Of course I start with my usual procrastination (yeah, I know people skip this part and go straight to the story (I'm guilty of it too sometimes), _but I don't care; _I'm the one writing this trashy piece of crap you're reading!): -sigh- Yes, I know I haven't (**_really_**) updated in a while. My apologies to blueballad and leriko for the killer previews in the main "T.R.R.o.R." story and "La Rottura di Omérta"; hope you're still both alive after my little moments of torturous mischief for both stories. XD

After having to deal with exams, a killer of a research paper and real life, I caught a really bad "Millefiore Virus" (Writer's Block)... which I got, ironically, on Gokudera's birthday... XD (How weird is **_that_**...? My main protagonist not getting a special birthday one- shot from me on his special day... stupid friggin' "Millefiore Virus"...)

I really didn't feel like posting anything new for the past few weeks... and even though I'm on sem- break (since October 10, I think), I regrettably didn't feel like writing very much... On some days I just draw or fool around with the photo shop software on my computer... when I'm not staring at the wall and pondering the meaning of life (_Psh... yeah right...)_. **But I _really _tried my _hardest_ to get my own motivation for writing "T.R.R.o.R." back...** (I really want to finish this before I start my senior year; because I'm going to have a thesis to be busy with then)

One of the things I did was make a TYL drawing of Chrome _without_ the effin' pineapple... which I didn't finish (I didn't give her clothes...DX) and made a parody advert out of it ("Katekyo Hitman REBOND Salon: _Proudly Restyling Hit Men Since April 19, 2008_") out of it (and posted it in the Scraps gallery of my DevArt)... I think she looks pretty with the wavy- curly hair... Still can't get over the fact she has the **_effin'_** pineapple in the canon picture... damn that color page... Makes me wonder if she wears a suit and tie like the rest of them... (I have this weird idea that she wears a female version of TYL Mukuro's threads... although I have no idea how **_that _**works out...)

Anyway, I still found I **_STILL _**didn't feel like writing after that: so a few days later, I photo- shopped a canon picture of the teen Goku standing with the TYL version (born out of my own curiosity to see what Gokudera Jr. would look like if he **_is_** "a near- splitting image of his father"... I wanted to use a pic of Goku's kid- version but I couldn't find one that was work- safe...).

After I **_finally_** finished "playing" with the picture, the only thing that I could think was: "**... _Wao_... _UNCLE_ _TAKESHI, GET STARTED on setting up that blind date for Daddy- Hayato WITH YOUR DYING WILL TO THE MAX EXTREMELY RIGHT NOW!_** **_I WANNA SEE UNCLE TSUNA BECOME A REAL GODFATHER TO THIS KID!_**"****(But then problem is who's gonna be the Mrs. 'dera... I don't want to change Junior's eye- color (which I had picked at random... it's not _green_; it **_was_** mentioned in the previous one- shot twice already...)... The random color I picked for his eyes surprisingly suits him... XD And I worked **_so hard_** at making them get the right hue (so he wouldn't end up looking like a "male Suigin Tou"... Er, Suigin Tou is the closest character who has the same color scheme as Gokudera Jr. that I could think of on short notice... TT-TT) and making his hair look like his 'Daddy's' and stuff... (But I wonder how will Uri take to having competition for TYL Goku's attention; will it have a kind of sibling rivalry with Junior...?) Although, I don't have any plans to write about Gokudera Jr. again for the meantime... I have no confidence in myself in the 'Romance' genre. I'd probably end up writing something full of crack or making him into a "Rosemary's Baby" or something to bring him into existence... (No, I **_don't_** mean the Cavallone maid (even though I **_did_** write that she's pretty); I'm referring to the movie "Rosemary's Baby"... You don't know **_that_** movie? D8 WTH, you watch too much anime, you _Dame- dame_... -iscurrentlywatchingthemovies"Psycho I"and"Psycho II"-)

But anyway; now I feel like writing again thanks to Gokudera Jr.! 8D (Not bad for an OC who isn't really supposed to exist! XD) I'm still looking for the perfect name for him though... Even though I don't really plan to use him in the future for the meantime, I've been calling him "Haya- two"... -snicker- Sounds like a model number for an android...

Now about the new one- shot (No, **_still _**it's not Goku's overdue birthday one- shot...) I think I have to put this one first to prepare for **_that_** one... I've had this bugging me for quite a while: as an adult, Tsuna probably has to lead about 5000+ subordinates in addition to his immediate Family (Guardians, I- Pin, Fuuta, Giannini... etc., etc...). Having 5000+ subordinates who look alike must be very boring... and Tsuna and co. would probably have a hard time telling them apart unless they had some distinctive ability or something... It was a **_real _**miracle I _actually_ remembered **_Ivan_**... (Must be because of his "sacrifice" in that snowball fight) but then I forget the name of the other guy in that same snowball fight... a 'Bo'- something... See? Lower- ranking subordinates look so insignificant compared to the family's administration and are so forgettable... It's **_these_** people who make up the majority of a mafia family and make their leaders' lives relatively easier... and it's **_these_** people who get killed without their boss and their _capos _to protect them and or if their family's administration screws up in their decision- makings.

... The life of an insignificant underling... It's so sad... -sniff- (start of an advocacy for insignificant underlings' rights? LOL)

OK! _NOW ON WITH THE VONGOLA- WEIRDNESS!_ (-hyperrecoverytothemax!-)

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything. Only the OC. But then he works for Gokudera... so Gokudera owns his sorry ass...

**Warning: **Mentions of OCs, one male OC created simply for the Vongola's convenience (more specifically Gokudera's)... and... uh... _Abuse of position_...? Well, we do have TYL Gokudera doing a bit of a power- trip here...

**Note: **The characters have never been to the future. This happened in the past of their adult versions in TYL Arc.

* * *

**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 008: When the Wind Blows, the Cradle Will Rock Part 1**

Written: Wednesday, July 02, 2008, 10:16:23 PM

Edited: Friday, September 05, 2008, 10:44:28 PM

Updated: Saturday, October 18, 2008, 09:54:09 PM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 008**

**Time: **09:45:56 PM

**Location:** Reference Room, Vongola Tenth's Temporary Base, Namimori City, Japan

**Note:** **Hurricane 59 Ranks:** [ATTENTION] As of writing, the Vongola Hurricane 59 is still in its beginning stages. Roles and procedures described are still subject to change according to the decision of the _capo bastone/_H59 _caporegime._ [1]

**ONLY**the _capo crimini_ and or the _capo bastone/_H59 _caporegime _have the authority to promote a member by way of bypassing the rank system and requirements.

1. "**Breeze**"- **[Current population: 42] **New recruit level; abilities to be assessed before placements are decided upon, performance and moral conduct is observed and evaluated upon by members in upper ranks as a form of peer evaluation and the _capo bastone/_H59 _caporegime_; training for members in this stage is strict and the amount of pressure placed on members is heavy. Its purpose is to weed out weaker- skilled _Mafiosi_, train them the ones with potential to improve their skills and also plan better placements for _Mafiosi_ who do not meet the requirements of the Hurricane 59 crew within the Family; has very limited security clearance; does menial chores. Promotion to "Gale" rank is decided upon by the _capo bastone/_H59 _caporegime._

2. "**Gale**"- **[Current population: 16] **Trainee level; placements have been decided upon; trainings are tailored to field of expertise; has slightly higher level of security clearance than "Breeze" rank. Promotion to "Wind" rank is decided upon by the _capo bastone/_H59 _caporegime._

3. "**Wind**"- **[Current population: 5] **Candidate level; continuation of trainee level but with more difficult tasks and upgraded level of security clearance. Members in this rank receive stricter preparation training. In this stage, a "Wind" is allowed to take the qualifying practical exam or "initiation" to become an official member of Hurricane 59 ("Typhoon"). Qualifying practical exams or "initiations" are pass- or- fail tests that can be taken only once. Those who do not pass are reassigned to more appropriate positions within the Family as associates, foot soldiers, etc.

4. "**Typhoon**"- **[Current population: 0] **Initiated members; have a higher security clearance than lower ranking members but restricted within limits set by _capo bastone's/_H59 _caporegime's_; performs menial to important jobs.

5. "**Hurricane**"- **[Current population: 0]** Core group members promoted by decision of the _capo bastone/_H59 _caporegime_ and or the _capo crimini_; serve as the _capo bastone's/_H59 _caporegime's_ immediate staff; members can take their orders directly from the _capo crimini_; have highest security clearance among the H59 but limit of access is regulated by the _capo bastone's/_H59 _caporegime's_. Permission from the _capo bastone's/_H59 _caporegime's_ or the _capo crimini _is required for an access to a higher security clearance for only emergencies and by order of the _capo crimini _and _capo bastone/_H59 _caporegime_.

**Archive Summary: **Surveillance record of memory recall training for Hurricane 59 "Gale" rank of nineteen- year old Kagakusha Kyousuke (now "Wind"- ranked and twenty- two years old.)

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 89.48656987 percent complete..._

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 008**

Why does one become a "made- man"? _C'mon_, everybody asks themselves that once in a while **_why_** they join the Vongola mafia... out of all the mafia families out there... **_Just_** for the sake of keeping sane... Some of the reasons are honorable (in the mafia's context), such as wanting a security for their business, their families, protection from other mafia and so on.

Others... They just happened to be in the right place at the right time... or in the **_wrong_** place at the right time for that matter... and for some; they are _born_ into the life of the underworld.

That definition of a "made- man" in that free Internet encyclopedia website is a butt of jokes among the new generation of Vongola's "made- men". (You know, that 'whatever-I- know-idiocy- pedia website; the one that everybody and anybody can rewrite. One of his fellow "Gale" ranks, Antonio, had admitted (after picking "Truth" in a game of "Truth or Drink") to making a gag page about "code- breaking" when he was in high school. It took a whole month before the site could notice that the information he'd posted was a bunch of bull and took it down... and the funny thing was... the site never traced him to be the creator of that page so they could ban him. Anton had made the page without even creating a user name and account for himself there... But that was to be expected: he **_is _**the H59's best hacker after all...) [4]

To become a "made- man", one doesn't need to have Italian blood on his father's side... That's just **_ridiculous_**. The mafia would **_die out_** from the lack of a population if that "rule" was still followed nowadays.

In fact, many traditions in the mafia world have changed from the original _Cosa Nostra_: some _Mafiosi_ don't even have Italian blood in them; not even from their ancestors... (Just look at most of the Family's present administration; **_three and a half_** of them don't have a drop of Italian blood in their veins.)

All one needs are just connections to someone in the mafia to be able to get in. _Then_ it's up to you to make your place in it. (Times have really changed.)

It's also an advantage if a _Mafioso_ has some skills that allow him or her to be useful to the Family in many ways.

Then there are also some _Mafiosi _whose background stories are a culmination of those different circumstances.

Just take Kyousuke [7] for example: (He was cooperative enough to contribute to the addition of first hand accounts of life in the Vongola mafia for archival purposes... for the benefit of the future generations and all that...)

Often he would ask himself the proverbial "why me?" and the "what have I done to deserve this?" questions whenever he found himself in very problematic situations that are usually instigated by his _capo_...

So how did **_he_** go from working in the Italy Vongola base's Chemical Weapons Sub- Department to being a real "made- man" in the Japan base of the Tenth Boss?

Kyousuke thought it could be explained better by recalling a report in a conference- meeting that took place in the beginning of the year when the Tenth Boss preparing to formally succeed the Ninth Boss and become recognized as the new leader of the Vongola Mafia.

It answered his proverbial questions better than his own opinion anyway...

By the way, lower- ranked subordinates like him aren't really supposed to be present in meetings like that... Kyousuke only knew about it because his _capo_ made him watch a series of lengthy surveillance video recordings... and then recall every single minute detail he could remember from them for training his photographic memory... The objective of this exercise was to prepare subordinates with this ability (like Kyousuke) for the **_actual heavy_** training in gathering information (and potential blackmail material)... A placebo effect of sorts...

This training exercise was only a "**_very light one_**" according to his _capo's _standards, mind you. But sitting in the darkened reference room with only his _capo_ (and his metal clipboard) for company is kind of boring for Kyousuke actually... He would rather be someplace else, like in the laboratory with _Signor _Gianninior something_... _

However his _capo_ had given him some sufficient motivation to participate: if his accuracy is **_lower_** than 96.95235246 percent, he would be "allowed to play "catch" with _Signor_ Yamamoto". [3]

To any outsider, this sounds like a ridiculous threat... Kyousuke has nothing against the baseball sport... He actually has friends from the Japan and Italy bases who like and used to play baseball before they were transferred to the Tenth's base in Namimori... and he had **_nothing_** against _Signor _Yamamoto; he thought that he was actually a pretty likable and all- around nice guy... Subordinates in Kyousuke's rank fondly call him the "The Carrot" (since Kyousuke's _capo _is already called "The Stick" for rather obvious reasons...) in fact.

... But he **_DID _**have a problem with baseballs being thrown at his head in speeds that went beyond the legal driving speed limits... _Signor _Yamamoto had already sent his next door neighbor in the _sggaristas' _quarters to the infirmary for concussion last week... His room mate, Toph [5], had gotten his arm broken last month... Another one of his fellow Hurricane 59 (a "Breeze" rank) was currently being shipped back to Italy to see Doctor Satomi about a session for managing a developing PTSD...

**_NO_**, Kyousuke **_does not _**want to "play "catch" with _Signor _Yamamoto", thank you very much...

_Anyway_, this is what Kyousuke recounted from the surveillance videos in summarized form. (_Why summarized? _It's because Kyousuke figured he would bore everyone by describing every single minute detail of what he remembered from the videos.... He **_had_** had to give his _capo_ every single bit that he could recall after all; he would be incredibly bored if he would have to repeat everything all over again.)

The first surveillance video he was made to watch was a record of a meeting: it was one of a series of lengthy deliberations of which of the personnel from the Ninth's contingent the Tenth would inherit when his predecessor finally retired. There they decided which subordinates could be allowed to retire along with the Boss of their generation... and the placements of the subordinates belonging to the soon- to- be Tenth Generation of the Vongola mafia.

Kyousuke is one of those belonging to the younger generation ("Generation X" they're called; the one the Tenth was going to inherit) and his file was among the first ones to be brought up because they conducted the deliberations of the personnel from the Italy base by age, youngest members of the Family first (because their background histories were shorter and the Tenth Boss and his _capos _still had classes to attend).

Each _Mafioso's_ file on the database was briefly presented by the Ninth Boss' most trusted hit man, _Signor _Reborn, a freelance hit man (for an outsider's opinion): Trident Shamal and the _consigliore_, _Signor _Sawada Iemitsu, before a panel comprised of the Boss and four of his Guardians. After each presentation, they discussed what to do about each member and his or her future placements and roles within the Family.

It was _Signor _Reborn who had presented Kyousuke's profile to the panel and this is how his report went (in summarized form):

Kyousuke grew up in Italy because both of his parents worked in the Weapons Development Department of the Vongola. As a child of two scientific experts who, for a lack of people with good babysitting skills and or a good kindergarten teacher for children who were born into the mafia... (Kyousuke noticed that the _Signor _Gokudera in the video had twitched for some reason; he sneaked a glance at his _capo _and noticed the 0.5 lead- mechanical pencil in his hand shaking ever so slightly... _Huh_... weird_..._) began his early education in the Vongola Weapons Development Department's facilities. [2]

(Kyousoke then had blinked in puzzlement at this part; he wondered why he was watching this particular video. He figured his _capo _had made a mistake in picking out a surveillance video for testing him.)

Child psychologists would frown upon this manner and method of raising a child... as well as the environment Kyousuke was raised in. But those are the **_civilian_** child psychologists' point of view. Kyousuke was born into the mafia; his kind of upbringing is **_normal_** in the mafia's context.

It was there in the Vongola's Weapons Development Department- Chemical Weapons Sub- Department that he learned the tricks of his trade. When he was old enough to grasp things in his little hands and toddle from point A to point B, he would sometimes help them in their research... by pouring the harmless ones of the chemicals into containers with one of his parents guiding his hand... soon he began to progress to handling the more harmful substances...

"But isn't that still dangerous...?" The Boss had stared incredulously at _Signor_ Reborn.

"**_Again_**; remember, he was born into the mafia. Think of it as similar to the way Gokudera was taught how to swim." [11] _Signor _Reborn smirked. (Kyousuke assumed there must be an inside joke going on as two of the male _capos_ started guffawing, to the annoyance of the twenty- one year old _Signor _Gokudera in the video_._)

Back to _Signor _Reborn's report: Soon, Kyousuke's parents gave him some chemistry equipment to play with... at the age of five. None of those toy chemistry play- set crap for their little "wise- guy" genius; Kyousuke was given **_real_** breakable glass test tubes, beakers, petri dishes and other kinds of laboratory chemistry equipment to tinker with. He was even given a Bunsen burner of his own and real samples of chemicals to experiment with. (Kyousuke would often joke among his fellow H59 that he was 'raised in a laboratory'; that he is 'a test tube baby' in reference to his toys being actual laboratory chemistry equipment.)

He had started off with the harmless stuff: the usual NaCl, H2O... and he discovered the fun of sticking frozen little cubes of H2O in NaCl and then slipping the stuff down the backs of the shirts of his parents' laboratory assistants **_unnoticed_** when he was five and a half...

By the time he was six, unlike most kids his age, Kyousuke knew which products of his experiments were edible (he liked producing sugars in particular, when his mother wasn't looking), which ones could blow up in his face ("He always wears a laboratory mask whenever he conducts his experiments; he's too well aware of laboratory safety, _Dame _Tsuna") and which ones would leave stains and burn marks on the table tops.

(Kyousuke then wondered if his answers could be considered reliable later; how was his _capo _sure he wasn't drawing on his childhood memories for his answers? Did he perhaps make a mistake in choosing the video for Kyousuke's exercise? Kyousuke tried to ask his _capo _but was promptly smacked on the head with the metal clipboard and told to "pay attention".)

"Then he would come up with concoctions to try and get them off." _Signor _Reborn continued. "Sometimes they work and sometimes they made even **_more_** stains and burn marks; sometimes he could even **_melt the whole table down_**... But that's OK; the Vongola will keep providing replacements for the damaged equipment, just as long as the products of his experiments can be used as **_weapons_**."

"But that's _wrong_ too..." The Boss had deadpanned. He got drop- kicked on the head.

**_Again_**, back to _Signor _Reborn's report: Predictably, as he got older, Kyousuke naturally went toward the same field as his parents: _chemical weapons development_... So it was no wonder to anyone that he got into experimenting and producing outstanding (and sometimes even downright strange) scientific breakthroughs.

... But he wasn't only limited to developing chemical weapons...

It was a few months after he created his best known chemical compound when it was discovered that Kyousuke had the potential to take after his parents in **_not only_** the field of chemical weapons development... He has the potential to become a **_real_** "hit man".

"Eeeh?! How can that happen if he's always in a laboratory?" The Boss had asked incredulously.

_Signor _Reborn tipped his fedora down and spoke once more in a mysterious tone: "When he was thirteen and a half, he saw an errant lab assistant looking at his mother in a way that he didn't like and "accidentally" dropped the product of his latest experiment on the man's foot. It was also at that age when he learned which chemicals were corrosive and could eat away at leather and later human flesh."

"This sounds like something for a _shonen_ _manga_..." The Boss muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. _Signor _Reborn suddenly jumped and executed an axe- kick on him.

(Kyousuke wondered for a bit again if his _capo _was **_really_** using the correct video for his training. Once again, he attempted to ask him about it... and again, he was told to be quiet and continue watching after being smacked with the metal clipboard on the top of his head... again...)

"_Pay attention Dame- Tsuna! _This is the future of the Family you are deciding; you cannot afford to make a mistake in deciding the placements of every single one of your future subordinates! You will definitely need to know where they are and if they are capable of helping you for in case you find yourself stranded in the République de Djibouti or in the Independent State of Papua New Guinea."

"**_Ow! _**OK! OK! Wait; **_when _**and **_why _**would I ever be stranded in **_those _**places?!" He then noticed _Signor _Reborn holding up a green pistol and immediately clammed up.

"The assistant had panicked and knocked over a tray holding some mafia legacy rings; two of them went flying Kyousuke's way... He caught them both one- handedly... and it was at that moment that his parents discovered just what types of wave energies coursed through their son's body." _Signor_ Reborn continued dramatically. "The flames **_sprang_** from the rings when he touched them... and the lab research assistant immediately saw that Kyousuke intended to do worse to him if he stayed longer in his sight."

(Well, Kyousuke thought that _Signor_ Reborn is a master story teller... The actual events sound much more **_epic_** whenever **_he_** tells them; he made the one time Kyousuke got really angry sound like part of a synopsis for a _shonen_ _manga_; the truth was that he only caught those rings because he was afraid his dad would _kill _him if they got lost... But he******_did_** want to kill the moron who was looking at his Mom wrong that time...

Reminiscing aside, Kyousuke was **_still_** **_really_** wondering why he was being made to watch a video about the deliberation of his placement within the Family... Maybe his _capo _mistook him for another '_- suke'_...? [8] He knew there were quite a few '- _sukes' _within the Hurricane 59... For some reason, his _capo_ seemed to avoid taking into his crew Japanese subordinates whose names ended with '- _yoshi'... _and Kyousuke knew for a fact that his _capo _was also currently training another _Mafioso... _who **_also_** possesses a photographic memory; an older cousin of Kyousuke's... whose given name **_also_** happened to end with '_- suke'_... Maybe his _capo _had mistook Kyousuke for him? He tried to call his _capo's _attention **_again _**and ask... and got hit **_again_** with the clipboard and told to "shut up and watch.")

The Boss had on a rather uneasy expression... Meanwhile his _capos _were hanging onto _Signor _Reborn's every word.

"So what happened next?" _Signor _Yamamoto had asked.

_Signor _Reborn smirked: "**_Nothing_** you'd like to hear about while drinking coffee, that's for sure," (The Boss nearly choked on his coffee when he saw _that_ expression on his former tutor's face.) "But it's **_that_** incident that earned him the classification of "VQ- level- M- type" in the Vongola's database; _just like his parents_." _Signor _Reborn finished.

"_Hiiieeee..._" The Boss had squeaked. Then he stopped and asked: "Wait a minute; what's "VQ- level- M- type" anyway?"

He got drop- kicked in the head by _Signor _Reborn again.

Back to business: After hearing Kyousuke's background history and description of performance within the Family, the Tenth Vongola Boss voiced his opinion on Kyousuke's abilities: if he was given the right motivation, Kyousuke could probably come up with a drug as a cure for AIDS or whatever disease the world wanted cured first.

However his tutor, the great _Signor _Reborn and the legendary hit man doctor, Trident Shamal, pointed out that it was _unethical_, even in the underground's medical community, to have Kyousuke do that... since Kyousuke is not trained in the medical field.

(Kyousuke does not regret **_not_** being trained in the medical field; he was pretty sure his _capo_ could find somebody else in his crew to have sent to medical school... They would **_really_** need to have a doctor on duty in the Japan base sometime in the near future... He tried to call his _capo's _attention again to ask about his training exercise... but was told to "be quiet and watch" once more; followed by another sharp tap on the head with the metal clipboard...)

"He's only trained in chemical weapons development according to the Vongola database," The _consigliore_ added. "Any 'wonder drug' that Kagakusha- _kun _produces for curing any disease will have to be defended in front of the medical community with the backing of medical knowledge (which Kyousuke does not have) and a detailed record of the production process (Kyousuke does not bother to record all of his procedures and no one is fast enough to catch every single bit of detail of how he creates his chemical concoctions) as well as a research paper supported by empirical research."

"It's just like trying to explain Bianchi_'s_ Poison Cooking ability to an ordinary civilian..." Trident Shamal continued. "He **_is_** allowed, however, to create poisons and antidotes since those are also counted as weapons."

The Tenth Boss had sighed and wondered if there was really any use for more poisons in the world when a person like _Signorina _Bianchi existed...

_Signor _Reborn then revealed that it was Kyousuke who invented the organic GPS dental filling compound of the Vongola's scrapped "Project Weather Tracker".

**_Now_** to business: Kyousuke was only eleven years old when he invented _that_. He's nineteen years old _now_ and his talents are being stagnated in the main Weapons Development Department in Italy. In a normal educational standard, he should be put on an accelerated curriculum track and be allowed to attend college. But the thing is Kyousuke has been home- schooled as well as self- taught. He doesn't go to an ordinary civilian college because the curriculum there cannot keep up with him. Also, the colleges for mafia- connected people have certified him to be too advanced for **_their_** curriculum to handle... **_and _**he also has photographic and eidetic memories... He can recall tremendous amounts of information after looking at something. (And subsequently, he's very convenient to have around if there's a need to gather potential blackmail material on enemies...)

The Tenth Boss had stared at his former tutor in disbelief: "People like **_that_** exist...? Wait; there are **_colleges_** just for people in the mafia too?"

"Where else did you think Dino continued his mafia boss education when I left him to start tutoring **_you_**, _Dame_- Tsuna?"

"**_DON'T CALL ME THAT ANYMORE!_**"

_Anyway_... So this is what the new Boss and his _capos_ have to consider before making a decision on Kyousuke's placement within the Family: the young Kyousuke is unmotivated and _bored_. He continues to work with his parents but as he is young, still in adolescence, he needs a wider playing field so to speak. ('_This situation I'm in is pretty constricting right now though..._' Kyousuke thought, still trying to call his superior's attention regarding the training exercise's video selection and for confirmation if it was really supposed to be his turn to do the memory recall exercise... He got his attention alright; but it only consisted of another hit on the head with the clipboard and a harsh admonishment to pay attention to the video.) If he continues to be allowed to stagnate by doing nothing to menial research work, he's just "easy picking" for the Varia, (which should be recruiting for new members around this time of year...) **_and_** if he is incited to join them, he could be subsequently turned into an assassin.

The reason the Varia took interest in him was because the news of what he did to that errant lab assistant had reached them via their intelligence.

"Eeeh!? _Turn him into an assassin?!_ But he's only **_how old_**?!" The Tenth Boss had exclaimed. Even his newly inducted _capos_ looked bothered by this information.

It had been quite a revelation for them to find out that they already had actual working subordinates below the age of twenty- two, the age for one to be considered an adult in Japan. (_Signor _Basil,_ Signor _Reborn, _Signorina _I- Pin- and _Signor _Lambo do not count in Kyousuke's category; they're talking about people they have never met before.)

"Nineteen years old." Reborn- _sama_ had reiterated.

"_Nineteen years old._" The _consigliore_ stressed after him.

The Tenth Boss had then put on a confused expression: "He's still just a _kid_; would the Varia seriously recruit someone that young and turn him into a killer?!"

"It's not an uncommon procedure in the Varia to recruit people whose ages are below the legal limits of _any_ country, or did you forget already?" _Signor _Reborn whacked him upside the head with the folder containing Kyousuke's files_._ He then used his fellow Arcobaleno as an example: "Viper is about ten years old now."

Trident Shamal had then added: "Remember Belphegor? He himself approached the Varia when he was only a child. He was much younger than Kagakusha then."

It would be a good decision on the Tenth Boss' part to come up with a way to keep Kyousuke within the main Family instead of allowing him to enter the darker, cut- throat world of assassins... where his chemistry genius is in constant peril of disappearing from the Vongola mafia because of a wayward bullet or a slice of a knife.

"A _genius_? **_Hah_**, don't make me laugh; he could have cheated. His parents must've helped him in those so- called 'breakthroughs'." _Signor _Gokudera had scoffed. "No one can create such incredible chemical compounds as if he were just experimenting in the kitchen."

But he **_had _**put his feet down from the table... apparently the mention of 'poisons' and 'antidotes' had made him pay better attention to the report regarding Kyousuke.

That then began a short debate regarding the classification of Kyousuke's abilities and position: "The Vongola database lists him as 'research personnel'. The previous generation's network was unable to classify whether what he has is a Poison Cooking skill or a variant form since, technically, Kyousuke doesn't work with food or produce them out of nowhere. He has to have materials available for him to work. Also, he was still only a child then; they wanted to wait for him to grow a little older before formally classifying his skills." The _consigliore _explained.

"Cooking is also considered a form of chemistry work; chemical reactions are involved whenever you are cooking something." Trident Shamal added.

_Signor _Gokudera had then frowned and asked: "Are you serious about him being able to create antidotes for poisons?"

"**_Very_**."

_Signor _Reborn then dared _Signor _Gokudera to have Kyousuke flown in from Italy and brought to the Japan base to meet him if he was so skeptical... He could talk to Kyousuke himself; have him demonstrate his talents in front of him to prove he wasn't a fraud.

The _capo_ had retorted then that he would do just that: he "would be the judge of Kyousuke's abilities."

Then he turned and requested his Boss for permission to have Kyousuke brought from the Italy base immediately... He wanted to see for himself if Kyousuke "was the real deal, if he was truly the genius behind that dental GPS compound that had started quite a few problems for him during his first year of high school."

(Kyousuke then gave his _capo _an uneasy look; was he perhaps after vindicating his high school years from whatever trouble his invention had caused him? _'He must be... he _**_has _**_to be... Holy shit... I'm alone in a locked room with **him**__ and nobody else knows where we are; I'm going to be killed with a metal clipboard...!' _Unfortunately, Kyousuke's _capo _had noticed he wasn't giving the screen his full attention again... and gave him another sharp whack on the head with his "murder weapon"...)

The Boss immediately gave his permission (he is such a great man!) and signed the papers prepared beforehand for authorizing new personnel to enter the Japanese base. In those papers were orders for samples of Kyousuke's hand prints and a retina scan to be taken. These two records would then be inputted into the Tenth Vongola's temporary headquarters' database to confirm his identity for when he arrived from Italy. (The underground base was still in the beginning stages of construction back then. The building that the Boss and his Guardians were using as a base at the time used palm print scanning technology; much like the underground base and had also used retina scanning technology.)

They agreed to decide on Kyousuke's placement within the Family **_after _**_Signor_ Gokudera personally verified Kyousuke's chemical weapon development abilities...

(Most likely the following day because Kyousuke calculated that approximately two minutes after the Boss signed the papers to have Kyousuke's palm prints and retina scan taken, Kyousuke had been accosted in his parents' laboratory while in the middle of an experiment by members of the CEDEF. He was then forcibly put on a jet bound for Japan; along with small a number of his fellow "Generation X" from the Weapons Development and Combat Personnel Training Departments... As he had learned later during the flight to Japan, he and his peers had all been summoned by the Vongola's future _capo bastone _for the purpose of verifying their individual skills and backgrounds...)

Then the panel went on to listen to the report on the next nineteen- year old Vongola _Mafioso_ whose name followed Kyousuke's. (This procedure went on for a week until they had planned out the placements for every single subordinate from the Italy base's "Generation X".)

The reports and files on the Italy branch "Generation X" personnel had been presented to the Tenth Boss and his _capos _**_without_**any pictures or videos included, preventing any bias and stereotype tendencies based on physical appearances on the Boss' and his _capos' _behalf_._ The reason for this was because they were still young (and still considered immature) then so they were still prone to making biases... So the Boss and his _capos_ still had **_no idea_** what Kyousuke looked like. They only knew what he could **_do_**. [10]

The _capo _then stopped and ejected the DVD of the surveillance video out of the player and asked him to recite back to him every detail that he had seen and heard.

Kyousuke was then **_finally_** able to ask him if his answers could be considered reliable... (The video was almost a summary of his life story...) How was his superior sure that he wasn't recalling things based on his own biases? How was he sure about the test reliability and all that...?

His _capo_ frowned at him a little bit... then promptly smacked him on the top of his head with his metal clip board (**_again_**): "**_Didn't I tell you to point out the flaws in my plans before I actually implement them?!_ **You just broke Rule 3 **_again_**, **_Ryuunosuke_**!" [6] He scolded.

_'**Gaaaaaarrrggggh...!**' _He was **_right_**; his _capo_ **_did_** mistake him for his cousin...!

"... _Chief_... I'm **_KYOU_**suke_..._"

"_Kyousuke_?!" His _capo _suddenly flicked on the lights so he could see which subordinate he'd dragged out of the mess hall to train in memory recall accuracy.

Then he stared incredulously at him while Kyousuke blinked and rubbed his eyes, trying to adjust to the light: "Oh... it **_is _**Kyousuke... You and Ryuu look a bit like each other from the back; one of you should color your hair or get your ears pierced or something." His _capo _said, frowning after recovering from surprise.

(Kyousuke wondered if his _capo's _eyeglasses needed to get checked or something... Ryuunosuke was much taller than himself... How could his _capo _still make that mistake...? Then again; he **_is _**still only human who bleeds when he gets shot like the rest of them... Although several times, Kyousuke and his fellow Hurricane 59 could swear that he is a **_demon_**...)

"Why didn't you **_tell_** me you **_weren't_** Ryuunosuke earlier?"

"... Because you kept telling me to_ 'shut up and watch' _(and hitting me with the clipboard) every time I tried... How was I supposed to tell you then, Sir...?" Kyousuke groaned. "You just **_dragged_** me in here before I even had breakfast! And Ryuu- _nii_ left early to do laps because it's Wednesday...!"

It was **_so_** unfair...

He had just sat down to eat breakfast... right after his older cousin had stood up and left (so his empty plate was still on the table)... His _capo_ must've thought he was already finished and mistook him for his cousin (he **_did_** say that he and Ryuu look alike from the back).

Chief had simply grabbed the back of Kyousuke's jacket collar (without even checking if he had the right subordinate) and hauled him off to the reference room for the training exercise... Kyousuke hadn't even had the chance to protest because his _capo _was also talking to the Boss on his cell phone as he dragged him out of the mess hall...

"Well, since you're here already; you might as well do the exercise anyway. That way you can have a longer lunch break later." Chief then turned around to look for a different video to use for Kyousuke's training exercise...

Kyousuke could only open and close his mouth in disbelief as he stared at his _capo's _back: '... _T- This_... **_bastard_**... _is _**_really _**_"The Stick"_... _But then again_...' He decided, resigning himself to his fate. '... _I guess it's better than having to work for the Varia... I hear they lock up their new recruits in caged rings and make them fight to the death like gladiators_...'

But little did Kyousuke know that after the memory recall training, he wouldn't be able to sit down and eat just yet...

His_ capo_ would later drag him off to the infirmary (to make sure Kyousuke stayed within his immediate sight for the time being) and retrieve a bottle of alcohol, cotton balls and a sterilized needle: apparently Chief's solution for his problem in telling his two subordinates (who are cousins and possess photographic memories) apart was to get Kyousuke's ears pierced... [9]

* * *

**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 008 COMPLETE**

* * *

**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes:** _Yes_, Gokudera pierced his subordinate's ears himself... He even does that sometimes to distinguish which subordinates are his from Yamamoto's. It's not disclosed to _Mafiosi _**_outside_** of the Hurricane 59 if he's actually adept at it or not... -shiver- _Soooo_, anyone who still wants to work for Gokudera now...? (What Tsuna's subordinates have to put up with everyday...) **_YES_**, this is an original character's POV. He **_has _**to have a photographic memory; otherwise he wouldn't be able to tell anyone what was said and what had happened in that meeting in detail... and there wouldn't be an excuse to bring out those surveillance videos...

I'd been wondering: if Tsuna and the others are the administration of the Family (meaning that they are the ones in the highest positions of the organizational structure)... what should their subordinates/ underlings/ minions/ henchmen/ attack dogs/ human shields/ Millefiore cannon fodders be like? It'd be so boring if all of them always go "Yes Boss! Yes Boss!" and have little to no semblance of distinct personalities from one another... (...like Dino's men... They all laugh when Dino makes a funny; they all say "That's lame, Boss!" if Dino's being a klutz again before they show up...) and they kind of look alike... (... Black suits and shades... occasional scars... bouncer builds...)

**[1] Hurricane 59:** The name of Gokudera's crew (inspired by the "Kill Bill I" movie's "Crazy 88"... for the lack of a better name)... and it does not necessarily mean to say that they are literally '59' in number... It's just a label to say that it's _Gokudera Hayato's_ crew (and private mini- army). It's still in the beginning stages as the plan to actually put it together was only actually formalized a little more than three years before the TYL Arc... But long before Tsuna ordered it to be created; Gokudera has already been gathering skilled and loyal subordinates in anticipation of receiving the position of _capo bastone_. Notice the population count of each rank becomes smaller? Gokudera's _that_ strict and dead- set on making his crew comprised of the best... and it's also because of his crazy and sometimes unreasonable standards. Gokudera has only three rules for his crew to follow and they (will be) named in Article I of "La Rottura di Omérta". On an interesting note, members of H59 are at least half a year younger than Gokudera. Why? **KHR Manga-** **Target 28: "Dino Again": **Gokudera to Tsuna- **_"Anyone older me is an enemy."_** So I think it makes sense that Gokudera's subordinates would be younger than him; because he can't consider anyone a subordinate if they're older than him... he'll consider them an enemy. XP But then, it can also bring up this...

**[2] Number 1 out of 82, 203 People Suitable for a Kindergarten Teacher:** I was thinking what if **_this_** ranking is **_real_**? XD Wouldn't it be hilarious if it were a real rank; as in if it weren't a product of rain interference? 8D Since his subordinates are younger than him; some of them might be still be a bit immature- minded (since TYL Gokudera's only, _what? _Twenty- five-_ish_...? He'll probably take in people as young as nineteen in his crew as long as they meet his "ridiculously high standards" standards; age included). Since he's training them himself (he used to have help from Reborn, but then Reborn **_died_**_..._), the younger members must be a handful for him sometimes. He probably commands obedience from some of them by scaring the crap out of them by saying things like:

**[3] Fail and You'll be Playing Baseball with _Signor_ Yamamoto: **I wouldn't put it past Gokudera to use **_'playing baseball with Signor Yamamoto'_** as a **_threat_** to keep his own subordinates in line... _Hmm_... I seem to be making quite a few (Yamamoto/ baseball- terrorized) subordinates lately... It must also be partly Gokudera's fault that Yamamoto's having quite a hard time looking for somebody to play "catch" with on his off- days... (Declassified File 001: Of Kittens and Cockroaches)...

... But what happens if they **_both_** find a subordinate who can play baseball and at the same time fit the Hurricane 59 standards...? I imagine a "_tug- of war_" argument ensues between the two "big kids" on the (Vongola) playground every time it happens... (You know how little kids like to steal each other's playmates? No? Well, it's somehow hilariously cute to watch... until the kid caught in the middle starts crying... and probably the big brother (Tsuna) has to step in...)

**[4] "Anton", [5] "Toph" and [6] "Ryuu": **All three are OCs created to make TYL Gokudera "_look good/ feared_". (_Pft... _**_What? _**D8) He can't be considered an "awesome _capo_" if he doesn't have any subordinates of his own to follow/fear him and support (and sometimes oppose) his crazy plans... (...Like the one for Tsuna's birthday... LOL **_Everyone _**but Tsuna is all for the strippers) In order to build up the consensus that he's "awesome/ scary", we need the majority of the Vongola _Mafiosi _in the lower rank to authenticate and later disseminate the information to the outside and rival mafia that Gokudera Hayato is "**_THE_** feared Right- Hand Man of the Vongola Tenth". (It's an **_effective_** political propaganda to get rival mafia and allies to take the "piano- playing half- Oriental brat" turned "Smoking Bomb" really seriously...and it helps build up Tsuna's image and reputation as "**_The_** Godfather". It's also a security system of sorts: if you piss off the Right- hand man's subordinates, they won't let you get even within five miles of Gokudera and they will do "everything" in their power to sabotage any outsider's attempt to "waste their _capo's _time"... and subsequently the great Tenth Boss will not know of your insignificant existence... So be nice to the underlings first... _Bwahahaha..._)

Anyway, these three are currently "Wind"- ranked members of Hurricane 59 in the main "T.R.R.o.R" story. During the time of this one- shot; they are still "Gale"- ranks. (But I'm not posting too many details on them just yet though; don't want to spoil the following one- shots in "Declassified" or the future chapters of "T.R.R.o.R." XD)

As mentioned earlier, **"Anton"** (or "Antonio") is currently the H59's best hacker. (Makes you wonder why Gokudera was investigating the hacking incident himself in "Declassified File 001: Of Kittens & Cockroaches" when he already has such a hacker in his employment...) **"Toph"** is Kyousuke's room mate in the _sggaristas' _quarters in the Japan base and is another member of the H59 (whose abilities are also sometimes misused by their _capo_). At the time of the one- shot, he had his arm broken by TYL Yamamoto in a baseball- related freak accident... **"Ryuu" **or "Ryuunosuke" (the other "- _suke_") also possesses a photographic memory and is Kyousuke's cousin on his mother's side... hence the physical resemblance "in the back"... TYL Gokudera often mistakes one '_- suke'_ for the other so he (imposed on) had Kyousuke get a _tiny_ bit of a makeover. XP He goes for "laps" (as in he goes around in circles) every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday... and TYL Gokudera has... _ahh_... "_very_ _creative_" nicknames for the two cousins when they're together in one place... You can see how "special" his men are to him from those nicknames... 8P

**[7] Kagakusha Kyousuke (****化学者 ****協輔): **I've been calling him my "Experimental OC" created for the purpose of getting rid of the Millefiore Virus "Writer's Block". (I was bored and wanted to try and see if I could create a Mary- Sue type character... Strange thing to do; but that's my "Writer's Block" for you... "The Original Fiction Mary-Sue Litmus Test" [**ht tp : / / w w w . pony land press. com/ ms- test. html**] classifies him as "The Anti- Sue" because of his score of **_5_**. (Yes, even I'm surprised; I was kind of expecting he'd turn out to be an "Uber- Sue"... I feel strangely disappointed in myself for this "non- Sue"... But now that I think about it; every single underling I create for TYL Gokudera to power- trip over never goes above the "Borderline Sue" bracket... (Even the ones with **_craziest _**background stories...) -sigh- Anyway... He's also an OC I made for TYL Gokudera's convenience/ personal use (... and sometimes abuse) as well as a (usually) willing accomplice for causing trouble in the Japan base ("to keep all the other subordinates on constant alert and in top shape..." Or so Gokudera says; be watchful of the breakfast sunny side- up eggs, they just might have cyanide in them...).

His surname "Kagakusha" [化学者] means "chemist"; some other site says it means "scientist"; either way it still works: he's _still_ a scientist despite his "non- nerd" appearance (I'll say it again: I lack creativity in naming things; I have a lame naming sense) and the characters for his given name [協輔] mean "cooperation" and "help" respectively; I was trying to decide whether I should call him 'Kazuki' (meaning "first of a new generation") or "Kyousuke". But then I figured the latter name was more fitting... and it's **_much_** **_funnier_** if his _capo _keeps mixing him and his cousin up (even though they only share only **_one_** common special ability between them; their roles in the Vongola mafia are very drastically different from one another). His Hurricane 59 codename is "Alchemist" (Gokudera's subordinates get one when they become genuinely initiated members of the Vongola mafia and it becomes part of their CCC usernames; Kyousuke's is "10ClamAlchemist").

He's usually very _cooperative_ in whatever TYL Gokudera plans whether it's work- related or not... But at the same time he's rather intrepid on his own... He **_has_** to be; how else can he put up with his _capo's _(not to mention Reborn's) insanity and still **_stay alive_** and on Gokudera's crew even after almost three years of working closely with him? (_Must have something to do with being a __"VQ- level- M- type"..._) He can act scared of Gokudera at times (_especially_ if it involves a smiling TYL-Yamamoto-with-a-baseball-and-bat...). Pseudo- trauma aside, he actually likes having TYL Gokudera as his superior (_capo_) because the projects he gives him are always challenging and interesting/amusing to him... although he **_DOES_** (like everyone else in the H59) find him quite frustrating to deal with at times... TYL Gokudera, as a superior, finds it a challenge to train Kyousuke because he knows he gets bored of routine and drills and thinks that his subordinate gets easily distracted... (Uh... Gokudera...? That's **_exactly _**how a kindergarten teacher usually feels about a kid with ADHD... But Kyousuke doesn't have ADHD; he's just too curious to see what happens if you mix chemical A with chemical B while boiling them at 180 degrees Celsius... and dropping in a couple of Bianchi's poisoned cookies in the stuff...) Then there's also the novelty of Kyousuke acting as the counterforce for Bianchi's Poison Cooking; we can be sure that Gokudera will **_absolutely_** **_not_** let Kyousuke resign from his crew... (Even if he begs while doing the _dogeza_...)

As already mentioned, his invention, the GPS organic dental filling began the "Project Weather Tracker"; he invented the compound when he was eleven, meaning Tsuna and co. were fifteen then. (But they're **_still_** unsure whether to classify his abilities as a Poison cooking skill or if it's just a variant of it.) "Project Weather Tracker" was supposed to be implemented when they were sixteen (Kyousuke was twelve then). He was nineteen at the time Gokudera (then twenty- one) had him brought over from Italy to be interviewed (interrogated).

This one- shot was from when he was _still_ nineteen years old (a little after he was transferred to Japan and before Gokudera ordered him to get a "makeover" so he wouldn't mistake him for another of his subordinates) and almost three years before the TYL Arc and the main "T.R.R.o.R." story. Kyousuke is twenty- two in the current (future) time of the main "T.R.R.o.R." story... and Reborn used him as one of the 'baits' for Gokudera to start something that could be Tsuna's revival of a legacy as the Vongola Tenth. XD (but that's another story...)

**[8] '- _suke'_: **Gokudera seems to purposely avoid recruiting Japanese _Mafiosi _whose names end with '- _yoshi'._ Three guesses why and the first two don't count. XD

**[9] Power- tripping?: **Hahaha... Goku seems drag Kyousuke to wherever he wants him to go quite a lot... It's easy for him to do that because Kyousuke's _a little _shorter than him; probably around TYL Ryohei's height (TYL Ryohei looks like he's much shorter than TYL Gokudera and TYL Yamamoto)... Kyousuke's also a bit shorter than his cousin ("the other '- _suke'_", Ryuunosuke (who should be a couple of centimeters shorter than TYL Gokudera...) His height makes him a little easier for Gokudera to "bring"/ drag almost anywhere... ("Portable _kouhai_/minions/human shields (TM)... _Never leave home without them **or** **else**_...)

Picking on the shorter and younger guys, Goku? You haven't changed at all... Wait... the H59 has a maximum age and height requirement...?

**[10] Discrimination Based on Physical Appearance: **Dino said something about this in the manga [Target 47] "We're mafia bosses. We can't judge or discriminate against anyone based on their physical appearances. What's important is what on..." -getssqueezedtodeathbySannapi&Mayu-Mayu- "The i- inside..." (Tsuna: "What's inside is going to get squeezed out!")

**[11] "How Gokudera was taught how to swim...":** He was fitted with a remote- controlled robo- exoskeleton... (anime only) I'm not sure which anime episode this was though... He had Tsuna use it when he, Yamamoto, Ryohei and Haru were all trying to teach Tsuna how to swim. I laughed so hard when I tried pictured the chibi- Hayato wearing that awkward device and trying to learn how to swim... He probably had his dad's subordinates all around him cheering "_You can do it bocchama! _When you perfect your swimming form you'll be swimming in the Olympics in no time!" (I'm just he assuming he picked up the idea that "good subordinate's" behavior is being overenthusiastic with little to no concept of personal space and extreme worrywarts from his father's underlings when he was a kid... _Tsk, tsk..._ Nice role models, huh? I got something on Hayato- _bocchan's_ babysitters/ bodyguards in the works... But I've really got quite a lot of stories on my plate at the moment.)

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For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the submit review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

_Lalalalalalalalalalaaa...!_ "Haya- two" is **_not _**Gokudera's love- child with Kyoko (it's obvious from his eye color he isn't! - _WAH! Don't kill me, Uncle Tsuna!_ DX) Actually, he's a **_very advanced robot_** created to stand in for Goku after he died because Bianchi misses her sweet, innocent little brother too much... and "Haya- two" wants to become a real boy! -silence- That sounds too much like Pinocchio; "if you break Omérta, your stomach will ache" ... Er... that's **_not_** true either... I'm just rambling... I'm so typer-hyper-happy right now... 8D OK; I'm off to play Devil May Cry 3 on the PS2 now... I don't feel like writing for "T.R.R.o.R." or "La Rottura di Omérta" again. XP "Writer's Block" has once again set in...


	9. File 009: The Young Turks' Sit Down

The previous one-shot got too long and I had to cut it: once again we have the **_very cooperative_** Kyousuke giving us a look on what it's like to work for the Vongola mafia **_and_** what it's like to have (a sadistic bastard of a "Stick") Gokudera as his superior/mentor. But this time, giving some spotlight on how much of an impact their administration's decisions have on the whole Family… (This wasn't really meant to be funny… so I won't be surprised if nobody finds this post funny at all) I just thought the previous one- shot should have a bit of a window on what Tsuna and his Guardians do as members of the Vongola's administration when they're not kicking Millefiore butt and being generally awesome and or ridiculously crazy… while introducing an OC who should be appearing some time in the main "T.R.R.o.R." story… _someday… _when I get around to getting rid of my Writer's Block for it…

**PS:** Ah, no… leriko, I didn't post the picture of Gokudera Sr. & Jr. together on my DA or anywhere on the Internet for that matter... (So no link to any of my art stuff this time 8P) Junior's "not supposed to exist" since I'm not writing Goku a love story (yet… I'm still trying to figure out how it works out… and **_still_** keeping the unromantic bastard- prick in character… as well as -cough- "how Mr. Right (hand) and some girl created Junior" -cough- I'm really tempted to just turn him into very advanced robot created to remind everyone of his "father" instead of the flesh- and- blood kid like I originally wanted… (_Oooh_… Mecha- story, I _like_… 8D)) But the fact that he exists in some other alternate universe could be taken as a spoiler in itself. 8D So… _Uhh_… Keep your fingers crossed?

**PPS: **Oh, yeah… "_other_ '-suke'"; almost forgot about him… (**_Bad_**_ author!_) I'm going to have to have him show up sooner or later… but I need to get Kyousuke's other buddies into the picture first… Still trying to figure out how to introduce all of Goku's "highest ranked ("Wind") and most promising" Hurricane 59/ subordinates/ underlings. They're the closest group of people he has for a staff (even though they're still in training and aren't _officially_ his staff yet.) It's their stories that tell what Goku does as an underboss and how much he's matured as a _Mafioso _over those ten years… (As well as how even **_more insane_** he's gotten…) and to explain why there aren't any other subordinates in that underground base besides TYL Giannini (who technically isn't a subordinate… he's an "associate"). All that space and high- end tech underground, but not a single underling in sight… I know they're being hunted, but couldn't they have been able to shelter even at least **_some_** of their _sggaristas_ in that base…? (So that the canon cast don't have so much housework to do? Imagine cleaning a place that's bigger than the San Siro stadium… Then again, that's so far the only thing that the show and manga is showing what Kyoko and Haru are good for while they're stuck in the future…) What's going on…? 8D

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**Disclaimer:** Don't own anything. Only the OCs. Gokudera owns the OCs' asses; he's the one immediately handling their salaries after all…

**Warning: **Mentions of OCs, one maleOC created simply for the Vongola's convenience (more specifically Gokudera's)… another round of TYL Goku power- tripping over his subordinate. :P

**Note: **The characters have never been to the future. This happened in the past of their adult versions in TYL Arc.

* * *

**The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 009: The Young Turks' Sit- Down Dress- Up**

Written: Wednesday, July 02, 2008, 10:16:23 PM

Edited: Friday, September 05, 2008, 10:44:28 PM

Updated: Saturday, October 18, 2008, 09:54:09 PM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 009**

**Time: **10:45:56 PM

**Location:** Reference Room, Vongola Tenth's Temporary Base, Namimori City, Japan

**Note:** **Hurricane 59 Minimum Age and Height Requirements:** [ATTENTION] As of writing, the Vongola Hurricane 59 is still in its beginning stages. Roles and procedures described are still subject to change according to the decision of the _capo bastone/_H59 _caporegime._

**APPLICABLE TO ALL RANKS**

**Age: **(Both genders) Minimum age limit: 19 y/o; Maximum age limit: 25 y/o (but not born before September 9th)

**Height: [Male] **Minimum: 171.2 cm (5' 7.4"); Maximum: 176.0 cm (5' 9.3"); **[Female]** Minimum: 158.8 cm (5' 2.6"); Maximum: 163.2 cm (5' 4.2") [5]

**Archive Summary: **Surveillance record of actual memory recall training for Hurricane 59 "Gale" rank of nineteen- year old Kagakusha Kyousuke (now "Wind"- ranked and twenty- two years old.)

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 97.25343674 percent complete..._

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 009**

Since he had pointed out that there was a problem regarding the reliability of his answers for the checklist earlier, his _capo _picked out another surveillance video to use for his training. But that meant that it would be another hour and a half before Kyousuke could be allowed to brunch…

Kyousuke then asked his _capo_ if it was really OK that he was being made to watch videos about meetings that are supposed to be considered closed doors affairs. _Mafiosi _in his rank (_sggarista_ or soldier) aren't supposed to be privy to things like these… (But then again, the Vongola itself was pretty unorthodox despite its long history of tradition… Didn't the First Boss start this Family with unorthodox members after all?)

His _capo _told him to him that it was perfectly alright. [1] He added that this is one of many methods of preserving archival records; for the event that the Vongola's archival database breaks down to the point where it could no longer be backed up by the Family archivists: the Vongola could extract Kyousuke's brain and make back- ups from the electrical signals in the neurotransmitters inside of it.

Kyousuke sat dumbfounded and stared incredulously at him, wondering if he was actually being serious with him… He could feel the shivers running up his spine and his blood run cold when he saw the staid look on his _capo's _face as he told him the reason he was using surveillance videos for Kyousuke's training… As far as he knew, there was no such technology for such a thing… and he hadn't heard about such a project from the Bio- Technical Weapons Development Sub- Department…

Or maybe that was just the scope of what Kyousuke knew…

He was pretty sure that his _capo _definitely knew more…

The _capo_ had then paused and frowned quizzically at him: "That was a **_joke_**, Kyousuke; you're allowed to laugh, you know."

"_Uh_… Eh… Ha- ha…?" _'This guy… can really scare the **shit** out of anyone…'_

In any case, the second surveillance video Kyousuke was made to watch showed the events of the conference- meeting break: The male members of the of the panel (_Signorina_ Dokuro had disappeared somewhere) were talking about _Signor _Gokudera's taking _Signore _Reborn's dare to interview/interrogate and cross- examine Kyousuke.

_Signor _Yamamoto had asked the Boss what he expected Kyousuke to look like. The Boss just replied that he must look like a scientist- type. _Signor_ Gokudera then snorted and said that he expected Kyousuke to look like an arrogant **_geek_**, complete with the large thick- framed glasses and very tacky clothes. (Kyousuke found himself snickering at **_this_**part; he most certainly didn't look like what his _capo _was describing him to be… almost the opposite actually; his _capo_ then swatted his head with his clipboard **_again_** and told him to "Shut up and _watch_"… This isn't even déjà vu anymore…)

That particular conversation had sparked an impromptu debate between the three male _capos_ on what the uniform the Tenth Boss' future subordinates were going to wear once they had finalized the changes in the organizational line- up: _Signor_ Yamamoto had suggested something that had stripes… He had given a rather long and detailed description. (Kyousuke would not bother to recall it for the sake of the archive file; the _capos_ on the video he was made to watch gave a more accurate summary of it): _Signor_ Gokudera and _Signor_ Sasagawa made noises of indignation and protested that his idea sounded a lot like a baseball uniform.

_Signor _Yamamoto then asked them "what was so wrong" with his idea… _Signor _Gokudera retorted that there was something wrong with it when his idea included _cleats_ and _caps_… and the name of "Vongola" stitched on the back of the shirts: "Do you want to broadcast to rival mafia who we are in case we need to do infiltrations of establishments ourselves using natural cover?"

"OK, OK; what do you mean by "natural cover"?"

"It's a type of disguise!" (Well, Kyousuke wasn't sure what his _capo _meant by "natural cover" either; he made a note to himself to ask his room mate, Toph about it. He was the one who was used to doing infiltrations and wearing disguises after all…)

_Signor_ Sasagawa's suggestion was that they use camouflage print on their uniforms. (Everyone else figured it must have been an influence of his former tutor, _Signor_ Colonello.) The Boss balked at the idea of having his Family look like a military organization and _Signor_ Gokudera agreed with him.

He called _Signor_ Sasagawa's idea a "stupid" one: what were they going to look like if they had to go out in public with a large number of subordinates wearing camo? They'd raise public panic... And make people think there was a military coup d'état going on or something.

When _Signor _Sasagawa then challenged him to give _his_ idea for the dress code, _Signor _Gokudera smirked and leaned on the edge of the long table (the male _capos_ were all standing in front of the long table, save for the boss, who was still seated in his chair at the head of the table): **_his_** idea was that they just stick with the traditional shirt, suit and tie look… They could easily pass off as members of a business corporation if they had to go out in public at the very least, and they'd **_still_** look like a mafia. [2]

(Kyousuke noticed that the Boss looked somewhat relieved when he said that they wear should wear suits… But then he had balked when _Signor _Gokudera said the words '**_still_** look like mafia'.)

"I guess that's fine with me." _Signor_ Yamamato had mused aloud. "But I still don't see what's wrong with wearing stripes."

_Signor _Gokudera, it seemed, had decided to ignore him and then added that it should also be made mandatory for all members of the Vongola to wear under their suits a full body armor made of Kevlar covered several times over with the same woven material that _Signor _Reborn's chameleon, Leon, had made for the Boss during the scramble for the Vongola Rings almost six years ago.

Everyone else present in the room had stared at him in disbelief… and reacted:

Where the Hell were they going to get that **_EXTREMELY_** large amount of Kevlar? _Signor_ Sasagawa demanded of him.

Isn't that going to look bulky under a suit? _Signor _Yamamoto looked at him, puzzled.

And where were they going to get that much Anti- Dying Will Flame material? There was only so much that Leon was capable of producing at a time, the Boss pointed out. They couldn't possibly expect the shape- shifting chameleon to produce full sets of clothing good for one week… for more than five thousand people… It's impractical and costly… and unfair to the little chameleon…

"Well, maybe the Chemical Weapons Sub- Department boy could figure out how to make the material…?" _Signorina _Dokuro spoke up, seemingly arriving out of nowhere to the men in the conference room (Kyousuke had noticed that she appeared just as _Signor_ Gokudera had started talking about his idea for the dress code), just in time to resume the meeting.

Seeing as she the only one who hadn't offered a suggestion for the uniform (and heard _Signor _Yamamoto's and _Signor_ Sasagawa's "stupid and ridiculous" suggestions for their uniforms), _Signor_ Gokudera suddenly put her on the spot: does she or does she not agree with him that the Boss and his subordinates should wear shirts, suits and ties and Kevlar armor underneath? ("Don't I have a say in this…?" The Boss had sighed.)

_Signorina_ Dokuro frowned thoughtfully for a moment; tapped the toe of her high- heeled boot on the tiled floor once and looked at her Boss and her fellow Guardians. (Kyousuke figured she was probably imagining what they would look like if they wore suits… He blinked once… then **_stared_** when he saw that every one of the men in the video was suddenly wearing a shirt, suit and tie… but no bulky armor in sight…) It seemed that the men in the video had also noticed that they weren't dressed like college students anymore. (Kyousuke's surprise must have shown on his face as his _capo _had given only one word to explain what his subordinate was seeing: "**_Illusions_**.")

Suddenly all the men were back to their old attire of T- shirts, jackets, jeans and sneakers; _Signorina _Dokuro then answered _Signor _Gokudera's question by saying "Boss would look good in a black suit."

Well, the Boss looked very relieved when she said that. (Kyousuke had been imagining how everyone else would look like with the bulk armor… He couldn't get the word: "rhinoceros" out of his head for some reason.) Apparently it meant (to him) that she was all for the traditional shirt, suit and tie uniform for himself and the others…

"… And _he_ also agrees,"

_Signor _Gokudera stood up from where he had been sitting on the desk and went "**_HAH_**!"while pointing at _Signor _Yamamoto and _Signor_ Sasagawa; smirking in triumph. He now had **_two_** votes for his dress code plan. Counting his own, that made **_three_**.

All he needed was the Boss' 'OK' and his dress code plan was good to go…

But then _Signorina _Dokuro wasn't finished speaking; she also agreed with the others: having everyone wear full- body armor was impractical… and the Boss would look ridiculous in a bulky and heavy Kevlar body armor under his suit...

(_'Actually… **anyone **would look ridiculous wearing armor **that **thick…'_ Kyousuke had thought, somehow feeling extremely relieved that **_that_** part of the dress code plan had never been implemented. _'Thank God, Signorina Dokuro had actually attended the meeting that day…'_ She was usually absent in the other meetings recorded… But he made sure to keep his face neutral; he was still wary of his _capo's _metal clipboard-slash-murder weapon…)

Kyousuke's _capo_ in the video had retreated to a corner of the room and began to grow mushrooms there, mumbling that he just wanted to lower the possibilities of the Boss and every member of the Family from dying of a potentially life- threatening bullet and any other kind of projectiles…

The Boss had then wondered aloud to himself if _Signor _Gokudera had been shot with the Tomaso Family's Desolation Bullet sometime during their conversation… (_'No… He wasn't, he was still fully dressed…' _Kyousuke thought.) Then he tried to console his Right- hand by saying he approved of the shirt, suit and tie dress code but **_without_** the Kevlar-armor-covered- with- Anti-Dying- Flame- material- several- times- over.

"It might be too heavy and we wouldn't be able to move properly… Maybe we can just have the suits made out of Anti- Dying Will Flame material instead?"

_Signor_ Gokudera visibly brightened at the Boss' idea: "An excellent plan, Boss! I **_knew_** the Tenth could come up with something brilliant!" (Kyousuke wondered he was seeing another illusion caught on video; he was pretty sure that was a pair of puppy ears and a wagging tail on his _capo…_) [2]

After taking a formal vote, they all agreed the men should wear the traditional shirt, suit and tie for a uniform… **_And all was right in the world…_**

"Wait a minute… what should the _women_ wear?" _Signor_ Yamamoto asked suddenly. The Boss and _Signor_ Gokudera stopped and blinked before looking at each other. [3]

… Apparently they hadn't thought of that yet.

"S_omething **EXTREMELY**_ _cute and **EXTREMELY** sexy, of course!_" Signor Sasagawa declared enthusiastically, pumping his fist into the air.

Then he went on to describe the skirt length (estimating about five to eight inches above the knee), the kind of blouse (the open collar look was sexy… or maybe they could use tube blouses or spaghetti- strap tops and wear short blazers or tight jackets over them; he'd seen some of those in his sister's wardrobe and they looked **_EXTREMELY_** cute on her!)… They could probably wear high heels too…

He even went so far as to illustrate them on the glass window; making very badly drawn sketches using a whiteboard marker (so they would be able to wipe it off later…)

_Signor _Yamamoto laughed at the older _capo's _horrible caricatures of the female anatomy… and offered his suggestions…

The eldest _capo_ gladly followed them, shading in some shapes to add more… width… around the hips…

_Signor _Gokudera threatened to stick one of his dynamite into _Signor_ Sasagawa's mouth and made to force him to remove the whiteboard marker "atrocities" he'd drawn on the window: "How dare you show the Tenth those juvenile scribbles?! They're worse than a kindergartener brat's!"

_Signor_ Sasagawa scowled at him as he replaced the cap of the white board marker: "Oh, like **_you_** can do better, Octopus- head?! Let's see **_YOU _**come up with an **_EXTREME_** design!!!"

He then shoved the whiteboard marker into _Signor_ Gokudera's hand. _Signor _Gokudera narrowed his eyes in a glare…

… And popped the cap off the whiteboard marker… (Kyousuke found himself feeling like he wanted to slap his palm over his face in exasperation; wasn't his _capo_ the one who was telling _Signor _Sasagawa off from drawing on the window in the first place…?)

Boss looked like he was starting to hyperventilate… (Kyousuke frowned a bit at this point and wondered: _'Is he having a nosebleed…?'_)

Chief suddenly stopped the player and ejected the DVD. Kyousuke wondered why he didn't let him finish the video; there was still at least an hour's worth left…

As he returned it to its case, he asked Kyousuke to summarize what he had seen and ticked off on his clipboard what he recalled. Kyousuke did as he was told and his _capo_ marked him to have gotten 97.982352435 percent of the details he had listed down on the clipboard correct.

"Oh, yeah; by the way, Chief… _Signorina _Dokuro was still in the room when _Signor_ Sasagawa started drawing and describing what he thought the women's dress code should be." (Kyousuke's accuracy of getting each detail just went up to 99.394623424 percent…)

The 0.5- thick pencil lead of Chief's mechanical pencil suddenly snapped in half. "… **_Yes_**_, she **was**_…" He replied through clenched teeth.

"I don't see the women wearing _Signor _Sasagawa's suggestion for the prescribed uniform around here… in the Japan base, I mean." Kyousuke continued confusedly. "Does that mean he lost the vote?"

"There **_was_** no vote." Chief said exasperatedly as he put on a long suffering look when he picked up another surveillance video DVD. "Let's just say that '**_somebody_**' who was also listening to him at that time had objections regarding the length of the skirt for the women's uniforms."

"Oh…" Kyousuke found himself saying… Then he wondered who among the _capos _"had objections"… It didn't seem like _Signorina _Dokuro would mind wearing a short skirt for a uniform… She was wearing one in the video after all… As well as knee length, high- heeled boots and a top… which… _strangely_ looked a lot like one of the blouses _Signor_ Sasagawa had been describing… and a blazer… He then wondered if _Signor _Sasagawa was just actually describing what she was wearing the whole time; jumbling in bits of detail from what he claimed he'd seen in his sister's wardrobe…

Had he told his _capo_ **_that_**… then he would have gotten a hundred percent of the items on his superior's checklist perfect…

Instead, Kyousuke remarked that his _capo_ looked a bit like "a kicked little puppy" in the part after the Tenth Boss and the _Signorina _had both shot down his Kevlar body armor suggestion… and asked innocently if that was an illusion too.

Chief frowned at him and asked him if he wanted to sample his sister's Belgium chocolate tarts before Kyousuke took his "long" lunch break.

Instead of shrinking back at the proposition like most lower- ranked _Mafiosi _(being a "VQ- level M- type" made him a rather different breed of subordinate from the regular ones, the "A- types", after all) and being the type of guy who doesn't like to lose either,Kyousuke grinned at his superior, his sense of adventure having been piqued again, and replied that it sounded like a "treat" instead of a threat… He had counteragents ready for it; he just needed to know what _Signorina _Bianchi'schocolate is supposed to be eaten with so he could mix the counteragents in them…

"Prepare five months' worth of those after you're done with this exercise then." Chief told him and put in another surveillance video DVD before pressing the 'play' button on the DVD- VCD player. "And make sure they last until the end of March."

Kyousuke blinked in puzzlement.

… It was only the beginning of August…

"Isn't this time of the year a little too early to prepare for Valentines' Day, Chief?"

"**_We're preparing for HALLOWEEN!_** _And it's **never** too early to prepare for matters of life and death!_" Chief snapped irately. "**_Now_** **_be quiet_** **_and watch this video of a pair of fucking athletics- idiots_**. You _know_ the drill now!"

Kyousuke mentally sighed and shook his head. "… _Roger_, Chief." Meanwhile his empty stomach grumbled… '_At this point… I don't think I'll care if Signorina Bianchi's chocolate's poisoned…_' He thought mournfully.

Well, since he already knew from the first video '_what he had done to deserve this_'; he could no longer ask himself the proverbial '_Oh, why me, oh, whatever- deity- take- your- pick…' _

Also, his _capo _had claimed he selected him for his crew because of his talents in chemical weapons development; photographic memory and "VQ- level" hit man potential… But he had a feeling he was just being used as '**_bait_**_'_ by _Signor_ Reborn (in that other video he had been made to watch yesterday) to convince Chief to look for subordinates who are "M- types", "VQ- level", or a combination of both: the "VQ- level- M- type".

In that surveillance video Chief had had him watch yesterday (his **_real _**schedule for the memory recall accuracy training), _Signor _Reborn was telling Chief that the type of subordinates most suited for him are **_NOT_** the ones who are simple- minded and will **_NOT _** just blindly obey his orders without thinking of consequences… The types of subordinates that he should have working for him are the ones who could think for themselves; Chief was still prone to making mistakes and had a one- track mindset most of the time.

According to _Signor _Reborn, he needed subordinates who could look at things from a different point of view and point out to him the flaws in his plans before he could implement them… and the ones who could decipher his easily misconstrued rude manner of speech (not to mention be able to put up with his swearing and brand of criticism without being too offended…)

Well, Kousuke certainly wasn't simple- minded… and he could look at things from a different angle for his _capo… _He could also understand his _capo's _offensive manner of speech…

But he didn't completely fit the profile for the "ideal subordinates" that _Signor _Reborn had laid out for his _capo_ to look for_. _That's why he has other types of subordinates in the H59; to make up for what others lacked "for the good of the Family"… His crew was to "support **_him _**just as **_he_** (Chief) was there to support their Boss." _Signor _Reborn had told him. (Kyousuke found that bit really inspiring; _Signor _Reborn is truly a charismatic person...)

Just in case the future generations would be curious: Kyousuke was actually fine with having someone like Chief as his _capo…_ because his projects were always challenging; they had sort of thrill and danger in them… Not to mention Chief always found a use for even the most seemingly useless products of his experiments… Be it work- related or non- work related… although he could be **_really demanding_** and very difficult to please and deal with at times…

(Kyousuke remembered one instance when he had been rudely dragged out of bed by his _capo _and made to work in the university laboratory at _one- fucking- thirty _in the morning… His caffeine over- dosed (overhyped) _capo_ hovering over his shoulder and (hyper-) nagging at him to figure out what was wrong with a brand of coffee that their Boss didn't even drink… He could never find out what the problem was; the only thing that he'd managed to find out was that his _capo_ could go on for fourteen hours after having a little more than ten mugs of coffee… Kyousuke supposed that was how he got his work done faster than the Boss did; he pulled all- nighters… Kyousuke thought that his _capo_ would not live long if he kept up with his kind of lifestyle… Somebody (who is _not_ Kyousuke) has to convince him to quit that cancer stick habit too…)

As for his brand of criticism: well, Kyousuke was used to that already… being criticized that is… He got that a lot from his parents… Whenever he got caught playing pranks on the lab assistants… and on his other relatives who worked in the other sub- departments of the Weapons Development Department… (They scolded him **_for_ _getting caught_**… **_not_** for playing pranks…) when he was younger…

Not that it was much different _now_… Although Kyousuke now only made "chemical mischief" on his _capo's _orders ("to keep his fellow subordinates on constant alert and in top shape", or so the Chief said. However, Kyousuke questioned his _capo's _sanity for the nth time since he began working for him when he ordered him to put cyanide in the sunny- side up eggs served during breakfast in the mess the other month…)

But now that he thought of it, Chief's attitude kind of reminded him of one of his uncles who worked in the "Explosives and Ballistics Sub- Department"… That guy **_swore_** **_a_** **_lot_**; Kyousuke was almost fooled once into thinking he was speaking in a whole new language…

… _Hmm_… Maybe _Signore _Reborn had a point… The things his _capo _says could be very easily misinterpreted sometimes; like he had his **_own_** language...

He had his own writing system already… Kyousuke wouldn't be surprised if he suddenly came up with a new language of his own within the next five months…

… He'd probably call it "Goku- go" or something lame like that…

Kyousuke then frowned again.

He wondered to himself if his _capo _realized that what he just said to him a few seconds ago could be taken as an order to watch a gay porn video… [4]

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**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 009 COMPLETE**

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**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes:** I know the one- shot is not as funny. **_Hello_**…? They're talking about **_work_**- related stuff… All play and no work… is going to make the Vongola mafia bankrupt… They've got to be (somewhat) serious about their work at some point… (I hope.)

I got the idea to have them talk about the dress code of the future Vongola **_ages _**ago… (Drafted in July) But I didn't know how present it… but **_then along came Kyousuke!_** 8D (Insignificant underlings' POVs are so convenient in writing funnies about their superiors… Maybe I should have that one- shot about that "Truth or Drink" game the H59 "Wind" ranks were playing go online before I post Goku's overdue birthday one- shot... more like "three- shot" actually… To introduce TYL Goku's other (faithful but long- suffering) subordinates; they **_should_** be making an appearance in "T.R.R.o.R." somewhere… sometime… **_Go away Writer's Block!_**)

**Young Turks' Sit- Down Dress- Up: **"Young Turks"- slang for younger, less traditional generation of _Mafiosi_. (I think it's pretty obvious who the "young turks" are.) "Sit- Down"- slang for a meeting with the Family administration to settle disputes (only this time, the "dispute" is about their uniform…) "Dress- Up"- is just as is. It's not mafia slang.

**[1] On the Hurricane 59 Again: **Yeah, what does TYL Gokudera do other than being TYL Tsuna's glorified slave…? I mean, chief mourner, I mean, a "feared Right- hand man/scary- Vongola- poster boy"? **_Doing_** a **_Right- hand man's job_** of course! I don't think that he would be 24/7 shadowing Tsuna around (because that's humanly impossible even for him), smoking his cancer sticks and looking all cool/ suave/ professional and stuff (even with Uri perched on his head like a "fuzzy- feral hat") or generally looking scary for that matter; that's what a body guard/ disco bouncer does, not a Right- hand man…) Most likely his work includes thinking about what to do about his subordinates! Now that he's got some of his own, there's no way he's going to settle for the ordinary- leveled… Right? He's probably going to be determined to make his crew _"the best **damn** fuckin'crew that the Vongola has ever seen _(a hundred times better than the Baseball- freak's)!" or **_die trying_**. (Apologies for the pressure, Kyousuke; my condolences to your comrades who didn't make the cut...)

**[2] The Mafia Look: **Aww… There, there now, _poor puppy- Goku…_ your dress code idea sounds **_almost_** reasonable… but then everyone else **_will _**look ridiculous... Not everybody has your incredible ability of concealing large quantities of (potentially) bulky objects under their clothes. (Maybe Tsuna's life could have been saved four years later had he approved that plan… _but nooo…_ Even the Tenth Boss can be "vain"…)

**[3] Women's Dress Code:** So who was that 'someone' who had objections? -smirk- _I dunno…! -_speculate?- I originally had **_no idea_** what the female subordinates would actually wear in the future… Never seen anyone other than Oregano wearing a suit (but she's CEDEF)… _THEN_ out came **_that_** color spread! While I'm not complaining about what TYL Chrome's wearing… but… ARGH! I'm still **_damning_** that color spread… TYL Chrome…! After so long, I **_finally _**get to see you… and I'd guessed right; she's back to the 'Nagi- hair'… But **_why_**, oh, **_why _**do you still have that _friggin' **pineapple**…!?_ I find it somehow out of place to have _that_ prickly tuft hair on TYL Chrome's head (She looks "cute enough to be a model" (quoting Yama's old man's line from Rewrite 07 here)…! Actually, I think she looks **_more_** like a Mafia boss' wife than TYL Haru does… TYL Haru _looks like a_ _kindergarten_ _teacher_ to me… D8 And I have a funny feeling that TYL Goku would not want to have anything to do with kindergarten- related stuff… because he's -cough--cough- very busy with mafia related work.)

**[4] Order to Watch a Gay Porn Video: **Gokudera, **_what the Hell_**are you teaching your (younger) subordinate…? (Nice role model, huh? Memory recall accuracy training, my…) "… _Two fucking athletics- idiots_…" indeed… Of course he doesn't mean '_fucking_' as in **_literally_** 'fucking'… He's just being his usual foulmouthed self… This is one way of looking at things that Gokudera doesn't usually use apparently… He thinks he says "perfectly reasonable things" and other people can take it to mean another thing. No wonder he's often misunderstood by members of his Family (Tsuna)… (Declassified File 002: "An Adult Show")

**[5] Height Requirements: **OK, there **_IS_** a maximum age and height requirement… (WTH, Gokudera…?) Well, these aren't random numbers. I may not see Wikipedia as a reliable source but it's unfortunately the only damn thing that Google keeps sticking in my search results…

So **for the males**, the minimum required height is the average height of a Japanese male: 171.2 cm (5' 7.4"); the maximum height is 176.0 cm (5' 9.3"), which is the average height of an Italian male in the Middle and North regions of Italy. **For the females**, the minimum height is 158.8 cm (5' 2.6"), the average height of a Japanese female; the maximum height 163.2 cm (5' 4.2"), the average height of an Italian female in the Middle and Northern regions of Italy. _Aaaand_… there's no requirement for weight… (Aren't the "Generation X" underlings so lucky?) The Chief 59 doesn't care what you weigh "**_just_** as long as you can **_do your fucking job!_**"

(OK, why so much emphasis on the height? **_Bitter_** that TYL Yamamoto's (still) **_taller_** than you, TYL Goku? _Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk…_ Taking it out on your underlings again… I guess it's to be expected from you…)

**So What's TYL Gokudera's Height?: **Of course I don't **_really_** know what TYL Gokudera's real height is… (I'm not Amano Akira.) I'm guessing he's about 180 cm (around 5'9) because he looks really **_fucking_** **_tall _**standing next to his teenage version… (-mutter- there must be something in those cookies other than poison… maybe that's another reason why his dad kept having his sister feed him poison; _to make his **height** shoot up_! No, not really; that just my stupid theory about why he's so tall… When I was watching the scene where they when they were swapped in the anime, the part where only his silhouette was shown in the pink smoke, I couldn't help but think "he's **_really shrunk_**!" instead of "He's finally switched…!" LOL, I know it's wrong… I was kind of hoping for another chibified Goku (TYL version) even though I already read the manga… _I can **dream**, right?_)

180 cm is "incidentally" the average height of a professional Sumo wrestler… (According to Wikipedia, 180 cm is already taller than average in Japan… I guess it makes sense that he'd be taller than the average Japanese male; because he's not _purely_ Japanese… He's mostly European (three- fourths Italian; suppose that means the Italian genes won in the battle of the DNA for the dictation of his height…)

But…** _why_ **a** _Sumo wrestler's_ **height, you ask? Er… they're always telling Kyoko and everyone else uninvolved in the "mafia- game" that they're doing Sumo… so… -pokingindexfingerstogether- in conclusion: I think that TYL Gokudera has the average height of a professional Sumo wrestler… (I apologize in advance for any disturbing mental images I may have induced with these height issues… If it's any consolation to you guys, I had a bad mental image of TYL Goku as a _rikishi..._ complete with weight...) XP -hidesunderarock-

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For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

That color spread; it's also the only canon picture of TYL Gokudera I've seen where he looks pissed off for some reason; not like the usual "Lord of the Angst" in his other pictures… I actually imagined **_Lussuria_** to be the photographer… D8

**OMAKE: Inside the Studio… (When they were shooting for the color spread…)**

**TYL Lussuria:** _Look fierce! Look **fierce**!_ (AN: LOL; Tyra Banks) **_Saa_**_…_ (--) Now: **_look_** **_HOT for Lussy- baby_**, _prrruuurrr… Mwreeaaooowrrr…!_

**TYL Gokudera:** -disturbedshiver- -glare- -lightastickofdynamite- -homicide-

**TYL Dino:** -goesfromlooking8)toD8-

**TYL Basil:** …Go… Gokudera- _dono_… **_Please_** don't destroy the studio…

**TYL Xanxus: -**pointsandlaughsmaniacally- 8D

**TYL Chrome:** -hidesthebodysotheBosswon'tseeandtheywon'ttheirsalariescut-

**TYL Shamal: -**triestogropeTYLChrome'- -TYLMukuroreplacesher- _-Kufufufu-_ -epicfail- -Shamalistraumatized-

**_Hah_…** New semester starts tomorrow… _Waitaminute_… November 5 is Guy Fawkes' Night… That's Gokudera Jr.'s (future) birthday… He's not even born yet… (Daddy hasn't even met Mommy yet… Or maybe they already met but they're not in love or even married yet…) Does that make him -8 years old…?


	10. File 010: Maid of Honor

I know I'm going to regret posting this someday but I haven't made any updates for "T.R.R.o.R." (yet). :P And I didn't want to add a separate story (I'm such a minimalist...) and since technically this submission is a one- shot, I decided to put it here. ("Declassified" is reserved for my one- shots after all. I didn't want to my profile page to look too long XP.)

**This one- shot does not have any direct connection with the rest of the other one- shots or the main "T.R.R.o.R."(... I think...; Declassified File 007 is not related to this although if you like to think so, you're welcome to your interpretation.)** But I guess it could be called an AU within an AU, if that makes sense... I wanted to try writing something where I don't need to research anything... for a change. 8P (More like I just want to drop down on the ground (never mind how dusty it is) and **_sleep_**... fucking jetlag) It isn't so detailed or as explicit as my other works because I'm feeling **_very_** Belphegor- _ish_. (As in lazy, evil, a genius and ultimately sadistic... I think I've been watching "Kill Bill", "Children of the Corn", "Silent Hill", and other bloody films a little too much... And so I shall dub this post as the "Why I should **_NEVER _**be allowed to write for the romance genre/ How I shall get myself ostracized from the general/het fandom." one- shot.

Read and review?

In the meantime, I'll be trying to sleep off the jetlag. USA is an interesting country although I wouldn't want to take up permanent residence there. I hate the climate and the cost of food.

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own. So leave me alone... I'm going to sleeeep...

**Warning: **Use of OCs and mentions of OCs. OOC-ness, insinuations... _Cheeeeeeese... _and as usual, **_CRACK_**. Written by a jetlagged zombie, so expect incoherence. I might be forgetting something else because this is mostly un-beta-ed... because I can't think very straight right now.

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**The Right Rewrite of Right: "The Declassified Files"**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 010: Maid-of-Honor**

Written: Tuesday, January 06, 2009, 07:51:49 AM

Edited: February 15, 2009, 10:23:10 PM

Updated: May 18, 2009, 09:27:52 AM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 010**

**Time: **12:00:00 NN

**Location:** Vongola Underground Base, Namimori City, Japan

**Note:** To be further analyzed to predict patterns of events from the First Generation up to the present.

**Archive Summary: **Record of alternative timeline for the Vongola's Tenth Generation Guardians.

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 59.95935846 percent complete..._

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 010**

Butterflies were the messengers this time. In some way, their appearance made the whole affair seem even more romantic. That's what she thought while he translated for her the information they brought him.

"Are you paying attention?"

Oh, of course she was, she assured him... Though she was lost in a little daydream of her own for a bit… What was he saying again?

He didn't sigh or admonish her, rather his face practically never changed (though that was not the point). But he repeated the news to her anyway.

After listening to him, she thought that it was about time... and she never felt **_so proud_** of him. She jumped out of her seat and eagerly inquired where she could find him: she **_absolutely_** must speak to him about this!

Then butterflies, it seemed, had then added another bit of information: crumpled up paper balls made out of scrapped security proposal plans were used as replacements for a bouquet of flowers... and something else. "What was the last part again?"

_A piece of yarn._ He translated.

"... Why did he have **_yarn_** on him in the first place?"

_It wasn't his. Apparently the only available material for an improvised one was a piece stolen from the Guardian of Storm's box weapon's ball of yarn (its current favorite plaything whenever its master chose to ignore it while he was working), cut to an acceptable length using the Guardian of Rain's katana _(thus another sacrilege to the Shigure Souen Ryu's esteemed blade was committed)_. Static electricity care of the Guardian of Thunder's flame made it stiffen so it could be folded into a circlet shape and held together with a bandage strip from the Guardian of Sun's personal stash._

Did she say she felt proud? Considering his context, perhaps it could pass off as romantic... But of course, to _her_: just that was not good enough.

'**_Men_**_._' She thought, infuriated, as she went off in search of him to give him a piece of her mind. She unfortunately didn't bother to wait for him to give her directions to where he could be found.

* * *

It took her almost the whole morning: There must have been a memo (ordering to delay her in speaking to him, perhaps) released among the _sggaristas _because there seemed to be more requests for love advice than usual.

And if she didn't know any better, there must've have been an epidemic of lovesickness of some sort.

"_Succubi_," Volante had muttered under his breath as his idea of a detailed explanation.

... Well, "Succubi" was plenty enough of an explanation to her thanks to the fiasco involving it some time ago. Besides... the fact that he was wearing a gas mask and goggles and guarding the corridor to the _sggaristas' _quarters to prevent anyone from going in was more than enough evidence that it was something not to be taken lightly.

"Please stay away from the barracks for the meantime, _Signorina_. I'm quite sure _he_ will not appreciate numerous marriage proposals piling up on his desk from the branch families." And he then politely directed her to the direction of the office.

She paid no heed to the suit and shirt ensemble sitting in a little pile near the doorway. Instead, she noticed the commotion in it: inside was the _capo_ she wanted to see, harassing one of his subordinates into putting on a particularly frilly, ribbon- laden, mauve- pink chiffon dress (which looked rather horrendous on the poor, good-looking boy, in her personal opinion).

She forewent knocking on the open door and immediately confronted him: What did he think he was doing? She deserves **_better_** than paper balls and a piece of yarn! He should get her _real_ roses and a _real _ring.

What was she doing here? And it was an emergency; her plane was going to leave in an hour and a half...! He was also working under a budget and a time limit... Wait a minute, how did she find out all about it?

News travels faster in the Vongola grapevine; faster than the CCC program that he had so arrogantly prided himself on for mostly developing... And he was in the _mafia_; he could make better conditions for a more romantic proposal at the snap of his fingers; what kind of a pathetic excuse was '_her plane was leaving in an hour and a half_'?

And he could have stopped her from leaving if he wanted to... Or even followed her himself for that matter. That _definitely_ was much more romantic... She paused; a smile slowly began to take over the infuriated expression on her face when she saw the backs of his ears had turned pink... Her mood then began shifting from indignant to an entirely different emotion...

"... Wouldn't you think so?" She smiled as a teasing manner of lighting his fuse.

"_Romantic?_" He spat. He took the bait, she decided triumphantly. He was just too fun to tease: It must have appeared to him to be the most inexcusable idea; to chase after her when they both kept themselves in an almost unreasonable distance physical personal distance in public to prevent rival mafia from discovering their true relationship.

She supposed that was how he showed that he loved her; by physically distancing himself from her and vice- versa.

It was obviously unconventional and rather lonely though in her opinion. (She wondered how their living arrangements would be like _after_ the wedding; was she moving in or were they keeping the same arrangement as when he was still courting her, if 'courting' is the right word to describe it... It looked more of a political marriage or a marriage of convenience to anyone who wasn't aware of the history culminating into this whirlwind romance.)

"Why not?" She smiled. _'What they have is a "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" kind of love story,'_ she rationalized to herself but didn't say out loud. Knowing him, he would probably accuse her of "watching too many chick flicks with Haru and the Tenth's _Signora_ on 'Girls' Night Out'." ("Mr. & Mrs. Smith" is a 'chick flick' in his opinion, apparently.)

"And leave the Vongola administration short of manpower?" He frowned in response. He didn't think so. And he wasn't one to oppose his Boss' orders for a personal affair. He'd spent _years_ of his life establishing that fact.

Then he stopped: Wait, this isn't about _how_ he proposed to his fiancée, was it?

She _wanted_ something from him; he continued suspiciously, still not turning around and look at her while talking. (Then he stuck out his foot to trip the younger _Mafioso_ trying to wiggle out of the mauve-pink dress and kept him in place by stepping on the frumpy skirt. "Stay **_put_**, Toph!" He scolded.)

So get straight to the point: what exactly did she want from him?

She wanted to be in charge of the cake for occasion… She actually came looking for him because she wanted to know which flavor they would like; she could make for them chocolate, vanilla: "How about a tropical- themed one?" She teased. "With all sorts of fruits on the icing? Mangos, kiwis, pineapple-"

His face suddenly matched the mauve- pink dress the unlucky _sggarista_ (who had somehow become ignored in the background all throughout their conversation) was half- wearing- half- having- a- losing- battle- with. It seemed that his _capo_ was too embarrassed to have her make a cake because he then adamantly refused her offer.

Naturally, she insisted: It was the very least she could do for him. She wanted to help in the preparations since she wasn't able to intervene in time to make his proposal more romantic...

"And an occasion such as this needs something made wi-"

He cut her off by hotly demanding for her to leave his office.

When he looked to the side, he found a pile of discarded ribbons, mauve- pink chiffon and his subordinate missing (and as could be seen by the clothes also being missing from their original place on the floor). Apparently Christopher (who seemed to be looking a little pale and feverish again) had managed to sneak out while they were still talking...

He frowned and briskly strode out of the room to search for him.

She herself frowned and followed him closely, still trying to negotiate with him into letting her help in the planning and preparations: _Why _he was using a **_male_** subordinate (albeit a very good- looking one... though a bit on the slender side; that young boy needed nourishment; he must have been underfed in his former place of employment before he was ordered to transfer out. She would see to it herself that he had a decent meal later. He retorted that he didn't want his best negotiator bedridden just before the Tenth's peace talks started later this week,) as a replacement for a mannequin to model for the bridesmaids' dresses was beyond her.

She surmised aloud that he must have promised himself something ridiculous like...

... Like...

... Like **_not_** looking at another woman while his fiancée was away, he snapped in response.

Well, if he needed someone to model for the female members of the bridal entourage's dresses, why didn't he just ask _her_? He wasn't going to be unfaithful to his fiancée if he was looking at _her _while she was away, she teased him.

He nearly tripped on his own feet. From where she was standing, he looked a little green and she assumed it was just nerves: The realization that he was going to get married must have finally sunk in.

So she decided to give him some moral support; it was given that she should do so: she warned him not to get cold feet and assured him she would be with him every step of the way...

"Love is what matters the most after all."

It's an upset stomach he was more worried about! He would rather she wasn't **_in_** the way, **_all the way! _**"And put something on, **_damn_** **_it_**!" He almost shouted at her, carefully keeping his eyes anywhere but on her as he turned the corner, toward the experimental laboratories...

Then a powerful explosion resonated abruptly from the third one near the end of the corridor.

Muttering a curse in what sounded like a garble of Japanese and Italian, he switched on the exhausts by way of a button located on the wall beside him. Then he stopped Kyousuke (who had just run out of one of the laboratories, frantically waving orange smoke away from his face) to interrogate him for Christopher's whereabouts; unfortunately, he had caught hold of the younger _Mafioso_ too suddenly while he wasn't looking... thus causing him to stumble. As a result, the _sggarista_ accidentally spilt the contents of the large beaker he was carrying all over his superior.

She stifled her laughter when she saw that he had gotten a face- full of Kyousuke's latest experiment... or project... or whatever he had been tasked to do that day.

"_What..._ is this orange gunk?" He asked a little too calmly as he inspected the colloidal substance that had splattered onto his face, hair and suit... He looked down at himself and tried to wipe his fingers on what little dry space on his handkerchief was left.

Kyousuke fidgeted for a bit. "Uhm... _Signore _said_... _I- I- It's supposedly a... _uhm..._ a..."

"Just **_spit it out_**."

"It's supposed to be a sex change formula, Sir."

"... **_What_**_?_" He jerked his head to look up from his clothes and to gape at the younger _Mafioso..._

Kyousuke then laughed a bit awkwardly and tried to explain: He got a request from another _capo _to check out a substance stolen from a minor mafia family: But he wasn't certain if it worked as he had only just started on it a few minutes ago... He hadn't been able to test it on a hamster or lab rat yet to confirm if it was as the _capo _said it was...

Reportedly, it was supposed to change the gender of any living mammal it came in direct physical contact with (which was why he was wearing a protective suit, gear and everything...)

And… _Actually_, he was just going to try and get permission from the Tenth to test it out on a living thing… but since he, his superior, was here already, he might as well just ask _him_ since he was practically a high authority in the family anyway besides the Tenth...

"You know how **_he_** is about animal testing..." He trailed off lamely when he looked up at his superior's face. "Uhm... But... hey, if it actually works, it's not like it's going to affect your married life all that much, right? You aren't planning on having any kids of your own, right?" He then put on cheery grin to try and keep things friendly. "I mean, it's **_her_** after all..."

Then he stopped. She decided that he must have seen that the older man's eyes had been narrowed into a vindictive stare. Although she couldn't tell if that was the case since he kept his back to her. It was just a feeling on her part.

... Although Kyousuke seemed to have decided that that moment was signal for him to start running for his life.

The older _Mafioso _then gave chase, shouting and swearing furiously at the top of his lungs: "You-! **_IDIOT!_** It **_DOESN'T_** work that way! _Stop running, Kagakusha, and come **here **so I can **FUCKING**_** _KILL_ _YOU!!!_**"

She could still hear the sound of their Italian leather shoes pounding on the metal floor and echoing throughout the corridor... followed by explosions and the sound of barking when the pursuing party presumably collided with Isamu ("Jyuu_-_! No! Jyuu- Stop! _That tickles! Ah-! Ahahahahahaaa...!_").

From the ruckus, she could easily surmise that even **_more_** chaos had erupted... Needless to say, it would be a while a little while before he would be in a better, more negotiable mood in letting her help with the preparations.

She bent down to catch Hachirou (who yipped once in surprise when she picked it up), and walked over to the confusion. She decided that she would help him in catching **_both_** Christopher and Kyousuke... **_But_** on the condition that she would have a part in the wedding plans.

All because she believed that he was, for the most part, incapable of being romantic under ordinary circumstances.

* * *

Almost three months later, most of the Vongola's main administration based in Japan was making frantic arrangements and preparations.

The Uragano Boss had suddenly come to call: he came to give his blessings ("Hopefully," Antonio corrected.) and to meet with ("And hopefully approve of," Antonio added again) his future "adoptive daughter-in-law". (Antonio supplied once more: "He wants a cute great granddaughter to come out of this. _Gee... _You sure have a lot of pressure on you now that you're a mafia _bo-OWW! AAA- ACK!_"

Ryuunosuke, in a rare moment of consideration for him (or maybe he had also gotten pissed off from listening to his fellow _sggarista's _commentary) twisted the cord of Antonio's headphones around his neck to shut him up. It seemed that he had noticed that his _capo_ was planning to move in to strangle the hacker himself.)

She suggested that they have dinner in a restaurant... followed by a litany of other "romantic" locations that he thought was too numerous to list in his agenda.

Rather than listening to her suggestions, he told her to get out of his office.

He wanted to speak with his fiancée alone regarding the matter and discuss with her some other related things... Rules a mafia wife must obey, she surmised.

She gave them a knowing look, and then bade him to "behave himself" until **_after _**the formalities.

That's plenty of time for him to show off his performance in the be-

"Get the **_Hell_** out here"_. _He snapped at her, almost growling.

She giggled at the sight of the blushing bride-to-be and the irritated boy, no; he is no longer a boy.

He is now a **_man_**...

Oh, how it seemed like only yesterday that they were children, that she played short duet pieces with him on the piano; that they played 'house' and pranks on the servants and their father's subordinates and held tea parties with her dolls (with him unwillingly wearing a frilly dress that she'd forced on him... Oh... so _that's _where he got the idea for the dress he forced on Toph a few months ago... No wonder the style looked rather familiar).

She couldn't resist giving one last peek at them from behind the door. (_'To make sure the young ones behaved themselves,'_ she thought.)

But she saw that they were only poring over the account books and discussing who would sit next to whom in the dinner party for later that night.

_How boring_, she thought. _But they looked very cute as a young couple._

It seemed she wasn't going to see any open public display of affection between them for now... Although she _did_ see a faint smile on his lips as he listened to her talk… He seemed perfectly contented with just being beside her after having not seen her for quite a long time. Who was to say that she didn't also wish for that kind of happiness for herself?

The entire thing may well be a political marriage of sorts; a gambit to reunite all the smaller families within the mafia... but she was quite sure that he was marrying her because he **_did_** love her: That warm tender gaze he had been giving the lovely young woman beside him as they went over the account books surely meant something, right? She thought before she quietly closed the door.

* * *

She looked beautiful, she told her. The eye shadow set off the color of her eye... And she had such soft, lovely hair... He must have liked that about her; was that what attracted him? (She assumed that that was the case because she remembered his real mother had long hair…)

"She speaks _Italian_." One of the _capos _(who was there taking pictures of the bride's make- up process) supplied.

"In **_EXTREMELY_** beautiful _Italiano_, he said." Another one (who was apparently there for no reason other than heckling the groom, who should be in the room across the hall... perhaps he had made mistake but hung around either way?) supplied jokingly.

"He thinks she's gorgeous."

"He doesn't want her out of his sight _ever_."

"**_Finally _**something he's crazy about that's **_NOT _**a box weapon." Both men then snickered between themselves appreciatively. She was tempted to roll her eyes at their antics while; the bride herself looked rather embarrassed as she listened to the two older men. But she told the younger woman to ignore them. "Their turn will come," she declared with a tone of finality.

Then she bade them to leave the room; she was going to help the bride put on her garter next.

… And she was _quite_ sure **_he_** was **_NOT _**going to appreciate the two men seeing what was up his pretty bride's skirt before _he_ did... And _any _part of her legs higher than her knees is exclusively for **_his _**eyes only now...

The young bride flushed furiously when she heard her and fiddled with the ends of the lacy gloves covering her fingertips as she watched her proceed to kick the two of them out... ("We're not stupid enough to risk **_both _**their wrath." The one taking pictures laughed as she made to swat him with her purse, his quick reflexes enabling him to dodge.) But they both wished the bride good luck and then took their leave. But before he left, the shorter of the two pressed a small box into her hands: "That's from Hana; she said to tell you to wear it tonight." Then he gave her a knowing, roguish wink. "Ten stars rated by yours truly: It'll **_kill _**him; he's got a thing for black after all."

She frowned at the insinuations and dragged him away from the young lady by the back of his suit jacket's collar... Then she bodily threw him out. ("**_THAT WAS EXTREMELY HARSH_** **_TO THE MAX!!!_**")

When she shut the door, she heard the two men begin their joint- heckling in the groom's room just across the hall. ("Here's a little pre-wedding present from me." She could hear one of them laughing. Apparently, the groom had been presented with a small box of his own.

"What the Hell is this? I don't have a cold!"

"Ahahaha...! From what _Senpai's _been telling me, I think you'll definitely need **_a lot_** of tissue tonight!"

"You're **_both_** idiots...! What do I need **_this_** much tissue for?!"

"You'll see, you'll see!"

"Believe me;_ **I**_ needed five boxes of the stuff when she showed me what she got her! I got the most **_EXTREME_** nosebleed!!!")

She then helped her put on the garter... and handed her the bouquet (which she fully intended to catch during the wedding reception later)... She smiled and thanked her for being their maid-of-honors; he didn't know whom else to ask on almost- short notice…

She smiled back and told her that it was her groom's promise. "And you may call me '_Aneki'_ now. After today... you'll be my _younger sister_."

After a couple of blinks in surprise, her soon-to-be sister thanked her warmly, her lovely smile proving her to be the happiest bride there could ever be. Then their conversation turned to the rest of the bridal entourage: so who was going to give her away? He refused to let her in on choosing the members of the bridal entourage.

"The _Consigliore_," he replied for her from behind them.

She supposed that was to be expected... But: Who was going to give _him _away?

"Doctor Satomi." He supplied promptly.

Well, she definitely preferred her over _another_ doctor they were (unfortunately) acquainted with.

Wait, wait, _wait a minute!_ What was _he_ doing here? **_He_** wasn't supposed to be in here in the first place...!

"It's **_bad luck_** to see the bride before the wedding!" She scolded and made to push him out.

"Who still believes in _that_?" He snorted, side- stepped her and pushed **_her_** out of the dressing room. Then he swung the door closed but not entirely shut. It seemed that he had something to speak to abut with his fiancée again... Judging from the urgency in his tone, it was apparently it was something work- related again.

She hoped that it wasn't a plan to suddenly postpone the wedding so she hung outside the door to peek and eavesdrop… She _could_ hear them talking... Although it was not the romantic 'I- am- the- luckiest- man- alive- to- be- marrying- you' kind of talk she was hoping for…

As always with him, it always had something to do with their work: was she alright with putting the honeymoon on hold? There was yet another gathering in the Vongola mafia's administration's schedule; their attendance was required again... He had just received word that the Uragano boss had agreed that his splinter group would recognize again the authority of the Vongola over it... **_IF_** the wedding pushed through, that is... Uragano was rather eccentric, but this way was definitely a more peaceful method of settling the quarrel; no matter how unconventional... It _was_ still **_his _**job to settle the quarrels in the Family before they reached the Boss' level.

All in all: It wasn't only _their_ marriage that would be taking place today. The family would be making a marriage at the same time; the main Family's hopes of reuniting all the smaller families and splinter factions were all riding on both their signatures marking a legitimate marriage contract.

(_'Didn't that make her seem like a princess,' _she thought, amused, as she listened to them from behind the door.)

But he assured her that the success of the wedding ceremony wasn't only about for the sake of the _Famiglia's _internal politics. Although... he sounded rather awkward and uncertain as he said his piece... like he was afraid she would take everything the wrong way.

Through the crack in the doorway, she saw her place a finger on his lips to silence him: It would be alright, she heard her assured him: She was part of the Family as well; she knew her role... and of course the Family came first. Mafia law dictated that the _Famiglia_ came above everything else.

... Even **_him_**.

And she understood that much too well enough as a member of the Family and a soon-to-be mafia wife; he didn't have to worry about _her_ part for her as well.

She saw him breathe a sigh of relief and heard him promise her that no matter what happened, the wedding would continue. He wasn't going to embarrass _anyone_ by getting cold feet: Even if a storm blew out the ornate stained glass window over the altar... even if the Cavallone Boss (who would be attending with a number of his subordinates anyway) upset the wedding cake... (He went on to list several ridiculous and highly unlikely scenarios): he would **_still_** want to marry her **_today_**.

Outside the room, she could only shake her head and feel embarrassed for him: when alone with the woman he loved, he could be so corny...

But she supposed that could be considered romantic for him.

Finally deciding she wasn't interested to know if he would still marry his bride even if a reptilian mountain god demolished the wedding cake instead of the Cavallone Boss, she then decided to inspect the food to be served in the reception later.

She just felt that there just weren't enough appetizers and dessert laid out for the guests. But she kept in mind that the younger women (namely Kyoko, Haru, Hana, Chrome and I-Pin) might need her help in touching up their make-up later before the ceremony started. So she made plans to return to the bridal dressing room much later.

* * *

Everything had been going so smoothly.

All the families concerned were in attendance and the entire church was laden with fragrant floral arrangements. Everything was perfect. She had even espied Shamal sobbing in a corner: It was most likely that Doctor Satomi must have given him a good one in the family jewels; she was sitting beside him (to keep a leash on him perhaps) with her arms crossed and wearing a rather accomplished smile on her beautifully made up face.

They made it through a good deal of the ceremony without a problem, or an explosion going off... or any of the guests from various major, middling and minor factions of the Family trying to kill each other...

When they arrived at the signing of the marriage contract, he suddenly took a bullet to the chest. There was no time to activate box weapons or pull out any other weapon: he had seen an assassin's silhouette, positioned behind the stained glass window behind the altar...

... And he instinctively acted to protect his best man.

She had heard the bride scream when she saw the two of them tumble down the steps before the altar after the first shots were fired. She had seen a ribbon of red fly from his heart... seemingly springing toward the bride to reach out to pull him back... She had tried to catch him before he fell.

... She couldn't get to him in time.

Instead, the pure white of her bridal gown and veil was sprinkled and spattered with dark red.

Then several shots followed the first round, raining on the carpet, on the altar and around them... The civilian guests ducked in the pews themselves if they were not forced to hit the ground by their mafia counterparts. Those who had been able to activate box weapons immediately tried to create barriers against the bullets if their flames types allowed it. The bride had also dropped to the ground, her lace-gloved hands covering her head. However, the shots weren't concentrated on her. Either way, she shielded her and herself with the spare wedding cakes she had made in case the original was some way or another damaged before the reception.

The lone teenage Guardian hurriedly rushed to usher out the Boss' wife and the other female guests away from the chaos into the corridor beyond the main chapel. She could hear loud protests from one young lady, shrieking that _her _fiancé was still in the line of fire. Immediately, a tall man with a pompadour (who attended the ceremony as a proxy for another guest) came to the teenage boy's aid and forcibly pulled her into a side room where the other women and civilians were made to take shelter in.

Some of the armed _Mafiosi_ returned fire to the where the first shots had come from: at the large stained glass window behind the altar. Colored glass shattered and rained over them, broken saints and angels seemingly falling from the heavens. She forcibly pulled her sister-in-law to-be back when she saw her try to move toward the groom, pulling her long veil over them to act as a net to make as much of the stained glass fragments bounce off them.

While the gunfire still going on, she looked beyond the translucent fabric and saw him stubbornly continuing to shield his best man. The back of his jacket was fast growing to resemble a heat-distorted cheese grater. The still intact image of the Archangel Gabriel on what remained of the stained glass window was riddled with holes in his chest after the sound of gunshots and return fire from the body guards rang through the chapel.

And then finally, the shooting stopped.

Those who were left of the assembly sprung to their feet in uproar and distress; the civilians either curious or panicked and the members of the mafia furious and vindictive. All the _capos_ present immediately moved to organize their squads and apprehend the source of the shooting, as well as implement damage control and check on the civilian guests.

The best man gave orders from the floor, for his men to apprehend the assassin... or perhaps assassins, they had to find out how many there were, while he tried to stop the blood from the groom's chest with the bunched up fabric of his suit jacket. He'd laid him on his back or the groom had rolled off him when the shooting stopped; she wasn't sure… and found a packet of tissue in the groom's jacket pocket, but even that wasn't enough to stop the blood.

"_Breathe_, don't go to sleep," she heard him say. "Hey! Can you hear me?"

From her place, she could see his chest heaving in an unsteady rhythm; could hear his labored gasps, his chokes as blood climbed his throat to trickle from the corners of his lips.

She saw the bride was in shock. She could see her trembling, staring at the dark red blooming like roses on her veil and dress. Then she saw her shakily tear the veil off with her gloved hands, heard her cry out his name and run down the steps of the altar to fall to her knees beside him... She watched her gather him up in her arms, cradling him, trembling and trying to wake him and imploring him to stay with her. Blood from his back and his chest pooled around him and began soaking a good part of her expensive wedding dress.

She heard him whisper a name weakly, the bride's perhaps, and watched his pale fingers shakily reach up to touch her face. She quickly grasped his hand and held it between her delicate lace- gloved hands. She was sure, judging from the evident fear in the younger woman's face, that she could feel his strength slowly but surely draining.

Keep talking to him; keep him awake until an ambulance arrives, she heard one of the _capos_ say when he came up to them to see how he was.

She saw that he had knelt down to inspect the hole in his heart, the one created by the first bullet: A direct hit.

The _capo _frowned.

"_Oi_, stay with us, alright?" He told him, trying to keep his worry from showing in his voice. Then he stood and pulled the best man aside.

That's a special bullet. He could smell something acidic; probably laced with a poison of some kind; no wonder he's growing weak so fast. And considering the number of bullets he got in his back... He'll be dead in minutes; what does the best man want to do about it?

Acidic. _Acidic_. A poison was eating away at his heart, inside his body... _Slowly killing him... bleeding him to death._

Hearing that, she finally rushed over herself, almost crying, scolding; calling him a careless fool. "You foolish, reckless, stupid, stupid, _stupid_ boy...!"

"... Sh- shu...t... up," she heard him murmur weakly. But she could see that he was still trying to breathe, slipping in and out of consciousness fast.

He was in obvious pain.

What was the best man going to do?

She heard him give the _capo _his orders: That assassin must be found; there had to be a way to counter that special bullet... Where was that damn ambulance? He then swore. Wait, where are Shamal and Kagakusha? Or the Guardian of Sun?

"Went to chase after the assassin; they're in the fifth block by now."

"Tell them to get back here on the double; have someone bring Kagakusha's equipment and supplies from the base. Get Ryuunosuke or Volante-"

"But there's not enough time...!"

"**_I don't fucking care!_**" Then they suddenly heard the sounds of painful gasping and seizing. The best man rushed back to the groom. "Hang in there! Don't give up!" "_... Nnngghh_..."

It hurt to watch, to see his face in cold sweat. The poison's effects had become stronger and he was loosing too much blood.

"Help me up," he hoarsely asked his bride and best man. She could see the once pristine white shirt had a large patch of crimson; the back of it was reduced to wet, red tatters along with his suit jacket.

"No, _you_ stay still," the best man started to scold. Suddenly then he stopped.

She followed his eyes and saw that he was staring back at resolved and solemn gaze: one he knew that he couldn't bring himself to argue against. It would be cruel of him to refuse those eyes... and deny him of what he wished to do with what was left of his time.

"_I made a promise_... to so many... and to _myself_... so **_please_**... _help me up_,"

Deciding she couldn't just sit by, she then stood up, intending to pursue the assassin. Angry tears had formed in her eyes and were threatening to fall and ruin her mascara. She resolved to herself that she would _bring_ _back_ that antidote—

Wait, he called to her.

She stopped; stunned at what she was seeing. He was looking straight at her; he was _looking_.

**_Looking. _**

How was he doing that? After avoiding her all this time, he was _looking_:

"Forgive me..."

Was he trying to make amends? _The stupid...! _

She dropped to her knees beside him and enveloped him in a tight embrace, not caring if the blood from his heart and on his shirt soiled her gown and her hands. She heard him make a noise of pain when she moved him. She heard him choke once; presumably from the blood climbing his throat again. His sweat felt cold; she could feel it through her gloves.

She couldn't bear it... couldn't bear to see him suffering at a time like _this_: He didn't deserve this, she thought as pressed her forehead to his… He was supposed to be happy! A few of her tears fell onto his face. Her make- up was now ruined. She tried to stop the blood with her shawl; the best man's coat was too soaked with his blood to be of any use by now. She could feel his heartbeat with her hand underneath the sheer fabric and his cotton shirt. She didn't want to believe it... But it was growing deathly weak.

"Don't talk like that," she scolded him. "Don't you dare die, you stupid boy. Don't you **_dare_** die and _leave her_; I'll never forgive you if you do...!" Yet her threat was painfully unreasonable. She knew that as much as she hated to think of it: For all the power his position in the family held, he definitely had no control over **_this_**.

"... That's... _nnn... _none of... your- _ahh! _business..." He forced himself to retort. He was still defiant, she thought; she prayed he would be able to defy the end itself.

She laid a tender kiss on his cheek and returned him to his bride's arms. Looking back to that moment, it was a romantic way to die. But she did not wish for it to happen to him. She never, _ever_ wished it for it to happen to **_him_**...

She told him to lie back down and stay still until an ambulance arrived.

"Just do as she says," the best man half-ordered, half-pleaded. "You can make it; just don't strain yourself-"

He shook his head weakly. "I can't... _hhhhh... _leave things... like... **_aaargh_**_-! _like _this_..." He protested hoarsely, forcing his weakening arms to push himself upright after she tried to lay him back down on the ground.

She watched him gently place one bloody hand on the lower front of the bodice piece of the bride's gown. They saw his eyes, mournful, regretful... She heard him whisper hoarsely: "I'm sorry... that it's the least… I can do now... I promised... no matter what happens... I would marry you today... _didn't I? _ But even… if I don't… make it, do you still… want… to marry me...? And be… with me— even… after death do us part?"

She wanted to cry when she listened to him speak to her.

"**_I do._**"

They heard the priest quickly and solemnly pronounce them 'husband and wife'. She, the best man and the newly wedded couple stared at him in surprise: They'd forgotten he was still there. As a matter of fact, he was lying on his stomach beside them, his Bible acting as a protective cover for his head.

"_Haa_... hand me... tha-that contract..." He rasped. She reluctantly passed him the parchment paper and choked back her tears as she watched him strain to sign his name (beside the bride's) in his own blood.

"Give her... my mother's name," she heard him murmur quietly to his (now) wife when he finished.

An awkward pause came from her… and then: "... 'He'... 'He' says to tell you it's a boy." She told him quietly, hesitantly. For a moment, he seemed to have forgotten about the deadly pain he was going through and stared.

The best man uneasily looked between them and gave a hushed order for someone to check if the Uragano Boss would still honor their end of the bargain... He **_still_** did marry her after all, "no matter what the circumstances".

But she saw he didn't even have the strength to visibly act completely indignant. "**_That_**..." (Oh, he did. Even until now, he still couldn't accept defeat against '_him_'): "**_Ugh_**_..._ Didn't we agree... you wouldn't tell me... before...?"

"I'm sorry." She murmured in a small voice, tenderly tucking a lock of hair behind his ear... In a strange sense, he looked just as handsome like that despite his condition. (At the same time, she could see him trembling slightly with more agonizing pain from where she sat… She could see it in his shaking fingers and slowly dulling eyes that he was beginning to slip away from them.)

He gave her a wan smile in return for the gesture. Then his eyes turned to his friend: "It has... been... an honor... _Thank you._" The best man nodded grimly to him; not shedding any tears: He was still a boss and he needed to look like he was in control. He knew he would understand... But it was still obvious to all of them that it hurt him to act in such a way.

Then he sighed; a quiet "Forgive me", caressed her cheek with a blood- speckled hand, his fingers trembling with pain and adorned with dark, silver rings. He whispered to her: "_Ti amo..._" and his new wife bent over him to kiss him softly on the lips. She wondered if she could taste his blood in that kiss... What he could he be thinking as his head rested on his bride's lap, his head cradled in her blood- stained arms, looking up at her beautiful, tear-stricken face upside down and with the knowledge of what he was leaving behind...? What were his regrets? His wishes? His dreams? Was he perhaps thinking of a future that could have been, or **_should_** have been? There was so much more that she didn't know about him; she only realized now how much of strangers they really were…

Too little time… Too many regrets… They all watched him close his eyes; blood still trailing from a corner of his lips… and saw that not a breath of air would pass through them afterwards.

She heard her let out a loud, choked sob and pleaded for him to wake; cupping his face in her hands, crying his name, again and again. The _capos _and the _sggaristas _who witnessed the scene bent their heads in respectful mourning. The best man tried to force back his own tears, wanting to openly mourn as well. But most of the Family was still there; he still had to appear like he was still in control... His most trusted man's passing was like the aftermath of a tempest: all it left was devastation.

With that, she then stood up. She broke off the high heels of her shoes and tore a long slit on the skirt of her gown. "Where are you going?" The best man suddenly asked her, almost angrily. Honestly, she didn't like that cold tone in his voice; it didn't suit him at all... But even then, she felt cold and angry as well.

"You don't need to ask where I'm going," came her bitter reply. She looked over to the bride: It seemed that she was she was ready to rise from her place on the floor. "I _can't_ let you come with me." She told her firmly, stopping her by kneeling down beside her. She then placed her hand over the bloody hand print he'd left on her bridal gown, over her navel. It was rather odd to think that there was another life right underneath that tragic blood red mark, growing and living in the midst of emptiness inside: "You **_know_** you can't come with me."

She was going to carry out her vendetta herself, for _them:_ _for the sake of love_.

She then looked down and caressed his cooling cheek tenderly one last time, remembering and regretting that she would no longer see his smile: the carefree and happy one she remembered in childhood, long lost in his years of lonely wanderings and disappointments, only recently regained when he finally let himself freely fall in love… Then she wiped the mascara-mixed tear from the corner of the young widow's eye; promising to herself to exact vengeance on the family responsible for stealing away her beloved on what should be the happiest day of her life too soon...

And no one, not even the best man, should stop her. It was evident to all those who could see the red on her dress and her hands: Her dear, most precious brother's blood was her war paint.

* * *

**TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 010 DISCONNECTED**

* * *

**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes: **_Pfft- _This is what I end up with after watching "A Walk to Remember" and "Kill Bill" all at the same time while trying to get myself to sleep off jet lag. I wrote the draft in January but only managed to really polish it off recently.

**"Maid-of-Honor"?: **-shrug- "Maid-of-honor", "Made of honor" and _Mafiosi _also known as "men of honor". See my messed up logic?

The one- shot is also titled "Making a Marriage and Taking to the Mattresses" if anyone wants to know... (It also had the working title of "War Paint") "Making a marriage" in mafia slang means joining two mafia families together. "Taking to the mattresses" means "going to war" or a fight with another mafia.

It's AU again; writing like this looked like a pretty good idea at the time. (Just like that time with Lambo and Gokudera Junior/ "Haya- two".)

But I don't know whether to laugh or go bang my head on the wall for fucking up this attempt at romance... Though I don't I think I could be any more blatant with the pairing I used. XD

... I **_think _**I left quite a lot of clues in this... and it seems people love making guessing games out of my stories so I didn't make a lot of notes this time; I'll leave this one up to reader's imaginations and interpretations. Originally, it was in the bride's perspective... and had... -_le gasp!_- **_lemon_**... But because it looked too long, I decided to reword everything to be told in the maid-of-honor's POV instead, at the same time getting rid of the lemon to keep the rating 'T'. XD Putting the lemon in there would have to change the rating to 'M'… And I don't want to make my one-shots all rated 'M'.

**"Mr. & Mrs. Smith": **is a chick-flick, he thinks. LOL. But it would be pretty cool if the pairing worked that way.

**Butterflies: **Symbolize being "reborn" apparently. Too tired to double- check.

**Hurricane 59 Roster:** Some people wanted to see more of Kyousuke so I put him in here again. I also put in some of his fellow _sggaristas_, although not a lot of detail on them just yet. I'm not done with their respective one- shots AKA Tsuna's (mis)adventures on the road to becoming a real boss and Gokudera's slow but gradual development into the cool, suave- looking TYL version that I have so much fun giving Hell in "T.R.R.o.R." and killing off in my AUs. -shot-

**Kagakusha Kyousuke (again): **Hey, if he could create an organic chemical compound that's compatible with a GPS system, who's to say that he can't figure out the components of a "sex change formula"? Although, we have to remember not all of his experiments are successful...

**Christopher/"Toph": **I won't be surprised if nobody remembers Toph because he wasn't discussed in detail. To refresh your memory, he's Kyousuke's room mate AKA the guy whose arm Yamamoto broke while playing baseball. Physical feature- wise, he's a good-looking guy. Personality- wise... let's just say he's very quiet and a little shy for now.

**"Isamu":** "Hachirou's" trainer and master

**"Antonio": **Mentioned him already in the one- shot Kyousuke first appeared. He's the H59's "best hacker" and usually wears headphones.

**"Ryuunosuke":** Kyousuke's cousin. The one he looks just like "in the back"; he usually gives his _capo _trouble on purpose rather than actually helping him.

**"Volante": **Italian for "flying". His job has to do with transportation mostly.

* * *

For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

I'm going to try and sleep again. _Fucking jetlag... _I still have to go to school and enroll myself tomorrow for the next semester... -grumble-

Oh, yeah... The "bride's" characteristics and description are partly taken from Declassified File 004: "Twenty Questions..." (I swear it was all coincidence, but everything just fell into place perfectly so why the heck not?), and she's not an original character of mine... She's from the canon cast. **_Ahohohoho... _**XD

**EDIT: **Go read "**Code of Silence**". _Right **nao.**_


	11. File 011: Falcon Messenger Part 1

Sorry for only drabbling nowadays… School is really busy and recently, I've gotten sick… No, I'm not OK. I'm bored out of my mind and I hate not doing anything.

**06/21/2009: **I swear it was **_really_** only supposed to be a cute and innocent, cavity- inducing, K- rated one- shot… But one thing led to another and the rating was kicked up to 'T' (and would have gone over to 'M' if I did not decide to exercise some self- restraint on the funny parts… Prioritize the serious undertones of the plot, Snap, the **_serious_** **_undertones_**… =P) and got so long that I had to split it into two parts… Working on this almost everyday got me tweaking several things and somehow **_really brought_** **_out_** **_the_** **_mafia_**… DX And the another weird thing was that I thought of this while sketching the scene in drabble # 46 in "Code of Silence"… (ZOMFG… Is that **_lingerie _**there?!) And other than the pairing, this fic has no connection to the drawing itself whatsoever… ==;;; But this is, by far, the longest one- shot… (Now a technically a two- shot…) that I've written for "Declassified". Still not done with the "When the Wind Blows…" one-shots though... XP

Read & review please; at least let me know that a month of baby- sitting a two- year old and reviewing my notes from school actually paid off…

… And a **REALLY FRIGGIN' IMPORTANT NOTE: Let's just _pretend_ he survived his wedding day.** 8D Or think of it as another AU if the pairing I used breaks your brain. =P (It still breaks mine on some occasions but I'll live. ^^;;;) This fic was actually written for Father's Day **_ON_** Father's Day. (But I spent most of the day with _il_ _mia_ _padre_ so I didn't finish it in time.) _Ahahahaha… _^^;;;;;;;

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I only own my OCs. I lay no claim to KHR.

**Warning: _EXTREME_** AU from the previous one- shot. Lots of OCs, bad role modeling, **_crime_**, mafia dealings, a mention of intellectual property piracy (_Whut?_), bribery (_Uhm… yeah… _^^;;;;), semi- nudity (and implying complete nudity later), swearing and child labor (I think… Oo)… and the worst, most dangerous, most terrible fanfic element of them all: teh **_cute_**.

* * *

**The Right Rewrite of Right: "The Declassified Files"**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 011: The Vongola Falcon Messenger Service- Part 1**

Written: Sunday, June 21, 2009, 03:43:34 PM

Edited: Wednesday, July 22, 2009, 11:07:12 AM

Re- Edited: Monday, July 27, 2009, 05:56:06 PM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 011**

**Time: **06:00:12 AM

**Location:** Coordinates Blocked.

**Note:** Surveillance subject # 5988J to be further assessed for potential as Vongola courier.

**Archive Summary: **Record of alternative timeline for the Vongola Tenth Generation Guardians.

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 59.95935846 percent complete..._

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 011**

It was like he just _sensed_ that she'd left and his body woke itself up. Or perhaps that was because his arm touched the mattress and nothing else. He had a habit of shifting his arm to feel his surroundings before he actually opened his eyes.

Hayato was brushing his teeth when he saw him roll over from side to side then sit up from the bed to rub his eyes sleepily in the mirror's reflection. (He estimated only a few minutes had passed after she left the apartment… but this was a record.)

He quickly spat in the sink and wiped his mouth on the face towel he'd been using earlier. After replacing his toothbrush, he quickly went out of the bathroom. (He wasn't done brushing his teeth yet, but Hayato's priorities were slightly different nowadays.)

He quickly went to pick him up from the bed before he could attempt to go toward the edge of the mattress. Then he sat him on one arm with the other acting as support for his back. Owlish eyes blinked blearily at him and a corner of Hayato's mouth quirked upwards.

"**_Buongiorno_**, _il mio piccolo_ _Falco_," [1] Hayato greeted him, using his special pet name for him.

Rather than his usual bright smile and an affectionate hug, he got instead a wide, sleepy yawn in reply.

"… Still sleepy?" Hayato chuckled, fondly smoothing the downy, sleep- tousled gray hair. The little head then leaned down to rest against his collarbone, obviously still drowsy. "Well, you **_did_** wake up too early than usual… Do you want to go back to sleep, _hm_?"

He sat up in his arms while rubbing his eyes with little clenched fists, shaking his head gently. Then he shifted a bit in Hayato's arms, leaning away from him. This was his signal for if he didn't want to be carried.

"Down?" Hayato asked.

A little sleepy nod told him '_yes'_.

Hayato then bent to set him down on the bedroom floor and returned to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. While he wandered around the bedroom, looking in various nooks and crannies, Hayato kept an eye on him using the bathroom mirror. The only time Hayato took his eyes off him was so he could return his toothbrush in the medicine cabinet behind it.

A few seconds later, he felt a gentle tug on one of his pajama pant legs. Hayato looked down to meet the inquiring dark indigo gaze.

"… Where _Mamma…_?"

Hayato closed the cabinet. (He decided that he didn't need a shave yet.) "_Mamma_'s not here."

"Where _Mamma_?" His two- year old asked again.

He was still omitting 'is' in his sentence, he noticed.

Hayato decided then that a little more practical language lessons were necessary. He knew that he still had a bit more to learn before he could get the hang of correct pronunciation… but what better way than to teach him to use language in the functional sense?

During the pregnancy and after his son was born, Hayato had played all the Baby Mozart and Baby Einstein CD's he could find legally (and _illegally_, thanks to the Hurricane 59's newly- formed team of hackers) available in the global market to the point where even _Yamamoto_ got tired of listening to them. And ever since the baby was only days old, Hayato discouraged people from baby- talking to the child… Or more like he expressly forbade (blackmailed and or else threatened) anyone in the _Famiglia_ presently based in Japan to speak to the child in baby- talk. (In the case of his Boss, he didn't blackmail or threaten (He wouldn't dream of it anyway). Instead, he offered to loan him the educational baby CD's, both the legally **_and_** illegally acquired, for him to use on the young future Vongola Eleventh, so he could have in exchange his cooperation in Hayato's linguistics education plan for his young toddler son. The Tenth, however, politely refused the offer.)

As a result, he could (proudly) claim his son could speak in mostly full and coherent sentences in Japanese and English three- quarters of the time (and was **_much more_** advanced than the Baseball- freak's spawn; Hayato thought he had every reason to be a proud parent...) Although the little boy's Italian was still a jumble of mostly indecipherable syllables… Hayato had yet to figure out what other Italian words the two- year old could already use other than '_latte_', '_gatto_', '_ho fame_' and '_ciao_' just to name a few... ('Milk', 'cat', 'I'm hungry' and '_bye'_ respectively.)

So far, he'd managed to get the child used to speaking in the first person context. (He didn't want him imitating the way Yamamoto's second child talked; she liked referring to herself in the third person like her mother (who _still _referred to herself in the third person… **_Seriously_**, how _old_ did she think she _still_ was anyway?). One play date with the Baseball- freak's kids had nearly messed up his already extensive vocabulary and it took Hayato almost three days (and some 'persuasion' using _Aneki's _cookies) to get him to straighten out his speech again.)

Another tug on his pajama pants made Hayato look down again.

"I wango _Mamma_…" The toddler told him seriously. He was wearing a bit of a frown and a tiny wrinkle between his eyebrows as he stared up at Hayato.

'I wango _Mamma_,' Hayato had learned, after a few times of hearing it, translated simply to 'I want to go to _Mamma_.'

"Where _Mamma_?"

"Listen and _repeat after me_: Where **_is_** _Mamma_? Go on; say 'Where **_is_**_ Mamma_?" Since the toddler had asked him where his mother was in English, Hayato had decided to use English with him for the whole morning. "Where **_is_** _Mamma_?" He repeated once more. Never mind sounding stupid and repetitive, Hayato figured; it's not like anyone else knew that he taught him the regular way anyway.

* * *

"You'll sound like a broken record," Doctor Satomi [2] told Hayato when he called her up a few days after the baby progressed from cooing to babbling. "When you start teaching him how to talk, you'll have to repeat words and phrases for him and show him when and where to use them for him to get the idea that they actually mean something,"

Hayato rattled off in one excited breath several questions: when could he actually start? What he was supposed to teach him? What language should he use? Could he teach him three languages all at once? What did she think of combining baby sign language with—

"Slow down, Hayato- _kun, _slow down! He's only a **_baby_**; not a computer you can program! Take it easy and just talk to him normally— No, what I meant was talk **_like regular person_**; don't swear or call people names when he's around, OK?"

He would have gaped in indignation but she wouldn't be able to see him over the line anyway.

"I know at least that much," He mumbled after she hung up on him before he could ask her anymore. He was quite sure he could hear the sound of a man screaming and yells of "_Straight jacket_! Somebody get a **_straight jacket_**! Get me a sedative— For _FUCK'S SAKE; **hold him down—**_"

However old habits are hard to break… The very least he could do was ask someone else take the child to another room or have them cover his ears in case Hayato forgot about mouthing off in front of him...

Presently, Hayato was just only thankful that the child hadn't picked up any of his foul language… **_yet_**_._

* * *

"Where **_is _**_Mamma_? Go on; say 'Where **_is_** _Mamma_?'"

In the past half minute, Hayato had already begun feeling really quite stupid for "sounding like a broken record". And if the little boy was a smart as Doctor Satomi had told him he was, he must have thought the same of Hayato.

The child continued to stare at him for a few more moments, cheeks slightly puffed out in what appeared to be annoyance before relenting to him: "Where _ish Mamma_?"

Good, Hayato thought, somewhat greatly relieved.

"I **_already_** told you: She **_isn't_** here." He told him. Then: "Are you hungry?"

The toddler shook his head. "Where _Mamma_?" He asked him once more, still frowning.

_Gah_, he forgot the 'is' again! But it was rather odd; he wasn't usually this persistent after being told 'no' once, Hayato thought. He then frowned as well and wondered how the day would go: Often, when he woke up in the morning, he would wear a bright smile and affectionately hug whoever was there (usually his mother) to greet him 'good morning'. Hayato usually took that as a sign that he was perfectly healthy and that he (and practically everyone else in the Family) could expect to have no problems from him for most of the day.

This morning he did neither and on top of it, he was being persistent looking for answers.

Hayato tried not to think of anything that may be counted as a first- time parent' overreacting… He couldn't be developing separation anxiety; he'd been left alone plenty of times already… But he was **_definitely_** not acting as cheerful as Hayato was used to seeing him in the mornings.

Or his kid may only just still sleepy…_ 'You're probably reading too much into this, Hayato.' _

The toddler tugged on Hayato's shirt and looked up at him with a mildly upset expression. "_Pappa, **I hert**_; where _Mamma_?"

Alarm bells started going off in Hayato's head when he heard the word 'hert'.

"You're **_hurt_**? _Where_?" Hayato quickly picked the child's arms up to inspect them for any bumps, bruises and insect bites. The child was just as fair-skinned as his parents; Hayato would have seen immediately if there were any unusual discolorations on him… He couldn't find any and there didn't seem to be anything else physically wrong with him as well as Hayato could see...

_'Perhaps he meant he felt sick?' _He thought as he placed a hand over his forehead to check his temperature: "**_No_**. You say: 'Where **_is_** _Mamma_?'" He told him at the same time. _'… Temperature's normal, and he doesn't even **look** sick…'_

Despite the larger hand over his forehead, the toddler continued to stare up at Hayato and asked again: "Where _Mamma_?"

"'Where **_is_**_ Mamma?_' You say: '_Where **is** Mamma_?'" Hayato absent- mindedly corrected him again. He removed his hand and quickly brushed off the idea that the child might be ill in favor of advancing his communication skills.

If he allowed him to keep talking with omitted words in sentences, when was he going to learn to talk properly at all?

The toddler frowned a bit; probably annoyed once more that his question wasn't entertained, but repeated after Hayato anyway (He even imitated Hayato's pacing of words): "Where **_ish_** _Mamma…_?"

Hayato knelt down on one knee so he could talk to the child eye to eye.

"_Mamma_ is going to Italy today." He told him firmly. "**_Italy_**. Do you remember Italy?" (He couldn't say she '_left' _specifically because the child still associated the word 'left' with the direction of 'left'… He figured the child might end up misunderstanding him.)

"Ee- tah… _wee_…?" He repeated, staring directly at him as if asking him to confirm. "… **_Nonno_**?"

Well, it seemed like he still remembered Italy, Hayato decided... At the very least, he associated the country with Family… The Vongola Ninth had immensely enjoyed the child's company the last time they came to Italy with the Tenth and brought the child along. As a matter of fact, the Tenth had told him that the elderly Boss had asked him if they could bring him along next time. Hayato readily agreed: It was perfectly fine for his child to be exposed to other _Mafiosi_. After all, both his parents were in the mafia. He was sure _she_ wouldn't have objections either.

It was just somewhat unfortunate that the Tenth couldn't bring his own children along. He was still keeping the fact that he was a mafia boss a secret from them…

"Yes, _Italy_; that place where _Nonno _lives." Hayato told him while he mentally ticked off '_Nonno'_ as another Italian word that the toddler knew. And since they were on the subject of family members, he would have to add '_Zio_' and '_Zia' _to that growing list as well.

* * *

A few months ago, during a trip to Italy, the Vongola Ninth had asked the Tenth about the Vongola's next generation.

He had wanted to see the Tenth's heirs but was getting too old to travel abroad (and the Tenth had yet to figure out an excuse to get his whole family to travel to Italy within the next year).

So the Tenth asked Hayato of a favor: could his little godson act as the (tentative: meaning whichever one of them showed a Sky flame first) Vongola Eleventh's stand- in as the future Eleventh Generation Vongola's representative during the visit to the Vongola Ninth's? (He was only actually asking Hayato if he could loan out his son to compensate for his failure to bring his own children to Italy for a visit), but Hayato seemed to think of it that way…)

Of course, such a request from the Tenth was an immense honor; Hayato readily agreed (after somewhat blowing it out of proportion) and readily volunteered the little baby (who was actually more interested in finishing his bottle of milk and napping over playing 'little delegate from the Vongola Eleventh Generation').

And on that same day, the Uragano _Don_ [3] had, for no obviously apparent reason as usual, popped into the Ninth's estate for another one of his randomly timed visits again.

Hayato had no idea where he was exactly but assured his Boss to keep an eye out for the mostly elusive _Don _just in case_._

"It's been a long time since a child actually livened up this house." The elderly _Mafioso_ commented suddenly as he came up from behind Hayato while he stood a short distance away, watching the Ninth Boss and the infant in the garden.

Hayato tried not to visibly jump in surprise.

'_Speaking of the devil…_'

"What about Xanxus?" He asked off- handedly, intending to make a conversation with the old _Don_ and keep him from disturbing the Ninth.

"_HAH! I _never saw Xanxus a child! I saw him a **_danger_** to Timoteo's life and what do you think happened? That old coot hardly listens to me!"

'_The VARIA coup d'état and the Battles for the Vongola rings_,' Hayato thought. Although he frowned disapprovingly when he heard him refer to the Ninth as an 'old coot'; it was like the pot calling the kettle black.

"But if you want to insist that he was ever a child: as destructive as that Xanxus was, he was incredibly disinteresting. He was _no different_ from the spoiled heirs and boss candidates during my and Timoteo's time." _Don _Uragano scoffed while leaning on his cane.

Hayato chuckled a little: "Wait… Are you meaning to tell me he was just no fun for you, old man?"

His senior snorted once and then retorted: "Why do you think I enjoyed giving **_you_** problems when Tsunayoshi wasn't _Don _yet?"

At this, Hayato resisted the urge to slap his forehead with his palm. _'So all this time he was just giving me trouble for his personal amusement???'_

"Look at them; Timoteo looks like he wants to adopt him," The older man then chuckled.

The sound of the baby giggling and gurgling floated over to where they stood.

Hayato looked up and smiled faintly when he saw his son while the elderly _Mafioso_ gave Hayato an all too familiar appraising look out of the corner of his eye. (It wouldn't be the first time Hayato felt like a specimen put under a microscope whenever _Don _Uragano gave him _that_ look.)

"But _you_ don't plan on relinquishing the responsibility of raising him to anyone else, do you, Hayato?"

"I have _no intention_ of letting him grow up without me there to see it." Hayato replied firmly, his hands in his pockets. He continued to watch his son play peek-a-boo with the Vongola Ninth while trying to show that the piercing intensity the elderly _Don's _stare made didn't make him feel a little self- conscious. (He was supposed to be the **_feared _**Right- hand man of the Tenth Vongola Boss, _dammit_! An old man **_cannot _**make him feel like a fledgling _capo_ again!) "I'm not going to screw this one up like **_he_** did."

"Meaning you rather keep him in a room full of explosives than put him in the same room as his paternal grandfather," The elderly man mock- nodded solemnly, a corner of his mouth curling. "_Excellent_ parenting skills, Smoking Bomb."

Hayato gave him a confused look; his carefully masked awkwardness showing only just a little. He couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or if he actually thought it was a good idea… _'But how did he know that I didn't want my own father to know about the baby?' _

The old_ Don _thengave him a look that seemed to say 'Don't assume that I don't know about these things, young turk.' "Personally, I don't think that's what a good parent would normally do, but who am I to talk? It's only a matter of time before we realize if our decisions are actually mistakes." (Maybe Hayato was only imagining it but it seemed that there was a faint shadow of regret in that piercing old stare.)

Hayato frowned and puzzled over his last sentence. It was true… however… Hayato decided not to dwell on it any further because almost at the same time, the elderly_ Don _returned his gaze to the where retired Ninth Vongola Boss sat in one of the garden chairs and tickling the baby's cheeks gently.

"… Although it _is_ cruel and unfair, however, to withhold from an old man the fact that he has grandchildren,"

Hayato only remained silent, mulling over in his head if he seriously wanted to let his own father know about his son. And what did the old _Mafioso_ mean by cruel and unfair?

The_ Don _Uragano then suddenly grinned, a glimpse of the handsome _Mafioso_ that he had most likely had been in youth flashing in that brief instant. "But that's alright. I **_strongly_** support your decision of keeping your little boy secret from him because _I **really** don't like your father at all!_"

_'So in the end, he's just agreeing with me because it suited him…'_ Hayato gaped at him, deadpanned.

"All the same however, Hayato: you never know if you can live long enough to keep your own promises. Don't forget the kind of hazards your role and status in the Vongola Family brings to your own family, Hayato." The old_ Don _then suddenly clamped a surprisingly firm hand on Hayato's shoulder briefly. "Being a _capo bastone _is just as much a difficult job as it as being the _capi di tutti_. You're in as much danger as your Boss is everyday yourself, Hayato."

Hayato blinked at him once, twice… wondering why he had thought to tell him all this all of a sudden. He couldn't tell what that look in the elderly _Mafioso's _eyes was… It had felt somewhat like a warning of some kind... Or maybe that was just the voice of experience: Old age had positively not kept the old_ Don _from springing surprises on him even **_after_** he took over the job of _capo bastone_. He certainly made Hayato's path to becoming a full- fledged underboss a rocky one; he put him in several difficult situations to force him to adapt and come up with solutions for the good of the Family: A slew of police bomb- sniffer dogs, a family of modern day ninjas, an Androphobic bodyguard (… who also just so happened to be a _really_ _hot chick_…) and a semi- _hikokomori _sniper just to name a few…

Then before Hayato could stop him, the old_ Don _then walked over to the Ninth and the baby, his cane making a tap- tap noise on the stone walkway.

Hayato once again found himself smiling when he heard the child happily chirp "_Nonno_!" to greet the elderly _Don_.

Idiosyncrasies aside, he thought the Ninth Generation Vongola Guardian of Storm was more deserving of the honor of being called 'grandfather' more than Hayato's own father was; never mind the fact that he was old enough to be _his_ own grandfather.

* * *

"**_Yes_**, she's visiting _Nonno_." Hayato told him. It was a close enough story... although she wasn't actually there to visit the old_ Don _specifically. The toddler was silent for a few more seconds and Hayato thought that would be the end of it.

However: "_I wango_ _Mamma._"

"You **_can't _**right now." Hayato frowned at him. "And how do you think you're going to follow her there anyway?" He then asked him, almost expecting to hear him say 'I wango _Mamma_,' again.

"I _wohk_." The child replied as if it were the most obvious solution in the world. Hayato suddenly found himself chuckling after blinking a few times in surprise: The little boy had just said his answer with such a straight, serious face that all thoughts of correcting the child's grammar and diction somewhat dissipated in Hayato's mind; how could he stay annoyed for too long with his smart little wiseguy?

"You're crazy," Hayato snorted once in amusement. "You won't be able to catch up with her in time by just walking."

"_Fwai?_" The little boy then suggested after blinking his innocent dark indigo- hued eyes twice. Hayato then paused: Somehow that 'plan' his toddler had actually made sense; 'flying' would be a more appropriate action rather than just simply 'walking'…

"Well, maybe." Hayato chuckled once more. "But _not today_, _piccolo Falco_. You're coming with me to work today. **_OK_**?" He expected him to say 'yes', just as he always did whenever Hayato told him he intended to bring him to work with him and allow Hayato to help get him ready.

However the smoothly planned agenda for the day was swiftly rejected with one sentence: "I wango _Mamma_…"

"Didn't I just tell you 'you can't'?"

"I wango _Mamma_."

_Gah… _Is this the dreaded "terrible two's" stage he'd read about in the books Shamal had given him for a joke on his wedding day? (Though he wouldn't readily admit it, they'd been an immense help in figuring out how to raise his son when he found out he and his wife were having a baby.)

Hayato tried to rationalize his son's behavior for it to make some sense to him based on what he'd read: He was still only a young child so it was only natural that he would be looking for his mother. Besides, the little boy was very used to waking up beside her…

Hayato **_truly_** honest to goodness hoped that he wasn't going to start a tantrum... He didn't know if he would be able to handle him properly if he did… "Look: Any day, I would bring you over to _Zio_ Tsuna's house so you can play with his daughter or whatever it is you do there, but we're short of time right now. I have a meeting to go to and I can't just leave you behind here _alone_," He tried to explain as patiently as he could. "And we're staying with your _Zios_ in the base for the week while _Mamma's _not here. **_Alright_**?"

The plan was to keep the toddler with him in the Vongola's base for the whole week rather than letting him stay over at the Tenth's house while his wife was away. There's never a lack of people in the base and the security surveillance was around the clock. At least that way, Hayato was assured that someone would always be keeping an eye on him.

However: "No! _I hert!_ I wangao _Pappa_!"

But he's not even sick! Why was he complaining that he was 'hurt'? Hayato forced himself not to retort with a swear word. He really, really, really didn't want to lose his temper with him… "**_No_**, that's '_I_ _want to go with Pappa'._" Hayato corrected him immediately. "Now repeat what I just said: '_I **want to go with** Pappa'._"

"**_Nooooooooooo_**—**_!_**" The toddler shook his head and started to cry. He was clearly upset for some reason that Hayato could not immediately see. "I wangao _Pappa_!"

A vein must have popped somewhere in Hayato's head; he tried to convince himself not to get exasperated with him: "_Don't **cry**_. You can talk." '_Don't loose your temper, Hayato, he's **only** two…'_ "**_So talk properly_**."

"_Ee- yuh- **daaaaaah**!_" He suddenly shook his head furiously again. (He had reverted to code- switching from English to Japanese; one of the bad habits he'd picked up after hanging out with Yamamoto's spawn a few times.) Hayato at least understood that what he just said was "_Yadda_," or "no". "I wangao _Pappa_!"

Hayato was beginning to grow irritated for several reasons: He wasn't following his instructions to cease crying… and speak with the correct pronunciation… and he was going to be **_late_**; his kid wasn't even ready to leave the apartment yet.

"**_HEY, I said STOP THAT!_**" Hayato said suddenly then stopped as well. _Shit. Shit. Shit… _He was raising his voice already; calm down, calm down…. The child suddenly startled and stared at Hayato with wide, frightened eyes. Hayato immediately felt guilty for raising his voice. He **_hated_** it whenever the little boy gave him that frightened look; it reminded Hayato too much of so many bad things... and seeing his own son look so frightened of him hurt him just as much as the knowledge of being useless to the Boss in the most dire situations.

"_Shhh… Shhh… Shhh… Shhh… _I'm sorry, I'm sorry… **_Don't_** cry, OK? I _can't_ understand what you're saying if you cry at the same time." Hayato tried to soothe him by smoothing down the sleep- tousled gray hair and wiping his eyes with the face towel.

Then he decided to switch to the tactic of appealing to the child's affectionate nature (As embarrassing as it was to say, it worked for Yamamoto whenever he wanted to get the toddler to agree to something). "You don't want to go but what about _Pappa_? _Pappa_ wants you to go with him; _Pappa _will be pretty lonely if you don't go," It was so embarrassing; Hayato would never resort to this outside of his apartment and in front of anyone else outside of the _Famiglia_. It wouldn't do to have certain people in the mafia thinking he'd gone soft_…_

"I… _I wango Mamma…! I wa- wangao Pappa! I wango Ma- Mamma…!" _Oh, no… '_Here we go again…' **Now**_ he was having a giving Hayato a headache…

… Maybe he should've warned him the night before that his mother was leaving for Italy today to soften the trauma… (_Don_ Uragano was right… _again_: It was only a matter of time before one could realize the mistakes in their decisions… That old man actually made sense to him; Hayato sometimes wondered why people thought the old _Mafioso_ was crazy… Or maybe it was a Guardian of Storm thing…) And now the little wiseguy's record of never having thrown Hayato a tantrum was officially tarnished as of that moment. ('_But why the fuck didn't that last tactic work??? This is so unfair…!'_)

Groaning once in exasperation, Hayato reached behind his neck to pull his T-shirt off and then picked the toddler up (flailing and squirming in his grasp) before getting into the bathtub with him and stripping both of them of their clothes so they could save time by bathing together. [4]

* * *

Yamamoto cringed a little when he heard a high- pitched wail break the silence in the car port. He looked up and saw Gokudera carrying a crying toddler down the stairs leading to the underground base along with a half- filled duffel bag and a baby bag (containing milk bottles, diapers and a GPS tracking device that doubled as a talking stuffed octopus toy, creatively named by _Senpai_, who gave it to the baby on the day after he was born, as "Tako" [5]).

… And he was an **_hour_** late.

"I wangao _Pappa_!"

"I **_really_** can't understand what you're saying if you keep crying like that! Why do you want to stay behind so badly anyway; what's wrong with you?!"

"I wango _Mamma_! I wangao _Pappa_!"

"**_Look_**: I already told you, you can't. And we're already _here_ so you _have_ to stay here! Nobody's going to look after you at home; don't you understand that?"

"I wangao _Pappaaa_!" The toddler continued to cry.

"If you keep crying, you're going to get hiccups! Mark my words! Do you want to get the hiccups, huh?!"

"_Noooooo—!_"

"Or do you want the squirrels to come and kiss your nose?" [6]

"**_Nooooooooooooooo_**_—**!**_"

Yamamoto shook his head: Gokudera was making up weird 'threats' again… and he assumed that they'd been at it in the car all the way to the base… If it were any other child, Gokudera would probably start swearing his head off. But from the looks of it, Gokudera was fighting a losing battle with his own temper… He decided to intervene before Gokudera did something he might end up regretting later… Like resorting to corporal punishment… Good _Kami,_ Yamamoto wouldn't even dream of hitting any of his own children…

"I wangao _Pappa_!"

"I **_heard_** you already!"

"He says 'I won't go, _Pappa_." Yamamoto interjected. (He'd learned through first- hand experience that there _was_ a big difference between 'wango' and 'wangao'; it was Gokudera's fault he wasn't paying close attention to **_how_** the child was saying it. Although it was somewhat weird that he couldn't quite grasp what the toddler said. Gokudera was quite fluent in a handful of languages. How was it that he couldn't decipher a few baby- slurred words? Maybe he really wasn't kidding when he said he didn't understand most of his baby- talk…)

Gokudera suddenly stopped and stared at him as if only realizing that he was there.

If Yamamoto didn't know any better, Gokudera seemed to be trying to make up his mind… and if Yamamoto really knew Gokudera, he was probably trying to decide whether to bring the toddler along with him to his meeting with Tsuna or leave him in Yamamoto's charge for the time being.

All the while, the child in his arms sniffled and whimpered what sounded like "_Muhma_" to Yamamoto: His cheeks were already red; he must have been crying all the way to the base, the poor little guy… He was clearly upset over something and Gokudera still probably hadn't figured out what it was yet.

Gokudera then suddenly shoved the heavy duffel (containing his things and the toddler's perhaps) and the baby bag into his chest before plopping the two- year old into his arms. "I didn't have time to give him breakfast; I don't care what you feed him as long as it's not _Aneki's _cooking. Don't you even **_dare_** forget that, Yamamoto." Gokudera told him with gritted teeth and then stormed off (pun unintended) in a bad mood, in the direction of Tsuna's office.

Yamamoto shook his head. _No way_ was **_HE_** going to forget: Gokudera had told him that so many times that it was practically drilled into his head. In fact, he could no longer count on his fingers the number of times Gokudera had told him to keep his son away from his sister's cooking…

The little boy hiccoughed then whimpered into Yamamoto's shoulder "… _I wa- wango… I wango Maam- ma_…" a few seconds just after Gokudera took his leave. "… _I wango… Ma-_" He gave another crying hiccup. "… **_Mammaa_**_…_"

"_Now_, _now—_ **_don't cry_**, little guy." Yamamoto bounced him a bit on his arm to balance his weight with the baby bag and duffel. Then he began rubbing circles on little boy's back as well as his hand would allow. "She'll be back _soon_, so don't cry, OK? What's wrong? You've got _Zio_ Takeshi here! Are there monsters around or something?"

The little boy shook his head and whimpered. "I hert…"

Hearing that made Yamamoto frown in puzzlement then check his forehead's temperature… No. No fever. So what _was_ wrong? From past experience, the little wiseguy didn't usually say 'I hert' unless he was _really_ hurt… He tripped and maybe ran into things once in a while (Maybe Gokudera should get his kid checked for hyperactivity? Although Gokudera almost swore his kid was an indigo child once…) but he always picked himself up immediately after. He would only say 'I hert' if for example he fell down hard and cut his knee; but even then he wouldn't be crying so hard like he was doing now…

Yamamoto then strode in the direction of the elevator, shifting the bags so he could carry the toddler a little easier.

"I wango _Mamma…_" The child still whimpered in Yamamoto's shoulder, shivering and curled into a ball as tightly as the space on Yamamoto's arm would allow. Yamamoto tried to soothe him again while waiting for the elevator. When it opened, Yamamoto found Mariano inside[7]. (He was wearing his eye patch, he noticed. Usually he didn't and only wore it when his _capo _was around. The toddler seemed to calm down a little when he saw the _sggarista_.)

"_Buongiorno Signor_ Yamamoto, Gokudera- _bocchama_," He greeted them politely and offered to take the bags from Yamamoto so he could carry the child more comfortably. The toddler sniffled quietly. "What seems to be the problem, _Bocchama_?" The young _Mafioso _then asked.

The toddler sniffled again. "I hert…"

"You're hurt? Will you show me where?" The toddler pointed to his stomach. Yamamoto gave the child a puzzled look.

"A stomachache?" He asked the _sggarista. _Mariano gave Yamamoto a noncommittal shrug but moved to try somehow alleviating the problem anyway.

"You seem fine to me, _Bocchama_," The _sggarista's _voice sounded soothing. "That's nothing. Maybe you're just _imagining_ it." The toddler sniffled once more and Yamamoto began wiping his eyes with his handkerchief. Only a little more and perhaps the _sggarista _could get him to finally stop crying…

"Or maybe you're just hungry? You **_are _**hungry, aren't you?"

Then the child gave a tiny nod. Yamamoto almost wanted to think that the _sggarista _was **_hypnotizing_** him into thinking he was hungry… Then again, considering his dominant flame type, that could be just what he was doing…

At that moment Yamamoto had an idea: "Hey, how about I take you to the kitchen and we'll make _sushi_. You want to do that? You want to make _sushi _with _Zio_ Takeshi?" The toddler blinked curiously at him.

"That's a good idea, _Signore_; why don't you go and make _sushi_ with him, _Bocchama_?" The _sggarista _followed up. (If in the case Gokudera thought about killing him for teaching the toddler how to make _sushi_, Yamamoto at least had someone to take the beating with… '_Ahaha… Sorry, Mariano!_' He mentally apologized.)

"_Suusi?_" Oh, good, they got him distracted from crying and interested in something else.

"Yeah! _Sushi!_ You like _Zio _Takeshi's _sushi_, right? Yummy- yummy!" Yamamoto grinned widely, giving the toddler a playful, squeezing hug. "Don't cry anymore; you're a tough little wiseguy, aren't you? Now, c'mon: why don't you give your _Zio_ Takeshi a nice big smile?" He grinned encouragingly.

The elevator door opened and Mariano then excused himself to go and place the bags in his _capo's _room. He bowed once more to them then took his leave. "I'll see you later then, _Bocchama._" He told the toddler. "_Signore_," He nodded once to Yamamoto.

By this time, the toddler had completely stopped crying… Yamamoto took the child's arm and tried to encourage him to wave good- bye. ("C'mon, say 'bye- bye' to Rino! _Bye- bye, Rino!_")

"Thanks for your help!" Yamamoto called after him.

"_Hic…!_" The little boy suddenly hiccupped. "_Hic…!_" Yamamoto stared at him. "_Hic! Hic! Hic!_"

… _Ahaha_… Well, what do you know…? Gokudera was actually right: All that crying finally gave the little wiseguy the hiccups. Yamamoto shook his head and smiled. '_Well— that's nothing a glass of water can't cure_,' he supposed.

* * *

Tsuna could almost swear that his friend and Right- hand had developed a near- telepathic "baby- sense" (it was like he could just **_sense_** if his son was in danger and a more disturbing thing: it was _just as acute_ as his "Tenth- sense".). Tsuna followed him into the kitchen just in case there was a need for damage control…

At first Yamamoto was only going to give the toddler something to eat but then Bianchi had decided to turn making the toddler's breakfast into a contest between herself and Yamamoto to decide whose food could cure her nephew of the hiccups: Predictably, everything turned into a fiasco and it only got worse when Gokudera- _kun_ suddenly burst into the kitchen, yelling at Bianchi not to give any of her poisonous cooking to the child while wearing a sleeping mask (which looked like it belongs to Isamu if those cartoon puppies were any indication) over his eyes. (He ended up standing behind the high chair and yelling over the child's head. The little boy was terribly startled and looked like he was on the verge of crying… Tsuna had to steer Gokudera- _kun_ around himself so he could yell in Bianchi's general direction.) From the look of things, it was going to be a while before Gokudera- _kun_ could trust Yamamoto with baby- sitting Tsuna's godson again…

While Gokudera- _kun_ was busy mouthing off at Yamamoto for 'negligence', Tsuna covered the politely puzzled child's ears with his hands and mentally shook his head: Gokudera- _kun_ **_still_** really couldn't help from swearing profanely when he was very upset over something.

And while his friend and Right- hand was **_still _**occupied with cursing Yamamoto, somehow, he and Bianchi got into a conversation about the toddler's clothes: Tsuna learned from her that, as a child, Gokudera- _kun_ often detested the "tacky" shorts and long socks ensembles he'd been forced to wear by their nannies. (At least this partly explained why he didn't allow her to give his old clothes when she had them brought over from Italy to her nephew. It seemed like a waste, in Bianchi's opinion and according to her, "Hayato had looked very handsome in them," so it went without saying that she also thought his son would too since he looked so much like him in the first place.) Instead Gokudera- _kun_ had the child wear _normal_ children's play clothes (quite similar to the ones Tsuna's children wore) so he could move freely and play without worrying about getting dirty (because Gokudera- _kun _could always buy him new ones or in case the base's washing machines failed to remove the stains or reduced them to shreds because of someone else's particularly disastrous talent at doing laundry).

The child's favorite play clothes in particular were blue denim overalls with a large front pocket big enough to fit a small toy car (or a baseball… Yamamoto had tried sticking one inside the pocket one time and Gokudera- _kun_ was livid with him when he found the toddler biting on it later).

There were other uses for that pocket too: Later that day, Yamamoto came up with a new game to amuse him while Gokudera- _kun_ was busy with work… (And in Tsuna's opinion: it was a lot **_safer_** than letting him staple important documents together like Gokudera- _kun_ had been letting him do in the time that he spent awake inside his office.) He tucked in the child's overalls' front pocket a note from Anton to remind Gokudera- _kun_ that his wife's flight schedule had changed. _Then_ he sent the small child toddling into his father's office to deliver it to him while he watched from the doorway.

Tsuna was in Gokudera- _kun's _office at the time and he watched with mild fascination how his godson would solve his dilemma of getting his father to look at the note. (He actually expected the child to cry, as was normal with most children of that age…) But instead, he determinedly climbed into Gokudera- _kun's_ lap and put his hands on either side of Gokudera- _kun's _head, squeezing his cheeks and forced him to face him.

It was so comical that Tsuna had to force down the urge to laugh. (Yamamoto on the other hand guffawed appreciatively from his place near the door.)

"Ow! That _hur_— Ah…? What's that you got there?"

The toddler said some unintelligible babble, "_Pappa_— _See- yo Suusi…!_" Some more unintelligible babbling… something that sounded almost like '_Mamma'_ (but he was quite sure was not that exact word)and then another happy chirp of "_Pappa!_"

"I can only understand '_Pappa_' in what you just said," Gokudera- _kun_ deadpanned at him as he pried his tiny hands off his cheeks. After shooting Yamamoto an irritable glare, he then sat the little boy more comfortably on his lap. "Could you repeat that more slowly for me? And use English please—" The two- year old, however, ignored him and continued to use his undecipherable babble as usual.

If he were still a teenager and this was any other child, Gokudera- _kun _would have lost his patience by then and started mouthing off, Tsuna thought. '_I guess this is Gokudera- kun's highest level of maturity._' ("Let me see if I got this right: '_Pappa, s_ee you Susie?' I didn't get what you said in the middle part— Ah… _Mamma _has boo—' Wait; did you just say what I think you said? Where did you learn _that_ word—? Wait, who's Susie? I don't know anybody named 'Susie'!"

"He didn't say _that_ word, Gokudera- _kun_," Tsuna tried not to laugh out loud again. "I'm pretty sure I heard him say 'boots'."

"Oh." Gokudera- _kun _managed awkwardly, looking embarrassed.)

However, a little nagging voice in the back of Tsuna's head, his Hyper Intuition perhaps, was telling him something… It was_ just a feeling, _but he felt that he_ **needed **_to check for something…

After Gokudera- _kun _took the note from the child's pocket, Tsuna volunteered to hold onto him while he waited for him to finish (Gokudera- _kun _had been looking over Tsuna's paperwork to triple- check that he didn't miss anything that needed his signature). Gokudera- _kun _readily agreed (He was often reluctant and sometimes skeptical if Yamamoto or _Oniisan_ were the ones who volunteered though… and after that near- disaster in the kitchen earlier, it would take a while before he could fully trust Yamamoto to baby- sit again.) and Tsuna picked the child up from his lap. (Yamamoto had left sometime in the middle of the toddler's monologue, saying something about a baseball game he wanted to tape.)

Then he smiled and asked his little godson what he'd been doing the whole time he was "playing with _Zio _Sushi". The toddler grinned widely at him and then began to babble once more in his seemingly limitless baby language, as if telling him what he'd been doing while he was with Yamamoto while waving his short little arms, gesturing in time with his narration as if for added emphasis on a "word".

Tsuna watched the child's eyes carefully: they were the alert and watchful kind, he decided. He'd come to learn that this was often a sign of high intelligence and he thought that his Hyper Intuition was trying to tell him something… Perhaps Gokudera- _kun's _looks were not the only things the little boy inherited from him… Then Tsuna began to wonder: what is his flame type? Afterwards, his mind began to entertain several other questions.

Meanwhile, the toddler sat quietly in his arms. He stopped talking after noticing that Tsuna wasn't listening anymore and began to amuse himself by looking at the pattern on Tsuna's tie with fascinated curiosity. A few seconds later, he became more interested in playing with the strange new material over wondering why his godfather was looking at him so intently…

It was still too early to tell, Tsuna finally decided… and his little godson is still only two years old after all… He wondered if Gokudera- _kun _seriously planned to allow his son to join the mafia... But then suddenly: "Ah! OW! Don't do that, please? _Zio_ can't breathe!"

_YANK!_

"Hey, what are you doing? Stop pulling your _Zio's_ tie! C'mon, I'll let you play with Uri instead," Gokudera- _kun _quickly came to his rescue and tried to pry the little fingers from his tie and bribe his attention away from it. "Hey! I said _quit it already_! Look, I'll give you my tie play with— Look! _Here!_ **_Tenth_**, are you alright?"

But he successfully got him to let go… '_With **bribery**_,' Tsuna almost deadpanned. These two Gokuderas… They were _really_ from a mafia family.

* * *

When Baseball- freak didn't have any particularly important messages to give him, he let the little boy scrawl undecipherable letters or drawings on his office stationary. _Then_ he would have him give them to either Hayato or the Tenth. He seemed to think it was cute or something. (Well, it admittedly was the first few times…) Hayato could understand why **_he_** should be receiving the tangled lines of color but he didn't think that the Tenth should be disturbed from his paperwork just to look at the toddler's first few attempts at intelligible written communication.

However, Yamamoto's non- work- related 'telegrams' weren't particularly helpful to Boss in finishing his work: The Tenth, regrettably, often got distracted from his paperwork whenever he saw his little godson standing next to his office chair and patiently waiting for him to take the folded paper from his jumper pocket.

… _Then_ he would use the toddler's presence in his office as an excuse ("He's hungry," "He's bored," "He wants me to play with him,") to get away from his paperwork, much to Hayato's exasperation. So Hayato tried to discourage Yamamoto from making his son a little envoy for his nonsense. As amusing as it was the first few times, he thought it was too early to give such a chore to the child since he was only two… Although quite a lot of people in the Family thought it was cute that his toddler was playing 'mafia courier' between him, Yamamoto and the Tenth.

He almost startled he realized that the toddler was standing next to his chair and clutching a handful of crayons and some semi- crumpled sheets of paper. He didn't hear him walk up to him at all…

"What's that you've got there?" He smiled and swiveled his chair so he could face him.

The two- year old grinned adorably at him and gave him one of the papers.

Hayato took it and wondered what exactly the lines and circles he'd drawn actually were: The rough- looking gray and green oblong reminded Hayato a bit of a cockroach… He would have thought it was a sun because of the lines going outwards from it if it weren't for the red and black lines placed underneath it… But then again, they could be just sticks or something… Hayato wondered what all that red scattered all over the rest of the space was. And there was a bright orange spot on top of the gray and green cockroach shape.

"Who is this?" Hayato asked, deciding to assume that he had drawn a person. He seemed to like drawing people (mostly family members and Family members) a lot lately.

"Tish _Pappa_!" His little wiseguy declared, grinning proudly. Hayato knew that he wasn't capable of drawing this much at this level by himself. (Most likely he had help from Mariano again… The _sggarista_ was often his co- artist in his more complicated drawings.)

_'But it still looks nothing like me…_' Hayato thought, still wearing his faked smile. "And what's this orange thing?" He then asked, pointing to the orange spot.

"Tish Uwee!" '_Uri,' _Ah… He should have known. He supposed it was safe to assume that the red scattered on the paper were storm flames. Perhaps this was an illustration of the training exercise he'd done earlier in the Storm Room? He left the child in the observation room with the Tenth after all…

"And what's that other one?" Hayato asked pointing to the other paper. It had a similar looking drawing but with a brown cockroach- shaped head and another orange spot. Instead of red scattered all over the paper there were orange squiggles dominating the space.

"Tish See- yo Tuh- na!" Then he babbled something Hayato could only half- understand. But it seemed that he had drawn the Tenth doing his new technique during the training exercise. Hayato's half- forced smile then became a genuine one.

"Are you going to give that one to him later?" He asked him. The toddler suddenly launched another long, winding speech made up of garbled syllables and some intelligible Italian, Japanese and English words while Hayato sat in his office chair, wondering what exactly was he telling him and wondering how long he was going to keep talking…

And then suddenly: "_Bai- bai—!_"

Hayato nearly fell out of his chair. "**_Ehhhhhh?_** _You're **done** already?_ But _what **was** that?_ I didn't understand a thing you just said!" He called after him. "_HEY!_"

But the toddler had already long run out of his office, presumably to the Tenth's (just across the corridor), to deliver his second drawing to its intended recipient.

Hayato then leaned back in his chair and quietly laughed to himself… Two years old and already quite a character; he could see why the Ninth Boss thought he was more amusing than the child Xanxus (whom he heard never even smiled once).

Maybe he could let it slide just this once: Perhaps tomorrow he might forget all about the 'mafia courier game' altogether? It was only just for one day; and what harm could having the toddler walk (or rather running) across the corridor to give the Tenth a few crudely done portraits do?

… But it was definitely a better game than the one where Yamamoto's dog slobbered all over him when they play- wrestled for a baseball… (That was the **_last time_** he would let Yamamoto use his box weapon to amuse his son.)

Hayato then put the new drawing along on top of the pile of several seemingly randomly drawn squiggles and scribbles he'd gotten earlier in one of his desk drawers to show to her when she returned to Japan that weekend. Then he thought about investing in a good supply of sturdy kitchen magnets for their refrigerator back in their apartment; the place could use a little more domestic touch.

* * *

**TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 011 DISCONNECTED**

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**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes: **_Happy (super- over- belated) Father's Day! _XP

**The Vongola Falcon Messenger/ Gokudera Junior/ Haya-2/ Little Wiseguy/ Little Falcon (_piccolo falco_):** Falcons were used as messenger birds in ancient times... By the ancient Egyptians and Greeks and other cultures that took up falconry. (Well, whatever; I just think falcons are _cool_. 8P) This is just based on another one of my messed up wordplays. (Like "Maid-of-Honor"; see my notes.) I based this original character's personality and overall characterization off a birthday astrology page I found: [http: / / entertainment. howstuffworks. com/ november-5- birthday- astrology. htm] I wrote in "Apologies for the Five- Minute Blame Game" that his birthday is on Guy Fawkes' Night (November 5th). Tested him with the same litmus paper test I used on Kyousuke and came out as a non- Mary- Sue (_Damn, I missed **again**! How does one really go about making a Mary- Sue anyway?_) But he's really still technically **_nameless_**… =.=;;; (Damn it… Why is it so hard to come up with a name for him??? OTL)

**[1] "_Buongiorno_,_ il mio piccolo_ _Falco_": **[Italian] "Good morning, my little Falcon." (Now imagine Goku _Pappa_ carrying his sleepy little baby and saying that with a smile… _Awwwwww_…)

**[2] Doctor Satomi: **First mentioned in "When the Wind Blows, the Cradle Will Rock- Part 1", appeared briefly in "Maid-of-Honor" and featured in "Note Musicali's" drabble number 15: "Art of War".

**[3] _Don_ Uragano: **First mentioned in "Declassified's" "Maid-of-Honor"… is it weird to say that my current favorite OC is an idiosyncratic old man with gray hair, who is a bit of an asshole and likes to antagonize most people for little to no reason at all? ^^;;;; (Although his description sounds a lot like Gokudera's…) I have no idea if the Ninth's Guardians are still alive, but I thought it would be pretty cool if some of them still were. ^^; (So we can have a senior citizen smackdown later!?!) 'Uragano' is the Italian word for 'Hurricane' (… I never claimed I had the best and most creative naming sense… I mean, my main fic is titled "The Right Rewrite of Right"… WTF… OTL OTL OTL) and it is not his surname. 'Uragano' is the name of his sub- _famiglia_. Like Gokudera Junior/Haya-2, he's still actually nameless. =.=;;;

**[4] Bath time: **Apparently it's normal for one parent to bathe in the bathtub with their kid (while they're still small) in Japan.

**[5] "Tako the Octopus"(TM) Toy: **OTL Really, what is with my naming skills nowadays…? Anyway, "Tako the _Tako_" (supposedly) talks and has a GPS tracking device inside it. I'm still trying to decide whether to make it a robotic toy. According to the one- shot, Ryohei gave it to baby Haya-2 the day after he was born. It's a soft, light gray, hypoallergenic stuffed toy, custom- made in the Vongola's weapons development department's laboratories, has a simple AI programmed with a database of 500 words and counting as well as simple but upgradeable encyclopedias, voice activation and recognition software and is guaranteed to amuse your baby (and your fellow Guardians at your personal expense. -_cough_OfcourseI'mreferringtoyou_Tako-_head_cough-_).

**[6] Squirrels will come and kiss your nose: **I hear it from one of my uncles whenever he's trying to get one of my cousins to stop crying. It never fails to make me laugh. XDDD

**[7] "Mariano": **He wears an eye- patch over his **_left_** eye _on some occasions_. First appeared in "T.R.R.o.R.'s" Rewrite 002, is the main narrator of "Article 1" of "La Rottura di Omérta", and briefly appeared in "Declassified's" "Apologies for the Five- Minute Blame Game". He is also Gokudera Junior's favorite baby-sitter/bodyguard out of all of his dad's subordinates (… and your favorite 'uncle' is _Zio _Muko (Ref: "Code of Silence" drabble number 45 "Innocent")… Interesting choice of playmates you have there, Gokudera- _bocchan_…).

* * *

For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

Just earlier I was involved in a serious discussion with a two- year old cousin. Baby- talk is **_EXTREMELY SERIOUS BUSINESS_**, I tell you! Topic of discussion? The president's state of the nation address…

I'll post the second part of this fic when I'm thinking coherently again… **Note to self: **Do not beta- read anything while drunk…


	12. File 012: Falcon Messenger Part 2

The current manga chapters just basically spoiled the main "T.R.R.o.R." story's plot, but **_heck_**, it doesn't bother me. ^^ It makes me **_happy as a clam _**actually. XD I don't have much rewriting (pun intended) to do from my original plot for "The Right Rewrite of Right" so the only things I have to concern myself with in my fics are the introductions of OCs and whether to include any real romance in the main "T.R.R.o.R.'s" story. (Which is just basically me asking if people won't mind if I make my main story consistent with my drabble collections and use the crack pairing I've been drabbling with as the main pairing for that fic… Y/N, guys? As the manga has already stated, there are 8 trillion possibilities; I'm just writing one of them. ^^)

Hey, thanks to readers who reviewed the previous part of "The Vongola Falcon Messenger Service"! Made three days in bed trying to recover from food poisoning (I'm not kidding unfortunately) somewhat bearable.

Now here's the part two! =D _Yes, **THE**_** _Part TWO! _**I'm not finished writing about you and the spawn of your tentacles, Octopus- head! (— Wait a minute… WTF, _that sounded… really wrong…_=.=;;;).

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I **_still_** own my OCs. KHR **_still_** belongs to its mangaka, Amano Akira. (Who I suspect is hinting at something what with all those tentacle-related encounters in the canon... Or I'm just delusional…)

**Warning: **Same warnings as the previous one: swearing, OOC-ness, OCs and additional warnings for misuse of animal box weapons, implied full nudity (-coughactually_impliedlemon_cough-), mature themes as well as potential spoilers for coming one- shots in the future. =P And as always: **_BEWARE THE CUTE._**

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**The Right Rewrite of Right: "The Declassified Files"**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 012: The Vongola Falcon Messenger Service- Part 2**

Written: Sunday, June 21, 2009, 03:43:34 PM

Edited: Thursday, July 30, 2009, 08:05:45 PM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 012**

**Time: **010:45:23 PM

**Location:** Coordinates Blocked.

**Note:** Surveillance subject # 5988J to be further assessed for potential as Vongola Guardian and or mafia courier.

**Archive Summary: **Record of alternative timeline for the Vongola Tenth Generation Guardians.

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 59.961276134 percent complete..._

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 012**

Gokudera- _kun_ was in the middle of informing him who were the specific sponsors they'd managed to sign on for Ryuunosuke-_ kun's_ team for the next season when he was abruptly interrupted: a little gray- haired toddler came running into Tsuna's office at full speed. Tsuna saw his eyebrows shoot high up in surprise when he smashed into to his long legs (nearly knocking Gokudera- _kun _over) and clung to them, whimpering.

He put his report down on Tsuna's desk and apologized to him for the disturbance. Then he bent down to pry off the short arms wrapped around his knees. The little boy squirmed to avoid his hands and continued to try to hide behind his legs. Tsuna could hear him murmuring the child's name in a half- firm, half- coaxing tone: "— Come **_here_**— Hey, that's enough already— _Stop crying_—" He told him after he finally succeeded in gathering him up in his arms. "What's the matter with you now?"

The child's arms wrapped tightly around his neck and hid his face on his shoulder, whimpering "… I duun waaan, _Pappaaaa.._."

Tsuna stood up from his desk and went to stand behind Gokudera- _kun _so he could try talking to his godson. "What is it?" He asked. "What's wrong? Why don't you tell _Zio _Tsuna what is it that you '_don't want_'?"

"_I duun waaaan scoowee- waaaah_—_!_" Came his muffled answer, squirming a little in Gokudera- _kun's _arms to hide his face again. Tsuna then caught sight of an official looking envelope sticking out of the front pocket of the little boy's jumper. Tsuna gave his godson's father a puzzled look: "What's a 'squee- wah'—?"

Gokudera- _kun_ however was too occupied to answer: "_Where is it?_ You want me to scare it and make it go away? You want me to do that?" Gokudera- _kun_ asked him, frowning seriously (he still hadn't noticed the envelope in his son's pocket).

Tsuna still wondered what exactly they were talking about.

But this was rather amusing… and cute: Gokudera- _kun _could understand his son's baby- lisped speech a little better now. He didn't usually show this side of himself to Tsuna and it was quite a refreshing from the usually serious Right- hand and underboss persona he paraded around in the base most of the time.

His godson nodded quickly, his lower lip quivering while he looked up at Gokudera- _kun _with frightened, watery dark indigo eyes and pointed to the doorway. "_Daat_ scoowee- wah, _Pappa!_"

The two adults looked at where he was pointing and became stunned speechless: "I'm sorry, you two. It's _my_ turn to look after him but he ran away from me when I came to get him from Lambo," Bianchi announced as she strode into Tsuna's office, presumably in pursuit of the little boy. The little toddler gave another frightened whimper and hid his face in Gokudera- _kun's _jacket again.

The two men continued to give her shocked stares. Her face was half- covered (which was why Gokudera- _kun_ didn't suddenly faint…) which on a normal basis is good… But then when Bianchi made to try and take him from Gokudera- _kun_, the little boy suddenly tightened his arms around Gokudera- _kun's_ neck and made a loud, indistinct noise of refusal.

"What's the matter, sweetie; aren't you happy to see your _Zia_?" Bianchi leaned over to put her face closer to the toddler's. The little fists in Gokudera- _kun's_ clothes tightened when the child tensed and tried to further hide his face in Gokudera- _kun's _suit jacket again.

"_Nooooooowwwwaaaahhh!!!_" He wailed."_Goooowweeeeeeeeey!_" 'No' and 'Go away,' Tsuna correctly guessed.

Ah… the problem was Bianchi… or more specifically…

"_Aneki_… **_Why_** are you wearing _that_ _mask_…?" Gokudera- _kun_ asked her exasperatedly while trying to keep a hold of the upset toddler without getting choked by him at the same time.

The solution was quite simple really: If she kept it on, her nephew would stop being upset and look at her as '_Zia_ Bankee' again. However, if Bianchi took the mask off, Gokudera- _kun's_ stomach would be the one to get upset…

* * *

When Gokudera- _kun's _son was a year and a half old, Bianchi had once used her squirrel mask to cover her face instead of her usual orange goggles: What happened was that she had entered Gokudera- _kun's _office without warning and picked him up from where he was playing on his office floor. She normally greeted the little boy with a kiss but at that time he became very badly startled when he saw her squirrel mask moving very close to his face.

After a few more traumatizing encounters with his aunt in a squirrel mask, Tsuna's godson learned to be afraid of squirrels… Or at least anything resembling a squirrel; Tsuna wasn't sure how he took to the real things since as far as he knew, his godson had never seen one up close yet. And Gokudera- _kun_ didn't exactly help matters by saying '_squirrels will come and kiss your nose_' to get him to obey him for any reason.

* * *

"This is becoming quite ridiculous," Bianchi sighed after a few minutes of fruitless attempts to bargain with her little nephew without taking off her mask. She then reached up to pull her squirrel mask off.

Tsuna tensed. "W- Wait a second— Bianchi—"

"— S- Stop— _Aneki— W- wait— **NO—!**_" Gokudera- _kun's_ face suddenly made a sickened expression.

'_Uh- oh,_' Tsuna thought, suddenly having the presence of mind to take the little boy off Gokudera- _kun's _arms before he collapsed on his floor. The child gave a little squeak of surprise when Tsuna suddenly pulled him away from his father.

"**_GWAARGH_**_!_" Gokudera- _kun_ doubled over and fell sideways while clutching his stomach.

Tsuna stared down at him apologetically while his godson sniffled in his arms, rubbing one of his eyes with a little fist and watched his father writhe on the floor with innocent puzzlement.

"Really, how hopeless." Bianchi sighed as she knelt down to attend to Gokudera- _kun. _("BWA- **_Waaaarrghhh_**_—!_")

Meanwhile, Tsuna took a handkerchief out from his pocket to wipe his godson's cheeks then took the opportunity that he had him to fish the official- looking letter addressed to him from out of his front jumper pocket.

* * *

Reborn- _san_ had something to discuss with him: He thought the toddler's 'mafia courier' game should be _encouraged_.

"Encouraged?" Hayato repeated incredulously. "_Why?_ He _distracts_ the Tenth from accomplishing his paperwork! That's the sixth time the Tenth has skipped out on finishing his paperwork in the last two days!" Meanwhile, the little boy in his lap pulled at his fingers to get them to unclasp from around his waist, with little success. No sooner did he get a finger off, it would return to its place when he got to work in prying another one off himself.

"But he **_does _**deliver to you and Tsuna some important memos unscathed, correct?" Reborn- _san_ looked at him pointedly.

"Yamamoto just seems to think it's _cute_—" Hayato muttered darkly before catching himself. "Er, I mean… _Yes_, but—" He suddenly halted when he saw the determined look in Reborn- _san's _eye. It was that kind of look that meant anything else he said would be ignored and hit man tutor would get his way.

When Reborn- _san's _passion to teach is aroused, there is **_nothing_** on Earth and Fuuta's ranking planet that could ever get in its way…

He then told him that it was an excellent method to teach the child to become even more independent. ("Think of it as a way of teaching him to recognize familiar and trustworthy faces within the Family,") and it would definitely encourage the child to walk by himself (not that he actually had any problems in that area in the first place). He told Hayato that he was concerned because he had observed that quite a lot of people in the Family had a habit of picking the little boy up and carrying him whenever they saw him separated from Hayato or his mother.

Hayato didn't think that that was such a big problem until Reborn- _san_ further expounded on it: "He still shouldn't get so used to depending on other people to pick him up," He told him while watching the toddler still trying to squirm out of Hayato's arms and get down from his lap (He'd given up on pulling Hayato's fingers off him one-by-one). "Though he seems to like being free move around… And while we're on that topic: Let him go, Gokudera; he's not going anywhere. He thinks any place you're in is the safest place to be."

A little balloon of pride swelled up in Hayato somewhere when he heard that and he allowed the child to get down from his lap…

As soon as his feet touched the floor, the little boy swiftly pattered toward the fenced- off corner in Hayato's office to fetch his talking stuffed octopus toy, Tako. Then two _Mafiosi _watched him begin to play with the robotic octopus doll for a bit before returning to their discussion: Reborn- _san_ told him it wouldn't be frequently possible for him to keep an eye on his son. He didn't have that kind of luxury like most parents did. It was just as in the Tenth's case: Hayato had to rely on other people to protect him whenever he couldn't. (That little 'pride' balloon seemed to have deflated quite a bit. _'Yes… that is embarrassingly true…_' He thought.)

Although, Hayato was already doing a good job in trusting other people to look out for the little boy, his _Aneki_ smiled at him as she said it. Hayato usually didn't give whatever she said much credit, but it was rare that she actually commended him on something…

But Reborn- _san _then told him that allowing his son to become too trustworthy of others would also make him a susceptible target for kidnapping; he reminded Hayato that he was _not only a_ _Guardian_, but he is the Vongola's **_capo bastone_**. (Hayato wondered if the _Don _Uragano had put Reborn- _san_ up to this again. Considering Hayato's education on the ways of the Vongola's administration, it was most likely the case here.) Those reasons made his only child an obvious target for rival mafia if he were ever to go outside of the Vongola's immediate reach.

"Meaning?"

"He needs to be extensively taught how to distinguish what is danger."

"Can't he do that on his own?" Hayato asked, puzzled, as he watched the toddler abandon the toy octopus then begin to playfully tag after one of his subordinates (Mariano) around his office.

The _sggarista _made a good show of pretending to ignore him while he walked around Hayato's office, organizing papers and books and picking up toys. When he finally managed to catch up, the toddler latched onto Mariano's left leg (Hayato winced a little when he recalled that that was same leg he'd shot by accident a few years ago) and sat on his shoe so he could ride, or rather, be dragged across the carpeted floor while the _sggarista _walked (… or tried to anyway). It was one of his favorite games to play with the _sgarristas_ Hayato could trust with looking after him when no one else was available to babysit… ("_Bocchama_, that hurts; may I have my leg back, please?")

Apparently, it's not in his nature… While he's not actually reckless, he's currently indiscriminate with whomever he associates. "It seems that he likes making friends with anyone he comes across." _Aneki_ commented to him. (Hayato then began to wonder if he'd been letting his son spend a little too much time with Yamamoto.)

Did he know that he actually approached the VARIA's **_Belphegor _**during the Ninth's birthday celebration in Italy last year and asked him to get him one of the pastries from the buffet table? (And if it weren't for Toph and Kyousuke who were standing nearby (because Kyousuke was planning to spike the punch again— He was definitely going to get a good long verbal whipping from Hayato for that later), who knows what he would have done to him?) Reborn- _san_ asked him seriously. Hayato gaped in shock. (Considering that the little boy looked so much like him, Hayato didn't even want to think what the bloodthirsty assassin- prince could do to the small child if his subordinates weren't there to interfere.)

"_What_? You didn't **_know_**?" Reborn- _san_ then frowned at him. "Ryohei was looking after him during that time; he must've slipped past his watch while he was conversing with Lussuria. (Hayato made a mental note to himself to punch Turf- head's face in when he saw him later.) "He's quite stubborn and independent when if he wants to be," Reborn continued. (He paused and looked over to the toddler and the _sggarista_ trying to extricate him from his leg: the little boy was giggling with delight. He probably thought Mariano was still playing with him.) "But helplessness can be taught and reinforced. I'm quite sure you won't want your son to become a burden to the Family in the future." (Well, that was true, Hayato thought. It would be very shameful if the son of a Vongola Guardian, underboss and _capo_ did not grow up to become a valuable asset to the Family…)

"He's a very good- looking little boy as well." _Aneki_ commented, unknowingly bringing up another important point to for Reborn- _san _to address. (She was sitting on a corner of Hayato's office desk and wearing a pair of orange ski goggles at that time: she had followed Reborn into Hayato's office when the hit man- tutor went to speak to him.) Reborn then thanked her for bringing it up.

(By this time, Mariano had successfully pried Hayato's son off his leg and handed him off to Yamamoto, who had entered Hayato's office to borrow his stapler. Hayato then decided to activate Uri to amuse the child rather than risk Yamamoto deciding that it was a good idea to activate his fleabag of a box weapon to keep the little boy company.) Hayato wondered aloud what his sister's comment about his son's physical appearance had to do with _anything_ in their discussion and Bianchi clicked her tongue at his apparent naiveté.

Reborn tipped his fedora before continuing to list his reasons for Hayato to allow his toddler son to play 'courier' inside the Vongola base: "His looks make him the kind of target child kidnapping-for-slavery syndicates and sexual pedophiles go after. (Hayato's face drained of color when he heard this.) The black market current estimates for a child his age and status as a Vongola _capo's _son is $ XXX, XXX, XXX, XXX, XXX. (Meanwhile, Yamamoto playfully swept the little boy up and deposited him inside his play pen. Then he picked up the toddler's toy octopus and Hayato's box weapon and placed them inside the play pen as well.) If anyone succeeds in kidnapping him, that's the bounty that they would be able to get from the Machina family for bringing him _alive_. Though it's much higher if he were _dead… _At least that's what _I_ heard from my information network."

At this, Hayato paled: He **_did not_** like the sound of that… He looked over the playpen he installed in a corner of his office (Yamamoto was now squatting on the floor outside the fenced- off corner and watching the toddler play with Uri): If war were to break out in the future, how was Hayato assured his son could survive if in case circumstances forced him to be separated from him and his mother? (And sexual perverts and kidnappers after _their_ precious little boy? _No fucking way was he going to let that shit happen!_ **_Over his fucking dead body!_**)

Reborn gave him a few hours to consider his decision carefully. "Teaching him to recognize as many Family members as possible will benefit him very much in the future; he will learn who is trustworthy and who isn't. Also, Tsuna's successor has much to gain in the abilities of the Vongola's next generation. You already have the Ninth Storm's support: if we start grooming him in the ways of the Vongola's _cosa nostra,_ he will definitely nominate him as a potential candidate for one of the Eleventh Generation's Vongola Guardians when the family heads meet to deliberate with Tsuna on who among his heirs would succeed him as boss."

Hearing this distracted Hayato from thinking of the safety precautions and rules he intended to teach the little boy regarding strangers and perverts: The idea of his son succeeding him in the proud line of Vongola Guardians of Storm sounded **_very_** appealing...

However: "But I'm not even sure if he _is _a Storm type. And this decision is not only up to me," Hayato replied. He still had to ask the child's mother what she thought about it. After all… he was _her _son as well. It wouldn't be right for Hayato to decide on their child's future alone. But once he got her reply, he would go and ask the Boss what he thought of his son becoming a _Mafioso_ in the future.

Reborn- _san_ made a tiny smile. It seemed that he understood what he was getting at.

"Don't rush your decision, Gokudera. Think about this matter very carefully. He's still only two years old and it **_is_** still too early now to see how he would grow up to be."

It was a silent warning for if they made the wrong choice, there would be consequences to deal with in the future. As cruel as it was, like most things in their world, _everything_ is had its benefits and burdens; for all they knew, becoming a _Mafioso _may not necessarily the amiable little boy's calling.

* * *

Yamamoto overheard their conversation and wondered if, like the mafia game they began in middle school, that the game of 'mafia courier' he started with the toddler would determine the younger Gokudera's future.

The toddler then began to babble to the box weapon, almost as if he were having a serious discussion with it. Yamamoto then forgot about wondering what effect young children games had on them and instead began to wonder if the box weapon could even understand what the child was saying… Who knew what could be going on in that little gray head? How much did he know that he didn't let on to the adults around him…? What did he see with those wide, dark indigo eyes of his? What did those jumbled syllables of coming out of his mouth actually mean anyway? He could only make out a few decipherable words from the two- year old's speech, but it amused him to hear the little wiseguy say "_Fwai Uwee!_"

_'That's so cute…' _It sounded almost like the little boy was telling the box weapon to _fly_…

Then he startled when he realized the he had picked up the kitten- sized box weapon and was preparing to toss it into the air the same way Sasagawa- _senpai_ had been doing with him earlier in the training room's observation booth. [1]

* * *

Later that evening, Lambo opened the door to his bedroom in the base and excused himself so he could go to his lessons. Hayato tried to give him a few Yen bills for his trouble but the younger Guardian refused. "It wouldn't be fair," he said.

Hayato puzzled over what he meant by that but then shrugged it off: he had to admit that Lambo had gotten considerably more mature after he'd been delegated the task of baby-sitting as one of his duties within the Family.

After entering his room, Hayato tossed his suit jacket onto the bed without looking while he pulled his necktie loose and walked toward the bathroom. He deposited the tie and his button-up shirt in the laundry basket behind the door then turned to return to the bedroom to get a change of clothes. Then he blinked a few times when he realized his jacket on the bed was moving.

Hayato took his shoes off and walked over to the bed to investigate.

A pair of wide, dark indigo eyes greeted him when he lifted one end of the jacket. Hayato then found himself smiling: "Oh, I'm sorry… I didn't see you there," He apologized and made to pull the jacket off him. The little boy however pulled it over his head to hide back under it, giggling and expecting him to play along.

He listened to his muffled giggles before smirking and deciding to humor him: "I wonder where my little wiseguy went. I **_don't_** see him—" Hayato mock- wondered aloud. "… Maybe he… **_disappeared_**?" He suddenly smirked again then tickled the jacket- covered lump on the bed.

A shriek of laughter came from under it and toppled over when he poked it. Hayato then grinned and climbed onto the mattress. He wrapped his arms around the lump so he could pick him up and lay back on the mattress so the jacket- covered toddler could lie flat on his stomach on top of Hayato.

The child poked his head out from under the material and giggled at Hayato when he saw him. "**_Caught_**_ **you**._ _Now_ what are you planning to do to get free, you mischievous little wiseguy?" Hayato smirked triumphantly, arms wrapped around the child's middle to hold him captive.

The little child wiggled his arms free from under the jacket to hug him around his neck. "_Okai- _wee- _nasai_, _Pappa_!" He chirped. Hayato could only smile and kissed him on the forehead.

If there was something good about _Aneki_ looking after him while Hayato was away, it was that she taught the little boy manners and respect for adults. He was already naturally affectionate, seeing as he liked to hug his parents when he woke in the mornings, when they came home from work or fetched him from whoever was babysitting him and after they tucked him into bed at night…

Holding him this close allowed made Hayato to smell his hair: He smelled sweet— like honey… (One of his babysitters for the day must have given him a bath a while ago.) And he was becoming more aware of how much heavier the little boy was getting. Hayato wondered how long he would stay this size for him to be able to hold him like this... He was growing up little by little each day…

Then he heard the unmistakable sound of crinkling paper when the toddler tried to wriggle out of his arms. He looked at the toddler's clothes and saw another piece of paper tucked in his jumper pocket…

Hayato sat up so he could seat the little boy on his legs and take the note: '_Italian food for dinner tonight! Write down your topping requests and have the little wiseguy bring them to Tsuna's office so we can order and get them delivered before everyone else gets back here. =D'_

He frowned when he recognized Yamamoto's handwriting. _'_… _Stupid idiot; when is he going to learn that Italian food doesn't only comprise of pizza and pasta?'_

"What toppings do you want on your pizza?" Hayato asked the little boy sitting in his lap anyway.

"_Suusi!_" Hayato snorted then gently nudged him off his legs so he could stand up and get dressed into his casual clothes.

"Don't be silly: You don't put _sushi_ on a **_real_** Italian pizza," He sat him back down on the center of the mattress. "And why do you like that Yamamoto's _sushi_ so much anyway?"

"_Tish yammy!_"

Hayato then gave him a befuddled look: _'There must be some way to brainwash him into hating that sushi…'_ He thought. "I think I ought to have you educated in fine dining sometime soon." He told the little boy seriously.

However, his plan went unacknowledged because by then the little boy had somehow managed to slip his arms inside the sleeves of Hayato's jacket.

"Wook _Pappa!_" He grinned proudly at him, arms held up and the excess length of the sleeves dangling from where his arms could only reach. "_Wook!" _

The sight made Hayato all the more aware of how much of he looked like a mini- version of himself and reminded him even more of the talk he had with Reborn- _san _(plus _Aneki_).

But Hayato smiled at him anyway: "… Looks good on you," He told him as he fondly ruffled the soft, gray mess on the little boy's head. "Think you can fill in my shoes someday too, _hm_?"

His question went unanswered however: Hayato suddenly had other things to think about when the little boy found a few sticks of dynamite in his jacket's pockets and wanted to find out what was in them.

* * *

He didn't realize that the toddler's 'little mafia courier' games were soon becoming thought of as a genuine mini- mailing system within the Vongola base until Turf- head jokingly pinned a sign on the back of the toddler's jumper, reading: "Vongola Falcon Messenger Service".

Some of his subordinates had seen the toddler going back and forth between his office and the Tenth's and the name had stuck. And some of the members of his crew who were also friendly with the toddler stuck notes addressed to Hayato about changes in schedules and the like inside his jumper pocket for Hayato to find later.

Eventually, "delivery by Vongola Falcon Messenger" became an inside joke among the higher- ranking members of the Family and a new slang among Hayato's subordinates for anything that could possibly need Hayato's immediate attention… Although it was just basically using the toddler to get Hayato to place his attention on a certain project or report.

It exasperated Hayato every now and then to find several pieces of paper tucked in the toddler's clothes.

("What if he eats them by mistake?" He snapped at Antonio once.

The hacker rolled his eyes at him, exasperated with him for the nth time that day (Hayato had wandered into his work area during his rounds and Anton just happened to be the unlucky Hurricane 59 crew member he found first): "G, he's **_two_**; he's _way_ past the teething stage and he knows enough by now that he's not supposed to eat paper."

Hayato tried to come up with something else to yell at him; he didn't know why exactly— lately, yelling at somebody was just felt therapeutic: "And if he gets a paper cut?!"

"Now you're overreacting, G. A little cut from a piece of paper is **_not_** going to kill him. _Sheesh._ It's more likely for a kid his size to die of organ failure than from a paper cut." Anton frowned at him and put his headphones back on; a signal for Hayato to leave him alone so he could concentrate on cracking some newly released anti- virus software.)

But still— giving the child a pseudo- chore was rather helpful in some situations: Such as in Isamu's case. He injured his leg in an encounter with the Momokyokai _yakuza_, and couldn't immediately personally report to Hayato in his office.

While he was getting his leg patched up, he had the toddler ride on Gorou (the Saint Bernard)'s back to deliver to Hayato a written report on smuggled explosives en route to Okinawa (with Mariano following him a short distance away to watch that he didn't fall off).

The massive dog lay down on the carpeted floor of his office and let the child climb all over him while Hayato read the report.

When Hayato finished and looked at where his son was quietly playing, he thought his jaw would dislocate because of how far it had dropped: Somehow the child had ended up under the dog's head and between the animal's giant paws, drool dripping on his head and clothes.

… For some reason, the colossal dog had gotten it into its head that the small child was like a lollipop that it could lick.

Hayato forced himself to calm down then puzzled over how he was going to get the dog away from him. (He sent Mariano away on an errand after getting Isamu's report so he could exactly ask him to help him.) And considering how long the little boy had been around the dog, he would have to give him a bath twice or three times over to get the slobber and the doggy smell off him…

'_Dog_…' He thought, a light bulb turning on in his mind: Hayato then charged one of his boxes and released his box weapon.

After ten minutes however, Hayato would learn that Uri didn't think his idea was such a brilliant plan because it scratched at him indignantly several times while the toddler giggled as he watched them.

* * *

Then there were the non- work related notes and messages again: Kyousuke and Toph had somehow commissioned the toddler to pass notes containing insults to one another across the kitchen table when the two had gotten into another fight later that day. (Kyousuke was giving Toph the silent treatment Toph and vice- versa (Or rather, Toph didn't acknowledge his presence; Toph practically never speaks to anyone in the Family with his real voice to begin with…).

Hayato found out about it when he caught the toddler crawling under the table the two _sggaristas _were sitting at during their lunch break.

He then had Lambo take the child out of the kitchen before proceeding to verbally berate his subordinates for **_still_** having ridiculously childish arguments at their age. (He really sometimes felt like a kindergarten teacher when he had to deal with these two particular _sggaristas_…)

On the same day, Ryuunosuke (who usually didn't have anything to report to him because his _capo_ could just easily read the results of his job in the sports section of the newspapers (assuming he could wrestle possession of that particular section of the newspaper from the Baseball- freak or the Boxing- freak) or on the Internet) had the child bring to Hayato a can of spam.

When questioned about it, Ryuunosuke started laughing with much gusto: "Don't think so hard about it, Gokudera! You'll go bald!" (Hayato would have blown him up for that, but then he'd have to think of an excuse to give the publicists for injuring one of the Vongola's big earners.)

It took a little while for Hayato to figure out what was actually so funny about having his son delivering spam… But he ended up approving the product's manufacturers as one of the Ryuunosuke's sponsors for the next season anyway.

* * *

The next day, several people in the Vongola base learned the hard way that the little wiseguy was capable of giving the whole Family Hell even without meaning to: Hayato came out of the Tenth's office at the near- end of the day to see what had been causing all the noise outside. The Tenth who had been with him inside listening to a report on their financial rackets in the Kansai district also followed him out.

What they found was a nervous I- pin carrying the toddler and standing outside the door, Fuuta holding an ice pack on his head and their current time's Lambo's hair in an afro. Behind them, they saw _Aneki_ hosing down Makoto, Kyousuke and Volante with a fire extinguisher and Toph nursing a stomachache in a far corner. Yamamoto and Turf- head, judging by how much they were dripping water on the floor, he assumed had been soaked by Giannini's new sprinkler system (which was installed just around the corner).

The two- year old in I- Pin's arms happily chirped "_Pappa_!" when he saw Hayato and stretched his arms out to him, expecting Hayato to come and get him.

"W- What happened?" The Boss had asked, staring at all of them incredulously. Half of Hayato's subordinates present gave a collective groan…

"The little wiseguy was looking for his old man. (Hayato's eyes narrowed in a glare at being referred to as an "old man".) Reborn wanted him to pass along a message…" Yamamoto supplied helpfully while twisting his jacket to squeeze out the water.

Hayato took the toddler from I- Pin and checked him all over for any injuries: He seemed perfectly fine and he even gave him his usual affectionate hug around his neck (Usually reserved for when Hayato came to fetch him from whoever was baby-sitting him after work). Then he checked the inside of the front pocket on the toddler's jumper: True enough, there was a note tucked inside it.

He looked again at the mess and tried to imagine how a perfectly normal and harmless two- year old child (meaning **_NOT _**an Arcobaleno) had been the root cause of all this _chaos_. But he couldn't come up with anything: The child and his clothes were practically **_spotless_**.

"How did… _this_… happen?" The Tenth asked, gesturing toward the mess outside his office.

"He got lost," _Aneki_ replied simply. "… And everyone went looking for him."

The underground base was **_big_**; of course a two- year old child could get lost, Hayato scowled. This is one of the reasons why he didn't encourage the mafia courier game in the first place. Meanwhile, the toddler in his arms watched his elders with curious interest.

"And where did you guys find him anyway?" Hayato asked. I- pin sighed and told him…

Then Hayato's gaze darkened. "Boss, please wait for me in the office. This won't take long," He bowed to his Boss once in apology.

After prying the child's arms from around his neck ("_Pappa…?_"), he asked I- Pin to take the toddler inside his office as well and closed the door…

**_Then_** he exploded at his subordinates, Lambo, Yamamoto and Turf- head: "YOU DAMN IDIOTS!!! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS HE DOING ALONE INSIDE THE STORM ROOM??? **_WHO_** WAS IN CHARGE OF WATCHING HIM RIGHT NOW???"

* * *

Following Reborn- _san's_ instructions once more, the Tenth had his subordinates string up a long piece of red yarn from the nursery leading to the Boss' office (arguably the **_safest_** office in the entire base).

Reborn- _san_ then taught the toddler himself to follow the yarn if he wanted to find Hayato for any reason. (**_HOW_** he taught the child, Hayato wasn't allowed to see. He even had Anton put all the surveillance files regarding this particular matter under an incredibly heavy encryption system even Hayato couldn't break without simultaneously cracking codes and password locks for five years straight and told him he needed his Boss' permission and the Ninth's… and _Don _Uragano **_and_** Doctor Satomi's to access all of them. Hayato decided not to press the issue after hearing the last two names (_HOW_ the fuck was he going to convince that stubborn old man? He was running out of metaphorical bargaining chips… And there was no way in Hell he was personally going to Doctor Satomi's workplace to ask her; too much unwanted attention from certain psychos in there,) and instead trust that Reborn- _san_ and the Tenth knew what they were doing.)

Much to Hayato's surprise, he not only got back a toddler who could make his way to the Tenth's office from their room (with the help of the red yarn, but that was beside the point), he got a potty- trained child back as well. (_That_ _part_, he **_really_** needed to know more about; he had a baby diary- photo album to accomplish after all.)

This somewhat lessened the time Hayato's subordinates wasted searching for child all over the base. ("But he still moves quite fast and he's really quite good at hiding," an exhausted Isamu (on crutches) reported to him, his dogs in a panting heap on the floor before Hayato's desk (and the toddler playing with Gorou the Saint Bernard's large, floppy ears). "I swear I don't know **_how_** he does it, that disappearing act… One minute he's there and the next thing we know, he's someplace else. The dogs can't seem to consistently track his scent in particular; they don't have problems tracking anyone else in the Family. But I think you should consider tagging him just in case. He doesn't carry around that octopus toy of his all that much anymore, right?"

Later that day, Kyousuke got commissioned to develop a special baby soap that was hypoallergenic and smelled normal to human noses but was strong enough for the dogs to pick up.)

And yet somehow he could always get out of his playpen in the nursery and someone else would often later find him wandering in some part of the base, looking for Hayato.

To solve this problem, Anton had proposed the revival of "Project Weather Tracker" just for the remainder of the week so tiniest bits of leftover of Kyousuke's infamous GPS cavity filler were then stuck onto the toddler's back molar.

"He's going to loose them soon anyway so it's not permanent." Kyousuke had told him while Mariano amused the toddler in Hayato's lap with the flames on his rings. (Hayato wondered what he was showing him; the child seemed really mesmerized with the flame for some reason.)

"He's not fussing over the taste?" Hayato asked him, rather puzzled. Usually, to his knowledge, those kinds of stuff tasted awful.

"Oh, I made sure that it tasted like candy." Kyousuke grinned as he replaced the cover of the tube and set aside the dental instrument. "I mean, _c'mon_, Chief, I was **_eleven_** when I made this stuff."

Mariano then extinguished the flames on his ring after he noticed that they were finished. The toddler made a tiny noise of disappointment while the _sggarista _put his ring away.

Hayato wondered what it was in the _sggarista's_ flame that the child saw that was so interesting… He thought that maybe he could try asking the child later, but then again, he probably wouldn't be able to understand more than half of his baby- babbling.

Kyousuke grinned once more and rumpled the child's hair playfully: "Hey, you did great there, tough guy! Give me a high- five!"

The toddler grinned back and tapped Kyousuke's open palm with his own little hand.

"I think I can see why _Signor _Reborn is concerned. He really **_is_** quite friendly with most people," Mariano commented offhandedly. It was merely a factual observation but it _really_ gave Hayato something to think about.

"HEY! Are you implying **_I'm_** not trustworthy, rookie?!" Kyousuke exclaimed indignantly. Mariano wisely chose to ignore him.

'I wouldn't trust **_my breakfast_** with you!' Toph hurriedly scribbled on a piece of cardboard and held it up for his room mate to see.

Kyousuke then scowled. "What was **_that_**, **_Loreley- chan_**?" Toph then made a move as if to goad him into another fight.

'_Oh, for the love of… **Not** again…' _Hayato felt a headache coming on. He handed the toddler off to Mariano and motioned for him to take him out of the room.

"Quit it already, you two! Geeze, my kid acts more mature than the two of you combined!" He snapped irritably at the two remaining _sggaristas _(after he was sure that Mariano had the toddler well out of ear- shot). It wouldn't be the first time that Hayato wondered how and why the Vongola's 'cream of the crop' _Mafiosi _sometimes acted like they were still in **_kindergarten_**.

* * *

The following day: "The female members of the _Famiglia _think it's **_adorable_**_,"_ Anton reported to him, (stressing 'adorable' as if he intended to annoy Hayato with the word,) after he finished laughing at some of the footage taken from the surveillance camera positioned in the area between Hayato's office and the Boss'. Hayato had entered the surveillance system control room while he was in the middle of rewinding a clip of an uncharacteristically livid Yamamoto chasing after Hayato while brandishing a glittering, metallic pink sword back in their college days…

"And that is relevant information to me **_because_**…?" Hayato glowered. Then: "And I thought I told you to delete that video of me and Yamamoto?"

"G, apart from the fact that it means your kid is considered _good- looking, _he is as far as I can see, **_normal_**. I should congratulate you for making a lovely little baby; I didn't get the chance to back then; although now I'm kind of worried. He just suddenly randomly disappears from the radar. I really don't know what's going on." Anton then shook his head. ('_Everyone's been saying that a lot recently,' _Hayato thought.) "And, _off topic:_ Toph had the file backed up in Kyousuke's cell phone. Be glad **_I_** found it before Ryuunosuke did and sent it to Doctor Satomi. She's **_not_** going to be happy if she ever finds out you had Toph try out his special skill on someone in the _Famiglia._" He added, grinning conspiratorially.

Hayato scowled. "That was **_just_**_ **one** **time**_! And Yamamoto already forgave me," He snapped in his defense. '_Seriously!'_

"That's why the keyword there is 'if'. And anyway, I don't think it's a good idea **_not_** to keep a copy." The hacker swiveled his chair to face the monitor and clicked "Burn to CD". "Besides," He turned to smirk at his _capo_. "This is **_excellent_** blackmail material on you if we ever need anything on you that Y- _san's_ old man might like to know, **_G- san_**,"

"… _An… to… ni… o…!_" Hayato slowly stalked forward and reached out to throttle him.

But at the very least the H59 hacker's report had done was that it had alleviated Hayato's worries that his son had an abnormal allergy: Every now and then, the child would come back to Hayato's office with his cheeks looking somewhat pink and a little cranky… (If he was cranky, then it meant that Hayato couldn't send him out to deliver notes again and Hayato would have to stop working for a while just so he could try to put his son to sleep.) As it turned out, his cheeks were only pink from _Aneki _pinching them every time she saw him outside of Hayato's office on his way to give the Tenth a Post- It note from Yamamoto. (However he was starting to have some suspicions about his son's disappearing GPS signal… Could he perhaps be _that_ flame type…?)

Anton ducked. "Hell, G… These videos from our college days shouldn't be called security camera footage; we should rename these as the **_Vongola's Funniest Home Videos_**!" He laughed. "I mean look at how well you and Y- _san_ do the _mannzai_! You yourself make a really great _tsukkomi_!"

"I am **_not_** _a comedian_ and if I was, I wouldn't pair up with that idiot so _shut the **fuck** up_, Antonio, and **_stay_** **_still_** so I can strangle you properly!" He said through clenched teeth and moved in to try and squeeze the life out of him again.

"Octopus- head, you really shouldn't use that kind language; what if your little tough guy picks that up?" Turf- head mock- scolded as he poked his head inside the doorway with Hayato's toddler sitting on his shoulders.

Hayato scowled at him and decided to leave murdering the Hurricane 59 hacker for another day. Then he went over to get his son off the older Guardian's shoulders: The little boy had another note addressed to him tucked in his jumper's front pocket.

When he opened the note, he saw Yamamoto's handwriting: _'**Message from Tsuna:** Please lay off on Yamomoto's subordinates. You're scaring some of them and Doctor Satomi is not amused with the additional work._

**_Message from me:_**_ I say you need to **chill**. Or you probably need **to get laid**. She's coming home this weekend and she's confirmed her flight schedule with Tsuna. When she gets home, you two can think about giving your kid a little sister to play with. Hahaha! ;-P'_

Hayato crumpled then note in annoyance while the toddler blinked in puzzlement at the strained expression on his face. '_It's just stress, Hayato,' _He tried to convince himself. '_It's **really **only **just** stress…'_

But he still felt like blowing up an extra large stick of dynamite up a certain Baseball- Idiot's ass…

* * *

The trip was fine. No delay in the schedule and it was a rather smooth flight… Oh, and_ Don _Uragano sent him his greetings and something in his e-mail. (He made a mental note to himself to have Anton take a look at it first before opening it on his personal computer; oh, **_no_**, this was simply for the security of the entire database and his personal computer; he wasn't planning on paying Anton back from the other day_…_) So how was the little boy? Did he look for her while she was gone? She heard from Yamamoto that he had cried quite a bit when he couldn't find her after she left… And she missed him everyday…

"He's doing just fine." He told her. "He's been playing little messenger boy all week."

He then stood from his seat to meet her in the middle of the room: "_You know…_ I gave you a cell phone so you could call me anytime, but you never once did in the entire time you were abroad— But I **_assume_** that it's because there's no problem or you're just busy with work— I hope it's not because you're busy talking to _a certain… **other** **man**_," He frowned disapprovingly as he tilted her face upward to meet his.

" _Signor _Gokudera, are you perhaps… _jealous_?" She smiled faintly, taking his invitation to flirt.

"_Read my lips_," He smirked. "And you tell me what _you_ think, **_Signora_**_,_" He leaned down, intending to kiss her. (But he still planned to _kill_ Yamamoto later for suggesting for him to say and do such a corny line and a cheesy thing respectively…)

Before their lips could touch, a little "_Mamma!_"- shrieking gray blur suddenly crashed into her legs and almost made her loose her balance.

She smiled apologetically at him before bending to pick the little boy up to kiss him and receive a tight affectionate hug from him.

Hayato caught sight of Lambo ducking out of the doorway and walking off in a hurry. He probably came to drop the toddler off. But he couldn't help but scowl; he was going to have to have a talk with him about common courtesy by knocking on his door, even when it was wide open already anyway.

"He smells nice," she said after the first kiss. He smelled like cinnamon and apples (the soap he had Kyousuke make to make it easier for Isamu's dogs to track him), she decided after a second kiss on the top of the child's soft hair…

"I gave him and Uri a bath." Hayato then admitted, thinking of a little incident earlier that afternoon involving a frisky feline box weapon, several real, live dogs, a curious two- year old, his Boss' inkjet printer and the base's fire alarm and sprinkler system… and the **_mess _**that the entire combination made…

However, his own plans for the evening were foiled with the arrival of a note from the Tenth inviting them to dinner at the Yamamoto's family restaurant tucked in the toddler's front pocket.

But how could he refuse? It wasn't often that all the families within the Family could get together like this. And it would be good for their toddler to be friends with the other children.

_… _After all, he and the candidates for Eleventh seemed like they were going to grow up into good friends…

At the same time, the child babbled rapidly (in Italian and Japanese probably) to his mother, most likely telling her how his day went. Hayato could only make out from the jumbled speech a few coherent words like "Whamo- _nii_", "Ouchie", "_Pappa_", "See- yo Tuh- na", "_Ciao- ciao_" and "BOOM!" Then he wondered _when_ he had learned to say "_yakyuu_". He didn't need to wonder from **_whom_**, however.

His family would have to return to the base and spend the night there since Hayato still had some work to do that needed immediate attention in the morning. _She_ had her own report to give to the Boss later that evening so it was pretty much an acceptable arrangement… However Hayato still made sure an overnight bag for the toddler was packed and Mariano's schedule for the night was freed up; _just in case_ the Tenth's wife wanted the little boy sleep over at their house so Tenth's heirs could have one of their favorite playmates to play with in the morning.

* * *

He coughed once and tried to clear the smoke from his sight. He felt somewhat cramped in wherever he was sitting for some reason…

He sat up straighter and saw that he was inside a crib.

_'No wonder it's so small,'_ he thought before stood up and looked around: A soft blue nightlight provided some light for him and he recognized the dim surroundings as a room in the underground base.

And he also saw that it was still decorated like a nursery. '_I don't remember having this stuffed octopus…' _He thought to himself as he picked up one of the toys sitting innocently beside him. Then toy all of a sudden twitched. "Voice identification, please?" The gray stuffed octopus 'asked' pointing one stubby tentacle at him.

He stared dumbfounded at it.

"Huh? Voice identification?" He repeated, blinking in puzzlement. What on Earth were the adults thinking— giving him _this_ kind of toy? He looked over to the door connecting the room to the next one: it was slightly ajar and a glow of dim yellow shone from behind it.

Forgetting that he was still holding the stuffed toy octopus, he climbed out of the crib and tip- toed to peer inside the adjoining room… Then his eyes widened in shock and he backed away from it quickly, thinking: '**_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW…!!!_**_' _

Unfortunately, he tripped over the stuffed toy octopus (which he dropped on the floor when he startled). "Time limit for voice identification not met. Switch over to alert- mode_—_!"

_'Wait, what…? What…?!'_ He thought, confounded as he hurriedly scrambled to his feet. Then the monotonous robotic voice settings switched into a squeaky, more childish- toned and higher- pitched one: "**_ESTRANEO PERSONA—! SIGNOR PAPPA—! SIGNORA MAMMA—! ESTRANEO PERSONA—! SIGNOR PAPPA—! SIGNORA MAMMA—! ESTRANEO PERSONA—! SIGNOR PAPPA—! SIGNORA MAMMA—!_**" [4]

'_CRAP!' _He had to make it stop…! He spotted a bureau nearby and hurriedly stuffed the toy inside.

_Clack!_ He snapped it shut then looked over his shoulder, hoping that the two adults in the next room wouldn't come out to see what caused the noise. But he could hear movement… One of them must have gotten up from the bed… **_Still_** not good; he checked his watch: thirty seconds had been wasted already! He shouldn't be hanging around like this!

Quickly and quietly, he then snuck out of the room: while his navigational skills were not really on the level of exceptional, he hoped that he could at least do this one task right. That red yarn had been strung up to help him find his way to _Zio _Tsuna's office. (He wondered fleetingly if this is what _Zio_ Dino had felt all the time…) A glance at his watch told him that he had four minutes and twenty- five seconds left… He had to be faster than he was used to in order to make up for the lost time.

* * *

"_… _Did… Did you hear— so- something…?" She asked him.

"_Mmnnhh_… _No_," He mumbled distractedly.

She turned her head a little and looked in the direction of the door connecting their room to the nursery. "Do… you think— the baby's a… awake?"

He frowned a bit and continued to kiss her neck. "He's **_fine_**; I don't… hear any… thing," He then replied... He had had a **_long _**week already: idiots, work, baby, chaos, idiots at work causing chaos, chaos being work and baby being a baby or baby being the cause of chaos… That repeated high- pitched, squeaky noise was getting to be quite annoying— Where was it coming from anyway? It sounded too close to their bedroom door—

She suddenly pushed him off her and sat up. She also pulled the blanket up to cover herself and gave him a worried look.

"_Suona come_ Tako," [2]

Now that she said it, it **_did _**sound a lot like that annoying robotic toy octopus_… _But he was _quite sure_ he put it inside the crib, next to the little boy; wouldn't it make sense if were **_him_ **who were calling for either of them at this hour rather than the stupid octopus toy?

"_Pensate_ _così_?" He frowned. [2]

"_Per favore…?_" [1] She asked, looking entreatingly at him. "_Vada e vedi?" _[1]

'_Oh,_ _Dio mio…' _He **_loved_** it when she said '_per favore_' to him breathlessly like that. But he caved in to her request and groped for his boxers and pajama bottoms on the floor at the foot of the bed.

* * *

Tsuna propped his head on his hand and frowned as he listened. He should have been home and in bed by now but instead he was here in his office (in the Vongola's underground base) to pull an all- nighter and finish all of the paperwork that he had skipped out on over the week.

Yet somehow, maybe it was a good thing_…_ Otherwise, he wouldn't have gotten this terribly important message.

Then he wondered if he had planned this beforehand; distracting Tsuna at age two then show up this way when he was most likely stuck in his office just minutes before midnight… No, that sounded ridiculous; a normal two- year old, (as in **_NOT_** an Arcobaleno) planning something as elaborate as this? That's completely absurd (or as absurd as their mafia world could get anyway…). But as he was told, there were more knowledgeable hands pulling the strings here.

_'But still, it's disturbing_…' He thought and wondered if there was such a thing as an 'inevitable' future. His Hyper Intuition was telling him there were several other things the boy wasn't telling him… He discreetly looked at the fingers of his right hand, searching for rings, and perhaps bulges in his clothes indicating the presence of box weapons on him. But he was somehow relieved to see that there wasn't a Vongola ring on the boy's right hand; it was far too early at this age… Well, OK, maybe Lambo had been the first exception to the rule, but twelve years old was already in the age of reason…

He suddenly stopped in the middle of translating the letter to Japanese: "_Zio _Tsuna?"

"Huh?" Tsuna blinked. "Oh, sorry; please continue." The boy smiled at him and resumed his task of translating the message from Italian.

'_He really looks so much like him_,' Tsuna thought, noting his hair was a little less spiky and his eyes seemed more gentle— he really _did _inherit his mother's eyes— although their shape still somewhat resembled Gokudera- _kun's_. There was no doubt that he was going to grow up looking more and more like Gokudera- _kun_ in the following years…

When he finished, he looked at Tsuna's desk, at his office stationary. "May I, _Zio_?" He asked Tsuna, pointing. Tsuna blinked once in surprise then nodded for him to go ahead. A happy smile spread across his godson's face and he eagerly tore off a sheet before beginning to write on one corner of Tsuna's desk.

_'He's **left**- handed,_' Tsuna noted as he watched him write a message. While he waited, Tsuna wondered what kind of a world his godson lived in ten years from their time: He looked physically fine but he could smell a faint scent of blood coming from the boy's clothes. And up close, despite the smiles and grins he'd seen him make, there was unmistakable sadness in those dark indigo eyes.

_'Good God and Buddha, what exactly is happening in that future?'_ He thought as he watched the boy's shoulders twitch a little: He was suppressing what looked to be a painful cough…

He handed the note to Tsuna after he straightened up. "_Zio_, could you please give this back to me after I leave?" He asked hopefully.

Tsuna looked at the note then at the wall clock in his office: it was only a few seconds before midnight… '_Before…' _

He then smiled as well, understanding immediately what was so important.

"I will," he promised, ruffling the boy's hair fondly. "See you later, little wiseguy."

"It's really nice to hear somebody call me that again," The boy grinned, suddenly looking even more like the Gokudera- _kun _Tsuna had first met in middle school. "I kind of missed it… I'll see you later then too, _Zio_." The grin shrank into a soft, tranquil smile and he held out his right hand for Tsuna to shake.

'… _His hand…' _Tsuna looked at the appendage he was gripping. '_It's hard… and **cold**,_' then he noticed a chain with a pair of rings hanging around the boy's neck. But before he could inquire about them or even get a better look, the pink smoke took the boy back, replacing him with a yawning, blearily- blinking toddler sitting on his office floor with another official- looking letter pinned on his clothes. Tsuna picked him up then seated him on his lap so he could properly exchange the note the child's future self left behind with the letter from _his_ future self. He frowned a bit in worry when his hand brushed against the child's skin and heard him make very a tiny cough.

'… _Why is he so cold…?' _He frowned worriedly, feeling the child's cheeks while his little godson leaned into him, shivering and trying to find warmth for his fragile body.

* * *

Gokudera- _kun_ burst into his office some time later, gripping Tako the toy octopus on the top of its large head and looking incredibly pale.

"BOSS! **_TENTH—! WE HAVE A PROBLEM— I CAN'T FIND HIM! HE'S MISSING! MY-!_**" Then he halted in his panicked rambling when he saw the little boy sitting in Tsuna's lap, close to nodding off. "Ah—! **_You_** _had him all this time?_"

"I was passing by your rooms and I heard he was awake." Tsuna quickly lied. By now, the little boy was much warmer than when he first returned almost half an hour ago. "He didn't want to go back to sleep when he saw me so I thought you wouldn't mind if I took him with me to keep me company. And I gave him a bottle of milk already so he's a little sleepy now."

Then he paused for a moment and saw that he was wearing pajama bottoms and his black t- shirt looked like it was on backwards. (Then he noticed the laundry instructions tag sticking out from the shirt collar, confirming Tsuna's assumption: _it **was** on backwards._) _'He must have gotten dressed in a hurry…'_ Tsuna then decided he didn't want to know what reasons his friend would have to be throwing his clothes on in a hurry at _this_ hour.

"… Is… something wrong?"

"No! It's alright; I- I…" He stopped to breathe a sigh of relief, running his hand through his hair while looking at the floor. It seemed that he had been in much stress. "I mean, **_thank_**_ **you**, Boss!_ I've been looking for him all over, but I didn't immediately think he'd be _here_…"

He seemed to have turned up quite a panic in the base; Tsuna could hear sounds of Gokudera- _kun's _subordinates' voices calling the little toddler's name and arguing over who was going to explain to their _capo_ that they couldn't find him… As well as what sounded like a heated debate on who among them was the shortest so he could crawl inside the air vents and look for the child there.

"This all because _Signor_ _Pappa _and _Signora Mamma _wer_—_" Tako's AI program had apparently calculated that that moment was a good time to 'speak'.

"Go to 'sleep', **_Tako_**," Gokudera- _kun_ suddenly told the toy irritably. (Tsuna presumed that he didn't like the toy as much as his son did.) Almost immediately the stuffed octopus went limp; it had gone into its 'sleep' mode. Perhaps that was what had alerted Gokudera- _kun_; Tako didn't actually have a voice recording of commands **_from_** its actual owner since he was only still learning to talk in this time period. Maybe that's why the twelve- year old version of his godson was in a bit of a panic when he fell into Tsuna's office earlier from the air vent.

Meanwhile, the little boy yawned and fought to keep awake. Wherever he was in the future, he must have spent the time sleeping… His future self must have had him stay in a safe area before switching them through the Bazooka. (He just assumed they used the Bazooka; but who knew what technology they could achieve ten years in the future?) But he wondered: had the climate in the future changed drastically or something? He still couldn't figure out why his little godson had returned to their time so cold.

"He hasn't been causing you trouble, Boss?" Gokudera- _kun_ then asked him as he approached them so he could take the little boy off his hands.

"No, no problems from him. He's very well- behaved in fact; you raised him quite well, Gokudera- _kun_."

Gokudera- _kun's _cheeks colored in embarrassment. "Ah, no… that's… I mean, the Boss and the Family helped too,"

"Ah, well, I suppose then that there is truth in the saying 'it takes a village to raise a child'." Tsuna replied smiling.

"Reborn- _san_ told you that too, huh?" Gokudera- _kun _smiled as well, recalling what the hit man tutor had told him a few hours after his son was born. Tsuna nodded and let him take his son back. Gokudera- _kun_ carefully placed Tako in the child's arms and he snuggled into Gokudera- _kun's_ chest when he got him into a more comfortable carrying position. "**_Thank you_** for keeping him safe, Tenth and I'm really sorry for all the trouble." He apologized once more.

"It's no problem really!" Tsuna told him. "Actually, I should be the one thanking the two of you," He added without thinking.

"Eh?"

'_Oh, crap,' _"I- I mean, if he didn't keep me awake, I might have fallen asleep while in the middle of paperwork!" He laughed awkwardly. It was such a lame cover- up; it was _so_ **_obvious_** he was lying.

"Ah, I see!" Gokudera- _kun_ suddenly replied enthusiastically. Tsuna tried not to gape at him. Did he really not think anything was suspicious? "Do you want me to come back and help you with that after I put him back to bed, Boss?"

"T- That's really not necessary." Tsuna's smile was strained; '_I need to some time to think about certain things, and you being in the room is certainly not going to help me...' _

He then had a brilliant idea of how to get Gokudera- _kun _out of his hair for the rest of the night: "By the way… Gokudera- _kun— Your shirt's on backwards_."

Gokudera- _kun_ startled. "A- Ah— Thi- this is… Er— I— I mean," He stammered awkwardly… Tsuna tried not to laugh.

"Never mind. That's none of my business— I'll see you in the morning, Gokudera- _kun_," He then put on a serious face. "Oh, and: _Don't sleep in late like **last time**_. I expect _both of you_ to be able to report for work on time tomorrow."

The look on Gokudera- _kun's _face was **_priceless_**: "Y- Ye- Yes, Boss! _Of course!_" (Suddenly Tsuna felt almost appalled with himself for finding making Gokudera- _kun_ uncomfortable almost amusing; good God and Buddha— Reborn must be rubbing off on him…)

After the two Gokuderas left, Tsuna leaned back in his office chair, frowning contemplatively with his hands folded together under his chin and thought about the messages he received about the future through "Vongola Falcon Messenger" all throughout the week...

* * *

After informing his subordinates that they could cease searching and go back to bed, Hayato returned to their room, carrying the sleepy toddler.

She was there to meet them at the door, wearing a short white night slip, and she smiled when she stretched out her arms to take him from Hayato. "Where have _you_ been all this time?" She asked the child gently, kissing the top of his head as she smoothed down and brushed the soft stray, gray locks out of his eyes. The little boy just leaned his head sleepily on her shoulder, still clutching his toy octopus. "Where did you find him?" She then asked Hayato.

"The Tenth had him." Eyebrows rose in surprise, questioning. "Well, he didn't give him any trouble at the very least. Boss told me he had a bottle of milk."

"I see… That's a relief," She was about to put him to bed when she suddenly stopped. "Hm? There's something in his clothes," She turned a bit so he could see the paper sticking out of their son's pajamas. Hayato curiously reached out to get it.

When he unfolded it, he found it was addressed to him: He thought at first that it was the Boss who had written it but he saw that the handwriting was obviously different and unfamiliar… Judging from the strokes, a left- handed person had written it; he knew for a fact that the Tenth was right- handed.

Then he entertained another possibility: What if…? No, no way, he _couldn't_; and besides, he was only two… and he didn't know how to write (let alone draw decipherable images) yet. But he looked over at the sleepy toddler: he'd seen him holding his crayons left- handedly every now and then… Hayato looked at the message again, at the name signed at the bottom and found it difficult to believe that the hand that signed it belonged to the sleepy child… But it was **_his_** **_name_** written clearly on the paper.

"_Felice giorno del padre_, _Pappa_." [5] She read aloud over his shoulder. "Ah, that's right; it's Father's Day already," Hayato's eyes widened and he gave the child a bewildered stare. He entertained another possibility: Did he somehow get hit by the Ten- Year Bazooka in the time that Hayato didn't have him in his sight? But **_how_** could there be a Ten- Year Bazooka in the nursery in the first place anyway?

However, completely oblivious to his father's puzzling, the gray- haired child yawned widely again. He hugged his favorite toy even closer to himself, closed his eyes and then snuggled once more in his mother's arms to sleep.

* * *

**TRANSMISSION OF ARCHIVE FILE 011 DISCONNECTED**

* * *

**"T.R.R.o.R." Database Administrator's Notes: **I feel kind of bad for giving Goku's little boy a phobia of squirrel- like masks (combination of Scuirophobia and Maskaphobia) but it justifies the "squirrels will come and kiss your nose" 'threat' from the last one-shot… ^^; The so- called lemon scene had me in stitches; you just **_don't_** get your way this week, do you, 'dera? And T+YL Tsuna, you are an _evil_ _bastard_. (Reborn has taught you well.) XDDD

**Things that make Gokudera Junior cry: **His dad being stupid and or yelling at him (or over him) unintentionally or otherwise and squirrel heads on bodies which they obviously don't belong to. But he's not afraid of homicidal princes and mortally fatal illness… It must be hereditary… D8

**[1] "Fwai Uwee": **Reference to "Note Musicali's" drabble # 14: "You Can Fly! You Can Fly! You can Fly!" XDDD

**[2] "_Suona_ _come_ Tako"; _Per favore?"_; _"Vada e vedi"_: **[Italian] "It sounds like Tako"; "Please?"; "Go and see."

**[3] "_Pensate così?_": **[Italian] Do you think so? (I'm not sure if it's correct; I just used Babelfish.)

**[4] "_ESTRANEO PERSONA_": **[Italian] Translated literally, means 'stranger person'.

**[5] _"Felice giorno del padre_, _Pappa"_: **[Italian] Happy fathers' day, _Pappa_.

* * *

For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

**OMAKE: **(Because I've still got half a blank page in this Word document… XD)

"That is a very risky thing you're doing," Lambo- _nii_ scolded him after the cloud of pink smoke cleared. "_Don't_ you _understand_ that frequently exposing your younger self to the poisonous air in this era is what created that strange illness no one could figure out you had while you were growing up?"

Of course he understood: His body ached; he felt cold and the prosthetic arm never felt so unfeeling and alien on his body… He bit back another painful cough. "If I got sick way before anyone else did, then the adults would have been pressured into trying to understand my illness and try to find a cure," He replied, walking over to the window to see the skyline made of broken buildings, stretching all over the devastated Namimori. He knew that down below them, hiding in the ruins and out on the streets, many sick and suffering people languished. The toxic air in this era was creating new, mutated illnesses that even their current time period's scientists and medical experts couldn't keep up in developing counter medications against.

"You know why _he_ thought it would be better if **_I _**was the one who delivered all this information to the past?" He asked Lambo- _nii_, recalling the day a man calling himself a friend of their fallen Family approached them and gave him the task of delivering a series of letters and bits of information he could gather. He had asked to talk to him privately and explained some details of a plan to defeat the current era's dictator. "I was **_two_** back then; no one expected me to be able to do anything except play and sleep. Nobody expected me to be able to explain suddenly disappearing because they wouldn't be able to understand me." He touched the two gold wedding bands around his neck; they had belonged to his parents. '_Not even **them**.' _

"**_You_**_, _Lambo- _nii,_ on the other hand were already a Guardian. Everyone watched your every move and expected explanations that made sense from you. I hope you see why**_ I_** have to be the one to do this."

* * *

Lambo was silent, contemplating what the young boy told him. After he had spoken to him, the man, Irie Shouichi, also spoke to Lambo in private: He told him that the young Gokudera would lose the use of his legs in a few months' time. Then from there, whatever was left inside his body would start failing and breaking down… He would have a slow, painful death before he could turn fourteen. It was all too obvious that he could never become a Guardian with such a body…

But even if he could— _for whom_…_? _

The Vongola family no longer existed in this era and its bloodline's heirs, his childhood friends, were all dead now…


	13. File 013: The Alpha of the VARIA Pride

Originally written for **khr_undercover** 's round 2 held in 2009. This kicks "Twenty Questions-Vongola Style" off the ranking as my shortest 'Declassified File' ever. =P

All my KHR-related fics have the similar looking headers and since khr_undercover is a guess-the-author challenge, I removed them to keep from getting immediately identified during the duration of the challenge. In the original version, I also changed my regular use of the term 'Dying Will' to 'Deathperation'. I've switched it back in this version though. =)

I only just got around to posting this in my FF now (but it's already posted in my LJ writing blog). =P

Beta-ed for the **khr_undercover** round 2 by the awesome Lau~! (Thanks so much for putting up with my OCD-ness and everything, bb!)

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**Disclaimer:** I don't own KHR. I'm just playing with the characters.

**Warning: **Crack, swearing, sexual innuendo, implied animal brutality, implied crack!pairings: Bester/Manta-ray, Pea-chan/Kangaryuu and Nuts/Uri.

**

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**

The Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files

By: Satirical Juxtapose

**Declassified File 013: The Alpha of the VARIA Pride**

Written: Thursday, July 24, 2009, 12:12:10 PM

Updated: Monday, April 27, 2010 11:15:12 PM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 013**

**Time: **02:04:12 PM

**Location:** VARIA Training Room A, VARIA Headquarters, Italy

**Note:** n/a

**Archive Summary: **Thought Processing Log for Box Weapon Research

**Archive File Status: **_Downloading 12.23234245 percent complete_...

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 013**

Bester.

That is what my wielder calls me. However his pride of weakling humans also know me by several other names.

The Big Cat.

The Varia Alpha Cat.

The Alpha Male of the Varia Pride.

And one of my personal favorites:

The Big Boy Cat that can crush the Vongola's Alpha human's puny little Nuts with his paw any day if his human feels like it.

Most humans make my wielder want to turn them to dust and it is for this purpose that my wielder favors me over other trashy models of box weapons.

What did you say...? No, I will commend you _later _on your job well done on electrocuting those idiot humans, Manta ray; and no! I cannot accept your attentions in that particular sense. It will not work out. We are of different kingdoms and species.

Are you even paying attention you stupid mink? Stop lounging lazily there and sit up straight! You're the one who wanted me to do this stupid animal box documentary first!

…

I do not care if you are of royal patronage; _I_ am the Alpha Male of this pride! _My_ wielder is the king; yours is just a prince!

And you too, you overgrown guppy!

...

I don't give a horse's shit if you don't want to listen to this; and I order you to suppress that urge to bite that Thunder manta ray.

Now where was I? Ah, yes.

My name is Bester.

I am a rare box weapon and I am the property of the human known as Xanxus. (Yes, _that _Xanxus. I won't be surprised if any more flying Millefiore Rain elephants and Storm bats out there defecate and or urinate on their humans from sheer terror of my wielder's name... Pathetic inferior trash unworthy of the kingdom classification Mammalia…)

But Bester is only my name in _human_ speech.

My true name is Growowrawr-Grrsnnrrrl-Raaoogggwwwrr.

It is a more powerful sounding name than that Vongola lion cub's. (Nwawawawr-gaawr-gao. Do you see, you parasites? It sounds 'tiny'.)

I don't expect humans to be able to pronounce my true name right; their flimsy little respiratory systems aren't built to handle big cat language. And they wouldn't be able to get the accent right at all.

As I have said, I am a rare box weapon— What's that you said, parasite Shark?

Why do I claim being the more powerful rare box weapon when the Vongola's alpha human also has a Sky lion?

HA! I am not just _any_ lion: I am a _liger_.

Kingdom: Animalia, Phylum: Chordata, Class: Mammalia, Order: Carnivora, Family: Felidae and Genus: Panthera.

I am the hybrid offspring of a lion and a tigress: two of the strongest and most powerful big cats in the mammal class.

And ligers are known to be the largest big cats in the world.

My wielder also powers me with his Rage Flame. The Vongola's current Alpha human does not have that so it goes without saying that Nwawawawr-gaawr-gao is less powerful than I.

Therefore, I am superior in size and power compared to the Vongola's Tenth Alpha human's little Nuts. (And I also do not need to be fed Sun flames to reach my superior size like that parasitic leopard- cub that still has to breastfeed from a kangaroo!)

What do you mean I _don't_ look like a liger? _You _don't even look like a mink, you anorexic sheepdog- daschund mixed breed.

… What was that, Shark?

_Ligers are supposed to be obese?!_

How dare you—! Don't you forget that I can devour you like a kitten devours a can of tuna! Come back here and so I can tear off your fins to feed my human a shark's fin soup dinner!

* * *

**Camera Status Report: **_Camera crashed after shark box weapon's tail smashed into it while escaping liger box weapon. Personnel are unable to enter the enclosure to set up the camera until the box animals have settled down. _

_

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_

**PLEASE STANDBY UNTIL ALL SYSTEMS RETURN ONLINE**

**

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**

This is Bester once again.

The imbecilic humans will not let me out of this enclosure until I have finished my turn in this documentary.

What is a typical day for me?

During peace times, most of my time is spent inside my box. My human is powerful enough to take care of himself; _that_ I am particularly smug about.

A decent meal for me consists usually a good healthy dose of Sky flame.

If my human feels up to it or wants me to terrorize his underlings into submission, he makes it extra spicy by adding in his Rage flame. It helps to have variety once in a while, you know. That leopard cub thing belonging to the lion cub's human's bitch will surely agree with me; it gets five different flames from its human. Apparently a user's flame is stronger and thus tastes better the older the box's human is. I am not surprised to hear that it has much objection to its human's current form; a raw, untrained Dying Will flame has a sour aftertaste.

Dying Will flames are like what wine is to humans.

Too much of it can get us drunk. (I'm sure that Cloud hedgehog can testify to this.)

But no more on that; I thought this part of the documentary is supposed to be about me?

Alright, alright… I'm settling down now. Scoot over, Mink, or I'll crush you with my rear.

When my wielder summons me out of my box, how often is this?

Oh, not very often.

During missions, I am hardly ever needed by my wielder. It is very rare that my wielder needs me to get a job done.

On some days, I am summoned just for show. It is satisfying to make humans inferior to my wielder shake in their skins.

I can just _smell _their fear a mile away and I can only imagine what it would be like to sink my jaws into their necks, shake my head and toss them about while their blood spurts out from the punctures made by my fangs…

Until I receive my wielder's command to play as much as I want.

You cannot imagine what a truly fun game that is for me. The floor after a kill comprising of inferior humans and box weapons is a satisfying spot to lounge on for a well- deserved catnap.

All in all, I live a good life.

Next question.

What was that, Peacock? What am I looking for in a mate?

GROAAWARAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!

We're box weapons!

We have no need of mates!

Those scientists have thought it is amoral to let their creations retain the capability to reproduce and have offspring!

And assuming that I am capable of being in heat, there aren't that many ligresses, tigresses or lionesses for me to mate with. My big cat specie associations are pretty much limited to that lion cub and that leopard cub with a kitten identity crisis.

It is fortunate that the lion cub's trash- human and his bitch (the leopard-kitten's human) are based in Japan so we don't cross paths very often. Those two are so irritating that I might just vomit a kitten.

Don't give me that look, you gay peacock. I'm very aware that they're both male. I'm only stating that they're the only big cat breed boxes that I know of are currently active in _this_ Family. Don't think I don't know that you've been eyeing that Sun kangaroo. And by the way, don't get your hopes up; she's out your kingdom and species.

Yes, you heard me right: **_she_**.

That kangaroo is a doe. A **_female_**. (No, not a deer, you stupid mink; I don't know how you don't manage to embarrass your so- called genius human with that tiny brain of yours.)

Have your human clean out those tiny ears of yours once in a while.

… Oh, shut up before I put you out of your misery myself. No, why don't I have that Shark take care of it instead.

SHARK!

YOU HEARD ME, YOU PARASITE!

NOW BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO SHARK'S FIN DUMPLINGS MYSELF!

Now where was I again?

I SAID SHUT UP THAT PEACOCK, SHARK!

Don't make me follow in that Cloud hedgehog human's idea of biting you to death, Peacock! For Koenig's sakes, you're a **_COCK_**, aren't you? I don't know why your human got _you_ instead of a blue groper fish. That transsexual fish suits him better than you.

_GET OVER IT._

Shark, will you just shut him up so I can finish this? I want to take my catnap…

Right, _thank you._

No, that was sarcasm, parasite. (Rain Shark: That's hoooooooooooorrrrrrssssseee shiiiiiiiiitttt!!!)

I SAID SHUT HIM UP!!!

Ah… He's lost his mind.

Where's a vet when you need one?

Oh, shut up that racket or I'll take care of neutering you myself!

Manta ray?! Manta ray!

Yes, _you._

_YOU_ take care of shutting that Peacock up.

Oh, whatever, I quit. I'm taking my catnap now.

Screw you, stupid human researchers.

Idiots and parasites, all of you.

* * *

_-Static-_

_

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_

"Mou~ What do I do…? I can't record over this one; my Pea-chan looks so cute in this one too!"

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUSSURIAAAAAA!!!!!!!! HURRY THE FUCK UUUUUUUUUP!!!!"

"Oh, Squalo- chan! Squalo- chan! Look! Look Look!"

"What is it, faaaaaag???"

…

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK?! That's just a video of our stupid boss' box weapon growling and snarling at the camera!"

"Isn't Pea-chan so cute in this video?"

"I don't give a fuuuuuucccck!!! Now hurry up and let's go! I've got an appointment to keep with that Genkishi! And this time, make sure you take the lens cap off before you hit record, stupid fag!"

"Hai- hai~!"

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**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 013 COMPLETE**

**

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**

**A/N: **A little unnecessary info: This was written during the height of the A(H1N1) epidemic; I had come down with a fever after going out for drinks with a cousin (but thankfully I hadn't contracted A(H1N1).

I got myself to finish the first part, send it to the mods, then collapse in bed to sleep the day away. (Thus the minor inclusion about Dying Will flame being similar to wine.)

As to what happened to the second part, the laptop in which it is saved in crashed and no longer reboots. All my files for WIPS and finished fics from 2008-early 2010 were in there and I do not have back-ups.

**[1] Pride: **A 'pride' is a group of lions.

**[2] Blue Groper fish: **A blue groper fish is able to change its gender in order to control its population. Google it.

* * *

For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

I'll probably get down to typing the second part of this when I have more spare time.


	14. File 014: Chief Second & Ace

Written as an answer to one of amcw177's (LJ) 3 questions in a 15 character questions meme I posted in my journal some time ago... (as for the third one... asasdsdfg... It's warping into another uncontrollable AU; it's gonna swallow me whole-- somebody save meh plez???)

The first question from amcw177: 1) If Two and Ten had a boxing match who would win?

"Two" is Jirou and "Ten" is Yamamoto Takeshi.

Box weapon VS its own user... What the heh...? First I would have to figure out how the in heck can you have a boxing match against a dog. /(=_=;;;)\

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own KHR. If I did, it probably wouldn't be as lulzy… It would be more mafia-_ish._

**Warning:** ... Uhm... It's stupid...? And 3rd person POV referencing can get a little irritating and confusing ... And Gokudera as a lap pillow is just LOL (Don't know what a lap pillow is? Go Google it.)

**Note: **The characters in this fic have not been to the future; this fic takes place prior to the destruction of the Vongola Rings. Also, just like in "Playtime", Uri refers to itself in the third person because, well, it's a weapon. And Jirou calls its human 'Coach' (because the baseball obsession is contagious. Hahaha... And also, just like in "Playtime", whatever is Gokudera's counts as Uri's territory (and that includes Gokudera himself... =P)

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T**he Right Rewrite of Right: The Declassified Files**

By: Satirical Juxtapose

Declassified File 014: Chief Second & Ace

Written: Monday, March 1, 2010, 07:15:10 AM

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**STANDBY FOR TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 014**

Time: 07:12:56 PM

Location: Tenth Vongola Guardian of Storm and underboss, Gokudera Hayato's personal office/study, Vongola Underground Base, Namimori Cit, Japan.

Note: [SYSTEM ERROR; SYSTEM ERROR; CANNOT DISPLAY INFORMATION]

Archive Summary: Surveillance file for box weapon thought- processing research.

Archive File Status: Downloading 59.963123312 percent complete…

**BEGIN TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 014**

It was the perfect time and place for Uri to catnap: Master was busy with paperwork from Tenth, a 'Mozart' music track was playing on his computer and his lap was empty and free for occupation...

Uri always wants a warm, cozy spot to nap in: Master's lap just happens to fit the Uri's requirements for an ideal cat napping spot.

(Uri used to nap on top of the computer CPU, but soon learned that Master didn't like it when Uri snoozed there while it was turned on...

Eventually Uri noticed that he didn't seem to mind when Uri curled up in his lap during the early evenings he worked on stack after stack of paperwork. And every once in a while whenever Uri naps on his lap, Master would absentmindedly pet Uri behind the ears while reading. Uri finds that really nice and relaxing... X3

Besides, Uri prefers Master's lap more than the top of the CPU; not too hot, never cold, it didn't make any humming noise and it was really comfortable enough to curl up in for a catnap…)

Master hummed (Uri figured he must be thinking very hard about something) and spun his writing stick- thing in between his fingers while reading. It's a funny habit Master has when he's really thinking very hard; Uri tried to do it once but Uri could only send the writing stick flying several feet away from Uri... Of course Uri had to go and get it and somehow Uri ended up getting Uri's paws dirty because black stuff went spilling out of it when Uri broke it in half by mistake... And Master wasn't actually very happy when Uri left Uri's paw prints all over his carpet and his desk and his books and paperwork and on Master himself, and he had to take a bath again. He also gave Uri Uri's very first bath at the same time— But that's another story... =3)

It's really hard to make the jump from the desk with Master's hand spinning the writing stick-thing in the way so Uri waited for him to finish. Uri didn't want to make him drop it when Uri jumps because Master would scold Uri for being 'mischievous' when Uri jumps into his lap.

Then Master stopped and said "Ah-!" and put down his writing stick.

'Ah-!'' Uri repeated (although what Master would actually hear from Uri is 'Nyah-!'), and decided that that moment was the perfect chance to move.

But just before Uri could hop down from the Master's desk, Master suddenly chose that moment stand up from his seat.

Uri still managed to land on all fours on the black-cushioned, wheeled computer chair Master had been sitting in just a few seconds ago.

'HEY!' Uri mewled a loud, indignant protest before hopping back onto the desk and settling near one of the desk's corner edges to see why Uri's Master suddenly decided to stand up and delay Uri's catnap (and at the same time stop working on his very-important-and-really-need-to-do-right-now paperwork):

Master was scowling angrily at a pair of unwanted visitors in his (and Uri's) private study...

It was that stupid Rain baseball-breath fleabag and his equally stupid baseball-obsessed human, the Sword-freak.

Master looked just about ready to whip out a full set of his regular-sized dynamite from out of somewhere while Uri had half a mind to pounce on and claw at the annoying fleabag trespassing on Uri's territory…

(Uri's irritated glare at the roughhousing pair on the carpet was also just so happened to be perfectly identical to the look Master had on.)

'… You two pests are so noisy,' Uri hissed loudly from Master's desk. 'Fleabag, get yourself and your stupid human out of Master's office right now! Can't you see Master needs to work?' ('And Uri wants a pillow to nap on so hurry up and get out of here so Master can sit down again and Uri can nap!' Uri mentally added.)

"Yamamoto," Master asked the fleabag's human almost at the same time. "What the fucking Hell are you doing here…?"

"Ahahaha!!! Omph!" The fleabag's human half-ran, half-hopped from side to side to avoid the Rain box dog jumping on its hind legs but still allowing it to chase after him. He stumbled a bit when the Rain box dog head-butted his knee but easily regained his footing.

"Jirou wanted to play; besides, he's been cooped in his box for quite a while already; I thought it'd be good to give him some exercise!" The stupid Rain fleabag's human told Uri's Master.

'Coach and I having a boxing match!' The stupid Rain fleabag himself meanwhile barked happily to Uri as it tried to tackle its own master to the ground again.

Uri wrinkled Uri's nose and glared at the same time, Uri's Master's made an irritated face.

"If you just have to take him out, you could at the very least do that in your office-- And why the Hell are you here in mine anyway? Get out, you moron! I'm busy!" Master snapped crossly at Sword-freak.

'Stupid baseball-breath; that's not 'boxing'! You're just jumping all over him like a stupid flea!' Uri sniffed at the same time, getting up from Master's desk to sit on Uri's hind legs and give the pair an even more irritated glare. "And you're making a mess on Master's carpet!, y'know!' Uri added when Uri saw some strands of the Rain box dog's fur fall on the carpet.

Master doesn't like it when Uri sheds anywhere so why should the stupid fleabag get off from getting scolded for doing the same?

"Well, it's roomier in here!" The fleabag's human replied, making Uri's Master grow even more annoyed.

"Idiot, if you would just get rid off all those stupid baseball memorabilia in your office, you _would_ notice that it's just practically same fucking size as _this_ office!" Master scowled.

Maybe the dumb dog box didn't even hear what Uri had just told it because the stupid fleabag continued chasing its human around the room: 'It's fun! Uri should try it sometime with Uri's human too!' The stupid fleabag barked enthusiastically, still jumping and hopping around its human while pawing at his pants.

Uri rolled its eyes and rearranged Uri's body on the desk surface in an attempt to find a comfortable sleeping position that could muffle the noise.

Uri figured that Master could probably take care of throwing the annoying pair out of the room himself…

FWOMPH! Uri's head came up off Uri's paws when the desk Uri was laying on was suddenly bumped against.

'What was that…?' Uri thought, annoyed.

Uri's ears twitched and Uri turned to look over Uri's shoulder when Uri heard: _Flutter~_

"Oops,"

"_**OOPS**_, MY FUCKING ASS! LOOK WHAT YOU TWO FUCKING NUMBSKULLS JUST DID!!!"

Uri rolled onto Uri's other side. The two 'numbskulls' (oh, Uri just learned a new word from Master! =3) seemed to have knocked over Master's paperwork… 'Master is not happy,' Uri smirked. 'Oh, that fleabag is really gonna get it this time…'

Uri figured Master could still handle it by himself. Uri decided to go back in taking Uri's cat nap.

"Ahaha... Sorry! Sorry! Hey, Jirou, just wait a minute, OK, buddy?"

'Aw, c'mon Coach! That last one was foul! Let Jirou have another go!' The Rain dog whined.

After a long, irritated tirade about 'common courtesy', 'private space', and an almost childish-sounding threat of 'I'm telling Tenth!'' from Uri's Master, Uri finally decided that Uri had enough of the Rain box and its human's stupidity. It was already way too noisy for Uri's liking and Uri's Master had only succeeded in contributing to the noise pollution in the room.

The dumb fleabag was still convinced that its human was still 'boxing' with him.

'Dumb dog...' Uri thought, growing even more annoyed. 'Uri's telling you, stupid baseball-breath, what you and your dumb human are doing isn't boxing.'

Uri then glared and stood up from the desk surface, Storm flames flaring from Uri's ears seemingly growing larger as Uri prepared for the attack.

'Here, watch Uri carefully, fleabag. _THIS_ is how you do boxing!' Uri crouched and then pounced. _"Un-nyyaaawwr—!_"

* * *

Jirou watched as Uri suddenly launched off from the desk, toward the Storm human, forepaws outstretched and swinging to box at his head.

"Uri?! Hey, what are yo—?" Uri's Master startled.

Unfortunately, Uri's claws had also unsheathed (on instinct) and they snagged on the Storm human's jacket sleeve, digging into his arm at the same time.

"OW! FUCK! What the Hell, you damn cat?!"

'C'mon, Master! Let's show these two baseball- Rain idiots how boxing is _really_ done!' Uri yowled loudly as Uri swiped at him again.

"OW! SHIT! DOWN, URI! BEHAVE—!"

'Haha.' Jirou thought it was funny the Storm human was yelling at Uri as if Uri was a dog.

Almost at the same time, the Sun box kangaroo, Kangaryuu's human had chosen that moment to poke his head into the office.

"Ou, Yamamoto! Have you seen Octopus- hea—? Oh, never mind; Octopus-head, Sawada needs you to— OOH! Are you practicing boxing Octopus-head?" The Sun human suddenly grinned eagerly when he noticed what Uri was doing.

"You idiot Turf-head; how in fucking Hell does this look like boxing to you?" Uri's human yelled at him in reply while he worked at disentangling Uri's paws and claws from his hair. "Uri, what the Hell's gotten into you— _Daaah! _Would somebody get this crazy cat offa— _**OWW! FUCK!!!**_?"

Rather than helping him out, the Sun human completely ignored him and started on a lengthy explanation about boxing rules and whatnot punctuated with '**_EXTREMES_**' (He lost Jirou at the fifth _**'**__**EXTREME**__**'** though_) and comparing them to everything Uri was doing. ("Is there anything in your boxing obsessed mind that's not related to boxing, you stupid Boxing-freak? OW, shit, URI!"

"Of course there is, Octopus-head! I think about Hana _**to the EXTREME**_ too!"

"You are really an idiot, aren't you...?" Uri's Master glared, still trying to wrestle Uri off.)

Meanwhile, his animal box weapon (that had followed him into the office), sat herself down beside Jirou (Coach had just started laughing, amused at how much fun Uri seemed to be having with Uri's Master). 'Not _**EXTREMELY**_ bad. For an _**EXTREMELY**_ tiny, little kitten, at least.' Kangaryuu commented with a hint of a smirk curling her lips.

Jirou barked a laugh. 'Looks like Uri's got the upper paw.'

"OW!" Went Uri's human.

Then Jirou made a thoughtful 'ruff' noise while tilting its head quizzically to one side when he saw the Storm box weapon butt heads with its human.

'Hey, Garyuu, if we follow the humans' official boxing sport rules— that last swing just now— That one was a foul, wasn't it?'

'It _**EXTREMELY**_ is.' The Sun box kangaroo doe confirmed, nodding sagely, forepaws crossed in front of her.

Uri suddenly head butted its human completely by accident, having gotten way too carried away with the game by this time. ("_THAT'S_ it! Back in the box with you!"; Coach looked entirely too amused the whole time, but he kept saying "_Maa- maa,_" like he usually did whenever he tried to calm Uri's Master down.)

'That's _**EXTREMELY**_ got to hurt,' Kangaryuu sighed, shaking her head as they watched a yowling Uri get caught by the scruff of the neck and rained with several angry scolds for it to behave itself.

Jirou then barked another laugh. 'Boxing is really fun too,' Jirou concluded.

Then Jirou decided that Jirou wanted to spar some more with Coach and bounded over happily toward him again: 'Hey, Coach! Coach! _Coach!_ Let's have another round! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Jirou'll give it all Jirou's got, Coach! Just watch Jirou! _HEEEEY_! C'mon Coach!'

"_Ahaha_—! You must be really happy to be out of your box, aren't you, Jirou?" Coach laughed as he caught Jirou's front paws in the middle of a jump, letting him stand on his hind legs before letting go and playfully ruffling the fur on top of Jirou's head and scratching behind Jirou's ears. Jirou barked again and licked Coach's fingers.

"Hey, Jirou! Wanna play 'Catch' this time?" Coach then suddenly asked, pulling out an all too familiar and well-worn baseball out of his jacket pocket. "You want to play 'Catch', Ace?"

'Oh, YEAH! Jirou wanna play! Jirou wanna play! Let's go, Coach! Let's go! Let's gooo!!!' Jirou barked again, tail wagging wildly in happy agreement, and chased after Coach once again and completely forgetting about their so-called boxing match, leaving Uri still scratching at Uri's Master and Kangaryuu keeping score for the one-sided match with her own human.

**TRANSMISSION OF DECLASSIFIED ARCHIVE FILE 014 DISCONNECTED**

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**A/N:** /headdesk. In the end, we never find out who would win in a boxing match between Yamamoto and Jirou. WTH OTL;;

But I think that neither one of them can win against the other in a boxing match… because you really can't have a boxing match between a human and a box weapon (unless it's Kangaryuu)… and they'll probably be both easily distracted with baseball.

"**Chief Second**"**:** Boxing term meaning the head trainer in charge of a fighter's corner. In this case, Uri is 'Chief Second' since I have TYL59's subordinates call him "Chief"; Uri would be his little second-in-command. =DD

"**Ace":** is a baseball term referring to the best player in a team. 'Ace' would refer to Jirou. =P

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For continued archive file transmission connection:

1. Click the review button for (Y)

2. Click the Return to Top at the bottom of the page for (N) and reread the whole thing.

/currently spazzing over latest anime ep.

Uri being affectionate toward calm!dera (O.M.**G.! **It's my head!canon come trueee~ OK, well, not exactly, but still… /giddy!) XDD


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